Lie of the Imposter Complex #12: Asking for Help is For the Weak.

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Remember that the goal of the Imposter Complex is to keep you out of action, doubting your capacity, and alone and isolated?

Well, Lie #12 leans hard into that third leg of the stool. (It also sounds like: I should be able to figure this out for myself.)

This lie is a nasty cocktail of several of the lies you've already encountered. And it's a killer that you need to cut out.

The reason so many of the lies of the Imposter Complex have to do with you being alone and isolated is that that's where you are the most vulnerable. And the least impactful.

(By the way, here’s why I say Imposter Complex instead of Imposter Syndrome).

In fact, it COUNTS on you feeling alone and isolated… keeping you singled out with your head down.

Don't let it.

I remind my clients of this in every program, every mastermind, every group I run: that they can and should ask their fellows for help — solving problems, promoting offers, reaching the right people, etc. — and yet, inevitably, people “forget” to mention that they’re launching something new, struggling with a problem, or looking to connect with a certain type of person.

Even I fall into this trap, occasionally.

No one needs to go this alone. In fact, no one should. Asking for help means you're serious about your success.

How resisting asking for help might manifest for you

Depending on which of the six behavioural traits of the Imposter Complex you most often experience, you might experience the self-doubt of Lie #12 a little differently:

If you’re a people-pleaser, part of pleasing people is about looking like you have all your shit together all the time… right? So you certainly don’t want anyone to have cause to doubt you by revealing that you need help…

If you have leaky boundaries, you probably tend to assume that other people also have leaky boundaries and you don’t want to bother them by asking them for help…

If you tend to compare, you will decide that because someone else was able to do it on their own, you should be able to as well (regardless of whether that other person actually did it on their own or not).

If you’re a perfectionist, it’s likely you believe that your results don’t “count” if you don’t do everything yourself.

If you’re a procrastinator, not asking for the help you need — or deciding that you just need a bit more education, research, etc. on your own — is an excellent way to keep procrastinating from doing the actual thing.

If you tend to diminish, you might decide that you don’t deserve help, or that you’re a failure because you need to ask for help in the first place.

So, what kind of help is yours? ALL kinds of help.

  • Helping you to see what you've done in the past (if that was a challenge back in lie #7).

  • Helping you refine your vision. 

  • Filling gaps. 

  • Bolstering you when you need it. 

  • Allowing you to practice. 

  • Making connections. 

  • Pointing out your blind spots. 

  • Supporting and championing you.

Lean into your people. Get an accountability partner. Assemble your cast. Gather a mastermind. Hire a coach.

YOUR people want you to succeed.

It may seem pat, but when I feel into what it is that folks listening need to hear and know? It’s that.

YOUR people want you to succeed.

But who are YOUR people?

It’s a question I try to answer as best as I can. I say things like:

They are the ones committed to you knowing what you are HERE for.
They are the ones committed to you showing up in your PRESENCE.
The ones who are not afraid of your power.
The ones who encourage you to know yourself.
The ones who encourage you to show yourself reverence.

This is what we ask in our household when we are trying to discern our people:
Are they expanders?
Are they contractors?
Or are they neutral?

This IS how you know.

This is how you know who to COUNT on.

This is how you know who to RELEASE.

And this is how you know who can stick around... at least for the time being.

This is how you know who YOUR people are.

And trust me.

YOUR people want you to succeed.
That’s just true. (They told me so.)

So ask. Ask, ask, ask, and ask again.

Your people want you to succeed. Let them help you.

Click here for my free training:

Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.

Tanya Geisler