I get emails like this all the time.
Most days, in fact.
I'm in a challenge at the gym and we are supposed to be sharing images of our meals in the facebook group. And I've only posted once, because I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME.
Over and over I've joined online communities, FB groups, masterminds, etc. And I don't show up. I'm there, reading, perusing, commenting. But I can't make posts myself.
And I think it's because I don't want to take up space. I don't know what it is around that. Fear of not being liked or accepted? Maybe a little. Fear of making a typo and looking like an idiot, yeah a little. Not wanting to be vulnerable ever... Is this all the impostor complex? Even when it's about posting pictures of my meals?
Any insights here? Should I just freaking do the work?
You know how I responded, right?
OF COURSE YOU SHOULD JUST DO THE FREAKING WORK!
Nah. You know didn’t. Not my style.
What I did respond was this.
“There’s nothing wrong with you.
And yes, it's the Impostor Complex.
Not wanting to get it wrong, or maybe it's not about getting it wrong, but rather, not getting it "right".
And yes. It's the not wanting to take up space. Because, and here's me swinging out on a limb...you think you "already have it too good."
Your piece of the joy pie is too good. Too much. The family, the gorgeousness, the heart, the courage. You're the everything.
And on some level, that has been hard. You have maybe experienced the Tall Poppy Syndrome. People may have projected onto you, or told you how "easy" it is for you because (fill in the blanks) so you stay quiet.
You deserve a bigger piece of the pie. The whole damned pie.
Let them see your plate.
Be true, be you.
It is, you are, EVERYTHING.
If you tend to diminish, I wrote this for you. Pie ‘n all.
If you compare, have leaky boundaries, procrastinate or are a perfectionist, hold tight. Your articles are coming up in the next couple of weeks.
I believe in us. And the work we’re here to do.
And speaking of diminishment, I contributed to this article about confidence and body language. Once again, I challenged the notion of “fake it ‘til you make it” as an enduring strategy. Because it isn’t. Know what is? Rooting in and embodying what is real and authentic about your talents, skills and excellence. You don’t need to fake a THING. I’m right about this.
My beloved friend and cherished teacher, Desiree Adaway, will be hosting the Whiteness at Work Webinar on Thursday, May 23rd 2pm ET.
I’ll be joining this free call as we look at how white supremacy culture manifest in our work places.
We’ll be diving into (in her words):
Organizational characteristics that mimic and reinforce white supremacy culture and how those impact everything from hiring, to flex work policies to culture at-large.
How resistance to new ways of thinking and equity and inclusion work further underpin and perpetuate toxic norms.
How to begin naming these characteristics and norms and ways to mitigate them.
I don’t work in an organization...but this is some pretty vital information for all of us who take our whiteness with us wherever we go. And for me, I want to start as I mean to go and BUILD my business with integrity into the organization I’ve been dreaming of.
Last week, I did a photo shoot in my home with two of my dearest friends. Victoria Dixon has been a beloved of mine since our kids were toddlers. She also makes me look pretty spectacular as she is a leading makeup artist here in Canada. Aggie Armstrong is a brilliant photographer, artist and is my Creative Director. So it was a spectacular time. With more days like that to come. But one of the millions of things I loved about this day, truly one of my favourites, was knowing that my kid was upstairs snoozing while sick, and listening to us sing and hoot and laugh and even cry a little. She was reminded, again, what it means to be like in a relationship with other powerful women, what it means to lift each other up, what it means to have a hell of a lot of fun doing work you love, and what it looks like to not be even a little bit “ladylike”. And that to me is something worth celebrating.
Ready to name your Imposter Complex and Step Into Your Starring Role?
Enter your information here to receive the (mostly) weekly Friday Finale from me in your inbox, and my gift to you, Imposter Complex 101: Four short videos to prompt you to think more deeply and clearly about how the Imposter Complex wants to keep you playing small—and how you can fight back.