After 20 years of marriage, I think I finally got through to him.

Wednesday night was our 20th wedding anniversary. Twenty years of making mistakes and then making repair. Twenty years of building a home and a family and a life. Twenty years of making each other laugh.

But this post isn’t about that.

Well...it kind of is.

But not really.

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Okay. For our anniversary dinner, we decided to go to the restaurant that is arguably Toronto’s best right now.

We stumbled upon it two years ago and ended up magically with the best table in the house. Corner table, snowy night. It was magical. And ridiculously expensive and totally worth it.

It has become SO popular by now, that reservations can only be made one month (to the day) in advance. My husband essentially speed dialled on August 25th to get a fabulous table, but despite his best efforts, we ended up with a tiny table in the bar area. No big plush corner table for us this time.

Okay...so in the context of the shit show we have playing out in the world all around us, this is really not a big thing, and so of course, we stayed, ate well, and had a fantastic time. Like we do together. But/and it was ridiculously expensive and we couldn’t wait to get home.

This morning, my husband texted this to me:

“My takeaway is that if we’re going to spend we shouldn’t accept the spendee’s second best offering. We can always find what we want.

And THAT, is how I know I’ve finally gotten through to him after twenty years.

Second best ain’t the thing, friend.

Not for me.

Not for you.

Not for any of us.

Step UP and don’t settle.

In and for anything.

All love,

Tanya

PS - Thank you for your responses to last week’s birthday request...I’m working on pieces around forgiveness, Imposter Complex help for your kiddos, and holding power with integrity. They’re gooooooood. And taking their time to coalesce. Because second best writing isn’t good enough for you.

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For my birthday, and in the spirit of only serving you up the BEST, I wanted to share some of my favourite folx’s offerings. All of these are love links, not affiliate links <3


Have you noticed that I FINALLY caved and am spelling Imposter Complex with an “e” not an “o”? Yeah. SEO made me do it. Actually, it’s the brilliant Meg Casebolt that made me do it because she is committed to help me get FOUND. Bless.

But what about you? Keen on more traffic on your website? Meg is an SEO specialist who teaches entrepreneurs how to show up on Google, and next month she’s running a free challenge called SEOctober.

A new, free 5-minute training every weekday to write blog posts that will help your ideal clients find you on Google.

Sign up today at SEOctober.com

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One of my absolute favourite teachers, Staci Jordan Shelton is offering a 7-week intensive program called ANEW. And it is WHEW.

“Because the first thing you need to do to have success is to get free from the lies people who benefit from your captivity taught you.”

I repeat: WHEW.

ANEW it is about allowing yourself to tell the truth about your life and the world, give yourself permission to have, do and be in a different and more liberated way, and start living from that space.

On October 6th the doors open...and spots are in high demand.

It's 7 weeks of truth, exploration, examination, and working towards emancipation. She will help you develop your 2020 Liberation and Success Plan. Trust me.


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And finally, I’ve mentioned that I will no longer be running the nine-month Starring Role Academy I’ve loved so hard for the past three years. (Even if that exquisite gala weekend damned near almost made me change my mind!) I did say that last year, and I was correct. I'm indeed pivoting a little, and I’m excited about serving my folx even better than ever because this pivot will allow for that.

But for anyone who was anticipating jumping into the Academy for 2020, I wanted to tell you about Jo Casey's Supernova Collective. It's similar in scope to what the Academy was (nine months, solid container, brilliant collective wisdom, kickass coaching - heh) and Jo is truly a gift. I've had the privilege of working with her closely IN the Academy over the last two years so I KNOW what heart she pours into everything that she does. And how fiercely she wants on behalf of her clients...and how far they go with that kind of support. Seriously...she is incredible.

I also got to witness her teaching a workshop in my home on Monday so I'm even more in awe of how she does what she does.

Get on the phone with her and see if the Supernova Collective is the right place for you. 

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Photo credit: Lindyn Williams

That’s it from me this week. Tomorrow, I’ll be wearing my birthday crown and next week I’ll be in the Azores on an anniversary trip with my man, but feel free to follow along with the hiking, sunrises AND sunsets over on IG.


Ready to name your Imposter Complex and Step Into Your Starring Role?

Enter your information here to receive the (mostly) weekly Friday Finale from me in your inbox, and my gift to you, Imposter Complex 101: Four short videos to prompt you to think more deeply and clearly about how the Imposter Complex wants to keep you playing small—and how you can fight back.

An early birthday request from me to you.

This week, my friends. This WEEK.

Phew.

There were the things that I just did (like a speaking gig with some fantastic folx at Wealthsimple) and then there were the things that just about did me in.

This is the week I wrap up the nine months of the Starring Role Academy. That final call just about did me in. The sacredness of gathering hearts does that.

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We evicted a squirrel (humanely). Watching her try to get back into that space just about did me in. Knowing the sanctity of home does that.

I took my Masterminders to see Lizzo last night. And her absolute fierce love for her self her art and her audience just about did me in. Seeing folx fully stepped into their starring roles does that.

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As you’re reading this, I’ll be stringing faerie lights in my yard with my Ops manager, Caitlin, in advance of the party I’ll be throwing as the kickoff to the celebration weekend we have planned for those who have completed the 2019 Starring Role Academy. And knowing this is the last celebration weekend I’ll be hosting will just about do me in...once I get that in my bones.

You see, as much as I have loved running the Academy over nine months these past three years and as powerful as it has (always) been, I suspected last year this would be the final cohort...and I was right.

So that’s where you’ll find me this weekend. A blend of feeling joy and grief and relief and celebration and humanness...the one with the water bottle, hydrating like it’s her job.

Next week I’ll be integrating the goodness that has been...and celebrating my birthday on Saturday.

I want to make sure I am of service to YOU in the midst of this integration, so an early birthday gift to ME, is to reply to this with something that you would love to hear me write about. Maybe I'll even do up a video Q+A. Who knows?

With love love love to you for you.

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For this week’s episode of Ready Enough with Tanya Geisler, I was joined by the one and only Nic Strack. Nic is an Empowerment Coach for Moms. A little background...

Nic was with me in LAST year’s cohort of the Starring Role Academy (that pic is of them at the aforementioned gala!) and watching them step into their Starring Role as Nic (insert glorious swear word here) Strack? It was EVERYTHING and like a glorious full circle for ME to have them on the podcast.

But for YOU, I am hoping Nic’s strong message about parenting (and in truth? Doing just about ANYTHING that matters) will reach you right where we intended it to. In your core.

They also gave me lots to think about as it relates to repair. And of course, how self love isn’t just about mimosas and face masks, my friends.

Listen in here for the goodness and hit Nic and I up on IG to let us know what you discovered.

And if you’re enjoying what you’re hearing with the podcast, will you do me the honor of leaving a review on iTunes or your favorite podcast service? It helps new listeners discover us and the message we want to share with the world. Thank you in advance!

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Before my pretty big switch-up in my business, I have a little time in my calendar for some 1:1 Star Tipping Intensives. These are deep diving strategy sessions that WILL help you map out your 2020 and beyond. The beyond being some stuff that will never, ever leave you.

Here’s when my calendar tells me I am free: October 10, 16 and 18. Let’s see if this is a good fit for us both.

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We talked Zombie apocalypse (turns out I will be woefully unprepared), the Imposter Complex, and ham roll-ups...I loved this conversation I had with Janelle Allen of Zen Courses. She asks really smart questions.


Ready to name your Imposter Complex and Step Into Your Starring Role?

Enter your information here to receive the (mostly) weekly Friday Finale from me in your inbox, and my gift to you, Imposter Complex 101: Four short videos to prompt you to think more deeply and clearly about how the Imposter Complex wants to keep you playing small—and how you can fight back.

Calling forth the Rockstars

Our daughter entered 10th grade this week.

In my (requisite?!) IG post, I didn’t want to make it about me, but rather the glorious glitterstar of resolve and play and tenacity that she is.

But in truth, I can’t help thinking a lot about grade 10. MY grade 10.

That was the year I decided to leave the people I had known since Kindergarten and moved to a brand new high school where I only knew two people. (Two tennis-playing cuties, as it happened, so there was THAT.)

It was the year I thought long and hard about who I wanted to be.
It was the year I thought long and hard about who I was becoming.
It was the year I thought about what conditions would support my success.
It was the year I decided.
It was the year I defied my parents by following through on this decision.
It was the year I stress-tested who I could be.
It was the year I really came into my own.
It was the year I touched into what I would later come to feel as my inner Rockstar.

I knew who I was. I knew what I believed in. And I took action.

It was a good year.

My pal Tiffany Han told me a couple of weeks back that I do my best work with Rockstars with a pebble in their shoe.

I have devoted much of my career (so far) in trying to understand the pebble in the shoe. And said pebble, for me, is and always has been the Imposter Complex.

