The Imposter Complex. Heard of it? Even if you don't know it by the name it was given by Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes back in 1978 (they actually called it Imposter Phenomenon, but here’s why I say Imposter Complex), I'm willing to bet you've felt its impact. Because it stings and leaves marks.
Any time you hear yourself attributing your success to luck, chance, or anything beyond your own talent, skill, efforts, or worthiness, that's the Imposter Complex.
Any time you fear that it's just a matter of time before "they" find out that you're not as capable as they once imagined, that's the Imposter Complex.
Any time you are invited to step up and allow your talents to shine, but stop short because you're "not ready," that's the Imposter Complex.
That's the Imposter Complex all right. And it lies.
The Imposter Complex Lies
This is its first and most pernicious strategy: to keep you alone and isolated, doubting your capacity, and out of action by telling you lies.
Lies that tell us:
that some people are inherently better than other people and we can’t and won’t (ever) stack up.
we have not earned the right to take up space.
we should keep quiet and play small, because loving yourself out loud, claiming your brilliance, or owning your authority is unbecoming.
that when things go well, it’s just a matter of time before our luck runs out.
The truth is, your brilliance is your birthright. And you keeping it to yourself serves no one. And that’s not what you’re here for. You are here for actualization, expansion, and to take up the space the universe has carve out just for you. Fully and completely with full heart and joy.
Just like everyone else.
When you see a lie, it loses power.
When you name a lie, it loses power.
When you call it what it is, you GAIN power.
And freedom.
Once we see the lies for what they are, we can proceed and do our good work in the world.
Because I believe this with everything that I have:
Latent in our beings rests the answers to every last societal problem plaguing us right now. Greed. Corruption. Violence. We know how to change the world. We know how to heal the world.
But we don't.
Because we hear the lies that say, Who am I to change the world? I have nothing of value to offer. I am powerless. Any success I've had was a fluke. And if I stick my neck out, they'll see me for the fraud I am. Really. Who am I to change the world?
To which I must ask: Who are you not to, Dear One?
You are the solution.
Yet you demur. You pass up opportunities, dismiss acknowledgment, and never, ever allow your light to shine. And that. to me, is unacceptable.
And to be sure, there are some weighty systemic issues that have you feeling like an Imposter from time to time. External constructs related to gender, class, education, race, ability.
AND let's talk about the internal issues: the lies that you allow yourself to believe. Those are within your control.
Because that's the thing about personal evolution — we always have a choice. We can always choose freedom and agency.
But to make a new choice, you have to recognize the patterns of the choices you are currently making.
First, surely, you want to know who am I to write this?
I’m Tanya Geisler.
I’m a leadership coach and I am endlessly fascinated by the Imposter Complex, which is likely what brought you here.
I also think it's important that we undo a lot of the gaslighting that has been happening in the self development space around the behavioural traits of the Imposter Complex (like perfectionism, people-pleasing, diminishment, etc.) because sometimes it feels unsafe to tackle the Imposter Complex.
Speaking of undoing, I recognize that in my earliest works, I may have been reductive in my analysis of the Imposter Complex, which has maybe felt like bypassing for some. My podcast attempts to resolve some of that. Deepening into my body of work is exceptionally important to me. But doing it with care matters even more. I’m endlessly grateful to my coach Desiree Adaway for her unwavering support in these waters.
My deepest wish is some Grand Unified Theory on the Imposter Complex… but it’s, erm, complex. So I keep uncovering the layers. Imperfectly.
Starting with the Lies. Let’s dive in…
Lie #1: Your self-doubt is proof of your inadequacy.
(Also sounds like: How can you lead/serve others when you're full of self-doubt?)
Actually, I've got some great news for you.
The very fact that you are experiencing the Imposter Complex in the first place is proof that you are conscientious, high-functioning and have strong values of integrity and excellence.
It’s also often a byproduct of the world and culture we live in that certain folx doubt themselves because they have been taught to do so. This is conditioning, but it can be overcome.
This doubt keeps you on your edge, striving for mastery. Which is what MAKES you a good leader. You just need to gather some tools to help you root into the truth about your abilities. Even more great news: they exist.
Self-doubt is proof of your humanity.
Not your inadequacy.
Lie #2: Successful people don't experience this.
This of course colludes with the first Lie, trying to further entrench you in a belief about your inadequacy.
The thing is the higher 'they' climb, the farther 'they have to fall. And just like you, everyone's afraid of falling. In fact, it's the reason so many of us don't climb too high in the first place. Staying close to the ground is insurance against getting hurt. And yet, the desire to climb is palpable (and your birthright).
We feel sweet relief when we hear that people at the top of their game know the sting of the Imposter Complex. Neil Gaiman. Lupita Nyong'o. Chris Martin. Tina Fey. Maya Angelou. Feels good to be in such exquisite company.
