Jen Louden. To know her is to love her. Without question.

{Sigh}.

To me, this woman is the sheer embodiment of Creative Joy (and River Deep? Oh YES).  Truly.

{Deep sigh}.

Okay, so she’s that, she’s funny as funny can be (cf: The Giggle Reel), she’s hung out on Oprah’s couch, and oh, I don’t know, like, HELPED LAUNCH THE WHOLE SELF CARE MOVEMENT with her first book The Woman’s Comfort Book. Since then, she’s written five more books on well-being and personal wisdom that have inspired more than a million women in nine languages, like the classic The Woman’s Retreat Book and her latest, The Life Organizer. She has been a national magazine columnist, radio show host on Sirius, the whole while with those brilliant baby blues shining bright and a grin that could stop a Mack truck going full speed. In fact, I’m sure it has.

She knows self-love + world-love = wholeness for all.

{Yet another deep sigh}.

So, she’s a woman WHO KNOWS THINGS….you know?

Intimately.

And she revealed a LOT in this interview in service of you finding YOUR thing. She talks about teaching your way to your thing, her incredible TeachNow program (of which I am enthusiastically participating in this time around), seducing your thing, loving and abandoning your thing (and how that’s juuuust fine) and all kinds of other richness. TRUST me.

And I confess, I had a helluva time editing this video down to under 10 minutes (the limit available for a YouTube video) so once you’ve enjoyed the interview, devoured the transcript, shared the tweets (as feels appropriate to you), please treat yourself to The Jen Louden + Tanya Geisler Giggle Reel (wherein I THINK she does Shiva Nata, shares a highly memorable moment on National TV and we yuck it up but good).

{Final sigh}

Interview with Jen Louden for Thing Finding Thursday

Jennifer:  I’m called to lead you into sun drenched wholeness.  I am called to paint a picture for you of you free from shackles and shame and blame and ill health.  I’m called to mold a whole body YES to whatever life brings.  And I’m called to help you find and live your creative heart’s desire in service to the world – in service to you and in service to the world.  And I’m called to ask you to consider the whole of the world and all the beings as you live your heart’s desire.

I’m called to write stories that bring you home.  Yeah, so anyway I wrote that and I want everybody listening to know that I have lived in the question of what’s my thing and everybody close to me will tell you with a lot of teeth grinding and a lot of angst, since my first book was published, probably before that was that book arose out of wondering what’s my thing and feeling like I was failing at the thing I wanted to do, which was write screenplays.  So I think the most important thing I want to tell people listening is you decide what your thing is and it’s like something for me that flirts out of the corner of my eye.  Right, it’s like, “Ooh, I see you, but do I really see you?”  And if I try to stare too hard or bear down on it or make it a brand or a tagline, it bites me in the ass and it dies.  And it’s something about this living relationship.

In yoga today my teacher said, “Be peace.  You know, it’s a word; it’s a lovely word that we hear but be it now.”

And it was like, “Oh holy, yeah.  That’s it.  That’s what we need to do with this thing.”  Finding it, living it.

What gets in my way is that I intellectualize it and I want to brand it and I want to be strategic about it.  I’m not saying that’s wrong, but it’s like the cart can get in front of the horse.  We have to keep coming back to being this thing that really is beyond words and taglines and brands and everything and trusting that.

Tanya: And I think that there’s something – I’ve talked to other people about gaps to be filled, I’ve talked to other people about itches that need to be scratched, but there’s something about this dancey, fluttery, whoop, what was that, it’s gone.

Jennifer:  And seducing it, right?  Seducing that desire.

Jennifer:  So I was on retreat with my brain trust … and one of my dear friends, Eric Klein who’s a 30 year ordained spiritual teacher, incredibly successful consultant in business and best selling author, I was watching him this whole retreat having a hard time really claiming his chops as a teacher.

Tanya:  Yep.

Jennifer:  In a very deep way.  And I thought, “I want to help people who want to teach.”  That’s how our ideas start, right?  They start as this little thing that we see a need in the world or a need in ourselves.  All of my books have come from a need in myself, most of my blog posts do.  And then I started talking to my friend Michelle Lisenbury Christianson because I love to collaborate with people, I like to do serial collaborations. And we started talking about our own journeys as teachers and how much shame and suffering we had because we were both called to teach in our 20s.  My first became a word of mouth bestseller and people saw me on TV and they were like calling me up, “You want to come talk at our hospital?”  Or, “Hey, do you do workshops?”

But here’s the important thing everybody, here’s the important thing about finding your thing through teaching.  You don’t think you’re ready to teach, but you discover what you know through teaching.  And if you set it up in a way that it’s safe for you and that you can collect what you’re learning, you can record it, you can grow so much faster into seeing, “What is it about my thing that I love?  What is it about it that I don’t love?  What is it that I want to learn more about?”  But it’s never about being done or perfect.

You will never know everything you need to know to teach what you want to teach and hence that is what is so maddening for people and so tenderizing about teaching.  Things will always arise that you can’t answer and the stronger that you take your seat as a teacher the more able you are to meet people there and be curious with them and be a student teacher.  And there are a number of the master teacher interviews, there’s like 34 and we’re always adding more master teacher interviews.  And Sherry Huber, the zen meditation teacher is one of them and she talks about being a student teacher and being asked to teach and having her knees literally shaking and she’s still terrified, like 35 years later.

Tanya:  Right.

Jennifer:  So to me the greatest gift of TeachNow and probably the greatest gift of a lot of my work is kind of being willing to pull the curtain back and say, “This is what’s really going on in this moment right now.”