How and why it got there and the systemic and situational circumstances that got it there are the reason underneath my Ready Enough podcast.

But, and… earlier this week, I took Helen Tremethick’s Manifesto Masterclass. I figured I was there to figure out how to articulate this pebble better.

Nope. Turns out it was more about calling forth that Rockstar.

And what makes them a Rockstar.

For me, it comes down to folx who are filled with Integrity, have Presence and take Action… in short, are working towards unshakeable confidence.

Like my grade 10 self. Like my grade 10 daughter.

Are they always locked ‘n loaded in Integrity, action, and presence? Which is to say, are they always operating from unshakeable confidence? Helllll no. But they are working towards it. And they know how much farther and faster they can and will go without said pebble in their shoe.

And that’s what I do.

Like a Rockstar.

I give deepest thanks to Helen and her class for helping me to see this with such startling clarity.

For helping me to see myself better.

And you better. The Rockstar you are.

PS - Helen is running the Manifesto Masterclass again on Sept 9th at 2p EST and I HIGHLY recommend you show up. Pen and paper in hand and SHOW UP like the Rockstar you are. Register here.

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Beyond loved my most recent interview on the Ready Enough podcast. My guest was Meg Lightheart, a presentation coach for people with a vision and a leadership coach for people facing uncertainty, complexity, and mess.

But more specifically, we talk about how the Imposter Complex loves to get into and under or activate our perfectionism and how it tag teams with humility to become diminishment. Meg shares her experience in how the Imposter Complex shows up for her as a trans feminine person who uses she/her pronouns. Because the Imposter Complex is obsessed with binaries and certainty and all or nothing. So, we get into where this plays into the idea of “trans enough.” I think you’re going to love this conversation.

AND if you are a fan of the show, let me… let US and let others know that this podcast matters by leaving a review on iTunes and letting us know you are HERE.

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I’ve made a pretty biggo decision in my work which has shifted my fall schedule.

Which means I have a couple of Star Tipping Intensives available in October. Be sure to grab your spot before they fill!


Ready to name your Imposter Complex and Step Into Your Starring Role?

Enter your information here to receive the (mostly) weekly Friday Finale from me in your inbox, and my gift to you, Imposter Complex 101: Four short videos to prompt you to think more deeply and clearly about how the Imposter Complex wants to keep you playing small—and how you can fight back.

“You could fill a football field with all I don’t know about…”

There have been many times in my life I have uttered the phrase “you could fill a football field with all that I don’t know about…” and this has served as a kind of insulation. A flame-retardant fiberglass, perhaps, that would make sure to, well… insulate me from the flaming spears of… something. But, what?

The flaming spears of my ignorance?

The flaming spears of others’ expectations?

Both?

Could be.

Listen up, friends.

I spend a LOT of time unpacking and addressing the Imposter Complex.

It wants to keep you out of action, doubting your capacity, and alone and isolated.

And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt this truth:

You know more than you think. AND? You’ll never know it all.

So, of course.

Do your due diligence
Fill the gaps.
Invest in your intentions.
To be certain.

And also.

Spend a little more time revelling in all that you HAVE figured out.

As an entrepreneur, you didn’t know SHIT about bookkeeping, copywriting, social media, marketing, but you figured it out.

As a manager, you didn’t know the first thing about HR, leadership, org charts and having tough conversations, but you figured it out.

As a parent, you didn’t know squat about first aid, ECE, diaper choices, attachment parenting (or not), but you figured it out.

YOU FIGURED IT OUT.

Which, if I’m not mistaken, is the most transferable and compelling skills one can possess as a human.

I’m on the precipice of launching, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, an evergreen program of my lauded and celebrate Starring Role Academy. And I am scaaaaaared of the football stadium that represents all that I don’t know.

And yet.

When I break it all down.

It is clearly aligned with who I am as everything has been that I have been proud of.
I have known what is essential with plenty of room for what is desired.
I have held space for hundreds impeccably and imperfectly.
I have created intimacy AND modelled boundaries.
I know this… and what I don’t know, I WILL figure out.

I did it then. I will do it now.

You did it then. You will do it now.

I will, you will be brilliant.

I will, you will figure it out.

Your brilliance is a renewable source of energy.

So IS your resourcefulness.

You are ready enough. And so am I.

And I’m ready for kick-off. Stadium filled, or not.


PS - Interested in being the first to know when the curtains open to the newest iteration of the Starring Role Academy? Click here to join our VIP list. You just may be ready enough.



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I am seriously keen on you listening in on my latest Ready Enough podcast.

Staci Jordan Shelton brought her inimitable fire, heart, and soul to the conversation.

She talks about unraveling the lies in ways that are uncommon and yet, feel ancient.

She speaks into spaces being common, but experiences, less so.

She speaks into sovereignty and power and IS grace.

I hope you listen in and heed her wisest counsel. Click here to listen.

And, because transparency matters so much to me, I would be lying if I did not acknowledge how disheartened I am that I’ve seen a lot of unsubscribes since we started sharing the podcast.

So, if you are a fan, let me… let US and let others know that this podcast matters by leaving a review on iTunes and letting us know you are HERE.

Thank you.

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The last couple of weeks of summer are a languishing blink of an eye. It’s that hours are long and the days are fast feeling.

BBQs, docks, ice cream trucks, garden centres, paddle boards, sweet tomatoes and herbaceous basil.

Longer afternoons that seem shorter and dappling light that seems crisper.

Both, and.

I am celebrating holding with both hands and letting some of the juice run through my fingers. And Loves? If you want to talk about how we can help make this happen for you, I am here for it.

Find clarity and focus in working toward something you can heartily celebrate with a Spotlight Session. Find out more here.

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I am honoured and thrilled to be a guest expert in my friend Nicole Lewis-Keeber's upcoming program "Love Your Business School".

Don't you want to love your business? Isn't that the reason you started it in the first place? Sigh. Falling in love is easy. Staying in love takes commitment.

I will be teaching/sharing about the Imposter Complex and Unshakeable Confidence alongside several other stellar experts including Michelle Lewis, Alethea Cheng Fitzpatrick, Christine Gallo, and Mara Clements. I am so excited to be in such exquisite and learned company.

Because...everything is better in community. Including coming back to loving your business.

There are still a couple of spaces in the program, so check it out. You will deeply benefit from Nicole's strong teaching and stronger heart, from the phenomenal community gathering, and I would love love love to get the honour of teaching you. Join here.

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Show your intentions you’re serious about them.

Hire the teacher.
Make the time.
Do your due diligence.

I can mantra like it’s my job, but if I don’t follow up with an investment of time, resources or energy? Nah.

Are you following me on Instagram? Find me right here.


Ready to name your Imposter Complex and Step Into Your Starring Role?

Enter your information here to receive the (mostly) weekly Friday Finale from me in your inbox, and my gift to you, Imposter Complex 101: Four short videos to prompt you to think more deeply and clearly about how the Imposter Complex wants to keep you playing small—and how you can fight back.

The Power of the Pause.

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We are on holiday in South Carolina and trying to get out to the tennis court most mornings.

I suspect you didn’t know that in my youth, I was kind of a badass in that sport. Ranked ‘n all.

These days, I get maybe three games in a year, so to say I’m “rusty” is kind. But/and… just the other morning, I was reminded how powerful my serve really is. Knocks my husband off his feet when he dares come in too close and underestimates my power (if you smell the whiff of foreshadowing, you’re not wrong). And also? I don’t knock him off his feet like THIS, but still… too close, Dude.

There are two things required for a brilliant serve in tennis.

A solid handle on the racket face orientation and the toss.

“Cut the cake, sweep the floor, scratch your back, swat the fly.”

Those are the tennis racket orientations needed for a basic tennis serve I was taught when I was about five years old. And every time I go to serve, I chant it in my head.

So clearly, I have the racket orientation down pat with all that cake, rug and fly attention.

But the toss, friends. The Toss.

I generally rush it. I toss too low so my reach is shortened and the ball streaks into the net. Or I toss too far out in front of me and need to chase it and don’t have control of where it ends up. Or I toss it too far behind that has me hitting the ball way at the top of the racket and the ball ends up long.

I don’t have the stats on it, but most of my serving faults can be attributed to rushing the toss.

(Foreshadowing requited. Can you feel the metaphor coming on?)

Most of my FAULTS can be attributed to rushing.

Period.

MOST OF MY FAULTS CAN BE ATTRIBUTED TO RUSHING.

You too?

Rushing to toss.
Rushing to say yes.
Rushing to accept.
Rushing to say more words.
Rushing to overexplain.
Rushing to launch.
Rushing to rush.

So why do I rush?

Because I have so much else to do?
I am worried about wasting others’ time?
I don’t want to hold court for too long?
I am concerned I won’t be seen as powerful or decisive if I don’t act immediately?

Nah.

None of that holds water.

Most powerful interview you’ve ever heard...she paused to collect her thoughts, right?

