When Martha Stewart laughed off a question about experiencing imposter syndrome, it sparked a wave of reactions. I’ve had dozens of people (and counting) send me the clip—some inspired, some annoyed, some just… puzzled.

For many folks, her laugh was aspirational—a woman so self-assured, she doesn’t waste time second-guessing herself. Fantastic! For others, it was a clear sign of privilege: the kind that allows someone to move through the world without ever questioning their place, finding the very idea of doubt absurd.

FWIW: I loved the Martha Stewart documentary. I appreciate the way she is exactly who she says she is. Authenticity is compelling, and there’s something undeniably magnetic about her confidence. (And I will never use a small knife to cut an orange, if I ever did.)

But laughing at the Imposter Syndrome? Feels complicated.

Because for most trailblazers, the Imposter Complex (IC) is real. And yet, it’s deeply misunderstood, misused, and the way we talk about it can be weaponized in all manners of ways that leave people—especially women and systemically excluded leaders—out of action and questioning their worth…which is what the IC is already trying to do.

The Difference Between Underestimated and Overestimated

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and again: being in spaces where your competence is underestimated is not the same as feeling like your competence has been overestimated.

When you stop short of raising your hand and challenging the status quo because the institutional groundcover to support you isn’t there, that’s not a “play bigger, stop diminishing” problem or an IC problem. That’s a “this-system-isn’t-designed-for-me” problem.

And feeling like you don’t belong is worlds apart from being told you don’t belong.

But here’s the thing: the IC doesn’t ask about context. It doesn’t care whether your doubts come from systemic barriers or internal struggles. It just whispers, “You don’t belong here,” leaving you questioning your worth. And that’s why it’s so damaging—it isolates, invalidates, and keeps trailblazers out of action, even when their competence is beyond question.

And this is why we need tools.

The Dunning-Kruger Effect and Trailblazers: A Tale of Two Extremes

The clip of Martha captured momentum just as cabinet appointments in the US fill with individuals who are largely glaringly unqualified, making it impossible to ignore the stark contrast between the Dunning-Kruger effect and the Imposter Complex.

On one side, we see people emboldened by systems designed to cushion their falls, confidently overestimating their competence. On the other, trailblazers—overprepared, undervalued, and constantly second-guessing their place in the room—must navigate spaces that weren’t built for them.

For women, systemically excluded folks, and anyone breaking barriers, this isn’t a theoretical divide—it’s lived. And it’s exhausting.

The PMS Parallel: Diminished and Weaponized

When folks are told, “Oh, you just have imposter syndrome,” but the reality is that they’re being underestimated, it’s beyond infuriating. It’s reductive. It’s gaslighting. It’s like telling a woman who has the audacity to not smile because she’s over it, “You must have PMS.” It’s insulting. It’s a huge NOPE.

We know better. But knowing better doesn’t erase the existence of PMS—or the Imposter Complex. Both are real experiences. They might not be an actual issue for the accused in that moment, but denying that they exist at all isn’t the answer either.

The IC already isolates and invalidates. It keeps trailblazers out of action and doubting their worth. Dismissing its existence doesn’t solve the problem—it amplifies it.

I Feel Fear. I Should Feel Fear.

Fear is an instrument of evolution—and so too is the Imposter Complex. When I hear someone say they laugh in the face of fear, it doesn’t inspire me. It just makes me feel like I’m getting one more thing wrong.

Every time I take the stage, I feel the fear that THIS is the time I fall flat on my face. THIS is the time they find out I’m not supposed to be here.

And so, I remember the words of Viola Davis in an interview after she won an Oscar: "I still feel like when I walk on the set, I'm starting from scratch, until I realize, 'OK, I do know what I'm doing. I'm human.'" Her words embolden me, reminding me that even icons feel the weight of doubt—but they press on, grounded in their humanity and their craft.

And then I step into the spotlight, and I give it all I have because the audience deserves nothing less.

Feeling fear isn’t failure. It’s intended to keep you safe. The IC is no different. It shows up when you’re about to do bold, audacious work—work that challenges you to grow. And it’s not a fan of that. Learning to work with it, rather than against it, is the work I teach.

Reframing the IC as the Trailblazers’ Complex

That’s also why I call it the Trailblazers’ Complex. It’s not a symptom of inadequacy—it’s a sign of growth. It shows up when you’re leading in spaces that weren’t necessarily designed for you, challenging the status quo, and paving the way for others to follow.

Trailblazers are the ones willing to go first. They’re the ones breaking down walls, questioning norms, and daring to create something entirely new. That kind of boldness doesn’t come without resistance—both from within and from the world around you.

The Way Forward

Martha Stewart laughed. Maybe she’s never felt the Imposter Complex. Maybe she’s always had the confidence to walk into every room and own it. That’s her story. I love that for her.