Tanya:  Love it.  Okay, so you said that your family, your friends witnessed this whole process.  It’s been quite amazing to watch it.  Even at the top of the call you were saying you don’t really coach anymore.  So as your own identity has been morphing and your things have been sort of shifting like a beautiful home that’s sort of settling into itself in a way, you know?  What have been some questions that you’ve been asking yourself?

Jennifer:  Well, first I have to tell you that my word for the year is home so it’s really lovely that you said that.  And I don’t mean home like staying home, I mean like building a new way of being, inhabiting the space of that deep rootedness and self trust, so nice little synchronicity there.  The benchmarks are, for me, first to notice where I’m feeling out of alignment or like I’m faking it.  That faking is a huge benchmark for me, and then I’ve had to learn, God, over and over and over again, “Oh, that doesn’t mean I’m doing the wrong work.  It means I have a story about how I should be doing the work.”

Tanya:  Yes.

Jennifer:  Huge, huge, oops, still learning it, still learning it.  And then looking back at whatever I’ve done and there’s a lot of it and going, “Oh, holy shit, that was really of use to people but I wasn’t getting fed because my story was ‘that’s not what I’m supposed to be doing.’”

Tanya:  Right, right.

Jennifer:  So there’s so much discernment here and I think it’s so important if there’s one message that I have for people is that you don’t think that there is an arrival place or a done or that if you get there, you will know it because it will be delightful, light, and easy all the time, right?  Because you’re still you, even when you’re doing your thing you’re still you.  And so as you can tell, a little goofy, a little intense, and a little bit of an over provider so those things are always going to be, but as I spiral around I tend to loosen them up a little better; I can get some distance.

Tanya:  And again, that’s where the home piece comes in it seems like for you.  So within the context of all of these disparate things that just make you so alive and so Jen Louden, yea!  Finding the piece and the homeness in there.

Jennifer:  Yes, perfect, thank you.  That’s why you’re such a great coach.

Tanya:  Oh, thank you, thank you.  Is there anything else that people who are watching?

Jennifer:  There are a couple of things.  One is that it’s okay if you found it in and abandoned it and found it and abandoned it and found it and abandoned it.

And we can be ashamed that we’ve given up and we’re here again, or we can celebrate and get support.

Tanya:  No honestly and truly, you’re so like, “That’s it.”  And the idea of this being a dance, I’m sort of like, “Is it fitting now?  Not so much, I’m going to try this.  Is it fitting now?  Oh, a little more, if I just had a little more of this, add a little more shimmy shimmy shake.”  I absolutely love that and it’s okay to abandon and revisit and abandon and revisit.  Do you know how expansive that is?

Jennifer: Sometimes the things that you most care about are the things that you’re most afraid of, so you may know very well what your thing is and you may know that you may not be able to bring it to life the way that you want and that may break your heart, but don’t let that heartbreak stop you from trying.  I’m not going to be able to write the great American novel.  You may never read what I write, or maybe I will.  But if I put my hat on that as living my thing, then I’m screwed right out of the gate.  And instead I say my job is to show up and how can I show up all of myself and how can I keep learning and how can I be curious and how can I really try to tell a story that does what I want it to do, which is bring wholeness and make you think and make you, well lots of other things.  That’s all I can do.

Annnnnnnd…The Giggle Reel

_______________

Go find Jen at her site, TeachNow and on Twitter. Learn from her. Celebrate your path as she celebrates hers. Joyfully.

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What's YOUR Thing? If you’re trying to find your thing, then signing up for updates is the thing for you. Get Thing Finding Thursday updates, plus:

Top secret and supershiny notices, events and discounts.

I often forget to say it, hoping that my daily practice of gratitude captures it all. Yet I know that it doesn’t.

So thank you.

For being here when you could be somewhere else. Somewhere fancier. Somewhere smarter. Somewhere more elegant. Somewhere more hilarious. Somewhere hipper.

Oh yes, I have those thoughts.

And yet, you are here.

Thank you for reading my words.

Thank you for sharing your comments, sharing your dreams, sharing your goals, sharing your gifts.

Thank you for sharing my words with your “likes”, “tweets” and “recommends”.

Thank you for being patient, receptive, warm and loving as I grow and stretch and retreat and grow some more.

Thank you for asking me for what you need from me (please don’t ever stop…) It means we’re in relationship.

And for that, I am truly grateful.

Love,

We all have dreams. Luxe dreams. Travel dreams. Book dreams. Stage dreams. Restaurant dreams. Peace dreams. Adventure dreams. Love dreams. Foo Fighter dreams. Freedom dreams. NYC dreams. Heal the world dreams. Glossy magazine dreams. Circumnavigating the globe on your own at 16 dreams.

Yup. We all have them. They may look different, but they all come from the same place. The heart.

And I happen to have it on good authority (aka Twitter) that 2012 – The Year of the Water Dragon – will be a good year for dreams coming to life.

Cool.

While I don’t doubt the power and tenacity of a Dragon (really, that would be a foolish thing to do), let’s consider giving the Dragon a hand and getting our dreams off the ground, shall we?

Loving the leaps.

1. Get clear on what you want to do. And why. Because a “what” without a “why” is a “just because” or a “should”. And just becauses and shoulds won’t get you where you want to go. Fact.

My friend and the artiste behind the savvy + sa-weet design that is my site, Amanda Farough, got over her just becauses and shoulds and to mark the occasion, has just launched HER gorgeous new space. Get on her list (after you’ve taken the tour and drank in her sassy pants post of bigness) for 10 weeks (YUP!) of giveaways. You may win a Clarity Session with me.