Yeah. She did.

Lie #6 of the Imposter Complex implores us to say too much about our experience: “You must tell EVERYONE about this experience.”

I invite you to pause and ask: “Why am I sharing the fact that I feel I don’t belong. Am I trying to bridge connection, or curry favour?”

Pausing is a power move.

And you are worth the wait.

Pause.

Let the ball drop. And toss it again.

Get it as right for YOU as you would like.

Then serve that ball down the line with all of your power and ace them off their feet.

Surprise yourself.

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This most recent episode of the Ready Enough Podcast was outstanding. My friend Vanessa Mentor came THROUGH with the truth.

Vanessa is a freedom catalyst/ Life Coach and she helps women take better care of themselves and live a life that feels right for them. But living in Haiti, a place where many basic needs are being unmet by most around her and self-actualization seems beyond frivolous, Vanessa has a unique perspective to share about the tension of belonging, impact, and privilege.

Click here to listen.

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This time with my family has been sublime. This month of July has seen me in France, Spain, Quebec, Boulder and now South Carolina, The fact that I get to do this...travel for work AND play is something I am celebrating heartily. And Loves? If you want to talk about how we can help make this happen for you, I am here for it. Find clarity and focus in working toward something you can heartily celebrate with a Spotlight Session. Find out more here.

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My friend and content strategist, Lacy Boggs, is opening the doors to her Content Intelligence Academy program LIVE for the first time in about three years.

I started working with Lacy a couple of years ago to try to get a handle on alllllllll the content I create — trying to wrap my head around what kinds of things should be articles, versus podcasts, versus a Friday Finale…

And she and her system have helped me find much needed clarity to help me focus my efforts around creating content.

Because, while I love to write and am called to share my aha moments and downloads from the universe with you — I’m not always clear on how to use those thoughts to move my business forward.

Maybe that sounds like you because:

That’s the missing link between just blogging and truly “content marketing” — and I know that Lacy’s program can help you bridge the gap.

In this program, she’s sharing the same strategies and techniques Lacy uses with her 1:1 clients including me, our friend Tara McMullin, Melanie Duncan, Leonie Dawson and many more.

And they’re the same tips, tricks, and “aha” moments that have helped hundreds of entrepreneurs who have already trusted Lacy enough to go through Content Intelligence Academy — and achieve fabulous results.

Right now, you have the opportunity to access all this strategy goodness for yourself to turn your content marketing into the powerful, low-cost lever that can skyrocket your business to greater success...

help you hit that business goal you’ve been daydreaming about and doodling on the back of your notebook (you know the one)...

and finally feel like you have a handle on how to use your content to actually move your business forward!

CHECK IT OUT here, and let me know if you’ve got questions!!!


Ready to name your Imposter Complex and Step Into Your Starring Role?

Enter your information here to receive the (mostly) weekly Friday Finale from me in your inbox, and my gift to you, Imposter Complex 101: Four short videos to prompt you to think more deeply and clearly about how the Imposter Complex wants to keep you playing small—and how you can fight back.

Say yes.

This was the second time I’d done it.

The first time was to NYC to be a part of Julie Parker’s Inspiration Day. I said these words in my speech then.

“We are all witness today to a woman’s dream coming true. That’s something I would travel across the world to see any day”

I meant it.

I did it again last week.

This time to the foothills of the Pyrennees in France.

My client, Deb Nicholson, had dreamt of a writing retreat in her chosen home town of Lapradelle.

For 18 months, I’ve known it would be happening and that I would say yes to the invitation.

It wasn’t easy. There were costs. There always are.

We think that yeses are supposed to be simple. Flowing. Filled with serenity.

They are not.

Many nos are required to make a yes happen.

Favours called in.
Agreements negotiated.
Time found and spun thin enough to fit through the eye of a needle.
Decisions weighed against metrics of desire and practicality and competing priorities and ancient narratives of worthiness and beyond. Because...costs.

So I know the value of a yes and every single one offered to me is a gift to be cherished.

And every yes I offer is considered, at least by me, to be sacred.

So when I say, “say yes”, I need you to know I don’t take it lightly.

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I said yes to speaking at this retreat. And I am shifted for it.

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I said yes to writing at the retreat. And my proposal is done.

I said yes to a night in Barcelona with my pal Ronna. And I reclaimed a piece of my heart there.

And I said yes to a train trip with my daughter to Quebec City. I am writing these words to you as we bounce along the tracks. She has reached for my hand numerous times. She is happy. We will never forget this time. Ever. Ever.

It all starts with a yes.

Then we figure out the ways we will make it happen.

And it’s always worth it.

Always.

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At the retreat, we wrote down questions we wanted to have answered by the time we left the space.

And as a closing exercise, we offered each other wishes and counsel based on those questions. It was, in a word, rad.

I wrote this as an answer to a question too personal for me to share. But my answer was meant for her, and it was meant for you. (Fill in your own question being asked by your heart right now.)

“Should I ________?"

YES.

Are we done here?

No? Well, what else could be so for the questioning heart I know?

The one who gets to choose.

The one with the benevolent muse.

Because the choice is greater than yes or no, isn't it?

It's what comes next AFTER the yes or the no.

What lives beyond the choice?

What else is there?

EVERYTHING, Beloved.

Will you believe me if I told you you cannot pick wrong?

I'm right about this.

You get to choose.

And I get to vote.

YES.

Say yes. And yes again.

To the muse, to the call, to the invitation, to the bridge, to the ease.

Head to the east, guided by eagle who sees and knows what else is there is everything.

Eagle also votes yes, that cheeky sod.

Pack your bags, Dear One.

With talismans and a bib, for the juice of the peaches of possibility will drip down your chin on your way to the land of Everything.

And it starts with you choosing.

I pray you choose yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.”

Say yes, mes amis.

You will find a way to make it happen.

And you will not regret it.

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The newest episode of Ready Enough podcast with trans comedienne Dina Nina Martinez was released on Wednesday and ohmyEVERYTHING, it was good. She is a brilliant light and hilarious and deep and wise and I hope you love it, her, and the podcast enough to leave a review and follow her work.


Ready to name your Imposter Complex and Step Into Your Starring Role?

Enter your information here to receive the (mostly) weekly Friday Finale from me in your inbox, and my gift to you, Imposter Complex 101: Four short videos to prompt you to think more deeply and clearly about how the Imposter Complex wants to keep you playing small—and how you can fight back.

Better together. That’s just the truth of it.

shared earlier this week that I was in a Mastermind some years back with this week’s podcast guest, Andrea Owen.

And simultaneously, we have opened the doors to the Mastermind that I’m hosting (though we’re calling it an Immersion, because...that’s what we’re going to be doing. GOING IN DEEP.)

So it’s not surprising that I’m getting comments and Q’s from my readers and social media folx (canNOT call them followers, any more than “venti” rolls off the tongue) about Masterminds and what I call “assembling the cast” and why that matters. In life and business.

No one is ever supposed to go any of this alone.

Which runs perpendicular to our fierce values of independence, I know.

Because I firmly and truly and wholly believe that the best of us comes out when we gather with the best. It just stands to reason.

I am clear without a shadow of a doubt that I am wherever I am because I stepped into circle with some strong-hearted brilliant folx...which had me step truer into myself.

The Mastermind I was in with Andrea helped me to step into Coach.

The Mastermind I was in with Rach, Jamie, Kate, Bridget helped me step into Entrepreneur.

The Mastermind I was in with Ronna, Julie, and Amy helped me to step into Writer.

The Mastermind I was in with Tara, Kathleen, Sarah, and Brigitte helped me to step into CEO.

And the Mastermind I’m currently in with Michelle, Molly, Tiffany, and Laura is helping me step into the Tanya that is currently unfolding in ways still too tender to share yet. With their care and precision and championing and fierce love and strategy...and an upcoming weekend in the Poconos because there’s a hot tub calling our name.

So yes, I meet my work with tenacity and I swing out and make hard decisions and second-guess and hedge sometimes but for the most part? Anything you see me doing well in my business is a direct result of some strong and loving hands directing me there. Who are/were able to hold up the sides for me as I navigate the tricky terrains of a life fully lived.

I give the deepest and the greatest thanks to these sisters, teachers, and guides. Every one throughout the years.

My invitation to you: find your people and circle up.

They might not be your forever circle and that will be okay. But their wisdom will live on within you...as will yours live on within them.

We are, always always, better together.


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Calling my Entrepreneurial friends! For two weeks only, Starring Role Academy Community Coach and participant, Helen Tremethick, is opening access to her 3-month copywriting program, Copy Courage and... if you sign up before July 5th, you’ll also get free access to her jumpstart program “F*ck Your Elevator Pitch”. Copy Courage starts this September.

You can enjoy your summer and make sure your website copy is re-branded and ready for launch by the end of the year.