But for most of us—especially those carving new paths—the IC is real. And if we allow it to be, it will simply be a signal that we’re stepping into the unknown, blazing trails where few have dared to go.

Here’s what to do when it shows up:

• Pause. Recognize that doubt is part of the process.

• Take the bold steps forward anyway.

• Name it for what it is: a signal of expansion.

This experience doesn’t mean you’re not ready—it means you’re on the edge of something extraordinary. Something like everything.

So: name it. Deal with it. And then keep going, icons.

This is your moment.

And yes, it’s a good thing.

(If you’ve been reading my work for a while and already know how I see the Imposter Complex, feel free to head to start reading this at “Introducing, the Trailblazer's Complex.)

I recently had the incredible good fortune to speak with a group of powerful mavens in the Venture Capital industry. These women are devoted to finding, backing and building category-busting companies that reflect changing demographics, including aging, the rising economic power of women, the shift towards the global majority, and innovative healthcare solutions. Disruptors, through and through.

And? They operate in an industry still overwhelmingly dominated by men.

The stats are pretty grim:

• Only 12% of decision makers at VC firms are women.

• Only 2.4% are founding partners at VC firms.

• Women-led startups received just 2.3% of VC funding in 2020, and of 120 new unicorns (a grade A big deal) in that year, only 10 were female-led. (Source: Crunchbase)

• Women hold just 10% of executive-level positions at tech companies globally.

• The 2023 Midas List of 100 founders featured only 11 women, the same as in 2022 (with ONE Black founder).

Like I said…grim.

So it stands to reason, the Imposter Complex (or Imposter Syndrome as most people call it) can be UP for some of these women. You know, that sneaky, undermining voice that whispers, "Who do you think you are?" That nagging doubt that convinces you you're not enough, despite all evidence to the contrary. And yet, there they all were, rising to the top.

In short, it was a group of women who have both experienced their fair share of Imposter Complex and are also paradoxically somewhat “over it.”

Because for many women, the “diagnosis” of the Imposter Complex is simply yet another misogynistic scheme designed to slow down women’s progress, as author, founder, and activist Reshma Saujani argues in her ubiquitous address to Smith College about “bicycle face”.

I get it. And I also get why it’s up.

As I’ve said before, the global self-development industry is worth $44 billion as of 2022.

That is a lot of money invested in making people feel like crap about themselves and like they need to be fixed (think diet industry but for confidence). I also want to acknowledge that I work and operate INSIDE of this industry. 

AND I see how it’s deeply problematic. 

I see the gaslighting, the reductiveness, the toxic positivity, and the manipulative and often predatory practices that can run rampant in the race for a slice of that $44 billion pie.

And I’m most assuredly not alone here.

Australian scholar and critic Rebecca Harkins-Cross writes: “Capitalism needs us all to feel like impostors, because feeling like an impostor ensures we’ll strive for endless progress: work harder, make more money, try to be better than our former selves and the people around us.”

All true.

And?

When us are in the thick of the Imposter Complex experience, it will take us out of action, have us doubt our capacity and keep us alone and isolated.

I’m less interested in TELLING folks what they are experiencing and far more interested in helping them when they find their experience is inhibiting their activation.

One of the other things that I have said for a very, very long time is that the experience of feeling like an imposter comes with some good news. 

1. It means that you hold strong values of excellence, proficiency, and integrity.

2. It means that what you are doing MATTERS. For instance, I feel no IC in my yoga practice, my painting, my gardening, because those activities do not represent what matters most to me. Unlike my parenting, coaching, writing, and speaking…then it is UP. 

3. It means that you are venturing into the unknown…at the precipice of your expansion.

4. And if I’m interested in living a life well-lived (which I am), the appearance of the IC has become a beacon signaling the arrival of something that I want…and something that I want to make happen.

But I have come to understand that not everyone holds the same perspective. And that language matters. So if the issue is in the imposter language, maybe it’s time to find language that more accurately reflects the experience.

Maybe it’s time to stop focusing on the fears and doubts and instead lean into the bravery, the innovation, and the path-breaking spirit that is the precursor to said doubt.
Maybe it’s time to claim the real real of what’s happening.
Maybe it’s time to call it something else.

Introducing, the Trailblazer's Complex.

Can you feel that energetic shift? Me too. Here's why.

First Out of the Gate

When you're a trailblazer, you're the first one out of the gate. You're charting new territory, exploring uncharted waters, and setting new standards. This can be both exhilarating and terrifying. But this is precisely what makes trailblazers ICONIC. They dare to go where no one has gone before.

Think of every last icon you admire. Oprah, Malala, AOC. They didn't wait for a road map; they created their own.

Ada Lovelace envisioned capabilities for computers that wouldn’t be realized for over a century, writing the first algorithm intended for a machine. She famously said: “That brain of mine is something more than merely mortal, as time will show.” And it DID.

