8 Reasons We Stop Short
I wrote an article back on Dec 12, 2016, called: 7 Reasons We Stop Short.
It was good and short and from the response, helped folks to stop stopping. Which was the complete point.
It went like this.
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You know that opportunity that comes along that speaks to you on a deeply visceral level? Like it was created just for you? The timing, the stars, everything is just oh-so-right.
And you are there, teetering on the precipice. Just about to step in.
But then you don't. You give up before you get going.
Why? Why do we do that?
I can think of seven reasons:
We're afraid of failing.
We're afraid of succeeding.
We're afraid of being let down.
We're afraid of letting ourselves down.
We're afraid of not being met.
We're afraid of not being seen.
We're afraid of being seen.
And so we stop short. Real short.
We don't claim our expertise. We don't raise our rates. We don't pitch our work or stand in our worth.
Which makes our Imposter Complex breathe a sigh of sweet relief. Because if nothing changes, then nothing is risked.
And the Imposter Complex is even more risk-averse than your second high school sweetheart. The one you dated right after the wild and sexy one. The one with the pressed, pleated chinos who kissed like a fish and talked about insurance at school dances. Yes.
THAT risk-averse.
But here's what I know. And I know you know it too, with every fiber of your being.
If you give up before you even get going, you're simply never (ever) going to get to where you've been called to go.
It just doesn't work. It just doesn't happen. Your life has shown you that.
Stop stopping.
Start stepping.
Forward.
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It was a good article, right?
And? Incomplete.
Because if I have learned anything since Dec 12, 2016, and I have learned PLENTY, is that there is an 8th reason.
We're afraid of being canceled.
PARTICULARLY when there is a culture-shifting world event happening. Or multiple on several planes.
And so we get mired in a swirl of:
Should I weigh in?
What does it mean if I DON'T weigh in?
What does it mean if I DO weigh in?
Am I ready to weigh in?
There is a lot to unpack here, starting with those questions which presume there is a right thing, a right answer and a right time.
Sometimes yes and sometimes no.
If you are IN the crisis, or are an educator with deep roots and research in said culture-shifting events happening, you are not asking those same questions. You're IN it. And it's YOU we ought to be hearing from on that matter. So we DEFINITELY need you to stop stopping.
But if you are NOT someone with a deep understanding of the war on the transgender community or Ukraine, epidemiology, and how white supremacy culture impacts, influences and plays out in all aspects of our lives, it's likely best to only amplify the voices of folks that ARE providing education, insight and action because it's THEIR area of expertise.
Otherwise, more often than not, this line of questioning leads to a decidedly unhelpful paraphrasing of headlines, soundbites, and black squares in a way that just kind of feels reductive and performative.
There is a time to stop.
When I work with folks on the Imposter Complex, especially Lie #6 which states "you must tell everyone about this", I DO invite folks to stop and "WAIT". Which is to ask themselves: "Why am I talking"?
As an oversharer, this forced pause has been important for me personally. It makes me explore:
Am I looking to bridge connection? Am I looking for validation? Am I looking to influence others' opinions? And if it's that (which is not a problem per se), can I get real enough to ask and answer: is it in integrity for me to step in / do I know enough on the topic to do so? Is it something else?
Generally speaking, once I sit with this and resist my knee-jerk reaction to jump in and hear my own well-intending voice (mm hmm) on whatever is happening in the world, I'm clearer when to speak up and when to sit back and say: "I don't know enough about the complexities and nuance of the situation to have an opinion". (Which, by the way, I'd only offer up when ASKED.)
Me NOT centering myself and talking about things I do not know enough to have an opinion about means the voices that DO know and are closest to the pain, the event and the solution(s) are far easier to hear.
SO. Back to the original point. There are EIGHT reasons we stop short.
Do I want you to get your world-changing, heart-centred work out into the world's stage? Oh yes indeed.
AND is there a time for stopping? Oh yes indeed.
If you have stopped, listened deeply, reflected on your motivations, then made sure what you are serving up is aligned and in integrity, THEN it's the time to stop stopping.
Discernment for the win, all the days in all the ways.
PS - I highly recommend reading We Will Not Cancel Us: And Other Dreams of Transformative Justice by adrienne maree brown if you haven't already.
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Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.