This is Helen’s zone of genius and watching her shine brings me great joy. As does great copy.

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The newest episode of Ready Enough podcast with Andrea Owen on Alcohol Misuse and the Imposter Complex has been quietly received but I’m hearing from listeners that it’s moving through them. And that’s good. That’s the hope. Take what serves you and release the rest. Trust your knowing. I do.

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If the idea of a Mastermind as described in my letter above appeals, but the idea of having to gather people yourself and facilitate it does not? The Unshakeable Confidence Immersion may be your next right place. Get all the info here. It’s the only way to work with me for a longer period of time in Q4 of 2019 (unless you wanted the one-time immersion of a Star Tipping Intensive or Spotlight Sessions). And if you want ONLY community but just a LITTLE bit of me, the next cohort of the Starring Role Academy may be the right spot for you.


Ready to name your Imposter Complex and Step Into Your Starring Role?

Enter your information here to receive the (mostly) weekly Friday Finale from me in your inbox, and my gift to you, Imposter Complex 101: Four short videos to prompt you to think more deeply and clearly about how the Imposter Complex wants to keep you playing small—and how you can fight back.

Something for everyone...but especially y’all in Denver and Seattle

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I was making my kid’s lunch this morning and observed a funny thing.

My mother was excellent at many things.

MANY.

But sandwich-making was not her thing.

Bread, butter, and the protein. That was it.

No cheese, mustard, lettuce, and most certainly NOT avocado. (I know, right? However did I survive such a miserable existence.)

But my kid prefers my mother’s variety of sandwich. Go figure.

So there I was, assembling two slices of rye, a little butter, salami, and a couple of sprigs of basil. Making a mom sandwich, while sipping my coffee black like my Dad drank it.

And I found myself humming Cowboy Junkies ‘A Horse in the Country’.

In particular, this verse:

And all my friends have settled down
become their mothers and their fathers
without a sound
Except for Cathy,
she bought a one-way subway ticket
and left us all behind

I was all set to explore the places I have become my mother and my father without a sound...and also, the places where I have not. There are plenty of line items under each column.

My love of peonies, exquisite linens, Leon Redbone, justice, family, cooking and all of the deliciousness of gathering folks around the table, travel, are places of agreement. For starters.

My business, prioritizing self-care, writing, politics are places of difference. For starters.

As I was running through them in my mind, it hit me. Again.

My folks are both gone. And that is hard.

But I am so glad I had them when I did. Our relationships were imperfect but they weren’t difficult. And that ISN’T necessarily true for all of you. For that, I am sorry.

So I wanted to share the book my friend and colleague Karen CL Anderson wrote called Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters. May it serve you in the highest.

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My friend, coach, and mentor Desiree Adaway lives and works at the intersections of race, class, and gender. I want you to know her and her work. So much so that she was the first guest in my new podcast, Ready Enough.

But if you happen to be in Seattle or Boulder/Denver, I encourage you to attend her newest workshop: Praxis of Liberation.

You’ll be exploring:

  • The Praxis of Liberation

  • Supremacist vs Liberatory Power

  • Organizational culture/identity

  • Dominant culture in the workplace

  • Having difficult conversations with colleagues: identity, difference, and power

  • Why call out culture is killing us

  • Forgiveness and Reconciliation as core leadership competencies

This workshop is for you if:

Dealing with systemic oppression seems overwhelming but you are committed to action

Want to ground your work in some foundational frameworks and a deeper analysis of race, class, gender, and power

You want to better understand how to have productive conversations across identities

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Thank you thank you thank you for your support of the launch of the Ready Enough podcast! Your emails and shares and recommendations to friends and five star ratings and reviews have been such a blessing and are so deeply appreciated. They help ease the sting of that two-star rating on Canadian iTunes (I mean, c’mon, eh?) If you haven’t had the chance to listen please do...and subscribe so your first to know when a new episode drops...like, this Wednesday!

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I am still plenty stalled on the proposal writing (launching a podcast, designing a new program, and a full client roster will do that to a person) BUT I am heading to France in two weeks to speak and write at a retreat and I have some big big goals for myself there. And I cannot WAIT.


Ready to name your Imposter Complex and Step Into Your Starring Role?

Enter your information here to receive the (mostly) weekly Friday Finale from me in your inbox, and my gift to you, Imposter Complex 101: Four short videos to prompt you to think more deeply and clearly about how the Imposter Complex wants to keep you playing small—and how you can fight back.

To be considered: "Resilience is not a DIY Endeavor"?

First of all, thank you, oh thank you to all who took me up on my invitation last week to reach out to your Models of Possibility.

I heard from you about your Models of Grace, and Boundaries, and Generosity, and Balance, and Activism, and Justice, and Poise.

Hearing from you reminds me of one of my top value - and one of your top values I suspect as well - CONNECTION.

And I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how it’s more than a value, isn’t it?

I mean… it’s a NEED.

We’ve heard this before: "Connection is why we're here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering." –Brene Brown

Brene Brown talks about how we are hardwired for connection. Rooted in neuroscience.

It goes like this.

Neuroscience is confirming that our nervous systems want us to connect with other human beings. A good example of this is mirror neurons, which are located throughout the brain and help us read other people's feelings and actions. They may be the neurological underpinnings of empathy — when two people are in conversation they are stimulating each other's mirror neuron system. Not only will this lead to movement in similar muscles of the face (so the expressions are similar) but it also allows each to feel what the other is feeling. This is an automatic, moment to moment resonance that connects us. There have been studies that look at emotions in human beings such as disgust, shame, happiness, where the exact same areas of the brain light up in the listener who is reading the feelings of the person talking. We are, literally, hardwired to connect.

So, yeah. A value… and also a need.

And I’ve also been thinking on resilience.

When I talk about the Unshakeable Confidence, the ever and all-important ACTION sits on top of a willingness to fail, tenacity and resilience. #simplenoteasy

Resilience for me has always been a/the way that we bounce back in the face of adversity. A muscle to be flexed and a practice to be cultivated.

And I think I’m right about that… but only to an extent.

I picked up the (ACTUAL!) newspaper in the garden last Sunday afternoon. A sweet moment of peace and harmony and BBQ smells and sprinkler sounds and ice cream trucks. It was a moment that I did not feel like reading anything overly taxing. You know, Sunday afternoon sweetness only, please.

But of course, I had no choice but to read an Opinion piece on Resilience by Michael Ungar. A few sentences in, I could feel myself blanch.

It was an exacting read of the self-development field. And it was excellent.

An excerpt:

“We have been giving people the wrong message. Resilience is not a DIY endeavour. Self-help fails because the stresses that put our lives in jeopardy in the first place remain in the world around us even after we’ve taken the “cures.” The fact is that people who can find the resources they require for success in their environments are far more likely to succeed than individuals with positive thoughts and the latest power poses.”

Of course.

So much of what happens in the mind-over-matter spaces can bypass privilege, oppression, and can even shift into victim-blaming.

The article goes on to talk about the single biggest predictor of adjustment after a crisis has nothing to do with mindset, but rather the resources and services available. And then speaks into the importance of community.

“Improve the functioning of the family, peer group or work team, and individuals are more likely to show resilience, even if their larger world is seeming to become more volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous.”

Which I interpret as resilience being less about what’s on the inside (mindset) and more about what’s on the outside (resources and community). Accessed through connection… for which we are hardwired.

I’m still working through this.

Maybe you are too. Read the article when you have time and space and let me know your thoughts. I’d love to hear them.

And if you happen to have access to the author of the piece, Michael Ungar, can you connect me? I think this conversation is RIPE for the upcoming Ready Enough Podcast. (Stay tuned… next week!)

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I can barely keep on top of the brilliant nuggets of collective wisdom that crop up in the Starring Role Academy, but these Spotlight Soundbites are my attempt to scoop them up.

When Michelle Currie, Mentor and truly a Mage said these words in the Academy, oh how we felt their truth and deep resonance.

Because the Imposter Complex loves making the simple very complicated. And it loves to have us discount effort.

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I’m stuck. And that’s just true. Beam me some proposal writing lovin’, will you Loves?


Ready to name your Imposter Complex and Step Into Your Starring Role?

Enter your information here to receive the (mostly) weekly Friday Finale from me in your inbox, and my gift to you, Imposter Complex 101: Four short videos to prompt you to think more deeply and clearly about how the Imposter Complex wants to keep you playing small—and how you can fight back.

Who is your Model of Possibility?

Hiya hi!

Welcome to the new folx around these parts! Maybe you came from my interview on the Imposter Complex with Tiffany Han on her Raise Your Hand Say Yes podcast.

It was a great interview, wasn’t it? Tiffany asks SUCH fabulous questions, really tracks the answers and wants deeply and truly on behalf of her listeners. Plus she’s hilarious, deep, kind and ever working her edge and though she is seasoned, has really only just begun the kind of stratospheric rise that I can see for her clear as day.

