You’re the good girl who was
destined to become the “perfect woman”.
Always have been.
To avoid feeling like a fraud, the Impostor Complex has us hide out in certain behaviors: procrastination, perfectionism, comparison, leaky boundaries, diminishment, people-pleasing, or in your case, COMPARISON.
Comparison is allll about your desire to discern how you are stacking up against others. In life, business...all of it. It’s not a problem per se..in fact comparison is a very important teacher, AND you can see how it may be keeping you from swinging out and bringing your best work out into the world.
I have so much more to share with you, so if you’d like to learn more, pop your email in here. I’ll share why you’ve done this (psst...it’s not all bad!), how it relates to the Impostor Complex and has been in the way of your Unshakeable Confidence and above all, what you can do to move past this so you can step up and in. We neeeeeed you.
And it’s the reason your best friend wants your mantra to be: "I am more than enough".
Now...don’t get me wrong. Your tendency to compare comes from an excellent place.
- Your heightened awareness of others, and your ability to read non-verbal cues of mood and dynamics is super helpful in most situations.
- Maybe your value of connection is wanting to make sure you are in right relationship with all around you...and comparing yourself shows you how you’re stacking up.
- By comparing yourself to others, you are able to see where you are not quite mastering the things you say you want to master, and as such your comparison is keeping you on your edge, striving for your best.
I totally get it.
And here’s what I know:
Comparison is a big fat problem and a handmaiden of the Impostor Complex ONLY when we allow it to shut us down. To stay out of action. And here’s how that works: comparison is a place we hide out in when we don’t want to feel like the Impostor Complex. We keep our eye on everyone else...and stop looking at our own paper. We compare our “B-reel” with their “highlight reel”. And we watch THEM as they move the mountains we wanted to move, but were too busy watching, not DOING. Then, of course, we feel inadequate. And? The painful double-bind is that we begin to feel like an Impostor.
(Which, psst...isn’t possible. ACTUAL Impostors don’t feel like Impostors.)
My work in the world is to make sure your compulsion to compare stays in the light. By all means, evaluate others, AS you evaluate yourself, but DON’T tip into the shadowlands of Hero Worship or Disdain (that Lauren Bacon and I discuss at great length in our Beyond Compare work.) Nothing good happens here.
Over the next couple of days, I’m going to be sharing some resources with you to help you get clearer about this habit of yours, so you can kick it and kick UP the pace of your activation. You have big things on the horizon...and we need you to lean into Unshakeable Confidence.
To start you off, here are a couple of posts I wrote about showing up...and diminishment, your go to hide-away from the Impostor Complex:
- Tall Poppies and Comparison Compulsion
- Comparison: The Chronic, Persistently Annoying Thing That Just Won’t Go Away
- Everything’s a Teacher
See you back in your inbox in a day or so.
In the meantime, please share this quiz with folx in your life.