Lie of the Imposter Complex #9: It's Just a Matter of Time Before This All Crumbles
The best and brightest of us can fall prey to this lie of the Imposter Complex.
(By the way, here’s why we like to say Imposter Complex instead of Imposter Syndrome).
Because this one shows up when we're nice and relaxed. Serene. even.
We feel a bout of gratitude for how good life is. The partner, the job, the income, the health, the beautiful house of David Byrne's existential lament, and then we perk up, realizing that we have committed the sin of letting our guard down.
We've jinxed ourselves with our mini-celebration.
Most assuredly, the other shoe is about to drop. We stop breathing. We stop appreciating. And we panic. And lay low.
Exactly where our Imposter Complex likes us to be.
I always remember this story and essay from Bréne Brown when I think of Lie #9.
I used to stand over my two kids while they slept, and just as a profound sense of love and joy washed over me, I'd imagine horrible things happening to them: car crashes, tsunamis. "Do other mothers do this," I'd wonder, "or am I unhinged?" I now know from my research that 95 percent of parents can relate to my constant disaster planning. When we're overwhelmed by love, we feel vulnerable—so we dress-rehearse tragedy.
And that vulnerability — that overwhelm — is where the Imposter Complex takes over, and that dress rehearsing is how it keeps us alone and isolated, doubting our capacity, and out of action.
How this fear of (inevitable) failure might manifest:
Depending on which of the six behavioural traits of the Imposter Complex you most often experience, you might experience the self-doubt of Lie #9 a little differently:
If you’re a people-pleaser, you might start imagining how you’re letting people down, disappointing people, or otherwise NOT people pleasing in your current situation, which will convince you that the good stuff is not sustainable.
If you have leaky boundaries, any suggestion from anyone that you should be doing something more, something less, something different will have you questioning everything.
If you tend to compare, you might be “inspired” to worry by stories of tragedy you see in the news, on social media, through friends and family, etc.
If you’re a perfectionist, you’ll start finding fault with your beautiful life the minute it seems too beautiful.
If you’re a procrastinator, this worry that things are about to fall apart will serve as an iron-clad reason to procrastinate (or continue to procrastinate).
If you tend to diminish, this lie is likely very familiar to you. You’re most likely to discount your success and decide that it’s only temporary.
But I wonder:
How good will you allow this all to be?
(It's up to you. you know.)
This is not to say that bad things never happen. Of course they do. We see proof of it every day. More proof than we need.
Rather, I want you to consider, what if the bad things weren’t inevitable?
What if those things you dread are the outliers?
What if you’re creating suffering for yourself rather than insulating yourself against it?
The data has my back on this. Research has shown that 85% of what we worry about never actually happens.
So the next time the Imposter Complex has you worrying that everything you’ve built, achieved, and cherish is about to crumble beneath you, I want you to ask yourself:
What if the other shoe wasn't about to drop?
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