She is one to watch, if you aren’t already.

And as I get ready to (re)launch my OWN podcast (two weeks and counting!) I am looking to her as a Model of Possibility. How to be generous, useful, kind, ask tough questions with grace, compassion, finesse, but without being overly tethered to the punitive leash of perfectionism.

There’s no way I will be able to hit Tiffany’s level of excellence right out the gate when we launch. Nor should I even try. But when I think of Tiff as my “Model of Possibility”, well I just feel my whole being relax, even as I lean into the challenges that lie ahead.

“Model of Possibility” is a term my pal Lauren Bacon turned me onto when we were doing deep analysis of comparison some time ago.

She read Laverne Cox say: “I would never be so arrogant to think that someone should model their lives after me but the idea of possibility. The idea that I get to live my dreams out in public hopefully will show other folks that that is possible. And so I prefer the term possibility model to role model.”

This really dials down the stickiness of comparison, doesn’t it? When we think about people we admire, and consider them through the lens of "possibility models" (rather than role models, heroes, gurus, etc.), it really shifts things, doesn’t it?

So...who’s YOUR Model of Possibility?

And why?

Tell me.

But then, and this is SUPER important, tell THEM. I guarantee they need to hear it at that precise moment. Because, just like you, they question their own magnificence. No one gets a pass on that.

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One of the many things you don’t know about my mother was that she was an avid, and I mean, AVID reader of obituaries. I’m fascinated by fascinating people living well. And how they are recognized...and not.

So it’s not surprising that on my mind is this very cool project by NYT obit editor Amy Padnani called “Overlooked Obituaries”, a series telling the stories of remarkable women and folx of colour who never received a New York Times obit. And this talk...excellent. Book and TV series coming soon.

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If you haven’t had a chance to check out my interview with Tiffany Han, do check it out here. Because in Tiffany’s words, “[Imposter Complex] IS A REAL THING THAT WE GRAPPLE WITH AND THAT BECOMES ESPECIALLY BIG AND POWERFUL WHEN WE'RE RIGHT ON THE EDGE OF SOMETHING DEEPLY MEANINGFUL AND IMPORTANT. (Yes. I'm screaming because oh my goodness, doesn't this just explain so much?!)” She’s fun, that one.


Ready to name your Imposter Complex and Step Into Your Starring Role?

Enter your information here to receive the (mostly) weekly Friday Finale from me in your inbox, and my gift to you, Imposter Complex 101: Four short videos to prompt you to think more deeply and clearly about how the Imposter Complex wants to keep you playing small—and how you can fight back.

Should I just freaking do the work?

I get emails like this all the time.

Most days, in fact.

Hey TG,

I'm in a challenge at the gym and we are supposed to be sharing images of our meals in the facebook group. And I've only posted once, because I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME.

Over and over I've joined online communities, FB groups, masterminds, etc. And I don't show up. I'm there, reading, perusing, commenting. But I can't make posts myself.

And I think it's because I don't want to take up space. I don't know what it is around that. Fear of not being liked or accepted? Maybe a little. Fear of making a typo and looking like an idiot, yeah a little. Not wanting to be vulnerable ever... Is this all the impostor complex? Even when it's about posting pictures of my meals?

Any insights here? Should I just freaking do the work?

You know how I responded, right?

OF COURSE YOU SHOULD JUST DO THE FREAKING WORK!

Nah. You know didn’t. Not my style.

What I did respond was this.

“There’s nothing wrong with you.

And yes, it's the Impostor Complex.

Not wanting to get it wrong, or maybe it's not about getting it wrong, but rather, not getting it "right".

And yes. It's the not wanting to take up space. Because, and here's me swinging out on a limb...you think you "already have it too good."

Your piece of the joy pie is too good. Too much. The family, the gorgeousness, the heart, the courage. You're the everything.

And on some level, that has been hard. You have maybe experienced the Tall Poppy Syndrome. People may have projected onto you, or told you how "easy" it is for you because (fill in the blanks) so you stay quiet.

You diminish.

Know what?

You deserve a bigger piece of the pie. The whole damned pie.

Let them see your plate.

Be true, be you.

It is, you are, EVERYTHING.

BELIEVE ME.

Yes?”

If you tend to diminish, I wrote this for you. Pie ‘n all.

And if you tend to be a people-pleaser, I wrote this for you. (And me.)

If you compare, have leaky boundaries, procrastinate or are a perfectionist, hold tight. Your articles are coming up in the next couple of weeks.

I believe in us. And the work we’re here to do.

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And speaking of diminishment, I contributed to this article about confidence and body language. Once again, I challenged the notion of “fake it ‘til you make it” as an enduring strategy. Because it isn’t. Know what is? Rooting in and embodying what is real and authentic about your talents, skills and excellence. You don’t need to fake a THING. I’m right about this.

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My beloved friend and cherished teacher, Desiree Adaway, will be hosting the Whiteness at Work Webinar on Thursday, May 23rd 2pm ET.

I’ll be joining this free call as we look at how white supremacy culture manifest in our work places.

We’ll be diving into (in her words):

  • Organizational characteristics that mimic and reinforce white supremacy culture and how those impact everything from hiring, to flex work policies to culture at-large.

  • How resistance to new ways of thinking and equity and inclusion work further underpin and perpetuate toxic norms.

  • How to begin naming these characteristics and norms and ways to mitigate them.

I don’t work in an organization...but this is some pretty vital information for all of us who take our whiteness with us wherever we go. And for me, I want to start as I mean to go and BUILD my business with integrity into the organization I’ve been dreaming of.

Join me. 

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Last week, I did a photo shoot in my home with two of my dearest friends. Victoria Dixon has been a beloved of mine since our kids were toddlers. She also makes me look pretty spectacular as she is a leading makeup artist here in Canada. Aggie Armstrong is a brilliant photographer, artist and is my Creative Director. So it was a spectacular time. With more days like that to come. But one of the millions of things I loved about this day, truly one of my favourites, was knowing that my kid was upstairs snoozing while sick, and listening to us sing and hoot and laugh and even cry a little. She was reminded, again, what it means to be like in a relationship with other powerful women, what it means to lift each other up, what it means to have a hell of a lot of fun doing work you love, and what it looks like to not be even a little bit “ladylike”. And that to me is something worth celebrating.



Ready to name your Imposter Complex and Step Into Your Starring Role?

Enter your information here to receive the (mostly) weekly Friday Finale from me in your inbox, and my gift to you, Imposter Complex 101: Four short videos to prompt you to think more deeply and clearly about how the Imposter Complex wants to keep you playing small—and how you can fight back.

How will YOU not postpone joy today?

Hey HEY friends -

There are a host of new folx on my list this month so I wanted to welcome y’all in.

WELCOME! I’m so glad you’re here!

And reconnect with those of you who have been around for a while and maybe can’t recall why.

THANKS FOR BEING HERE!

I write about a two things specifically.

#1 I mostly write about the Impostor Complex.

I endeavour to share with you what I know and have been learning about the Impostor Complex over the past 12 years. Well, the Impostor Complex, Unshakeable Confidence, and Stepping into your Starring Roles, that is. And friends? There are days when I feel like I’ve only just BEGUN.

Most recently, I wrote a post about People-Pleasing and the Impostor Complex.

Before that, I wrote about how I invite nuance when considering the Impostor Complex and the coping mechanisms that can exacerbate the experience.

And right before that, I wrote articles on how the Impostor Complex tries to shut us down by having us stay out of actiondoubt our capacity, and have us feel alone and isolated.

#2 I also write about life.

I confused the HELL out of many of you new readers who came for the Impostor Complex teachings when I wrote a love letter to my fifteen-year-old for her birthday and started with “Dear L” (especially the Lauries, Laceys, Lindas, Lydia, Lavettas in the room!) But that’s what I do (not the confusing you, mind...but rather the writing). I write about life. My life. And maybe your life too.

And MY life includes my body of work which IS the Impostor Complex.

Also?

The grief. The joys. The heartaches. The disappointments. The undulations. The shame. The ice cream. The injustices. The shattering sorrow of light. The grace. The liminal spaces. The legacies. The arcs. The brilliant revelations of shadows.

I write to iron out the edges of my thinking, such that it may be of service to us both.

Does my Impostor Complex LIKE that I write about my life? Oh hellllllll no. But, Honey? It doesn’t even like it when I write about the IMPOSTOR COMPLEX.

Because for me to be able to live my life IN my Starring Role, with Unshakeable Confidence, I am required to embrace the #bothand (and then some) of who I am.

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My Mama had a mantra, you know. It was “Don’t Postpone Joy”. I’ve written about her hereherehere, and here...with my grandmother too.

Since she died, I have prioritized understanding joy. And then, activating from it.

And in truth, what gives me joy is writing what I am compelled to write. Teaching what I am compelled to teach. Honouring the call that has been made of me.