2. Know that fear will want to hold you back and keep you small. That’s its one and only job. Review  #1 and then answer this question from my friend Tara Sophia Mohr: Are you being more loyal to your fears, or to your dreams? (Registration for Tara’s Playing Big closes Jan 24^th at midnight. If you’re keen on amplifying your impact, claiming your place and taming those fears, this may well be the journey for you.)

3. Keep it open, keep it expanded. Shenee Howard is launching Hot Brand Action today…a direct result of stepping into her starring role as writer and teacher. Hell’s YES. Watch the ground come up to meet her in the most glorious way.

4. Get support. Tell your friends, hire a coach (ahem), find a mentor.  They’ll bolster you when you need it, keep your intentions set to “shine”.  They want you to knock it out of the park. We all do, in fact. Count on it and welcome it in with heart and arms wide open.

5. Launch. Just like that.

C’mon now.  Don’t leave it all in the talons of the Water Dragon. Make it happen for your own fine self in 2012.

XO

When Sabrina Ali first reached out to me via Kelly Diels, she said: “My ‘thing’ is resumes”. I’ll ‘fess up: since I left my corporate gig in 2006, I haven’t thought much about resumes (with the exception of including one in my own business plan). Those dreary under two-paged, Times New Roman, 1.5 line spaced, centred contact info (“make sure you don’t have a partygrrrl69@ email address”)  documents that seem to breathe “meh, this is good enough”. SO. BEIGE.  So, given that this delightful young woman came to me through Kelly (and I’ve only met incredible, anything-but-beige stars through her), I imagined that Sabrina would offer my readers some fabulous tips about sassing up their resumes. And that that would be good.

Between the months that have elapsed since that request and this posting, it’s truly blissful to see Sabrina claim her REAL thing: uncovering vocation. 

Boo Yah.

So please, dig into this wise young woman’s delicious words. And see what covers start to peel back for you.

What’s your thing?

Sabrina Ali:  Here’s “the” thing first:

The simplest thing that you do is your gift to the world. You need no thanks because it’s a pleasure just to be able to do it. And you can absolutely create a life out of doing this seemingly simple thing because you do it uncommonly well.

The dilemma?

Not everyone knows how to express, name or talk about the meaningful thing they do with specificity. It’s under a lot of clutter.

So my thing? Where do I come in?

I uncover vocation. I help articulate enthusiasm (with my compassionate investigative querying nature) and facilitate the design of strategies to create vocation-centred living. It’s all concrete; it’s all marketable and totally professional.

I’ve personally been working with people on creating vocation-centred lives my entire life. I was designed this way. Over the last eight years alone I’ve worked in career transition coaching, self-development facilitation, career and education advisement, and employee engagement roles.

It’s (like seriously long over-due) time to re-imagine our concept of work. Work is not just about a means to an end, it’s about creating a life that integrates all parts of you.

Was finding your thing the result of a divine revelation, an insane invention, a culmination of insights…or something else?

Sabrina Ali: Finding my thing was all of the above and something else (as you say). It was a matter of putting all the clues together:

A culmination of insights: I used to be a career workshop junkie. If someone was holding one, having one, giving one then I was there. They were fun to me. Some were better than others and whether I was looking for a job or not, I went. At some point, I started to offer my insights to the other participants. At some point, I started to become the teacher. Who me?!?

A divine revelation: I used to drop everything, clear everything in my schedule, move my schedule around, and even create a schedule around helping people with their career and education strategies. I just couldn’t help myself. And I especially loved the results – phone calls, emails, or coffee and dinner dates with people to celebrate job and school program offers. People were feeling “on their path,” they were making more money, feeling happier. Hearing this news was the equivalent of … well, I’m almost embarrassed to say, but it was like having really great sex. Every. Single. Time.

The revelation: My enthusiasm is a force to be reckoned with. And so is everyone else’s. And I define this particular enthusiasm as: Clarity of purpose in total alignment with intention – where being and the task are one.

My insane invention: I have an insane invention being invented right now! I’m in the midst of creating the ultimate self-guided digital vocation exploration kit. It’s called the Bliss Kit and it’s for fellow heroes and heroines who yearn for self-discovery; who want to create careers and lives with a sense of energy-giving purpose. This is the quintessential collection of career and self exploration tools to assist people on their journey. It’s due out in March.

Something else: I’ll call it listening to the signals of life. Reflection, curiousity and intention are the ingredients. I would have been blind to the clues lying around me if not for the act of reflection and the power of being in a state of curiosity. The wisdom is not hard to find, but you don’t know what you’re looking for or looking at without intention. With intention it’s like looking for Easter eggs that were hidden by someone that wanted you to find them.

Obstacles/fears/doubts – what were they, how’d you vanquish them??

Sabrina Ali: These words have come to mean: The gifts that I couldn’t have in the moment that I’d never want to be without.

It’s human to experience obstacles, fears and doubts.

It is divine to transform them into something that serves your life. And we always at any moment have access to that possibility.

Obstacles: Not enough money. Not enough love. Not enough acceptance. Not enough credentials. Not enough time. It all boiled down to externally referencing myself towards other people’s ideas of success rather than defining my own based on how I wanted to feel in my own life.

Fears: That I’m generally an inadequate human being. That I have helped all the people that I can and now there’s no one else to help. That I can’t  write. All stories that I inherited and contrary to the actual evidence showing up in my life.

Doubts: That what I’m doing (whatever plan, strategy, idea) won’t work. The antidote? Listen to life instead – what people are asking me for, thanking me for, admiring about me without any prompting whatsoever from me. Where is the love coming from and what is it saying?

