In advance of the launch of the free 5-day Beyond Compare Intro Course (TODAY!), and on the heels of my judgment-free experiment, I decided I wanted to take a run at a full-on comparison-free day. I wanted to really test my mettle and see if I have fully integrated the deep learnings from the work the wondrous Lauren Bacon and I have been devoted to and developing for over TWO years with Beyond Compare. To see how often I found myself comparing myself to people who seem to have it all together. And/or? Comparing myself to the people I believed are doing it alllll wrong and need to get it together.
I had imagined that to have a “successful” comparison-free day, I may need to ask someone to hold me accountable (no problem there). Or lay off social media (a little more challenging). Or hold off on any non-essential conversations (near impossible for me).
In the end, I didn’t need to do any of those things. I set my intention to AWAKE and went about my day.
Refresher: Comparison isn’t bad. It’s a teacher. And can be an excellent one.
Transforming the comparison habit isn’t about turning comparison OFF. It’s about turning awareness ON. (Tweet this.)
Back to my comparison-free day. In all that I did, I sniffed around for places I might slip into Hero-Worship or Disdain. But what happened was pretty benign: "Oh look at what she’s up to. Cool. What a fantastic match for her. What (if anything) does this tell me about my own desires?"
I felt pretty virtuous when I came out squeaky clean on the other side of the day, truth be told. Turns out all of this work I’ve been doing about bringing consciousness to comparison…IS ACTUALLY WORKING!
And then, I did that thing we always do right after we’ve confronted and (almost) healed something. I mourned the time I’ve wasted. (I know, I know…talk about a waste of time.) I felt pissed off about all the energy and creativity I’ve allowed to stay locked ‘n blocked in comparison. All the opportunities I missed to fully show up. All the things I didn’t say or write when it needed to be said or written. All the times I hid ostrich-like beneath the weight of why bother or I can’t because she’ll do it better.
So yes, I’m mourning and pissed and annoyed. And RELIEVED. Relieved to feel the fullness of the freedom here and now. Feeling the full expanse of my outstretched arms, awakened to a fresh new day after a long and deep slumber.
Which means it’s time for me to get to work.
Meaning the only person I need to compare myself to is me. The me I know I am free to step into.
The me who is (becoming more and more and more) aligned and conscious. Who is done with being enraged by complacency, and is ready to face challenging truths, and to make decisions of meaning, and to say what needs to be said, (and oh yeah, following through with action), and to risk failing, and to be gobsmacked by grace, and to be brought to my knees by sorrow, and to be completely and messily undone by love, and to turf the metrics that don’t translate to heart, and to say yes rather than no when it’s right for me (and while we’re talking about this, when did it become so hot to say no?), and to turn my face back towards mother earth, and to know that I know what I know, and because of that? Demand more of myself. It’s in me.
It’s ON me.
Always has been. Comparing myself to others (in the manner that I was, that is to say, unconscious) was a handy distraction. Lolling around lotus-eater-like in somnolent apathy. Wasting time. Wasting gifts. Wasting self.
Now the real work begins.
Eyes on your own papers, Loves. We’ve got work to do.
I want you to get to this place beyond compare, too. Beyond the stronghold that binds your creativity and limits your capacity.
If this resonates with you, check out our free 5-Day Beyond Compare Intro course. Massive change can happen in small increments.