My Origin Story of Impeccability
I’ve been talking a lot lately about impeccability. I guess you could say it’s my word of the year, but moreover, it’s been the THING I’ve been in pursuit of for coming up on a decade.
And I’ve been asked by many what I mean by that.
Because when you look it up, it seems to hold a meaning that is antithetical to all that I speak, write and teach about.
It’s defined in austere terms like faultless. Pure. Pristine.
A little too close to perfectionism for comfort.
And I’m here to tear perfectionism down—because in my experience, it only ever gets in the way of us doing what needs to be done.
I talk about how perfectionism is one more way that the Imposter Complex wins (you may have heard this referred to Imposter Syndrome, here’s why Imposter Complex is the more correct term to use).
How perfectionism is inextricably linked to a patriarchal vision that cannot be met and causes real damage.
How perfectionism keeps us out of action, doubting our capacity, and alone and isolated.
And ultimately how you are ready enough — exactly as you are. To do and say the things you need to do and say. Because now more than ever, we need you (and me) to say and do the things we need to say and do. There are continents burning and guns in the sky.
So I get the confusion.
And still.
I stand by it.
Because here’s my distinction:
Perfectionism is the lowest possible standard because it simply doesn’t exist.
Impeccability is a continuous elevation of standards.
Perfectionism is a gold star from some external generalized other.
Impeccability is an internal aspirational pull towards goodness and greatness and justice.
Thinking about being perfect in my word makes me stay quiet.
Thinking about being impeccable in my word has me speak truer.
“One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it.” - Clarissa Pinkola Estés
That.
A story
A long long time ago, I was invited to a glorious weekend on Whidbey Island in the Pacific Northwest. My friend Ronna Detrick had invited me as she was looking to circle up some wise women.
I was flattered, to put it mildly. Like the host herself, the women she had gathered were brilliant and big-hearted.
I was also thrilled to meet new friends and connect with others I’d only known on-line until that weekend: Lianne Raymond, Julie Daley, Andrea Olson, and my former client, Tara Sophia Mohr. With the exception of Julie, I had never hugged any of them in person. I could write a book about how I felt as I flew across the country to meet these women. It was quite significant for me on every level.
But I digress.
We ate well and danced and made wishes on the new moon. We laughed and celebrated Ronna’s new site and my new program launch and shed a tear or two. I think I made kale chips, if I recall correctly. It was a long time ago—back in 2012.
But one thing I do recall with great clarity is a conversation I had on one of the many walks we took. I was in step with Tara and we were sharing some deep-seated fears around our work. I’ll not share hers, but I can tell you mine lived around my output and body of work.
I found myself saying, rather glibly, that I was a “high-functioning underachiever”. I felt quite clever to have named myself as such, but my keen-eyed former client asked me what I yearned for inside that belief.
“Impeccability,” I said, with relief. Like a weight had been lifted.
The word actually stopped me dead in my tracks, to be honest.
Which got the attention of those walking ahead of us.
They asked what was up and I told them. Every last one of those women had the same reaction. A light-hearted laugh and the response that they ONLY saw my work as impeccable.
I was floored. And it was the first time I got, REALLY got that my outsides weren’t matching my insides.
It was then that I understood, REALLY understood the power the Imposter Complex had held over me and my deeper, VISCERAL understanding of it and what it keeps from us.
(That was, not so coincidentally, the weekend that the seed was planted for my TEDx talk that would happen later that year—with Ronna, Julie, and Tara all taking the same stage for their own talks. Lianne was the one that made it happen on our behalf. A forever gift.)
So let me break it down for you.
Impeccability means congruence. A syncing of our insides with our outsides.
Impeccability means an elevation of standards.
Impeccability means precision over perfection.
Impeccability means expecting more of ourselves.
Impeccability means having more to give because there’s more in the tank.
Impeccability offers grace when there ISN’T more in the tank.
Perfection is punition.
I’ve said I’m done settling.
I’ve said I’m done living my life halfway.
I’ve said it, and to be impeccable with my word means I mean it.
Every day, I ask myself how I can be more impeccable in my word, my intention, and my impact. Every day I ask myself what I need to tap into to rise up to a higher standard. And every day the answers look and feel different.
This morning’s inquiry led me to write this post. And to make a financial contribution I’ve been meaning to make to a charity assisting people and wildlife affected by the bushfires in Australia. And to support preparation for a client session that will be big, deep, and wide. And to turn down a speaking opportunity that isn’t aligned. And to tend to my kid home with a fever and possibly strep throat.
Will I do ANY of it perfectly? No. But can I intend to do it with presence and integrity? Most assuredly.
That’s what I want.
And I reckon the same holds true for you. In your work, in your leadership, and in your impact.
I’ve got some new training that may just help you lock it in. You can find that here.
Or, we can go ahead and get on a call to see how I can help you step in with the Impeccable Impact I know you’re desiring.
Either way, I’ve got your back, and you can trust my word on that. Impeccably.
Check out my free training on the 5 ICONIC Shifts Leaders Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.