Today’s my Mama’s birthday. So in her honour, let me know how YOU won’t postpone joy today?


Ready to name your Imposter Complex and Step Into Your Starring Role?

Enter your information here to receive the (mostly) weekly Friday Finale from me in your inbox, and my gift to you, Imposter Complex 101: Four short videos to prompt you to think more deeply and clearly about how the Imposter Complex wants to keep you playing small—and how you can fight back.

You are a Star — no matter what Role that takes.

My brilliant friend Tara McMullin said this upon reading my latest article this week.

Sidebar: did you read it? Did you see that picture of six-year old me in my drug store barrette and Bert + Ernie inspired turtleneck with my splayed front teeth from sucking my thumb? Yeah. I think she pretty fabulous too. Onward.

Tara said this:

“I don’t think you/your work are for the people who don’t want to be Stars. What I love about this story is that the Angel probably ISN’T the star of the pageant to everyone, right? Some people think the star is Mary. Others Joseph. Others the baby. Hell, I’m sure someone thinks the wise man who brings myrrh is the star. You had your eye on the role you wanted and saw as the most important cog in the wheel.

You’re not here to help people be more confident as an extra or the 3rd shepherd. You’re here for the people who choose to be a Star, no matter what role that takes.”

(You know that feeling that angels — heh — are singing because someone has articulated the thing that is too close for you to be able to see, much less articulate? THAT. And that IS the gift of Tara.)

She is right about my work.

The Star of the show for you, in fact may be the Director.

Or Joseph.
Or Craft Services.
Or the Ticket Taker.
Or the Star (you know...the Star of Bethlehem).
Or the Casting Director who pulls the peeing child off the stage (you’ll just have to read it.)

That IS the point.

And the question then is… will you step in?

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Thank you Tammy Martin for pointing me towards this fabulous TED talk on understanding privilege and how abstract math can help us discern contexts.

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I’m excited to be a part of Jo Casey’s The Messy Meaningful Business Project this April.

Jo takes a strong stand for building beautiful and sustainable businesses that do not necessarily look like the highly curated IG feeds we see. She is all about building businesses that get loved into being NOT through burnout and resentment, but rather meaningfully, sustainably, and non-manipulatively. That are about helping… not hustling. And I’m HERE for it.

I’m excited to learn from the folx she has gathered… and will be sharing my own (winding) path to creating a business I love that loves me back. And we’d love for you to join us.

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Thank you Lacy Boggs and Sarah for making sure I saw this bite of shining brilliance.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez using the Impostor Complex to roast the preposterous Sen Mike Lee was giving me LIFE this week. More here.

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Less writing and more sweating this week, it would seem. I’m landing the plane on my book title. Writing 100,000+ words was easy. Writing three for a title, seven for a subtitle and ten for a reading line? Excruciating. Send help. Or a deep breath.

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I am celebrating this article that my pal Deb Nicholson shared about Julia Child’s kitchen. It has been a sweet reminder of the many sweet (and savoury) debates I had with my father about kitchen organization. Form vs function (he was a peg-board man too), the marble pastry board, the work triangle, task lighting, the magic of the multi-use Cuisinart (we still have theirs from the ‘80s) AND the appreciation of single-use gadgets (asparagus peeler! ravioli press!). Appreciation...yes. That’s it. And so, I’m reminded that it’s time to pull out the family copper pots and to not only display them, but to USE them. Because, LIFE… right? So I’ll be paging my friend and award-winning designer, Melissa Peretti, for help with the displaying. (MP has made my office gorgeousstyles my events with great flair, and is about to embark on my bedroom facelift. She does online design so… hire her.)

AND

I’m STILL celebrating being RIGHT about you all. When I asked if you would fill out a quick survey to make my nerdiest dream come true — which is to have a data model of my Impostor Complex work created — you showed UP! Thank you beyond thank you.

Hootsuite now has THREE TIMES the data sets needed to create the model. Cannot wait to share what they come up with.

The Patinaed Path...a Poem...and a Way

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A million years—or perhaps it was only a hot second ago—I wrote this poem over at Bentlily.

It’s calling me home again, so I figured it was time to share it with you.

THE PATINAED PATH

Beneath layers of patina,
There is a path.
Waiting to be revealed.
To you.

Unspoiled soil
Latent with grace.
Patiently,
It waits.

Yearning to yawn,
For you alone.

As you confer with stars, maps and seers,
It waits.

Willing you to heed the wisdom of your heart.
The only cartographer that matters.
Desiring to gift you with glories untold.
Ever loving, ever bountiful.

In your time.
On your way.
For you alone.
It waits.


Yes indeed.

For you alone. It waits.

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There are six Star Tipping Intensive spots left for April, May and June...with the prices going up in June. If you are keen to really, REALLY get into and under why the traction you yearn for just isn’t happening, then consider a Star Tipping Intensive with me. These are day-long luxe events. We move the mountains that need moving. We make the plans that need to be made. And yes, we even create the map...directed by your heart. Want details? Get in touch here.

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Nic Strack is some kind of human. The best kind of human. Empathetic. Hilarious. WIIIIIIIIIIISE. Badass. Deep. Compassionate. Tender. Fierce.

It was my supreme joy to watch their (continued!) unfolding last year in the Starring Role Academy.

And watching them shine in their most glorious truth is WHEW. Fire.

Nic has just created and released a new resource over at NicStrack.com called 10 Motherhood Truths Nobody Talks about… and Why They Matter.

I may be well-past the days of new parenthood, but the overarching theme of their work continues to reign supreme in my realm:

"The relationship you have with your Self defines the relationship you have with your child."

Check out their body of work at NicStrack.com. You’re welcome.

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I was right last week when I said that I was celebrating the way you, MY PEOPLE have risen to my invitation to fill out this suuuuuper short survey. You did. You really did. And we have one more week before I’m submitting the results to Hootsuite. (Honestly, I cannot wait.) So if you haven’t had the chance to do so yet, I would deeply and dearly appreciate it if you could fill it out. Thank you thank you thank you.

Help me make my nerdiest dreams come true?

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“Your people want you to succeed, let them help you,” is one of my most foundational beliefs.

As ever, not EVERYONE wants you to succeed. But YOUR people do.

And when YOUR people say they want to help, for sure and for real, you best let them help you.

Because another one of my most foundational beliefs is this: THIS is bigger than you.

You can feel that, right?
You can feel that in trying to contain the BIGNESS of what you are here to do you may well, and I say this with great love, be containing it.

And we don’t want that.

There are far too many people containing far too many things.

So.

(I’m going somewhere here.)

Last November, I had the pleasure of speaking with a group of folx at Hootsuite about the Impostor Complex. Specifically around helping them to hunt it down so they can deepen into their commitment of diversity and inclusion across all levels of the organization.

Their questions were fabulous and quite in-depth. That’s what these sessions do...bring out the in-depth.

(Reason #7684 I adore speaking as much as I do.)

Specifically, they wanted to understand the STRUCTURE of the Impostor Complex. Like, how specific behavioural traits related to specific lies which related to the Unshakeable Confidence model.

In truth, I almost cried.

You see, I am not a visual person and the fact that I’ve managed to get as far as I have describing the complexities of the IC in 2D is something to be proud of...but there is an entire UNIVERSE of intricacies and interconnections that I see and cannot articulate.

So, I said as much.

And just like that, they offered to help me with data modeling.

ME.

Hootsuite has offer to help ME with data modeling.

Why?

Because...this is bigger than me.

And Hootsuite knows it.

So I am IN.

And I need you.

Will you please fill out this suuuuper short survey for me? Entirely anonymous, to be certain.

It will help craft and create the model that I’ve been dreaming of, A Beautiful Mind style, for coming up on a decade.

I’m excited.

I’m honoured.

It feels like my nerdiest dream come true.

You are my people. Will you help me?

Thank you in advance.

Thank you thank you.

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I went ahead and made myself a whole host of new friends last week when I went to Madison, Wisconsin (including someone who I THINK is an angel named Dwight...but more on him at a later date.)

But one of my newest favourite people is Dina Nina Martinez, a comedian who led a workshop on Humour and the Impostor Complex.

She is as hilarious as she is wise and I am excited to be taking her class today on Trans & Gender Identity 101 (which is the first in a series of four workshops).

In her words: “Maneuvering an ever changing world full of gender and identity politics can be difficult and confusing. This workshop will provide you with the information you need to esteem those who are transgender and gender non-conforming in your life and your organization.”

Join me today at 2p EST. (These are not affiliate links.)

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Absolutely LOVED my interview with Thais Sky.

Discernment is my love language and Thais is FLUENT in it. We had plenty of depths to explore as we unpacked the lies of the Impostor Complex, as well as starting to unravel the narrative inside of us telling us we cannot step into our starring role. We explored intimacy, integrity, relationships and practicing discernment. It was...glorious. You can catch it here.