Misunderstood Brilliance

As a trailblazer, not everyone will understand what you're doing. Your ideas might seem too radical, too ahead of their time. Almost by design, trailblazers out ahead of the pack often face skepticism and resistance. 

To the old guard and upholders of the status quo, your new perspectives, new ideas, new energy, and new approaches applied to old problems can feel like a threat. 

And not everyone’s gonna like it.

Every great innovator faced naysayers. Your job is to stay true to your vision, knowing that what seems obscure today may well become the new standard tomorrow.

And now is a good time to sidebar and acknowledge that this becomes exacerbated when trailblazers belong to groups that have been overlooked, underestimated, and systemically excluded. Women, people of colour, neurodivergent folks, members of the LGBTQIA+ community…you know what I’m talking about.

Alan Turing made significant contributions to the development of theoretical computer science and artificial intelligence. Despite his crucial work during World War II, the rampant homophobic discrimination and oppression he faced prevented him from receiving full recognition during his lifetime. (And worse.) “Sometimes it is the people no one can imagine anything of who do the things no one can imagine.”

Facing the Fear

Of course, the fear and self-doubt that we know as the Imposter Complex will still rear its head. It will tell you that you're not ready, that you lack the capacity, that you’re alone in your struggles. This fear is part of the Trailblazer’s deal. But make no mistake—it's not a stop sign; it's a signpost that you're moving in the right direction.

Amelia Earhart was clearly a trailblazer in aviation. In a time when female pilots were rare, her solo trans-Atlantic flight challenged gender norms and inspired countless women to pursue their dreams. “The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do.”

Following the ICONIC Path

For the most part, and with one notable exception, trailblazers don’t follow paths—they make them. And in doing so, they become unforgettable. You're not just participating in the world; you're shaping it. This is what it means to be ICONIC. Your courage to take the first step, despite the doubts and fears, is what sets you apart.

But time for that one notable exception. The ONE path for trailblazers to follow…if they want an easier journey, that is. It’s the ICONIC path…and it’s more of a framework than a path but it’s designed for trailblazers and it’s my life’s work.

• Identity: You’re going to need to see yourself as the trailblazer you are. Full stop…or rather, full start.

• Confront Critics: Address both external critics and your internal doubts. Understand their nature, and then engineer solutions to move past them. Rachel Carson faced significant opposition when she raised awareness about the dangers of pesticides through her book "Silent Spring," sparking the modern environmental movement and leading to policy changes. And yet, she persisted.

• Optimize your Authority: Reflect on your achievements. Reflect on all that you have done and won and healed and survived and use this proof as scaffolding for the next and the next.

• Network: Every trailblazer knows they were never intended to go it alone. Surrounding yourself with like-minded folks is the solve for the challenges inherent in this trailblazing life.

• Implement Actions: You’ll need to take the next step and the next step and the next step if you’re going to blaze the trail. Action builds confidence…it’s not the other way around.

• Celebrate: This may well be the trickiest step in every trailblazer's journey…because their driving spirit has a hard time knowing when enough is enough. And yet, it is vital for integrating the hard work, decisions, tenacity, and conditioning us for more of what we say we want. So yeah…don’t sleep on the celebration.

Onward

Moving from the Imposter Complex to the Trailblazer's Complex is not just a semantic shift. It’s about seeing your distinct journey for what it truly is—a courageous path of innovation, meaning and purpose. Solving for the seemingly unsolvable. 

It’s about remembering all the times you stood here, at the precipice of your expansion, jumped or forged ahead, and discovered the party was on the other side of the resistance.

So, the next time you feel that familiar pang of self-doubt, remind yourself: 

You're not an imposter.
You're a trailblazer.
What you’re doing matters.
You’ve just never been here before…in fact, few have.

The world needs more of your fearless innovation. AND…you’ve been called forward. So you best answer the call. Because it’s just for you.

Blaze on.

Click below to discover your ICONIC Identity:

Let’s begin with a very simple premise: If we can’t see ourselves as a person capable of doing the thing, we aren’t likely to do the thing.

We just aren’t.

Like I wrote in this article:

Oprah had to envision herself at the helm of her own network before it became a reality. Mel Robbins embraced her potential to host a groundbreaking podcast before it topped the charts. Malala Yousafzai saw herself as a catalyst for change before she was recognized as a Nobel Peace Prize laureate and a global advocate for education.

From business mogul to social justice warrior to pop culture icons, they had to see themselves as the person CAPABLE of their incredible feats first.

And of course, the moment we try to see ourselves in this upleveled version, the Imposter Complex will show up.

Who do you think you are, it will sneer.

