What if the Other Shoe Wasn’t About to Drop?
I remember reading a quote from Bréne Brown about standing over her children, watching them sleep, and she said,
“...and just as a profound sense of love and joy washed over me, I'd imagine horrible things happening to them: car crashes, tsunamis. ‘Do other mothers do this,’ I'd wonder, ‘or am I unhinged?’ I now know from my research that 95 percent of parents can relate to my constant disaster planning. When we're overwhelmed by love, we feel vulnerable — so we dress-rehearse tragedy.”
And I recognized that moment so very clearly — in worrying about my own child, absolutely (what parent doesn’t?) but in other instances, too…
Lie #9 of the Imposter Complex says: It’s just a matter of time before all of this crumbles beneath you.
Strangely, this one shows up when we’re nice and relaxed. Serene, even. We feel a bout of gratitude for how good life is: The child, the partner, the work, the income, the health, the beautiful house of David Byrne’s existential lament…
This is where many leaders feel deep in the pits of their stomachs I’m a fraud, and everyone is going to find out...
And then we sit up, realizing that we have committed the sin of letting our guard down. We’ve jinxed ourselves with our mini-celebration. Most assuredly, the other shoe is about to drop.
We stop breathing. We stop appreciating. And we panic. And lay low.
Exactly where our Imposter Complex likes us to be (you may have heard of this referred to as Imposter Syndrom, here’s why using the term “Imposter Complex” is important).
Bréne Brown talks about the fact that this disaster planning we do in our minds (instigated by the Imposter Complex) doesn’t actually do any good. Anyone who has experienced real tragedy will tell you: there is no way to prepare.
It steals your joy, keeps you out of action, and encourages you to hide under the proverbial covers.
But what if the other shoe wasn’t about to drop?
Bréne says, “The good news is that joy, collected over time, fuels resilience.”
Joy collected over time…
To my mind, that is a call to be more grateful for what you have (not less, for fear of losing it).
It’s about developing a practice of celebrating your wins (which is deeply uncomfortable for many of us to do).
It’s about owning the amazingness of you and of your life and asking yourself, How good will you allow this to be?
(It’s up to you, you know.)
Gratitude is one of my underpinning values of joy. Whenever I am struggling to find the joy in a situation or experience, I practice stopping and asking myself, “How can I find more gratitude?” I believe gratitude is one of the cornerstones of happiness. (Did you know that before my feet even touch the ground in the morning, I give thanks for 108 people? I do.)
The next time you feel that voice in your head, in your heart, whispering it’s only a matter of time…
Stop.
Lean into the moment just before that whisper spoke up.
And try to stay with the gratitude.
How good will you allow this to be?
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