My vanquishing (love that word btw) strategy: Tiny. Baby steps. And often (momentum is a friendly force).

A nurturing strategy that encounters the doubts, obstacles and fears was key. For example, I have worked with gifted coaches, a Jungian counsellor that I really connected with, energy healers and did yoga over the last 4-5 years. These partnerships helped move me through my stages faster and I’m thankful that I made those investments in myself. I am in a supportive relationship where I grow into more of who I am and I also adopted a dog. I speak kindly to myself. I even did a couple of online writing courses for the sheer pleasure of learning (nothing with grades). I write every day.

If you love yourself and allow yourself to be loved, fear, doubts and obstacles start to look like opportunities for evolution. If they can get you just sick and tired enough of maintaining life ‘as is’, they are your friends. Trust me.

What questions did you ask yourself to trigger your a-ha moments…and what signs and milestones should others be looking for in their journeys?

Sabrina Ali: When I feel the “crunch” of existing – exasperated, frustrated, pointlessness, listlessness, rather than asking: “Why is this happening to me?” I ask: “What is this experience here to teach me?” Not in a punitive way, but rather in a compassionate way to help me evolve my capacity to be in the world and to live with more joy than fear.

Pain is sometimes very subtle and sometimes it’s loud and clear. Either way, it is a sign that something is unresolved. We were taught to avoid pain, but the bridge to joy lies in turning towards it.

It’s the foundation of why an entire work history can be transformed from a burden to an expression of enthusiasm. It processes and grieves things that we blame ourselves or others for. It allows for alchemy of experiences from pain to purpose, useless into ‘full of use.’

With this question alone I started to witness patterns that limited me that I had been unaware of. This is freedom. Freedom to choose rather than letting an unconscious pattern keep you feeling estranged from your one wild and precious life.

***

Sabrina Ali is totally honoured to have her “thing” exposed by Tanya Geisler. She’s a Vocation Strategist and the Creator of www.makebelieveforreal.com. Sabrina says: Work is a pilgrimage of identity, a partnership of your heart and head, and what you are called to do for work is sacred.

You can also find her on Twitter.

***

Tweetworthy Sabrina Ali (for your sharing pleasure)

***

In upcoming Thing Finding Thursdays, I’ll be sharing interviews with the paragon of Creative Joy herself Jennifer Louden, Matthew Stillman (“deproblemizing through High Weirdness <–LOVE) and more, MORE, MORE!!

Plus, news about the launch of my Board of Your Life kit. It’s coming, and it’s goooooood. Make sure you’re signed up to receive notices, will ya? 

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What's YOUR Thing? If you’re trying to find your thing, then signing up for updates is the thing for you. Get Thing Finding Thursday updates, plus:

Top secret and supershiny notices, events and discounts.

I’ve been interviewing people for Thing Finding Thursday who have, by and large, FOUND IT. Their THING! (Or, arguably, they are happily ensconced in their Thing For Now as we all know that Things evolve.) Yes, it’s clear what Susannah, Danielle, Chris, Kelly, Pam, Dyana, Jenny, MMM, Tara, Jasmine, Megan, Amy are bringing forward to the world.

Joyfully.

And from the emails I’ve been receiving since this series’ inception, I hear that you’re appreciating the informed wisdom they’re sharing here.

So, “been there” stories are an incredible source of inspiration (and for a fabulous round-up of “been there…gone HERE” stories to rev up your possible-o-meter, go check out Alexandra’s piece.)

But what about the people that are RIGHT HERE, right now? Who know how they want to BE, and maybe not necessarily what to DO?

Sound like anyone you know?

I present one such person, a reader of mine who sweetly raised her hand and said:

I would love to write a guest post. I speak from my own experience of feeling a little inertia, waiting until I had THE answer…until I learned to taste all the flavours, take the cues from my friends and family (and myself) and ultimately making some big changes in my working life.

Friends, please enjoy this guest post by  Emma Gwillim.

***

Journaling would be, for me, a great excuse to indulge in my love of stationery (oh the sweet joy of a crisp, new notebook!) but I just don’t seem to have the discipline to get my thoughts down on paper daily.  Not in this structured way at least.  I am a scribbler though – my creative mind is constantly stirring up new ideas which I write down, along with inspiring quotes and stories I’ve read in books, blogs and, my other obsession, magazines.  In looking back over years of dog-eared notebooks, it’s obvious that my thing has come to light by a slow, dawning realisation.

I’m pretty impatient by nature and, if I set my mind to something, I’ll be a woman on a mission – I love a good challenge.  And so, finding myself thing-less and a little lost in my early twenties, without knowing what the thing was that I wanted to go after was foreign territory.  Uncomfortable at best, sheer panic a worst.

Here I was, working my way up the corporate ladder and earning a good living by giving out 100% of my hard work, energy and professionalism at work, all the while feeling pretty lost and empty on the inside.  And without an answer.  Terrified at the uncharacteristic prospect of doing nothing, I set to reading all manner of personal development books and inspiring biographies, while the answer still eluded me.  What was my thing?  The thing would set my heart on fire?

I spent way too long waiting for the answer, waiting for the proverbial light-bulb to go off.

It didn’t. 

And I’m embarrassed to say, unsurprisingly, I continued trading my time and energy for a monthly pay-slip in a job that left me cold.

Nothing changed until my mind-set changed.

The wonderful Steve Jobs said “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.  So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”  I’d been waiting to work out, and logically decide, what my next dot would be and all the while I was in limbo.