The Imposter Complex (and here’s why I don’t say “Imposter Syndrome”) is dead set on three objectives:

1. Trying to keep you out of action.

2. Having you doubt your capacity.

3. And keeping you alone and isolated.
   

In response to the experience, we may try to protect ourselves by hiding out in certain (conditioned) behaviours: procrastination, diminishment, comparison, leaky boundaries, people-pleasing, and perfectionism.

We’ll diminish our vision of ourselves.
We’ll compare it to others’.
We’ll tell ourselves we can’t do the thing until we’ve done all the other things.

(You get the idea.)

And? We’ll make ourselves wrong for colluding with those behaviours.

Why wouldn’t we?

Everywhere we look, we’re told to “stop people-pleasing!”. “STOP comparing yourself to everyone else!”

As if it were that easy.
As if there wasn’t some deep conditioning.
As if there weren’t really excellent reasons for doing so…like safety. Like a trauma response.

The self-development space is a $44 billion industry (as of 2022 - source: Grandview Research). That’s a LOT of money riding on making people feel like shit about themselves.

So I want to do something different here.

Consider:

> What if those learned, conditioned and ingrained behaviours (i.e. the coping mechanisms) pointed towards something else…like our leadership edge?
> What if they illuminated a deep and abiding value that is beautiful and generative?
> What if they helped us to see ourselves in a more optimal (and congruent) light?
> What if they were clues to the ICONIC Identity I know we all hold?

I’d say that’s worthy of exploration.

If you haven’t yet done so, I highly recommend you take the ICONIC Identity quiz.  And if it’s been a while, do it again.

(A note on this….we are never only one thing…and if you’ve taken the quiz more than once, you may have had different results. That tracks. 95% of the time, I am a Host. But the CEO shows up from time to time to…exactly when I need her.)

Already know your ICONIC Identity? Then let’s dive in.

The CEO: The High Standard Bearer

The CEO embodies excellence incarnate. Pure and simple.

If you have the ICONIC Identity of CEO, this means you have an extraordinarily strong value of impeccability and deeply yearn for proficiency in all matters that matter.

Just like Beyoncé and Steve Jobs, you operate at a very high level and hold yourself and your work to the highest of standards.

Which is fabulous...until it isn’t.

Because this desire for excellence can tip over into perfectionism quite easily. And perfectionism can be an exhausting tyrant.

Say you’re invited to speak at your industry’s national conference. Your natural and innate desire to do an excellent job and honour your hosts and the attending guests is serving you well. That professionalism is in fact what won you the invitation in the first place. But, on some level, you may feel like a fraud. And so, to prove your “worth” you dig in with over-preparing, refining, polishing, perfecting. You try to learn EVERYTHING (and I mean EVERYTHING) about the subject matter lest anyone find you out. It’s never enough. You may even consider canceling. You become anxious and exhausted and it’s all too much.

And in truth? You don’t feel like you’ll ever be able to do a good enough job. But you push through and finally get on that stage. You do a good job. A FINE job. But not a perfect job… How could you? A) There is no such thing. B) Your stressing and sweating and fretting was showing. You see the other speakers - they seem so calm, so poised. And then you think: a-HA! They are the real pros. Me? If I were a real pro I wouldn’t have had to work so damned hard to just pull off “fine”.

Exhausting, right?

This is why working with the CEO identity will be powerful for you.

• CEOs ship even if they don’t feel 100% ready...they know they are READY ENOUGH.

• CEOs know that perfectionism stifles creativity and innovation.

• CEOs know that places of imperfection are brilliant opportunities to iterate and do better.

• CEOs know they can’t go it alone and must get support (in fact, that’s why they hire the best and brightest for their organizations).

The Healer: The Generous Spirit

As The Healer, you are a study in generosity. You give what you have and your kindness and magnanimity make the world go round.

Like the ancient Roman Healer Fabiola, or the Mother Theresas and Princess Dianas of the world, you share your resources, your time, and your energy with care and thoughtfulness for the greatest good. 

While it’s true that generous people have more to give, even more true is that resourced people have more to give. And so it’s important that you keep your own resources intact. If you don’t attend to your resources, you may find yourself resentful at best, and burnt out at worst.

Said more plainly: You have an abundance of resources...but not infinite. You have an abundance of capacity...but not infinite.

And this generous tendency to put everyone else’s needs ahead of your own can look a LOT like leaky boundaries,

Listen, generosity is a beautiful thing. And so are boundaries. And when we allow them to become leaky, we tend to do things out of obligation, we tend to overshare information about ourselves, and we tend to give greater weight to others’ opinions over our own. In short, it’s hard to tell where we end and someone else begins.

This is especially dangerous for coaches, service providers, and entrepreneurs, because it leads to co-dependent clients, scope creep, and resentment.

The good news is, by respecting your own boundaries, you also teach others to respect them. AND you embody a kind of integrity that is irresistibly magnetic, while creating the kind of impact you yearn to create in your business, vocation and leadership. And STILL be deeply generous.

