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Follow through

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The Unshakeable Confidence model I have developed stands on three pillars: Presence, Integrity, and Action. Of these, it’s Action that has my attention in 2019, with Integrity not far behind.

Which means I started out the year clear that procrastination and perfectionism (the two behaviours that get us stuck when we are out of action) don’t get to vote this year. Or, maybe they get to vote… I just get the veto. My business. My life.

I’ve prioritized them long enough, you see. Searching for the perfect words. Waiting on the perfect time.

And I’ve come to know that I can’t count on perfection. But I can count on truth.

So procrastination and perfectionism simply can’t rate this year.

And they won’t.

FOLLOW THROUGH is my theme for the year. It’s not sexy. And that’s good. Because when I’ve succumbed to sexy, I’ve committed to overpromising.

Following Through is the belonging to Overpromising’s fitting in.
Following Through is the responsiveness to Overpromising’s reactivity.
Following Through is the enduring legacy to Overpromising’s fleeting fame.

Following Through is, at its essence, Action, balanced with Integrity. If I Overpromise, I may get into Action, but not see it through (lack of Integrity). So it’s clear that following through is the truest way for me to get ever closer to the fullest expression of who I know I am at my most essential being.

It may not be fastest. And it’s definitely not the sparkliest.
But it is truest.

So why would I settle for less?

And so, my commitment to Follow Through is the reason I won’t share the three page-long list of promises I’ve made to myself for 2019… because until they’re complete by Dec 31, 2019, I haven’t followed through.

Because nothing matters unless and until I have Followed Through.

Which I did in January.

Including the measures I’ve taken to lower my blood sugar because diabetes is one of my family’s enduring gifts… along with the love of all the things that raises blood sugar.
And the 30 day yoga challenge.
And dry January.
And the writing.
And the meditation.
And the water consumption.
And the preservation of family time on the weekends.
And the journaling.
And the reassessment of my charitable donations.

And I liked how that felt.
A lot.

My intentions don’t matter if my integrity is eroded.

And for my integrity to remain in tact:
I need to show up authentically as the person whose insides are congruent with her outsides;
I need to be obedient to my vision… whilst allowing it space and grace to ebb and flow as the world keens and groans and hearts do too; and,
I need to honour my word. To others, of course. But above all? To myself.

If I can’t trust me, how can you trust me?
And, oh, how I want you to be able to trust me.

My capacity may be immense… but it’s not infinite.

TWEET THIS

There are a number of things that have not been checked off. In spite of how it felt, January was still only 31 days.

My eyes have always been bigger than my capacity. And my capacity may be immense… but it’s not infinite.

But as these things continue to be important to me, I will triple down and follow through.

And those on my email list will be the first to know when they are ready — join us by signing up below.
Because they are glorious.

What are you committed to following through on in 2019?


Sign up for my email list here.

Why Comparison Matters - and How You Can Transform It

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Since launching Beyond Compare, Lauren and I have been talking to a lot of people about comparison – why it matters, and how we go about transforming it.

Maybe all this comparison talk resonates immediately with you, or maybe it all seems a little abstract. So today, we want to share a little more about why we think compulsive comparison is a stumbling block for so many – as well as the framework we’ve developed for considering how comparison works.


Why Comparison Matters

In our extensive (professional AND – ahem – personal) research, we have come to understand that comparison tops pretty much any other Big Bad Beastie that gets in the way of our progress (again... professional AND personal).

Google “quotes about comparison” the next time you have a spare hour to kill to see just how ubiquitous it is.

When we are invited to do interviews about comparison, the invites are typically framed as “the #1 issue my listeners are grappling with.” It affects SO MANY OF US. (And while it affects each of us differently, if we’re being honest, most of us have been brought to our knees by its force on occasion.)

If you allow it to, Beyond Compare will help you to see where comparison may be...

  • stopping you from creating what you want
  • preventing you from activating your calling
  • making you feel (and play) small for fear of projections
  • keeping you from expressing yourself fully
  • causing you to disown your power (and hand it over to others).

It matters. Oh, how it matters. Only YOU can say for yourself just how much it matters –  personally and professionally.

How You Can Transform It

In our research, we have also come to understand comparison as a three-dimensional structure. On the one plane, we compare up (looking up to others in a way that “others” us from them) and we compare down (judging and disdaining others in a way that, you guessed it, “others” us from them).