It was a distraction in another area of my life, the natural end of a relationship, that was the shake-up for me.  That ending became a new beginning of the real Emma: I took a flying lesson, I travelled, I began to learn the Italian language, I cooked foods I loved, I read books that interested me, I socialised with people that made me feel happy …. and almost I forgot about my pursuit of that ‘light-bulb’ moment.  I stopped waiting and started moving, it didn’t matter in what direction.

And then it came….not in a blinding flash.  Instead I instinctively knew the things that brought a smile to my face and my heart and, the more I indulged in things I was passionate about, the more it seemed to open up the conversation with others.  In being willing to give things a go and learn if it was “me” or not, my wonderful family and friends seemed to be given the green light to impart their view, their perception of the real me, and added more colour to the picture that was always before my eyes.  Clues to which I’d been scribbling down over the years.

I still don’t believe I’ve got the definitive answer of what I want to do, but I’ve got gutsier about what I want to be.  As one of these things is brave, I’m going to bravely share, for the first time, my thing: to love and nurture people to live their best life.  It’s a simple as that.

And how exciting!  The giddiness of this was that I realised I could be this way in every area of my life – rather than the ‘what to do’ I was searching for in my working life.  I can be loving and nurturing with my husband, family and friends. I can be loving and nurturing in my work and hobbies.  I can even be loving and nurturing with myself – something that was definitely on the back-burner years ago.

If I could speak to my younger self, here’s what I’d advise:

• Your purpose isn’t your work.  Your life is.  What do you want to stand for?  To be remembered for?
• Don’t hang onto a ‘someday, one day’ dream.  Stop waiting.  Get moving.  There’s something gutsy about taking the next, courageous step without knowing where it will lead.
• Feel it.  Let yourself be drawn to all the things that interest, inspire and make you wonder.  It’s only by tasting a little of everything that you’ll get to know your favourite flavours.

***

Do you hear the grace in Emma’s words that she knows how she wants to BE even if what to DO is still amorphous (and possibly even temporarily irrelevant)?

I, for one, am excited to witness this bright light along her path. You can too, by following her writing about her journey (and sharing inspiration) at her blog or connecting with her shining self on Twitter.

Tweetworthy Emma-isms (for your sharing pleasure)

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What's YOUR Thing? If you’re trying to find your thing, then signing up for updates is the thing for you. Get Thing Finding Thursday updates, plus:

Top secret and supershiny notices, events and discounts.

Making the decision to raise your rates is a grade A biggie. There are good reasons to keep your old rate (everyone will be happy). And there are consequences to keeping your old rate (everyone will be happy except you…and you know how well THAT usually works out).

Once you’ve made the decision to raise rates, all the negative self-talk and naysaying saboteurs/gremlins/inner critics love to show up for a feeding frenzy. They’re your first obstacle. And they hate nothing more than clarity. So that’s what you must feed them: a steady diet of straight talk.

Here’s What You Tell Yourself (and Your Saboteurs)

Say this, loud and proud:

I am raising my rates because:
1) I know the value of my worth and it’s time that I was compensated accordingly. (This may mean saying “no” to brain-picking too…your call).
2) I know what I need to do to grow my business and raising my rates will allow me to create more. (More of what is up to you).
3) I have done my due diligence and I know what the market will bear. (Because you HAVE).
4) I know the value of my worth and it’s time that I was compensated accordingly. (This bears repeating…saboteurs like to pretend they didn’t hear you the first time).

So, that’s what you say to your saboteurs…but let me be clear. How you handle your saboteurs is very different from how you handle your beloved clients.

Here’s What You Tell Your Clients

With respect and appreciation and clarity, state: “I am raising my rates next month.”

Period.

You could try to explain how your rate increase means you’ll be working with fewer clients and providing them with better service etc, but truthfully, when I’m on the receiving end of this speech, it rarely resonates. I get it. You’re in business. And you deserve to be compensated. But as your client, I’d like to know:

“What’s the impact on me?”

At this point, you have two choices:

1) Temporarily grandfather the existing rates of your current clients and in doing so give them a couple of months grace before the new rates take effect. If you do so, it remains important that you tell them about the increase. If you’re good (and you must be, you rate-raiser, you) they are referring you to others. And if that’s so, you must educate your sales force – a.k.a “your clients” – about your price. No one likes sticker shock.

2) Have your existing clients start paying your new rate immediately. If this is the case, I am hoping that you have managed expectations early in the hiring process. When I start work with my coaching clients, we typically agree to a three month arrangement at a given price ($400/month + tax, if you’re curious). In our written agreement, I have included this caveat: Client and coach will discuss any rate increase at least one month prior to the agreement ending in order to establish a new agreement. People like surprises even less than they like sticker shock.

Will clients walk away?

The simple answer is…possibly.

Possibly yes, possibly no.

If you opt for choice #2, then it’s possible they have become quite comfortable with the old rate and they may believe your new rate is outside of the perceived threshold of what they can handle. DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY. You can either try to convince them the work you’re doing together is every bit as valuable as it ever was (feel the energy drain?), or you can invest that energy in finding new clients that are happy to pay your new rate (feel the energy lift?).

And for those who choose to walk away, lovingly hand them a list of people in your field that offer their services at the lower rate. It’s a classy and unforgettable act of generosity. No regrets, no hard feelings. Just expansive growth.

Stand as a model for your clients. Chances are good it’s time they raised their rates too. Show them how to raise rates in the most elegant and masterful way possible.

Remember that beach vacation when you were a kid and your older sibling was off chasing boys (or girls) and you were on your own? And your parents, who were more interested in their sangria than managing your social life, distractedly waved you off to “go make a friend” and it seemed impossible in that moment until you saw HER and went over and said: “let’s be friends” and she said yes?

