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beyond compare

The real work BEYOND Beyond Compare.

In advance of the launch of the free 5-day Beyond Compare Intro Course (TODAY!), and on the heels of my judgment-free experiment, I decided I wanted to take a run at a full-on comparison-free day. I wanted to really test my mettle and see if I have fully integrated the deep learnings from the work the wondrous Lauren Bacon and I have been devoted to and developing for over TWO years with Beyond Compare. To see how often I found myself comparing myself to people who seem to have it all together. And/or? Comparing myself to the people I believed are doing it alllll wrong and need to get it together.

I had imagined that to have a “successful” comparison-free day, I may need to ask someone to hold me accountable (no problem there). Or lay off social media (a little more challenging). Or hold off on any non-essential conversations (near impossible for me).

In the end, I didn’t need to do any of those things. I set my intention to AWAKE and went about my day.

Refresher: Comparison isn’t bad. It’s a teacher. And can be an excellent one.

Transforming the comparison habit isn’t about turning comparison OFF. It’s about turning awareness ON. (Tweet this.)

Back to my comparison-free day. In all that I did, I sniffed around for places I might slip into Hero-Worship or Disdain. But what happened was pretty benign: "Oh look at what she’s up to. Cool. What a fantastic match for her. What (if anything) does this tell me about my own desires?"

I felt pretty virtuous when I came out squeaky clean on the other side of the day, truth be told. Turns out all of this work I’ve been doing about bringing consciousness to comparison…IS ACTUALLY WORKING!

And then, I did that thing we always do right after we’ve confronted and (almost) healed something. I mourned the time I’ve wasted. (I know, I know…talk about a waste of time.) I felt pissed off about all the energy and creativity I’ve allowed to stay locked ‘n blocked in comparison. All the opportunities I missed to fully show up. All the things I didn’t say or write when it needed to be said or written. All the times I hid ostrich-like beneath the weight of why bother or I can’t because she’ll do it better.

So yes, I’m mourning and pissed and annoyed. And RELIEVED. Relieved to feel the fullness of the freedom here and now. Feeling the full expanse of my outstretched arms, awakened to a fresh new day after a long and deep slumber.

Which means it’s time for me to get to work.

Meaning the only person I need to compare myself to is me. The me I know I am free to step into.

The me who is (becoming more and more and more) aligned and conscious. Who is done with being enraged by complacency, and is ready to face challenging truths, and to make decisions of meaning, and to say what needs to be said, (and oh yeah, following through with action), and to risk failing, and to be gobsmacked by grace, and to be brought to my knees by sorrow, and to be completely and messily undone by love, and to turf the metrics that don’t translate to heart, and to say yes rather than no when it’s right for me (and while we’re talking about this, when did it become so hot to say no?), and to turn my face back towards mother earth, and to know that I know what I know, and because of that? Demand more of myself. It’s in me.

It’s ON me.

Always has been. Comparing myself to others (in the manner that I was, that is to say, unconscious) was a handy distraction. Lolling around lotus-eater-like in somnolent apathy. Wasting time. Wasting gifts. Wasting self.

No more.

Now the real work begins.

Eyes on your own papers, Loves. We’ve got work to do.

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I want you to get to this place beyond compare, too. Beyond the stronghold that binds your creativity and limits your capacity.

If this resonates with you, check out our free 5-Day Beyond Compare Intro course. Massive change can happen in small increments.

 

Beyond Compare: It's ready for you.

If you allow it to, Beyond Compare will help you to see where comparison: may be stopping you from creating what you want; may be preventing you from activating your calling; may be making you feel (and play) small for fear of projections; may be keeping you from expressing yourself fully; and, may be allowing you to disown your power (and hand it over to others).

Blinded by jealousy?

It's not your fault. That’s what jealousy does.It blinds you. Or, more accurately, it only allows you a partial view of someone’s fortune, life, experience and obscures the rest. And because we humans just can't cope with uncertainty, we fill in the blanks with our imaginations.

A little something like this:

If someone you’re eyeing is enjoying the success you desire, then they must also be enjoying the intimacy you crave. If they have the friendships you dream of, they must also have the financial stability you yearn for. This AND that.

Jealousy deals in absolutes, with little room for nuance or space for discernment. AND? With little allowance for the capital “t” Truth.

We see what we choose to see and are blind to the rest. 

Maybe you know that the French word for jealousy is “jalousie”. But did you also know that a “jalousie” is also a window shutter with angled horizontal slats? Also know as a...(wait for it)...“blind”?

Funny thing about jalousies…they are designed to allow you to see outside without being seen yourself.

(You see where we're going here, right?)

Yeah…jealousy and blind go hand in hand.