On the other plane, we compare ourselves to others AND we experience others comparing themselves to us. Up or down. Whether we’ve been put on a pedestal or are judged harshly, the impact of “othering” once again endures.

So that’s the framework. It looks like this:

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The big idea behind the work we’ve poured into the program is to offer real and substantive tools that move us from Disdain to Evaluation and from Hero-Worship to Celebration.


Here’s a nibble to whet your appetite for the delicious feast that is Beyond Compare:

Moving From Disdain to Evaluation

Evaluation emerges when we choose to engage critically with someone’s work or behaviour without making them, as a person, wrong. Respectful debate, thoughtful performance assessments, engaging a beloved friend in a difficult conversation: all of these exist in evaluation territory.

If you catch yourself stuck in Disdain territory, try this reflection to shift you into Evaluation:

  • Who do I judge for doing what I’m embarrassed to admit I do too? What’s the behaviour I’m ashamed of?
  • Who do I judge for behaving in ways I secretly wish I could “get away with?" What do I fear would happen if I behaved that way, too?
  • Where are the qualities that I disdain holding me back?
  • What could I do if I gave myself permission to embody those qualities?

Of course, this work has many more layers, but this is a place to start.

Moving from Hero-Worship to Celebration

To understand Celebration, think of a beloved teacher, close ally, or dear friend – anyone who inspires us to say, “I am better because of you.” They help us face and overcome challenges, by showing us our own strengths.

The energy here is a kind of curious equanimity: We notice difference and similarity, and make the most of both. We don’t value a person more or less because they possess a particular trait; we simply appreciate it, and ask how we can celebrate it, while also celebrating our selves.

To shift from Hero-Worship to Celebration, consider the following questions:

  • Who do I admire?
  • What do I admire about them?
  • When I consider these people, do I notice any common threads? If so, what are they?
  • Now, experiment with looking at those strengths and gifts, and telling yourself that you have the full potential to embody them. What would it look like if you allowed those parts of yourself more room?

What did you discover through these two exercises?

You may have noticed that the “fix,” in each case, is to quit focusing your energy on the other person and direct it squarely towards yourself. While it may feel like it’s the other person evoking a response in you, the reality is that your response is entirely within your control. You can choose Hero-Worship or Celebration, Disdain or Evaluation.

The freedom that comes from choice is the reason we created Beyond Compare. The freedom to create. The freedom to follow your own calling. The freedom to own your authority and succeed on your own terms.

Because we can taste that freedom. And we want it for you.

You too? Grab your copy of Beyond Compare here.

Getting Right With My Heart

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After my dad died, I made some promises to myself.

I’m excellent at keeping the promises I make with others but don’t have the best track record with keeping promises to myself.

So, it's no surprise that “keeping the promises I make with myself” moved to the top of my promise list.

The second promise I made was to get into right relationship with my heart and begin treating my heart with the same reverence and care that I give to others.

Revolutionary.

And, in truth, it’s a curious time to explore it, what with grief being seventeen thousand kinds of messy.

It’s hard to know which way’s up and which way’s down. And it’s hard to know if I can trust my emotions. Hard to know if I can trust my heart.

But that... right there - that’s the lie I’ve been telling myself:

That I can’t trust my heart.

It’s my HEART that should be mistrustful of ME.

I’ve ignored and shelved and bartered and negotiated and bypassed and done everything BUT listen to my heart in more ways than I care to admit over the past couple of years.


So, to get us back on the same page - what this has meant (so far in any case), is that I need to listen to my heart when it summons the courage to ask me for something. And offer it what it desires freely and enthusiastically and reverentially. Nomaddawhat.

Also revolutionary.


It’s Valentine’s Day and my heart asked me to write this to you. So I did.

Take some time and space to love into your own heart today, will you?

Listen to it. And honour it above all else.

You’ve only got this one.

Treat it like the source of all things sacred that it is.

Because it is.


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Hearing crickets (or, maybe you’re not going crazy)

About two years ago, I went into a pet shop to grab cat litter and heard a cricket chirping away. Without giving it too much thought, I made up the story that the little critter snuck his way in via a bag of feed and was holed up in the ceiling rafters, singing his song ‘til his death.

(I also imagined that the cashier couldn’t wait for it to die. It’s a sound that would most certainly get annoying anywhere but in a garden on a summer’s evening with a chilled glass of sangria.)

Every time I’ve passed the pet shop since, a vision of a little cricket carcass up in the ceiling tiles has flashed before my eyes.

And then this silent question:

Did I REALLY hear that cricket?