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A client said this to me a couple of weeks ago and it really landed in smack dab into my heart. "If I'm the only person who really and truly gets the full complement and intricacies of my inner workings and power, then I guess I better start listening to myself."

Does it land with you? Does it have you get closer to the middle of your being? To the centre of your essence? Hit reply and let me know.

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I’m optimistically celebrating the fact that YOU, MY PEOPLE, have risen to my invitation to fill out this suuuuuper short survey. (heh heh)

White Women Facing their Racism

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Hello to all of you cherished readers.

I have a super quick note for those of you on my list who identify as white women.

I had intended to share with you an invitation to a conversation I’ll be having next week in Madison, Wisconsin with my friend and colleague Sara Alvarado.

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In Sara’s words: “it’s an evening of truth-telling and a brave space to explore the impact of our whiteness and challenge the ways in which we were raised and continue to be part of the problem. This affinity group is for women who identify as white and who are ready to get honest, face their racism, and put their privilege into action in the service of justice. #RealTalk”

But since she announced the event last week, the tickets are already sold out.

Clearly, there is a need. As if there was any doubt. (And there wasn’t.)

AND, I am still sharing it because Sara has done a brilliant job articulating why we’re doing it, and though you won’t be able to join us, she lays out some thoughts on what you can do as part of your anti-racism efforts and commitments. Because, as my friend and coach Desiree Adaway teaches, awareness without analysis, action, and accountability is not enough.

Sara writes:

Why an event for white women only?

Because white women need to be doing their work and this is a place to face whiteness with vulnerability and honesty. No holding back. People of color know whiteness better than most white people and it can be harmful for people of color to have to listen to white people examine their white privilege, their white savior complex, and learn to see how white supremacy is alive within. We want to create less harm. This is not a space where we will learn about black and brown people in their absence. This is not a space where we will teach cultural competency or history. There are teachers of color that we recommend for that. This is where white women can speak without worrying if what they say will be wrong or hurtful. This is how we learn to be better and do better. Not on our own, but with people who are willing to hold each other accountable and challenge each other.

Why are you charging for this event?

Because white people need to invest in their anti-racism work. I don't believe it should be free. I also don't feel comfortable benefiting financially. This is my work in the world and people's lives are at stake. Silence is killing people. Communities of color face horrific injustices. Inaction, ignorance, and fear of doing it wrong is delaying the progress for racial equity. I learned I was part of the problem and realized the only way to be part of the solution was to make it a priority in my life. Yes, tickets are $25, but the money goes to paying the hard costs only, not to the white women involved. Any additional money earned will be donated to Freedom Inc.

If I can't come to this event, what can I do?

Commit to educating yourself about whiteness based on where you are at on your own racial justice journey. Ideas to consider: read Robin DiAngelo's book, White Fragility or So You Want To Talk About Race, by Ijeoma Oluo. Find a class online or a seminar or a conference to attend. Push past your comfort zone. Check with your local YWCA or the White Privilege Conference in March. Download Layla Saad's Me and White Supremacy Workbook (for free) and gather some friends together to go through the workbook together. Sign up for my free email series, Conversations about Race. Tune into the podcast Code Switch by NPR.

Read more.

Educate yourself.

Listen.

Discuss.

Journal.

Make it a priority.

Always be conscious of the people you are following, the music you are buying, the podcasts you are listening to, the books you are reading, the conversations you are having, the articles you are sharing, the beliefs you aren't challenging, the advice you are accepting, the words you are using, the professionals you are hiring, the clothes you are wearing, the thoughts you are thinking, the stereotypes you are speaking, the implicit biases you are influenced by, and the love in your heart.

Like Desiree says, we only get free together.

PS - If you’re in or around Madison, you can catch me at The Social Change Forum on February 28. The conversations will be rich, propulsive, and remarkable and I would LOVE to see you there! 

This isn’t about a bikini. But also? It’s kind of about a bikini.

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On Monday, I came across an image in my new pal Elizabeth Dialto’s Instagram feed. (You can hear us really MEET, heart to heart, here for the very first time late last year.) She snapped it on a beach in Condado, Puerto Rico and I’m sharing with her permission.

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"::GOALS::
I want to be rocking a juicy, bronze, leathery ass, swimming in the ocean and enjoying beaches with the love of my life when I’m old. Thank you and Amen 🙌🏼🧡🍑👵🏽👴🏽✨👏🏽👏🏽"

So good, right?

I had actually just finished up my woo-woo practice of setting intentions for the month to come.

Note to my readers who are not well-versed in the language of the woo: Monday was a new moon which is a super powerful time to plant the seeds of your desires. Like farmers used to (still?) do as the moon’s gravitational pull is strongest so the moisture comes up to the top of the soil... making it easier to plant said seeds. (Luscious metaphor, right?)

In any case, my intentions and desires had been cast, or, erm, planted. They were pretty work/business-specific interspersed with wishes for my family and beloveds and for my activism and learning. Which is all well and good. Of course.

But this image, E’s words, really stopped me. And I kept coming back to them. Over and over and over again.

Because yes.

That confidence.

That sense of play.

When all is said and done, that’s what I want. A life well-lived, enjoyed, and relished.

That’s a lot of meaning in that there Brazilian bikini.

And I noticed as I went about my evening, roasted the chicken, went to the gym with my family, then flopped out on the couch to continue our Parks and Recreation marathon that I kept having this one thought:

How old would I need to be to have the confidence to strut in that bikini?

(Like I said. This isn’t about a bikini. But also? It’s kind of about a bikini.)

Interestingly, in the nine-month program I am leading (The Starring Role Academy), we are currently trying on the different ROLES that we want to step into... the ones that will really rankle the Impostor Complex so that we can learn the process to overcome it time and time again. And the metaphor we use is that we are “trying ON the Roles." You know… like a gown or a suit or an armour. Feeling where it’s a stretch. Or too tight. Or just right.

So that’s what I’ve been speaking into as folx are struggling with the hems of “Leader” or the cut of “CEO." We want things to fit immediately, but we need to move around in them some to see how they’ll work with our actual lives.

And I found myself saying these words:

“I can try on a bodycon dress and not be ready to walk out the door and stop traffic in it. YET. But if I like how it fits and like how it feels, even though it won't work with me when I am on stage or visiting a sick friend on her farm, I can imagine a time that I know that I am CAPABLE of wearing said bodycon dress that stops traffic... and that may be enough for the moment. Because in time, it ceases being about the dress, and becomes only about the confidence to wear whatever the hell we damned well please.”

And that’s it, right?

The confidence to wear whatever we damned well please.

End metaphor.

Because it’s also about having the confidence to step into, eat, create, ask for, name, claim, lobby for whatever we damned well please.

Is it going to feel weird the first time the sun hits your butt cheeks? Or the first time you say no to her? Or the first time you bring social activism into your classroom?

Of course it is.

But I guarantee there is no magical age that unlocks that confidence.

Buy the bikini.

Ask for the work.

Tell the truth.

NOW.

And then strut like you mean it.

I know I will.


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Don’t you love learning how things work? I do too.

Which is why I broke down HOW the Impostor Complex works.

How it tried to keep us alone and isolatedHow it tries to have us doubt our capacity. And how it tries to keep us out of action. I also wrote about how Following Through is inextricably linked to Integrity. (Which is inextricably linked to Unshakeable Confidence. See how this all works?)

AND... I want you to know that my brilliant friend Vanessa Mentor’s new digital home is alive and well and is an exquisite offering to Living Unrestrained. And so is she. In her words: “The feminine code of conduct is a set of predefined cultural and societal rules, demands, and expectations (rooted in Patriarchy and Colonialism) on what’s appropriate and good for women.” Find her work here.

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I had a blast talking with Brittany on the Classy on the Outside podcast. This conversation was really all about gathering your people.

And Naomi of The Lifestyle Edit and I got deep into the lies of the Impostor Complex.

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Did you know that Dolly Parton turned down Elvis Presley’s ask to record "I Will Always Love You" because he insisted on 50% of the publishing rights? *swoon*

Dolly is my model of shining bright in her badassery. Then as now. (I wonder if she wears a bikini.)

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Flowers. I am celebrating all the flowers.

And friends who remind me that I have them on speed dial.

The beauty astounds.

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142,000 words on January 22.

Today’s count?
181,833

But the best words I wrote this week were these:
“Stop hoarding your good shit.”

Just...stop. Commit. Follow through. We are waiting.

Something's old, something's new in this Friday Finale

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Tired of all the New Year hype and energy yet? Me too. AND me neither.

Both, and.

Just the way we roll around here.

Tired of it because as we say in French, plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.

Oui. Certes.

But there is a way in which things get a little sharper after the softness of the holiday season. An ascetic quality that strips things back to their essentials that I find both bracing and entirely welcome. For ME. This year.

Both, and.