You will need to remember:

• To include yourself in your own circle of care.

• That just because you CAN, doesn’t mean you must.

• That sometimes you need to say NO so that your YESes have greater meaning.

• By respecting your own boundaries, you also teach others to respect them. AND you embody a kind of integrity that is irresistibly magnetic.

The Host: The Ultimate Convener

You are The Host with the most…heart, that is.

You are deeply relational and gather people with ease and attend to their needs with style, and flare and care. People LOVE being around you...and why wouldn’t they? Your ICONIC identity is, by definition, a crowd-pleaser!

Just like Padma Lakshmi and RuPaul, you are a study in grace and inclusivity. Everyone is welcome at your table, you bring out the best in everyone and set them at ease. You know everyone’s preferred beverage and have an epic playlist that everyone will love.

But sometimes, you find yourself missing OUT on the party and the conversations yourself because you are stuck in the (metaphorical) kitchen serving out the hors d’oeuvres, and freshening up said drinks.

This tendency, when not attended to, can look a LOT like people-pleasing.

People-pleasing is about trying to smooth the way forward by making sure people like you and that you fit in and relate well with others. Not a bad thing per se, but when it goes unchecked, you can see how it has stopped you from carrying out your big and brave work in the world. And also maybe you can see all the places that you have stopped short of calling your team or clients forth.

It can keep you hustling for worthiness, can keep you from your best self, and can inhibit your ability to create the kind of impact you yearn to create in your business, vocation and leadership.

Because in the quest to be liked, you tend to forget that you are deserving of a seat at the table. It wasn’t just handed to you. And when they say you’ve done an amazing job? No. They’re not just being nice.

So don’t forget:

• That your place is IN the party.

• That they have come to see and be with YOU.

• That YOU matter for who you are and not just for how you make people feel.

• That caretaking is not your job.

• And you most certainly must NOT water down your magic to make others more comfortable.

(I’m right about this...this has been MY area of growth for some time.)

The Maven: The Insightful Connector

As The Maven, you are deeply tuned into what’s going on around you and beyond.

You have a keen eye and sense of what’s what. You know the best people. You see and have the best ideas.

Think Oprah and her discerning eye and ability to connect the best of the best with the best of the best. 

That’s you. The Seer. The Connector.

This tendency CAN mean that you might over-identify with what’s going on “out there”...and less with what’s in your own inner landscape.

It can also mean that in shadow, there might be some projection and judgment about others that keeps you from moving forward on what you say you want.

And you may find that you get stuck in a comparison loop that can be hard to extricate yourself from.

Comparison stems from your desire to discern how you are stacking up against others. In life, business...all of it. It’s not a problem per se...in fact comparison is a very important teacher, AND I suspect you can also see how it may be keeping you from swinging out and bringing your best work out into the world.

The trouble with the comparison habit is that you get stuck comparing your blooper reel with others’ highlight reels. It’s not fair to either of you – and it’s definitely not helping you to lead with the ICONIC Impact you are here to create.

So don’t forget:

• Comparison is an important teacher...but so is your own inner knowing.

• You ALSO have brilliant ideas and concepts that are worthy of being received.

• How others have said or done a thing matters...but YOUR people want to hear and see the way YOU will say or do the thing.

• Be reasonable and offer grace when you are comparing yourself to someone else. (Said another way: don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.)

The Sage: The Thoughtful Deliberator

As The Sage, discernment is your superpower.

When folks are busy barrelling forward, you use that power to vet context and you appreciate the intricacies of nuance.

You are thoughtful and deliberate and make excellent decisions borne of due diligence. And you invite us to do the same.

A gentle reminder: you have plenty of time to get everything done — but not all the time in the world.

Be wary that procrastination doesn’t derail you.

It’s an awful feeling that we dread experiencing being found out – isn’t it? The other shoe dropping. Being unmasked for the imposters we are certain that we are. And it’s just a matter of time before “they” find out. So… why tip our hands? Isn’t it better if we just lay low? Stay out of action? Keep researching, incanting, and doing our “due diligence”, right? Then no one can find out that we really aren’t as capable as they had imagined, right?

Except this: when you stay out of action, you deprive us of the gift you are and the gifts you have.

Imagine if Pema Chödrön and Maya Angelou tipped over into procrastination and didn’t ship their extraordinary bodies of work. Imagine them sitting on the gifts that they’ve been given in the name of on-going careful deliberation...and let’s face it: resistance.

Now imagine you may be doing the same.

Depriving us of the YOU that we need.

So don’t forget:

• Do your due diligence, yes.

• Vet context and allow for a deeper exploration of nuance, yes.

AND get into action.

The Visionary: The Bold Innovator

As The Visionary, your exquisite brain sees a magnificent future. And you help lead us forward. Towards the bigger picture. Towards what is possible. Towards the highest good for all.

