Laziness or angels. And what now?
“My family is safe... but you know, we were very verrrrrry close to having gone to that area for dinner last night. Laziness kept us home. My heart breaks for everyone who was there, everyone affected... in truth, my heart's kind of breaking for EVERYONE these days.”
This was the message I wrote to my sisterfriend Staci Jordan Shelton when she asked if I was safe the day after the shooting on the Danforth here in Toronto. (As a subscriber, you may have noticed that my mailing address is a PO Box on the Danforth.)
The exchange continued:
Staci Jordan Shelton: Laziness or intuition. Either way I'm grateful you weren't anywhere near there. I'm so heartbroken for the people there.
Me: Thank you.
SJS: One day I'll tell you how being lazy kept that tree from falling on me. Thank the angels for lazy days and the willingness to listen to the pull to be lazy sometimes.
Me: Yes.Yes, you are so very, very right. I wonder just how often that happens... and then remember the grace is in the noticing... not the needing to understand.
SJS: Yes indeed... and in the heeding that small voice that tells us to slow down, be still, or "not today."
I wrote earlier this week that it doesn’t matter what took you so long.
That there may be a hundred factors at play. Including angels nudging you back onto the couch under the guise of “laziness."
But I’m here to remind you, as I feel I do every week (and could probably do every hour): You’re here now. And what you do NOW is what matters.
The same day as 18-year-old Reese Fallon and 10-year-old Julianna Kozis were shot dead for being alive in Toronto, 18-year-old Nia Wilson was shot dead for being Black in San Francisco.
Unacceptable. The shooting the stabbing the hatred the disease. Totally and entirely unacceptable.
AND.
How long can we wring our hands and bemoan how it is all so unacceptable? I don’t have the answer, but I’m going to keep asking the questions of myself. Questions I ought to have been asking all along. About mental health and gun control and oppressive systems and marginalized communities and white supremacy.
Because if angels or laziness has afforded me the good grace to be alive, then I have things to do.
And what I do NOW is what matters.
Stay tuned.
A few years back, I attended Anne Lamott’s book reading here in Toronto. Wrote about it here. Her special guest was musician Steve Bell. He sang this song called Mercy Now and it was haaaaaaaaunting.I must have heard it hundreds of times in my heart as my father was dying. And I’m thinking about it a lot a lot a LOT this week. We could all use some mercy now.
Savouring deep and nourishing conversations with my loves this week including Jamie Ridler in The Living Room and sweet and quiet mercy-counting walks with my man and the sunrise.
This bit of levity and righteous resistance was welcome respite that I’m savouring thanks to Desiree Adaway.
And you? What grace and mercies are you savouring this week?
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