For me, that was Tara Sophia Mohr. We’ve been hanging out on the same beach for a while now and I’ve always been curious about her and her sandcastles (they always seem SO WELL put together). And do you recall the 2012 planning post wherein I declared my search for a publicist and I committed to “Ask my coaching colleagues/peers who they work with (by Dec 31, 2011)”?

That’s what I did. I asked the girl with the well constructed (and beautiful) sandcastle for a Skype chat and she said yes.

I knew she was wise. I knew she was wonderful. What I wasn’t prepared for was how WARM she is. (Frequent and regular Skype tea dates are in the works.)

If you don’t know her, here’s what she’s up to in this world. She’s an expert on women’s leadership and women’s wellbeing. She has created the wildly popular “10 Rules for Brilliant Women” and the 6-month Playing Big women’s leadership program (full disclosure: that there is an affiliate link), Tara’s work has been featured on The Today Show, ForbesWoman, USA Today, More Magazine and is regularly published in Huffington Post. She received her undergraduate degree from Yale University and her MBA from Stanford University. Tara is also the author of Your Other Names: Poems for Wise Living.

Cerebral and soulful stuff. Interested in hearing about her path? Me too.

What’s your thing?

Tara Sophia Mohr:  My thing is being Tara. These days (these years, really,) that generally looks like this:

• bringing women’s voices into the world
• helping women play bigger
• speaking-writing-communicating to bring about the world I want to see. every day there is something new to say. I love saying it.
• letting poems come through.
• creating beauty. basking in beauty.
• laughing in community, being with friends, being over the moon happy that you (and you, and you and you) exist and are right here, with me!
• being silly and dancing around the apartment cracking up my husband.
• compassion, compassion, compassion, because compassion is the natural expression of wisdom, the fruit of seeing things as they really are.

Note on the above: nothing in my life is linear. So please picture these words in a big swirling circle, not in a list.

Was finding your thing the result of a divine revelation, an insane invention, a culmination of insights…or something else?

Tara Sophia Mohr: It was a return. It was a return to my childhood dreams. I’m not someone who was fundamentally confused about what my thing was, though I spent many years saying “I don’t know what my thing is.” Translation: “My thing might be that thing I’ve been dreaming of since I was five, but frankly that thing seems too impractical and scary to go for, so I’ll ignore that and take some career assessment tests instead.”

I don’t think we all “find” our things. I did some combination of remember, recover, listen and experiment my way into my thing.

There was a time in my life about four years ago when I made a pretty radical shift toward living a more authentic life and career. I don’t know what caused that to happen on one day and not another, but the change felt precipitated by intensifying pain: the pain of the inauthentic way of living grew great enough that I was willing to face the discomfort involved in change.

When the old shoe really, really, really gets uncomfortable? That’s when I often start to make change. But what causes the shoe to get uncomfortable at a certain point? Something mysterious, something that has to do, I believe, with the timeline of our soul’s unfoldment.

Obstacles/fears/doubts – what were they, how’d you vanquish them?

Tara Sophia Mohr:  For me, life has often felt like trying to sew together two pieces of fabric: one piece is my authentic self. The things she loves. Her natural, confident, uninhibited, blissed-out self. Picture a happy five year old, totally unself-conscious, in her element, doing her thing. That’s piece of fabric #1.

The other piece of fabric is the world: the more competitive, judgmental landscape where that natural self was not always welcomed or safe or validated.

How to sew the two together? How to make them connected, so I can move across them easily? How to walk in the world as my authentic self comfortably and confidently – to say what I had to say – no matter how radical or how ridiculed?

That has been my primary challenge. What has helped me has been in part outer: having powerful support people in my life –community, teachers, friends – who gave me tools and championed my dreams when I was just getting started in listening to them and acknowledging them. But inner work has been equally important, particularly work around 1) clarifying my vision 2) understanding what the inner critic is and how it operates and 3) getting wise about how to deal with fear.

The programs I lead are very informed by what has most helped me – and what most helps the other women I work with.

What questions did you ask yourself to trigger your a-ha moments…and what signs and milestones should others be looking for in their journeys?

Tara Sophia Mohr: Some of my favorite questions:

What is my message to share in this situation, my unique truth? (Note: if no one else sees what you are saying or is talking about what you are thinking, that makes your perspective more needed, not less; more valuable not less).

What does my heart need in order to follow itself? (In any situation to ask your heart, “Dear heart: what do you need right now, to follow yourself?”)

How can I be a representative of love in this situation? (This question has saved me a hundred times. Saved me from pettiness, fear-based responses, aggression and brought me right back into love. You be surprised how well it works in business environments too.)

***

I’m appreciating the notion of the two fabrics. I’m appreciating her powerful questions. I’m appreciating the power of support systems. And I’m appreciating the worn shoe metaphor. I’m appreciating it all.

What are you appreciating?

Please share in the comments or let’s talk about this on Facebook OR go ahead and spread her wisdom with your people on Twitter.

Tweetworthy Tara Sophia Mohr-isms (for your sharing pleasure)

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You can find Tara Sophia Mohr at her site; or on Twitter.

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What's YOUR Thing? If you’re trying to find your thing, then signing up for updates is the thing for you. Get Thing Finding Thursday updates, plus:

Top secret and supershiny notices, events and discounts.

You know I love me some Danielle LaPorte. Told you so here, here, here and here. In my mind, she is THE High Priestess of Passion Persuasion and a sublimely generous friend. So when I decided to dive into the realm of Thing Finding, there was zero doubt who I’d be contacting for an interview. This was actually recorded a good while ago, but like all things golden, it has stood the test of time.