You’re with the Barack Obamas and the changemakers, and innovators whose big brilliant ideas create a better world. Whether it’s in creating more access to social opportunities for communities in need or inspiring US to find, articulate, and reconnect with our own north star, even when we cannot clearly see the sky.

Whew. THANK you.

And for you, it may be an on-going struggle to keep showing up for your ideas. Your ideas...and yourself.

Perhaps you’ve been conditioned to believe that you shouldn’t take up too much space. Or that when you are proud of your ideas, it sounds like you’re boasting. That you aren’t humble enough.

And so you may tend to diminish your ideas...or don’t share them widely.

Diminishment is all about staying low, out of the spotlight, and even, dare I say it? Dimming your own light.

It might sound like humility, but diminishment and humility are not the same thing. You can be entirely humble and shine brightly. AND? I know that for some folks it truly hasn’t felt safe to shine. 

But what I also know is, that over time, the more you diminish, the more you start to believe in the less-than-confident bio you’ve written about yourself. Or the more you stop believing in your world-changing ideas.

And if you’re a coach, Founder, or entrepreneur, diminishment may well be keeping you from helping the people who truly need what you have to offer. It may also have you undercharging. 

So don’t forget:

• Your power is in the sharing of your ideas.

• Your job is to get out in front of the stage with those ideas.

• It can be safe to shine.

• You must not hoard your brilliance.

• AND, you are to believe in your brilliant SELF as much as you believe in your brilliant world-changing ideas.

So whether you are a Sage that values discernment, the CEO who values excellence, the Sage who values discernment, the Host who values inclusivity, the Healer who values generosity, or the Maven who values connection, let’s take a hot second to pause and acknowledge those values.

In a world gone sideways, THESE are the attributes I’m looking for in the leader I am and the leader I aspire to be, and the leaders I look up to.

My hope is that when the Imposter Complex comes looking for you, knowing your ICONIC identity gives you your very own swift and decisive answer to the question “who do you think you are?”

Because now you know.

An ICON.
Pure and simple.

Want even more illumination on this? Apply for an ICONIC Spotlight session here.

Click below to discover your ICONIC Identity:

Dearest Lauren - 

In the most recent mega-purge we’ve done in this house, I came across a printed calendar from the Dairy Board of Canada for 2004.

Filled with details of a life packed with the mundane and the fabulous. And the fabulously mundane, of course. Reminders about furnace filter replacements and meal planning,  juxtaposed with notes about dinners out with friends and junket details. (I made a LOT of jerk chicken back then, it turns out.)

On the April 2004 page, underneath a torn recipe of an apple spice cake I’ll never make and in your father’s handwriting, reads, quite simply: Lauren Denise born - 5:11 pm.

Innocuous.
But in those 28 characters, everything, and I do mean everything, changed.

Seemingly overnight, the world became scarier AND more beautiful.
It became more fragile AND more impassive.
Boundaries became more rigid AND malleable.
My sense of self expanded AND contracted.

Over the years I have tried and have failed and have tried again to convey the enormity of our love for you and the all of the you that you are. Some expressions of that have been in the letters I’ve written you on your birthday over the years. (When you turned eight,  nine,  ten,  eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen and nineteen.)

I suspect accurately articulating it will elude me for all my days. 

I’ll keep trying even as, in truth, it doesn’t really matter. 
I don’t need you to know the absolute fullness of it, nor could you, really.
You already feel much of it, after all. Enormous love is hard to miss.
It’s sweet and messy and life-giving and weighty and complicated, both a blessing and a burden.

It’s actually far more important to me that you know your own love.
And as you turn 20 and I reread the aforementioned letters I’ve written you that beseech you to see yourself though my eyes, I honestly think we’re getting there.

The way you honour your body, your time, your attention…with reverence?
It’s pure inspiration to me.
As are you.

Do you remember when we inscribed in your Happy, Healthy Book for your 10th birthday with Hafiz’s poem:

“Run my dear, 
From anything, 
That may not strengthen, 
Your precious budding wings.”?

I can honestly say that you did.
You really did.

Somewhere between then and now, you stopped tolerating people who could not, would not come close to matching your spirit. Who could not, would not come alive in another’s joy. Who could not, would not have the humility to stand down when needed and to stand up when required. 

You stopped tolerating spaces and places that could not, would not offer you the container to flourish.

And you have run towards those and that which will.

Those precious budding wings have transformed into powerful, graceful and elegant ones. 
Through your devotion, tenacity and deep appreciation for the good.
And they will take you to great heights.

The nest is always here for you, for you to rest your head and heart.
For tea and popcorn and for tea-spilling and laundry and kitchen dance parties laughter and non sequiturs and sorting out the complexities and blue sky dreaming.

Because you were always intended to soar, Beloved.
And to watch you take flight is the greatest blessing.
Well, second only to being your parents.

