Sometimes humans are the worst. (Just like me.)
Hey friends -
Back on May 2nd, my coach Desiree Adaway shared this post on Instagram:
Since May 2nd, I’ve read that quote possibly a hundred times. And these days, I am reading it a hundred more per day as I continue to unpack it.
Because I felt the sting of truth the first time I read it. How many times have I internally pointed the sword of self-righteousness at other white people who aren’t “doing the work”? Oh, the hypocrisy of that. I’ve literally only just begun to unpack my white fragility and whiteness.
And you can only imagine how uncomfortable that is to admit here, in front of my beloved readers. Many of you who are Black and people of colour. And to you, I apologize deeply and sincerely for my complicitness in NOT making my anti-racism an even bigger priority. I promise to you I will do better, learn better, listen better, and take better — more aligned — action. And I will endeavour to show my work as I go (when appropriate and not about centering myself.)
The balance of this letter is addressed to my white readers.
Hiiiiiiii. So this may hurt a little....but it will be NOTHING compared to the pain our Black friends and family endure. AND I want you to know that everything I’m about to say is prefaced with the caveat that this is alllll on me to continue to do as I’m inviting you to do. Imagine a “just like me” as a suffix to my every last invocation. (Dr. Jenn McCabe is a brilliant voice on this matter.)
Allow me to sidebar here for a moment.
Yesterday, my husband and I went for a walk by the beach here in Toronto. There is a family of foxes that has taken residence under the boardwalk and has captured the attention of the city since quarantine began. Much to say on that, but you can imagine that there are some issues: how to social distance when everyone wants a peek at the cuteness? How to not get them too comfortable with humans around? And on and on.
We were a ways away from them when they popped out to play. I paused to take this grainy pic and to send it to my friend. Here was the exchange.
Know what I ALMOST wrote after “That’s the worrisome part. They should be.”? I ALMOST wrote, “Sometimes humans are the worst.” But I just narrowly stopped myself. Because look how close I am to the foxes myself.
Yes. Sometimes humans ARE the worst. Just like me.
/sidebar
Back to Johnny Silvercloud’s words. For any of you who feel the sting of truth as you read them, I invite you to read White Supremacy Culture by Tema Okun if you have not already done so.
It will be tempting to feel defensive and say almost immediately, “but I’m not a white supremacist”. (Which is precisely on-point: “defensiveness” IS a behaviour of white supremacy. This stuff is DEEEEEPLY embedded.)
And I get that because, my dear white friend, you likely think, as I had thought, that white supremacists were white-sheet-wearing, tiki lamp-bearing neo-Nazis and we OBVIOUSLY aren’t that (and the one guy who was on my list that had some horrific things to say about AOC and me has since been banned from my list).
But let’s understand that white supremacy is actually a system that keeps white people in power and privilege. A system centuries in the making (and in its upholding.) All of us who are white and who aren’t working to dismantle white supremacy are still part of the problem because whether we created the system or not, we still benefit from it so our very existence keeps it going unless we do something about it. (The 1619 Project and the podcast by the same name are a pretty good place to start to understand how the economics of this work too.)
You started to follow my work because I am an authority on the Imposter Complex. And I want you to know what I know: the intersections with white supremacy culture and the Imposter Complex are stunningly apparent.
Liiiiiiiiiike:
Perfectionism
Sense of urgency
Defensiveness
Quantity over quality
Either/or thinking
Power hoarding
Fear of open conflict
“I'm the only one”
Right to comfort
Familiar, non? (I highlighted these intersections in a Live in my FB group yesterday.)
If you’re sitting with your mouth open like I was the first time I read those characteristics (heyyyyyy “sense of urgency” as in: NOW THAT I CAN FINALLY SEE THE WORLD IS BURNING I HAVE TO FIX IT), I’ll invite you to sit with that for a moment. (Just like me.)
And then take a page out of Desiree’s teachings (you can get a healthy dose of her depth of wisdom in the first-ever episode of Ready Enough w/ Tanya Geisler). Desiree uses the Liberatory Consciousness framework from Barbara J. Love where awareness comes first, then ANALYSIS, then action and accountability/ally-ship.
It’s tempting to jump straight from awareness to action. (Heaven knows I’ve been here.) But we won’t end white supremacy in a week...or a month. Like Desiree reminds me...that’s dominant culture talking. That aforementioned “sense of urgency”.
Follow (and INVEST in hiring or becoming a patron of) the work of social justice teachers who have made this their life’s work by choice or cruel circumstance looooooong before it started to come into your focus. Shelve your ego, dig in deeply and learn so you are not causing any additional harm and let’s get to it. (Just like me.)
I don’t need to tell you how egregious the world is right now, because like I’ve said...it’s been this way for centuries.
I don’t need to tell you about the extraordinarily colour-blind behaviour prolific in the white coaching/self-development space...it’s been this way for decades.
What I do need to commit to you, my readers, ALL of my readers, is that I am deep in the analysis of my own whiteness and white fragility.
And I do indeed intend to show you my work.
It will be imperfect.
But if I wait for all to be perfect, I will never take action. And if I don’t take action, I’ll never be able to be accountable and lean into ally-ship.
And if I wait for all to be perfect, I will, once again, be colluding with white supremacy that wields perfection as a weapon. No, not like a billy club, nor a gun, nor a knee on a windpipe. But a weapon intended to silence the words that need to be said. The conversations that need to be had at our dining room tables, in our beds, in our cars, and over fences.
I am ready enough to say what needs to be said and done.
I reckon you are too.
Big big love and swaths of care for you wherever you are on your path.
PS - I have made the decision to not overwhelm you with an exhaustive list of resources as there are some excellent ones in circulation that you can find beyond those I’ve invited you to start with here. That said, this anti-racism for white people document is one my family is working through. And, if you want to take more consistent action, Black Lives Matter has this extensive list of ways to donate, protest, educate yourself. Just. Like. Me.