Danielle is the author of the Spark Kit (got yours yet?) and most recently co-authored Your Big Beautiful Book Plan with Linda Sivertsen.

When I was asked to review this latest tome of gorgeousness, I said this:

“It’s a rich buffet of ideas, tools and resources, delivered with soulful practicality and sizzling pragmatism.”

I still say that.

In this video, we talk about wooing your thing, how gratitude can be used as key evidence in the process, the killer of thing-finding {spoiler alert: comparison}, and you’ll bear witness to her best impression of a saboteur (not to be missed). She’ll also share with you (drum roll, please) THE FORMULA.

Enjoy.

Interview with Danielle LaPorte for Thing Finding Thursday

How delightful is this woman, I ask you? Time spent in her presence, time spent in her words, is like time spent at an old-school Nordic spa for the mind. Hot submersion then cold plunge, then back to off-the charts heat again. Invigorating and ultimately oh-so restorative. And do you see what I mean about her flagrant generosity? Now please go ahead and spread the love inherent in her wisdom with your peeps, will you?

Tweetworthy Danielle-isms (for your sharing pleasure)

• Practicality and passion are a wicked combo. – @DanielleLaPorte to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8cIhH #TFThurs 
• Go on a comparison diet. – @DanielleLaPorte to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8cIhH #TFThurs
• Take the charge out of finding your genius. Like, what makes you happy? – @DanielleLaPorte to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8cIhH #TFThurs
• There is nothing original out there. – @DanielleLaPorte to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8cIhH #TFThurs
• We are not doers, we are deciders (from the Book of Runes) via @DanielleLaporte to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8cIhH #TFThurs
• I don’t get off on failure. – @DanielleLaPorte to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8cIhH #TFThurs
• Appreciate what you have. That’s the formula. – @DanielleLaPorte to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8cIhH #TFThurs

Transcript of edited interview (for your reading pleasure)

Tanya: So something that you have written always, always, always piqued my curiosity and got my juices going. The enthusiasm is the genuine yes that will uncork your genius. That’s sublime. I absolutely love that.

Danielle: It’s so juicy. You’re so uncorked anyhow.

Danielle: Well, I think first you need to believe that you have genius. That’s sort of half the journey. I know it’s in there somewhere. I haven’t uncorked it. I haven’t stumbled across it. I’m certainly not making any money off of it yet, but it’s in there somewhere. So just believe that it’s in there somewhere. I’m often telling people that whatever is showing up in your life in the form of gratitude, people being grateful for you and appreciating and thanking you, whatever you’re getting thanks for is an indication of whatever your gift is or your genius.

What are people showing their gratitude for? When do you feel no sense of time? When do you look up from whatever you’re doing, whether it’s baking cookies or writing a blog post or tinkering with something, and five hours have gone by and you don’t remember how you got there? That’s the sign of being in the flow as Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi says. Aren’t you impressed that I can say his name?

Tanya: So impressed.

Danielle: So those are some indicators. I think we also need to take the charge out of finding our genius and just start in a gentle way like what makes you happy. Soft and happy. Just start there.

Tanya: I think that that sometimes scares that away, you know, this whole energy of like bigness, bigness, bigness. So I think that that’s possible that there is a bit of a story. What if it’s more just kind of a whisper? Do you know?

Danielle: Yes. And it can be more than a whisper. It can still feel hot, electric and juicy, but it doesn’t mean you need to go make money on it necessarily. It would be great. I mean, I’m aiming for the ideal that that’s what you can do. It doesn’t mean you need to launch it or go back to school. So I think if we just take the expectations off of finding out what it is it will help us get there sooner. It’s like falling in love, right? Are you the guy? Or it’s like the old Dr. Seuss story, “Dr. Seuss, are you my mother?” He doesn’t find his mother until he’s just hanging out. Do you know?

Tanya: Yeah.

Danielle: Yeah. You let it go and then, poop, it will pop up.

Tanya: What are things that people are coming up against as they try to woo their thing?

Danielle: As they try to woo their thing? That’s such a great – Oh, comparison. It’s toxic. It’s a killer. Don’t do it. It goes like this. What I want to say has already been said. Her brand is like my brand. She got there, he got there to market before I did. Who am I to do this? I’m not qualified. They have more qualifications. They, they, they, they, they. Guess what? You’re an original just because it’s all coming through your lens, your perspective, your voice, your experience, your drive, your level of interest. So nobody has said what you’re going to say. By the way, there is nothing original out there. It’s been said. What I’m saying, what I say on WhiteHotTruth.com it’s perennial stuff. You can find lots of teachers that talk about it. But nobody talks about it in the way I do. So comparison sucks. Just stop and knock it off. Just go on a comparison diet.

Fears in wooing stuff. Well, there is the what if I fail? Just make a decision and do it. Just decide. Just do. There is a great saying from the book of the Runes, “We are not doers, we are deciders, and once we decide the doing becomes easy.” So doing something and making a mistake is superior, underlined, italicized, to not doing anything. Now that doesn’t mean you don’t have to wait some things out and everything, especially business, so much to do with timing. But you do something and you fail, you will still be further ahead. Even if you’re in the hole financially, you will still be further ahead.

You will have more courage. You will have more faith. You will have more acumen. You will have more contacts at the bank. You will have more resources for your next thing. Just do something. Find out. And in that regard, quit soon and fail fast. If it sucks, leave it. Of course, there is time. I mean, everything I talk about is contradiction. So let’s get that on the table.

Tanya: Love it.

Danielle: Of course there are times where you persist and you endure and all that stuff. But if it’s not working, can it and leave it. Seth Godin in his book, The Dip, about this, “Winners quit sooner.”