The Imposter Complex, quite frankly, is kind of like a travelling companion. The more you do, the more places you succeed, the more opportunities it will find to point out all you still don't know… and other places in your life that you may not be living up to its incredibly high standards.
It's called conscious incompetence and it's a doozy. The trick is to not allow it to shut you down.
You are not alone.
Lie #3: You are all or nothing.
The Imposter Complex loves worst-case scenarios and speaks in competence extremities. If you don't know everything, then you know nothing. If you are not a complete success, then you are a complete failure.
At both ends of these extremities are traps.
"Part of me thinks I'm a complete loser and the other part of me thinks that I am God Almighty." - John Lennon
Loser. God Almighty. Knowing everything. Knowing nothing. Complete success. Complete failure.
Can you imagine someone at a dinner party speaking in such absolutes?
I imagine three outcomes.
Ignoring them.
Switching seats.
Challenging them.
#1 + 2 might work for a dinner party that ends at a certain time. But now imagine a never-ending dinner party. The Hotel California of dinner parties, if you will.
Will you politely endure their boorishness for all eternity? Continue to avoid and evade? Or will you challenge them once and for all? Yeah, that. This life IS your dinner party, friends.
Challenge competence extremities with one word: really?
Lie #4: You have nothing useful to say.
(Or original. Or important. Or valid.)
When we believe this lie, we say nothing. We don't communicate with our audience, our clients, our fans. We pass up opportunities to share our message (what message?) and don't collaborate with our peers (everyone knows more than I do about the topic!) And we miss out on growth, learning and connection.
We imagine speaking to a thousand-person audience about the topic for which we feel woefully ignorant and entertain two possible outcomes: crickets or pelted tomatoes.
And? There is indeed a distinct possibility that what you're saying HAS been said before. But never, ever, ever, in the way you will say it. YOUR WAY will be informed by your unique and complex structure of values, perspectives, experiences. strengths, heart and your very character. And your people want to hear YOUR WAY.
These very words are a curation of learnings you've probably already heard. But they're told through MY own lens. Packaged in a way that I have intended to be practical and valuable and useful. May it be so.
Your way’s the way.
Lie #5: You must not tell anyone about this.
Because of Lies #1 and #2, you don't speak of this. To ANYONE. Speaking of your fears will just draw attention to said inadequacy, right? Besides, what they don't know won't hurt anyone, right? (Except. of course, maybe you.)
The converse is more likely true. And more productive. By naming the experience, you are speaking the shame and bringing compassion into the fold.
Try this: ''I'm excited to be doing this and nervous because it matters."
Discernment alert: I'm not talking about #6.
I'm just inviting you to name it. And to sit back and watch as relief spreads across the room. Empathy too. And where there's empathy, connection is possible. (And isn't that what this is all about. after all?)
Yes.
Name it.
Lie #6: You must tell EVERYONE about this.
(Also sounds like: You have to come clean so everyone knows you're the Imposter.)
Hands up if you've ever actually said the words, "I don't belong here" at a gathering. Do you remember the look on everyone's face? I know, it's hard to remember because you blocked it from your mind, so certain are you that you were met with nods of disgust. But allow me to jog your memory: it was a curious blend of bemusement, incredulity, and perplexion.
Know why? Because they were too busy thinking that THEY didn't belong here to even consider YOU not belonging here.
And let’s layer in this additional truth: Sometimes the greater culture conspires to make us feel that we don’t belong — especially if you’ve ever had the experience of being the only person who looks like you in the room. As my friend Staci Jordan Shelton says: “We share a common space but not a common experience".
And...guess what? You still belong.
Before you call yourself out for being an Imposter (you’re not), pause and ask what is sitting underneath that impulse. Are you looking to connect? Are you seeking validation? Something else?
When you know, you will know what to do next.
That said, knowing when to name it or not requires nuance and discernment, to be sure. I have found utility in Brené Brown’s words: Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Stand your sacred ground.
Ask yourself: “why am I sharing?”
Lie #7: You're not ready.
Here, the Imposter Complex is finally giving you a little slack. It's pointing to the fact that you MAY be ready ONE day… that day's just not today. Yup. It's giving you slack, all right. Just enough slack in the rope to tangle yourself into the loop of inspiration -> preparation -> frustration -> procrastination -> inspiration...
Maybe you'll feel ready when you get that degree. Or put another 10 years under your belt. Or… or… or.
Two things:
As you sit down to write the book or step up to the mic, think about how everything you have ever made, delivered, sold, created, drafted, crafted, survived, healed, and done is coming together. Right here and now. For this very purpose. For this very moment.
And?
No one was ever fully ready. For anything.
Do it. You're ready enough.
(HEYYYY!! Someone should do a podcast called Ready Enough. Oh wait...I did!)
Lie #8: You'll never be able to pull that off again.