I’m taking a hard look at numbers. All of them - knowing that they do not define me.

I’m taking a hard look at what works. (A lot.) And getting honest about what doesn’t. (A lot.) Calibrating from there.

I could tell you about the clearing and deepening and softening into more devotional spaces in my life, business, relationships, body, and body of work that I’m doing, but I’m not ready to do so yet because I haven’t shown myself yet the full complement of what I’m capable of. At least, not for what I’ve got my eye on.

But I will. As I do.

In doing some of the tinkering that January has asked of me, I am revamping, ever so slightly, this Friday Finale.

You can continue to expect a letter from me. But the subsections will be shifting some.

Debuting will contain new and noteworthy things that I have created or others have created that I think you ought to know about.

Starring will let you know where I’ve been and what stages you might find me on. INCLUDING weekly Facebook Lives happening on Wednesdays at noon EST. (Make sure you’re connected with me there to hop in and get your Q’s A’d.)

Celebration continues to be celebration. Pure, simple, unadulterated celebration. Of life, of a good tomato, of a win, or of a life-shifting conversation. All if it.

In the Spotlight will shine the light on folx I feel are the embodiment of having stepped into their Starring Roles. Whether I know them or not. Because honestly... don’t we all need a little more of that kind of inspiration?

And finally, because so many of you have been asking for this, I give you:

Backstage which will be all about the progress that I’m making on my book. Snippets for those of you who have wanted to get your eyes on the words that are slowly but surely finding their way into book form this year... THIS YEAR. You heard me? I know I did. It’s ON.

Whether you adhere to January’s austerity or bow to your own process, I sense that you are doing your own clearing, clarifying, and calibration.

Go gently and go strong.

Both, and.


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I heard from a LOT of people after the launch of the 2019 Starring Role Academy that they were interested in the deep work, but NOT in the group/community aspect that the program offers. Here’s to knowing what works best for YOU! If you fall in that camp and really want to work with me on your leadership plans for 2019, or your business mapping, or, or, or, then consider a Star Tipping Intensive with me. Due to the “intensive” (heh) nature, I can only offer a limited number per quarter and I have only three left in February. Annnnnnnd, the price is going up in June. Want details? Hit me up here.

This week, I broke down how the Impostor Complex wants us to go alone(If you didn’t get a chance to read it, here’s the upshot: don’t let it. Because it is an illusion that any of us need to go any of this alone.) Next week, I’ll be shining the light on the second objective of the Impostor Complex. The one that has you doubt your capacity. Like, when you downplay your successes and chalk them up to luck, fluke, or timing… you know the drill. Please forward this email to your friends to be sure to have them sign up to my list here.

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I am super excited to be speaking at the 2019 Social Change Forum hosted by Project Kinect in Madison, WI in February. The heart and thought and energy that Gregg Potter is pouring into this is palpable and I intend to BRING IT. Raise your hands up high where I can see them, my Wisconsin friends!

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I think a lot about Caroline McHugh’s quote in an exquisite and well-circulated article about the collective grief around Prince's death a couple of years back.

“[There] are individuals who managed to figure out the unique gift that the universe gave them when they incarnated, and they put that in the service of their goals…

And when we see these people, we invariably call them larger than life. Life is large, but most of us don’t take up nearly the space the universe intended for us. We take up this wee space ‘round our toes, which is why when you see somebody in the full flow of their humanity, it’s remarkable. They’re at least a foot bigger in every direction than normal human beings, and they shine, they gleam, they glow. It’s like they swallowed the moon.”

So this new section is devoted to the folx who look like they have swallowed the moon. Whether they have fully stepped into their Starring Roles, are living out their Brand of Joy, are staring down their Impostor Complex, or are embodying Unshakeable Confidence.

Here’s some level setting:

Oprah at the 2018 Golden Globes.

And Beyoncé at the MVA Awards.

Fare thee well, Mary Oliver. Thank you for your heart and your words and your brutal and exquisite honesty.

“To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.” - Mary Oliver, 9/10/1935 - 1/17/2019

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This is a passage of my book that I completed this week. It will be a dedication to someone who has influenced me and inspired me in the most quiet and powerful way.

On a long drive home from the east coast one August day not so very long ago, we were in that sweet and comfortable wordless space that comes from plenty of time spent together. Nothing needed to be said. Natalie Merchant crooned softly about River Phoenix as we coasted through the White Mountains in Vermont on our way back home to Canada.

Present to my current joy but with an eye on the year to come, my mind kept playing out what’s next in my business, turning over options and vetting my excitement level. Wondering when I’d FINALLY make time to write my book. This book.

We pulled into the teensiest border outpost I’ve ever seen. Out came the border guard from her hut that was on the passengers’ side. My side. A tiny black woman with close-cropped hair, and dancing eyes. She asked my husband, Greg the requisite questions about alcohol and purchases. He answered. She nodded, then tilted her head towards me and looked me straight in the eye. Something new appeared in her face. An unforgettable blend of curiosity and deep knowing. She asked me when my book would finally get written.

Dumbfounded, I sputtered that I hoped soon.

She said, I hope so too, Honey. The world needs it.

She then shook her head as if to break the spell, and waved us through.

Over the past years, as I wrote and fretted and sweated and edited, I’ve never forgotten that look on her face. Divinely guided. She knew. She just knew.

So, thank you, Vermont Border Guard. Thank you for listening to the Angels that whispered the words I needed to hear. I’m coming for you, this very book in my hand. I hope you’re a hugger.

Checking in on those Grief Strategies (Video)

In last week’s Friday Finale, I shared that this is a tricky number of days on the calendar.

And I’ve heard from scores of you that this has been true for you as well.

You’ve also shared the beautiful ways you have dealt with your griefs and I have been truly grateful. In fact, some of your ideas have found their way into MY ways of navigating the grief.

I’ve been stress-testing the strategies I mentioned in last week’s Friday Finale:

  • Forging new traditions.

  • Plans to review investment and philanthropic strategies.

  • Assembling the Cast.

  • Asking for what I need.

  • Focusing on more of more and less on less.

As I type this, it’s December 27. The day my Mom passed in 2004. And the day my father signed over Power of Attorney to me in 2017.

Tricky, to be sure.

Also physically tricky as I’ve sprained my middle finger (metaphor for much of 2018, perhaps.)

So I’ve opted to shoot you a video for my accountability check-in (run time: approximately 15 minutes).

As you release that which needs to be released from 2018 and welcome in the new of 2019, I wish you more of what you wish more of and less of what you wish less of. And invite you to pay attention to what is receiving the gift of said precious and finite attention.

I've got some big plans for 2019 that I can’t wait to share with you, so I’ll see you on the other side of 2018, mmkay?

I find it helpful…

I find it helpful to know somebody I think the world of somewhere is trying to get rid of an earworm.

I also find it helpful...

...to remember that most everyone is in denial about their current age.

...to listen to stories of barriers people that don’t look like me face so I can dial down my judgment and ramp up my resolve.

...to know that everyone gets interrupted by someone. And it is annoying, but it doesn’t mean as much as we make it out to mean.

...to remember that everyone needs comfort.

...to remember that the patriarchy wins when we spend time tearing ourselves and each other down...instead of the patriarchy. (Distinction ahoy: I’m not talking about calling in. I’m talking about tearing down.)

...to be reminded that there are no actual experts in anything but our own lives.

...to see that sometimes even when it feels right, it is still technically wrong. (Fifth clap in the Friends theme song, anyone?)

...to know that no matter how long I live, I will still find out stuff that I can’t believe I didn’t know. It’s true: You know more than you think and you will never know it all. Me too.

...to appreciate that there will be moments of grace found in the way the sun bathes an object with golden light so startling that you will be brought to your knees. No matter what thought preceded the moment.

...to remember that we are all cool kids in someone else’s eyes.

...to see that I have done incredible things. And I will continue to do so. As long as I keep showing up. And learning. And recalibrating. And staying open. And receiving the help. Because I sure as shit didn’t do any of it entirely alone.

...to keep coming back to the fact that our teachers and ancestors must to be acknowledged. Give thanks.

...to remember that I will not remember the worry in my heart that I was holding when I was on the couch and her feet were tucking into my knees...but I will remember the feeling of her feet in my knees.

...to remember there is a big difference between getting noticed and being seen.

...to know, really know, that self love is when we love ourselves...but self care is when we prove it.

...to see that We all assume the worst the best we can.

...to remember that I am not my thoughts. I am not my thoughts. I am not my thoughts. AND YET. Sometimes those thoughts are rooted in very real fears. So...both. And.

...to always keep in mind that no matter who they are, from Maya Angelou to John Lennon. From Lupita Nyong'o to Albert Einstein...if you’re up to amazing things, you WILL experience the Impostor Complex. And the only way through is some magical combination that only you can conjure of rooting into your capacity, meeting the critics, gathering your people and hours lived.