“How many things am I supposed to care about?”

I was hunched over the green bin scraping in pesto pasta with the other organics when this thought came in out of nowhere.

“How many things am I supposed to care about?”

When that thought came in, I was thinking about the shitshow that is DACA.
I was thinking about the approach of Irma and praying for the folx in the vulnerable islands of the Caribbean. 
I was thinking about my man who was over in the UK collaborating with his peers at the International Red Cross. They were up essentially around the clock sending out appeals for support for Harvey victims, and battening down the hatches for Irma and her followers Jose and Maria.
I was thinking about the wildfires out west.
I was thinking about hateful and hate-filled cowards with Home Depot tiki torches.
I was thinking about my Dad and cancer research.
I was thinking about missing and murdered Indigenous women here in Canada.
I was thinking about the absolute vitriol in my community over the installation of bike lanes!

I was thinking about all of… I unconsciously scooped the last of the pesto pasta that I had warmed up for my kid’s lunch into the green bin because it wouldn’t all fit in her thermos. 

So why was I throwing it away? 

Because my fridge was packed with leftover foods. was PACKED with tupperware containers stuffed with butter chicken and homemade caesar salad dressing and crispy ginger beef and pancake batter and veggie sandwich meat and steamed beans that there was no way we were going to get to before the garbage pickup so we sure wouldn’t need to save that last bit of pesto pasta.

So I threw it away.

When there are millions upon millions of people without food currently and a massive imbalance of food supply (that works in my favour). 

And the truth is this: as a white, cis-gender, able-bodied, middle class woman living in Canada,  EVERYTHING works in my favour

And so out of the blue, from a place deep within me that I don’t know well, clearly a place that responds to injustice with defensive snarkiness formed this thought and sent it up the flagpole of my spine to my brain:

“How many things am I supposed to care about?” 

Friends, I tell you this. In all truth: I had to sit down. It’s like I had punched myself in my own gut.

“How many things am I supposed to care about?”

And another voice spoke. And she said: “Try...ALL of them.”

What am I supposed to DO about them? “Whatever you can.”

Ah. That.

And I sat on that floor and thought about all I was and wasn’t doing. All I was and wasn’t saying. And all of the places I was and wasn’t learning, striving, helping, resisting.

And then I thought about what I KNOW.

That we are in a mess. 

That we need leadership and we need everybody's gifts and we need to be pulling together and contributing. 

And that there are latent leaders among us too afraid to say and do and help and resist. Too overwhelmed. Too...something.

But here’s where I am.

I have something to contribute around how you develop the internal capacities to Step into your Starring Role and be a Leader, and contribute and create change.
Where I'm lacking is in my analysis of system structures, oppression and other people's experiences, but I am 100% committed. 
So here's what I'm doing. I'm seeking out leaders. I'm enrolling in courses. I'm reading everything I can get my hands on. This is important to me and it is happening. What I don't have yet to contribute is that analysis. And I most certainly do not have a ready-made analysis to hand to you. (This came from a very fruitful conversation with Kelly Diels, BTW. She's got important things to say on this.)
But it’s my birthday today and I have something to offer you...if you’ll meet me halfway.

You contribute $50 to a cause that you care about between now and midnight EST, October 2, 2017. ANY cause that is meaningful to you. ANY cause that calls you forward and inspires deeper service. BLM. Red Cross. Planned Parenthood. Doctors without Borders. ACLU. Indspire. Your food bank (they prefer money to food, you know.)

Then email me the receipt. Screenshot it, whatever, and we will send you access to the 11-week Starring Role Playbook (value $300 USD). This way, one of the places that needs help, GETS help. And you receive one of the tools that you need (yes, NEED) to develop yourself as a leader and Step into your Starring Role, and contribute your gifts to this culture that so desperately needs changing, and we work together to keep building our analyses and we stay committed and we do the work. 


We've got this.

Once again:


And if you run a community, circle up together and raise money for the cause you all believe in, send me the receipt for your total contribution and for every $50 raised, you’ll receive a Playbook.

The Impostor Complex.
It’s actually much of the same stuff.
They can stop you.
The best of you.
The best of us.

It’s what we do next that matters.