But, of course, jealousy is also an on-point teacher. A snarling, frothing, lusting, hot-breathed swamp dog of a teacher, mind you, but an on-point teacher just the same. Within what you choose to see (and what you've made up that you see) lie your desires:  success, intimacy, relationships, and financialstability.

Knowing what you want, of course,  IS the first step in making what you want to happen, HAPPEN.

And here's what I want for you:

I want for you to come out from behind the blinds that offer such a limited view of others. And such a limited view of yourself and what's available. 

I want you to experience the fullness of the person you feel jealousy towards. And to experience the fullness of yourself. Just add curiosity.

I want for you to see how relative this all is.

I want you to bring some compassion into the fold. For you. For them. For the next time you feel jealous (and you will).

I want you to see, REALLY see, that the magnificence that you've projected onto them is but a prism caught in the light of your own magnificent potential

I want you to get out from behind the blinds of jealousy and into that light.

Because the light, the light...oh it's so very much warmer in the light.

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Beyond Compare is coming soon. Tackling shadows, light, projections, jealousy, and judgment, so you can be free to do your good work. Breaking the comparison habit for good feels so...good.

Early notification, special offers and the Beyond Compare Starter kit...right this way.

Comparison: the chronic, persistently annoying THING that just won't go away.

Right before the first coaching session with a new client, I have them answer my “Quintessential Questions”.  Seven power-packed q’s that help to name the deeeeeeep and delicious stuff that gets our work started on the right foot. My favourite questions is:

What is it that seems to be chronic, persistently annoying or that just won’t go away?

It tends to send people into two directions:

  1. This is what wants attention.
  2. This is what wants to be released.

Of course, the real honey shows up along the third path.

  1. This is what needs attention and wants to be released.

I haven’t made a scientific study of this, but when I grab a stack of client files and go looking for the answer to that q, “comparison” rises to the top time and time again.

Which doesn’t surprise me.

It would have been my answer too.

Comparison and its seemingly infinite long-tail have been wound around my legs most of my life.  And it’s ensnared me more times than I care to count...in a myriad of ways.

  • Whipping my head from side to side to see what everyone else was doing only gave me whiplash, not a better sense of what I “should” be doing.

  • Keeping my eyes on somebody else’s path just made me lose my footing on the steep and jagged rock cliffs of progress.

  • Projecting my light so brightly onto others just made me forget it was mine to begin with, leaving me to flounder in the dark.

  • Deferring my expertise and power left me without my sense of sovereignty…and left me flushed with shame…for having done.IT.again.

So yeah, I'm intimate with that particular brand of pain.

In fact, in my TEDx talkFrom Impostor to Authority, this piece of content that showed up in the first seven drafts of my talk ended up on the cutting room floor, never to be uttered:

A request: Worship wisely.

 

  • Recognize that no one ELSE is ever THE Authority.
  • Those that we want to canonize are finding their own path and wrestle with their own Impostor Complexes. They don’t see themselves as THE authority either…because they are not. (No one is)
  • We canonize people and then persecute them when they don’t live up to our expectations.
  • We are killing creativity with canonization.

Yep. I cut it from the final version…it felt too raw. Too risky. Too…something.

But my desire to address this topic wouldn’t, couldn’t go away. The narrative arc of how we canonize someone we admire to the point of disconnecting from them, then demonize them, well, that has always felt like the missing piece on our collective paths to actually stepping into our great work. Our starring role.

We fear that once we become too big, too famous, too…something, then people will disconnect from us. Because we’ve seen it. Because we’ve done it.

Ugh. I feel that dead smack in the middle of my heart. 

So yes. Chronic. Persistent. Not going anywhere.

But then July 3rd, 2013, Lauren Bacon and I got on the phone for the very first time. And I shared this painful piece with her. I gave it voice, because, well, I knew:

1. This is what wants attention.

If I’m being honest, I think my unconscious intention was to pretty much hand it over to Lauren and say here’s this scary thing…can you take it on for me so that I can be rid of it because:

2.   This is what wants to be released.

Well. That’s not what happened. Of course not.

In that very first conversation, it was apparent that this was work deeply oh-so-very important to BOTH of us. Something we wanted to heal for ourselves. For our clients. The goosebumps on our arms showed us that. So we heeded the call. We dug in.  For the past year, we have spent 90 minutes on the phone EVERY.SINGLE.WEEK drafting, crafting, sweating, incanting and creating the most fulsome (and complete...for now) work we’ve come across on this topic.

Because it turned out #3 was once again the sweetest path:

3.  This is what needs attention AND wants to be released.

Released, but as an offering. And it’s just about ready for you. For your discovery. (Yes, it used to be called Worship Wisely and it used to be a group program. But it told us it wanted to be something else. And we listened. We always listen.)

 

Powerful, propulsive and illuminating questions that will help you see what might be possible for you beyond compare. (Hint: it just might smell like freedom.)