You did something fabulous. Got noticed. Won an award. Wrote something people cared about. Brought in a MASSIVE contract. The Big Name client said yes to YOU!
But the statute of limitations on your capacity to do more fabulous somethings has apparently kicked into gear. Suddenly, you believe that your talent, skill, knowledge, creativity, and ability to seal the deal is finite. You are certain you'll become the one-hit wonder.
So, why bother?
(Even more insidious… many don't try in the first place for FEAR of this: if my book is a huge success, what next? How will I ever replicate that?)
I honestly have a headache just thinking about this.
But here it is, Love. Your success was the result of the skills and will you brought to the table (and, sure, MAYBE the stars were aligned as well). And so it shall be again. As long as you keep bringing your skills and will to the table.
The one-hit wonder gave into the Imposter Complex.
Lie #9: It's just a matter of time before this all crumbles beneath you.
Yes. This one shows up when we're nice and relaxed. Serene. even. We feel a bout of gratitude for how good life is. The partner, the job, the income, the health, the beautiful house of David Byrne's existential lament, and then we perk up, realizing that we have committed the sin of letting our guard down. We've jinxed ourselves with our mini-celebration. Most assuredly, the other shoe is about to drop. We stop breathing. We stop appreciating. And we panic. And lay low. Exactly where our Imposter Complex likes us to be.
But I wonder:
How good will you allow this all to be?
(It's up to you. you know.)
What if the other shoe wasn't about to drop?
Lie #10: You can't trust the praise of others.
(Also sounds like: They're just being nice.)
It's not their fault, really. You've done such a good job pulling the wool over everyone's eyes for so long that they were BOUND to think you were smarter, more competent or capable than you really are...right?
This brings us back around to lie #6: We best tell everyone about this. Set the record straight. Assure them of the error of their ways. Point out all the flaws in your report, sloppiness of your work, gaps in your logic. Call yourself out for the Imposter that you are.
Sure. I get it.
But can you also, just for a moment. hold this possibility: that they are really and truly reflecting back what they see? A competent. capable, smart (and funny… did you know that you are funny?) individual with so very much to offer? Can you accept their acknowledgment as the gift it was intended to be?
Dare to believe someone when they tell you how remarkable you truly are.
Lie #11: You're gonna have to fake it 'til you make it.
(Also sounds like: Play the game and you'll fit in fine.)
This oft-cited directive has been a well-intended strategy to circumvent the Imposter Complex. And while I completely understand the science underneath playing the game, ramping up our bravado, taking powerful stances until they are baked right into our confidence, I take a strong stand for this simply colluding with our already exacerbated sense of imposterhood.
Rooting into what's true, meaningful and authentic about your qualifications, abilities, and capacity is far more enduring.
“Embody what’s already here and authentic for you” isn’t quite as catchy as “fake it ‘til you make it”, but it’s still the truth.
Lie #12: Asking for help is for the weak.
(Also sounds like: Or I should be able to figure this out for myself.)
This lie is a nasty cocktail of several of the lies you've already encountered. And it's a killer that you need to cut out. The reason so many of the lies of the Imposter Complex have to do with you being alone and isolated, is because that's where you are the most vulnerable. And the least impactful.
In fact, it COUNTS on you feeling alone and isolated… keeping you singled out with your head down.
Don't let it.
No one needs to go this alone. In fact, no one should. Asking for help means you're serious about your success.
So, what kind of help is yours? ALL kinds of help. Helping you to see what you've done in the past (if that was a challenge back in lie #7). Helping you refine your vision. Filling gaps. Bolstering you when you need it. Allowing you to practice. Making connections. Pointing out your blind spots. Supporting and championing you.
Lean into your people. Get an accountability partner. Assemble your cast. Gather a mastermind. Hire a coach.
Ask, ask, ask and ask again.
Your people want you to succeed. Let them help you.
But as much as the Imposter Complex lies (and lies and lies)...it does present with ONE truth:
There's room for improvement.
Yes. yes. yes. There is room. Which is good news for you, you high-functioning overachiever. you. On your quest for mastery and excellence, there are plenty of new heights to reach and plenty of new depths to explore.
You're on a path for more. It's simply the nature of the ego. It wants to want more than it wants to get. Wanting more IS your prerogative AND the very reason that have achieved so very much already. Just be sure to pause and celebrate your success. It's what truly conditions us for more of the same.
You can be entirely grateful and want more.
(Preferably in that order.)
The Imposter Complex neither owns nor defines you. Never has. Never will.
Want more insight into the Imposter Complex?
My newest training unpacks 5 essential shifts my clients know and make to overcome the Imposter Complex time and again.
Want to deepen into this work even more?
Let’s get on a call to see where the Imposter Complex is in your way. And what you can do about it.
Thank you for being here, for reading, for your excellence, for your drive. for facing the lies and seeking the truth. And I would be so grateful if you would share this with those in your life who need it.