With all I have and with all I am, I adore you.
WE adore you.
Happy 20th.

Click here for my free training:

Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.

Over the years, I’ve been talking a lot about what it means to be ICONIC.

Because at a baseline, I believe it sits at the center of so much that we want.

To be one of a kind

Irreplaceable

Unforgettable

Legendary

Influential

Recognizable

Unapologetic

Relevant

It is undeniable in how indelibly we are marked by folks who we see as ICONIC in their influence on culture:

Tracy Chapman at the 2024 Grammys, comes to mind.

Iris Apfel (RIP, Icon)

RuPaul

Oprah

Billy Porter

Cher

Michelle Obama

In part, they know WHO. THEY. ARE.

And let’s call it: there are very few folks I know who would not love being seen and known as ICONIC. For their impact, their thought scholarship, their influence.

Think about it: when you’re told that something you do is iconic, don’t you feel well seen?

And of course, the reason I’m so fascinated by this experience is that the desire to be ICONIC can rankle the IC–the Imposter Complex. (You might say “Imposter Syndrome”, but I don’t and here’s why.)

In fact, you can’t spell ICONIC without “IC”...twice. It will try to get you coming and going.

And expressions of this fascination include my TEDx talk on the Imposter Complex.

Programs and a quiz I’ve created around ICONIC Identity.

Experts I’ve spoken to about the ICONIC Effect.

Programs devoted to ICONIC Impact and mastermind spaces dedicated to creating ICONIC Legacy.

(And if any of this work sounds inviting to you, let’s get on an ICONIC spotlight session to see where it would best support you.)

But I’ve never shared with you the exact framework that I developed to truly address and tackle the IC, (with the help of the Thumbprint Model created by Pam Slim, Darron Padilla and Josiah Owens).

Until now.

It’s a process that is so simple to me.

It’s how I approach everything that is worth doing.

And I’m sharing it with you such that it will support you in all you want to do as well.

Let’s go.

First of all, ICONIC isn’t JUST a rabble-rousing word. It’s not JUST a calling forth that evokes an immediate and visceral response.

(I mean it is…go ahead and try it out…say aloud “I am ICONIC” and see if you don’t sit up just a little bit taller.)

It’s also a very clever acronym.

An acronym that every icon has ever used to do anything and everything that matters, whether they have meant to or not.

And I want you to have it.

I is for Identity

And it’s as frustratingly simple as that.

Oprah had to envision herself at the helm of her own network before it became a reality. Mel Robbins embraced her potential to host a groundbreaking podcast before it topped the charts. Malala Yousafzai saw herself as a catalyst for change before she was recognized as a Nobel Peace Prize laureate and a global advocate for education.

From business mogul to social justice warrior to pop culture icons, they had to see themselves as the person CAPABLE of their incredible feats first.

And so how you see yourself is the very beginning of the ICONIC journey.

Which is why I’ve been thinking so much on the ICONIC Identity you need to step into that will get you there. Now, long time readers will recall that I’ve been using “starring role” language for a really long time. This ICONIC language feels even more resonant.

Aspirational with a healthy dose of gravitas. Rooted. Powerful.

This work stems from my ICONIC Identity Quiz and the occasional delivery of a short ICONIC Identity workshop/course that illustrates the “golden shadows” that the coping (and safety) mechanisms of the Imposter Complex reveal…and potential ICONIC Identities to explore.

For instance:

1. The CEO: Perfectionism highlights a commitment to excellence, a trait central to the iconic identity of the CEO. This pursuit of impeccable standards showcases their dedication to achieving the highest peaks of success.

2. The Host: The tendency to please others reflects a deep-rooted value of inclusivity, key to the Host's iconic identity. By striving to accommodate and welcome everyone, the Host embodies the spirit of unity and belonging, making them a beacon of hospitality.

3. The Healer: Leaky boundaries demonstrate an underlying generosity, marking the Healer's iconic identity. Their open-hearted approach to giving, (sometimes beyond their limits) underscores a profound capacity to care and heal, making their generosity their hallmark.

4. The Maven: A habit of comparison underlines a desire for connection, pivotal to the Maven's iconic identity. This continuous seeking of benchmarks and learning from others fosters a deep-seated sense of community and shared wisdom, establishing them as lifelong seers, learners and connectors.

5. The Visionary: Diminishment reflects a value of humility. Often visionaries feel the bigness of their ideas, but tend to hide behind them, forgetting that we need them out in front WITH their big world-chaging ideas. Both/and. 

6. The Sage: Procrastination can reveal a great value of discernment, integral to the Sage's iconic identity. This careful consideration and delay in decision-making highlight a deep wisdom and thoughtfulness, ensuring that actions taken are meaningful and informed.