And then this narrative:

Huh. Maybe I didn’t. Maybe I imagined it, or it was part of one of those waking dreams. Odd, but not the oddest one I’ve had. I mean, it was the dead of winter. How impossible that a cricket would find it’s way into a store and survive in the rafters for like, three months? Unlikely, to be sure.

Every.single.time. And I pass that pet shop a LOT.

Passed it again yesterday.

And saw this.

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Aha. I finally have my answer.

I’ve spent the last two years passing that sign, not actually SEEING it and continuing to give time and space to that nonsensical narrative. 

Sometimes we doubt what we know to be true. And we even ignore the signs that are right there.

Stop doing that. (I will too.)

Or more helpfully:

Pay attention to the divine winks that remind you what you already know, even when you’ve chosen to forget.(Tweet this)

Hold space for the possibility that you were right all along. Chances are, you were.

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Okay. Now.

Maybe you think you’re hearing metaphorical crickets in your business. (See how I did that?)

No one seems to be showing up.

I’m not going to lie...You might well be.

But that doesn’t mean that your offering is wrong.

Or that your marketing it wrong.

Or that anything is wrong.

Take the time in the relative silence and root back into the why of your offering. Back to when you loved it and trusted it and it loved and trusted you. Pay attention to those divine winks who’ll lead you home. Back to that loving feeling.

In that feeling lies the truth.

And from there, show up.

And they will too.

(No more crickets…except, apparently at the pet food store.)

+++++++

Design your 2015…in ten minutes flat.

I want to tell you all of the magical things that happened in 2014. (Celebration loves company and you are exquisitely good company.) I want to tell you about the brilliant lights who showed up for Step into Your Starring Role(and the ways that they’ve shaped their worlds in their claimed roles). I want to say more about my dreamy collaboration with Lauren for Beyond Compare and the ripples of impact that we’re seeing from those who have stepped into the depths of the work.

I want to tell you about the conversations, the meals, the interviews, the travel, the breakthroughs, the healing, the community, the opportunities and the highs Highs HIGHS that made 2014.

AND? The LOWS, Lows, lows of 2014. It’s all part of the glorious jumble that is this messy and blessed life.

But…I’m feeling way more called to be useful and helpful to YOU.

So let’s put the focus on YOU. Specifically, on your 2015.

I know you’re busy. I know I know I know. And? If you take me up on this wee task, I promise it will be a gift to you that you’ll thank us both for, so pour a second (third?) cup of rooibos or Peet’s and DO THIS NOW.

Write a letter to yourself from December 30th 2015.

Remember your 5th grade teacher had you write one of these? Thrilling to see all that YOU made happen in 12 short months, wasn’t it?

Write it but good. Free form, like you’re writing to yourself…’cause you are. Quirky, like you. Charming, like you. Effusive, like you. Truthful, like you.

It’s a letter of all that you’ve seen and experienced and won and conquered and overcome and delivered and done and healed and enjoyed in 2015. Write it from the perspective that all of these wondrous things have happened…’cause you’ve made ‘em happen.

If this takes more than ten minutes, you’re probably overthinking it.(Maybe something to consider overcoming in 2015?) And if what you write doesn't quicken your heart rate, you're probably low-balling it. (Maybe something ELSE to consider overcoming in 2015?)

Notice how the “theme” and the “word” and all other goal-setting 101 staples that you’ve been struggling to name start to reveal themselves. Notice how the plan you’ve been white-knuckling to map out starts to take shape.

And then you’ll see, really see how magical things happen when we remove ourselves from another’s plan and align with our own inner whisperings.

TAKE NOTE: This letter isn’t about the “how’s”.

Leave plenty of space for serendipity to take its place. Or put another way? Know that those “how” details are already being handled backstage by your trusty subconscious stage hands. Leave it to them for now. 

Once you’ve signed “With love, from 2015 Me”, I have a request.

Send it to me.

Let me help hold this exquisite vision of yourself for 2015.

I promise it’ll be kept in sacred confidence and held with love, care and belief. (It’ll go straight to my personal email address…no one else on my team will see it). Just you, me and the universe will know of the joy that 2015 has in store for you.

Yes yes?

All righty then.

Write on and send it to me.

I’ll be fireside awaiting your responses.

Thank you for helping me create the magical year that was 2014.

It was.

And 2015? Phew. Hot stuff.(The word that showed up for 2015 in my own letter was "UP". THAT feels about right.)

xx