Your people
When you fully step into the starring role of your life, start sharing the full expression of who you are and the important work you’re creating, lots of magical things start to happen. It’s inevitable.
What’s also inevitable is that some people in your life may not really understand it. And, this will likely sting a bit. No matter how self-possessed and assured we are, it will matter, even as we know it “shouldn’t”. It just does.
Your work will be in being okay with it.
They just don’t get THIS PART of you. I know how huge this part of you is. How transformative and important your work is. And how it could, quite possibly, change the world for the better. But they don’t get it.
And there’s a spectrum of not-gettingness.
There’s the “I want to get this and support you, but I don’t get it”.
Then there’s the “I don’t really get this, nor do I need to ‘cause you SEEM to have a good handle on it, so I’m not going to bother.”
And finally there’s the “I don’t get this, and never will get this and think you’re a lunatic for wasting your life in this way. And I’m going to tell you so, liberally, frequently and with derision”.
You get to choose how you want to be with these people.
You may decide to be patient with them, recognizing that you’ve been preparing for this role your whole life. They haven’t caught up. Yet.
You may decide to change their minds. You may decide to confront them and filibuster for their support.
You may decide to call them out for their derision. You may decide that this latest display of disrespect is the last in a long history of sucking your energy dry and to let them go.
However you deal with these folks, remember one final inevitability that WILL occur as you step into the starring role of your life and do your important work:
The people that GET it will show up. They are your fans, your champions and your new source of inspiration and motivation.
A couple of weeks ago, I had challenging conversations with two different people in my personal realm about my life’s work as a coach. Both conversations left me feeling isolated, a little bewildered, and admittedly, pissed off. That my work was so misunderstood, seemingly irrelevant and trivial. And then, I came back to read this post about the value of coaching from one of my beloved clients, wherein she states:
I could have named this article “Top Ten Reasons I Love Tanya Geisler.”
Validation. Blissful, important validation. Right or wrong, it felt fabulous. And it reminded me, of course, how I am indeed on the right path.
And it made me grateful. To the champions in my life. Of which I am blessed to have many.
And gratitude made way for more gratitude. As I allowed my irritation to get swept away by Dara’s generous kindness, I discovered that I was feeling grateful to the people in my life for showing up where they are, and for serving as models for how I want to treat (or not treat others) others as THEY step into the starring roles of their lives. To be more curious about other people’s work. I may not always be as sensitive as I like to hold myself. And I will continue, patiently, down that path myself.
PS – I want to take this chance to thank the courageous and gorgeous souls who entered my “Step into Your Starring Role” project. The winner of the Swag Bag of Magnificence, Magnified will be announced this Friday, July 29th 3p EDT. And if you didn’t enter the contest for your own reasons, know that you are held and championed here. Life’s a production. A grand one. Go ahead, star.
THANK YOU for writing this post, Tanya. They were JUST the words I needed to read.
Thrilled it resonated…and gave you what you needed in that moment. XO
Beautiful, Tanya! And I loved that post by Dara, too….loved that you were the star! You’ve become important in my world and important to my next project (I so hope you’ll participate!) and I think of you daily with a smile.
Sending butterflies. They love you nearly as much as I do.
Hugs, too
~T~
What warmth and generosity. Thank you. We are so each others’ people. And you can count on me to cheer you and your next project on. From near and far. XO
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You’re the reason I’ve made such quick, long-awaited and wonderful changes in my life Tanya!!
It’s a constant reminder when pushing ourselves beyond our limitations.
You have an incredible gift!
And thank you so much for this post
Let’s be clear, Wonderful Sri…YOU’RE the reason you made the changes. I was happy to bear witness and point out your truth. XO
You speak with such conviction and clarity about what you do — and exude such JOY when you’re doing it — it’s hard to understand how anyone wouldn’t “get it”!
Thanks for this reminder that people “not getting” is more about their own journey than it is about mine. A lesson I am slowly learning …
There’s nothing slow about process. And am thrilled this serves as a valuable reminder, Dear One. XO
Thanks Tanya. I’m in the place where people “don’t get it” and it makes me revert to toe-curling type BUT this has give me the prompt to throw back my shoulders and keep going!! x
Keep going, Honey. The world needs you committed to living your best life and cheering others in the same. Oh yes we do.
Oh darling, do I ever know these people.. !
I’ve found that when people close to me don’t get me and try to tell me to “get a job” so THEY feel secure, it’s their schtick. Theirs. I’ve put my fingers in my ears a few times, yes I have. And the rest of the time? A virtual finger! HA!
You’re my people and I’m yours
And we’re fine people in fine company. Thank you, Lovely T-T. XO
I saw this on my twitter feed yesterday and waited till it was quiet and I could absorb it..I knew it would be good and it was. I nodded like I was talking with a friend. The “spectrum of not-gettingness” is brilliant and huge “yes” on the choices on how to respond. As I step into my role and see the blank stares…the minds searching for a template or a box that my work fits into…I have learned to let go because if I didn’t, I wanted to create a box by the over-explaining could be summed up as…”See I fit here.” The thing is, I don’t want a box and so in some ways, the blank look lets me know, I’m on the right track baby! It’s not always easy to be comfortable in that undefined space, but it’s where I fit. Thank you for this amazingly articulated truth!
Yup..I kinda feel like you ARE talking to an old friend. Just be that glorious model of non-boxness for all the blank starers of the world..and the rest of us. That undefined space looks mighty fine on you…and oh, the BREATHING room! So expansive. XO
Thank you. I’m currently in the process of letting go of the people who Don’t Get It (or if not them, their opinions), and my right people are just now starting to appear, so it gets a bit lonely round these parts. I’ve heard this before, but I need to hear it again.
Try this on: treat the quiet like the calm before the storm. Your right people will come a-flooding. The trick then may be to protect your time and reclaim the quiet. All good, and all coming your way.
That’s a really good way to look at it, thank you. I’m currently giving myself a bit of a brain vacation before a big business push, so I should take advantage of the quiet while I still have it in both respects!
Such a great read! So thankful to be a part of this tribe. Whoever gets it… great. Whoever doesn’t… also great. I learned long ago that I wasn’t going to try to “sell” people on me or my mission. I always figured that if they gravitated to me… sweet, they’re my peeps. It’s kinda that simple.
Sing it, Sister Amy!
The “Spectrum of Not-Gettingness” would be very helpful to screen potential partners too! Somehow, when it comes to the person we’re dating, we overlook this part. The intellect may be there, the sex is great, and he likes your dog – BUT IF HE DOESN’T GET YOU, let it go. My last ex fell somewhere in between “I don’t get it but you seem to so I’m not going to bother” and open scoffing and pointed negativity about my coaching. I should’ve gracefully ended the relationship there. I spent the next few months defending my life/work and trying to convince him to value it too. No surprise, the relationship didn’t work. I know better now
Yes. Indeed you do. THANK YOU, so much, for sharing. “If he doesn’t get you, let it go”. Oh yes.
I found my way to this post through KOM andI want to let you know that I am so glad I did. A lot of people in my life right now are confused and maybe even a little scared by the changes I have been making in reconnect to myself and my creativity and I haven’t been sure how to handle that. Your beautiful words have given me hope that I can navigate these waters and come out with all as it should be. You now have a new reader for sure.
Wonderful to have you here, Shel. Thanks for waving hello. And yes. You are in good company and will indeed navigate these waters. You will find them thrilling at times, cooling other times, and always refreshing. XO
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