Go ahead and take the ICONIC Identity quiz to see which one is most likely yours. (Hint: your result will also highlight your leadership edge.)

C is for Confront

Confront the CRITICS, that is.

You see…one of the three main objectives of the Imposter Complex is to keep you out of action.

How it does so is pretty layered, with its 12 very specific lies and a myriad of clever tricks.

But in general, what is standing in the way of everything we say we want are critics. And in my work, we go ahead and meet those critics. Head on.

Which is really an invitation to get clear about what’s REALLY here. Be they realistic objections, ACTUAL critics of our actions, or your own inner critics. 

Once we know the nature of the objection/obstacle, we can address it. How we do so is layered and nuanced, but we must discern what we’re dealing with first before we devise the action plan.

Because if we are blocked, we are out of action. And the Imposter Complex wins. 

And I am CLEARLY not here for that.

O is for Optimize

The Imposter Complex’s second objective is to have you doubt your capacity.

The critics will have done a good job trying to convince you of all the reasons you CAN’T do the world-changing things.

And yes, in the confronting, you’ve worked out the fallacies.

But now it’s about rooting into proof positive about all you have already done so you can be reminded on a cellular level what you are indeed capable of. 

This has the energy of drawing back the arrow so you can shoot forward with power.

It’s a reflection of all that has been done, delivered, sold, survived and healed in spite of the tripwires set up by the critics. It’s easy to forget once we’ve overcome the obstacles, but it’s vital that we remember all the OTHER times we’ve stood at this very precipice of our expansion, jumped and saw that the party was on the other side of the resistance.  

And for folks with strong values of integrity, proficiency and excellence who operate at a high level, the ego often prevents them from recalling their accomplishments. Why’s that? Because the ego wants to want more than it wants to get.

Sit with that a moment.

The ego wants to want more than it wants to get.

And if you disagree with me, tell me right now, what was your biggest win from yesterday? I don’t want to hear that the weather was lovely, or that your colleague got a promotion. I want to know what YOU made happen that you count as a win? 

In my work, I’ve formerly called this piece “Bolstering your authority thesis” and it’s a process of gathering internal data points of accomplishments, certifications, acknowledgments, and THEN going outside for external proof points. The order of that is pretty important, especially for those people-pleasers who will just assume that everyone is just being nice.

(Worth noting, a client did this series of exercises with me only to message me days later to say she had forgotten to include the PhD she had earned.

N is for Network

The third objective of the Imposter Complex is to keep us alone and isolated. But no one was ever, EVER intended to do any of this alone. 

Making sure we are surrounded by good people is essential for our good work…so this is where we assess our network. This is really about understanding who we are surrounded by, how we ask for and receive support, and from whom. Not everyone wants to see us succeed, but YOUR people do, so this is about cultivating more of that…and navigating trickier relationships that we just may need to divest from.

It’s also a consideration of how we are supporting others around us.

The most successful people I know do something that I have historically called “assemble the cast”. They consistently uplift and amplify three particular groups:

1. Their teachers (citing and acknowledging their thought scholarship…attribution for the win.)

2. Their colleagues and peers (community care and collaboration over scarcity and competition…it’s more than a lovely idea.)

3. Folks coming up behind them who could use a helping hand. (Remember when a coffee chat might have given you the exact lift you needed?)

This rugged individualism is killing us. Let’s do better, together.

This article explores this in far greater detail.

I is for Implement

In other words…do the work. 

Which I always think is good news.

We GET to do the work. 

It’s what we love.

It’s what matters to us (otherwise we wouldn’t be experiencing the Imposter Complex).

It’s what stretches us.

So we implement.  (“I” could also be for “iterate” or “invoke”, but implement gets to the heart of it.)

We get into action, work with our patterns, remember to circumnavigate the tripwires of the critics, gather the support of our network, remember what we are capable of, and get it done.

Decisions made and action taken. Confidence is created by action. Not the other way around. 

C is for Celebrate

The final step in any work that matters is celebration.

You know the annoying yoga instructor who insists savasana is the most important pose in any practice? Yeah. I’m with them on this.

How else would we integrate the learnings? How else do we allow ourselves to recognize, on a cellular level, that we are intended to experience rest in joy? 

Seems simple enough, but once again, high achievers struggle with this. The Imposter Complex (and other conditioned influences…capitalism comes to mind) can keep us in a striving loop. But rest and celebration is vital to integrate our good work and to signal completion.

And yes, it also helps us level-set for what comes next…WHEN the time is right.

Ready for the next…you get that?

This IS iterative work.

Reminder that you can’t spell ICONIC, without IC, twice.

Meaning it will come for you the moment you decide you are an icon, and it will get you when you are ready to stretch into the next. Coming and going.

But now you don’t need to let the Imposter Complex win. When you’re ready to fully implement the ICONIC framework, I’ll be here.

Click here for my free training:

Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.