Danielle: I also have a contradiction to that.

Tanya: Bring it.

Danielle: Fail fucking sucks. I want to be clear that my focus here is about executing. It’s about creating. It’s about doing so you can go on. Failure is often part of it, but it’s not – Some entrepreneurs get off on their failures. I don’t get off on failure. I have learned a lot more from my successes than I have from my failures for sure.

Danielle: Do I have a saboteur? Yes. Yes, I do. I’ve never articulated so we’re having a live moment here. I can tell you my saboteur are all those little – I really dislike them.  I need to be careful here. My saboteur is a 30 something, Adidas wearing, running show wearing, geek, social media addicted guy from Silicon Valley. He is a bit spiritually vacant and highly fucking cynical. That personality, that kind of avatar is my saboteur. So sometimes I think I’m being too spiritual or I’m not being grounded or, yeah, too out there, too Abraham Hicks. Is that guy behind me going, “this doesn’t work in the real world?” Do you know what I say to him? I say, “You haven’t been properly hugged in months, mister. You probably have sex like a robot.” And you know know what I got is hot. And that’s how I deal with my saboteur. I tell him to go fuck himself.

Tanya: Oh my goodness.

Danielle: Yeah, that crowd scares me definitely. But I’m almost over it.

Tanya: Sorry, I’m not finding – That’s really, really good. I just got to tell you, I wanted to hug him too. I just wanted to hug him too like he needs to be properly hugged like heart to heart, man.

Danielle: Saboteurs they really need love. They’re just coming to the table. Love me.

Tanya: Do you have any final desire for our viewers, people who are picking up what’s my thing? What do you want for them, Danielle?

Danielle: Don’t quit your day job. It is your birthright to have your thing. Be practical about your passion. Practicality and passion are a wicked combo. It’s perfectly alright to want to be happy the majority of the time and it can be done.

Tanya: Yeah.

Danielle: Appreciate what you have. That’s the formula. You want to find your thing. You want to move ahead. You want velocity. You need to appreciate everything that’s going on in your life right now. You need to appreciate that you have a bitchy boss. You need to appreciate the money that you are making. You need to appreciate that you’re stuck. You need to see the beauty in the people that you’re working with.

You need to realize, and if you’re watching this, you probably live in the western world. The fact that you’re watching this on the computer means you have the democratic choice to do that and the financial means to do that. So I’ll leave it on this note. Whatever you got going you got it good. Be grateful for it. When you appreciate that, you will attract more into your life to be appreciative for. It just gets better.

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If you haven’t already, you can find Danielle at White Hot Truth and on Twitter.

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What's YOUR Thing? If you’re trying to find your thing, then signing up for updates is the thing for you. Get Thing Finding Thursday updates, plus:

Top secret and supershiny notices, events and discounts.

We celebrate Christmas on the Eve with my family. It is a quieter affair, with smoked salmon, pierogies + boeuf bourguignon (always), Christmas story reading, stockings (each item, no matter how small, yields an appreciative “ooohhhhHHH” so this is a very long, very humourous ordeal). Once our daughter reluctantly goes off to sleep clutching her bear, the adults will sit together, listening to Mahalia Jackson tell us what her heart knows about Christmas, then get lost in our own thoughts about Christmas Eve’s gone by. Mine will stray to that magical Christmas Eve in Innsbruck, or to the first Christmas spent with my boyfriend (now husband) when he gave me the Led Zeppelin box set (uh huh) and Coco Chanel.

We will miss my Mom.

Once Santa visits (usually around 11pm…odd), we will wake our girl up and she will be bleary-eyed and searching for proof of his visit, grilling us on the details. Her heart’s desire will be wrapped in shimmery paper and this will quell any more discussion. For now.

And it will be beautiful. 

The next day, we’ll spend it with my husband’s family. It’s a large family so everything will be a little, MORE.  Many presents, many people, many stories, many memories.

And it will be beautiful.

I am more grateful than I could ever express that I get to be with two families where there is love. In several different homes where there is food and light and heat. Where there are happy, healthy children.

In fact, I feel a little overcome by it all.

So today, as I charge around, picking up last minute things for the “ooohhhhHHHs” of the stockings, pop in to visit friends for some cheer, and try not to fret that the (PERFECT) gift I found for my husband seems to be stuck at the US-Canadian border, I will keep checking my look in the mirror to make sure what I’m feeling in my heart is found in a smile on my lips.

I am also grateful to you, Dear One. That I get to do the work I get to do is an honour. That I get to write to this blog (and that you read it and love it and tell me in your comments, in your emails, and with your subscriptions) makes my heart fuller still.

So, until we meet on the other side of Boxing Day, here’s my Christmas wish list for you:

• That you set your intentions for how you want these holidays to be, so that there are no regrets.
• That you have it be easy.
• That you enjoy being as gracious of a receiver as you are a giver.
• And once again, that your days are filled with warmth and love; that your mind is filled with curious wonder; and, that your heart is filled with joy.

I’ll see you next Thursday, with an interview with the sublime Danielle LaPorte for Thing Finding Thursday.

Wishing you peace, elation + hydration (that smoked salmon can be a doozy).

Today’s Thing Finding Thursday features a guest post by Megan Potter.

Megan is an an Archetypal Counselor & Chinese Face Reader. Yup, thought you might be curious about that. Read on to find out how she woke up (consistently at 1:00 am) to THAT.

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Fireworks, Epiphanies, and Gestating Things that all Come Into Being in their Own Time but are Really In There All Along.

I have the freaking coolest job in the world, seriously.  I double dog dare you to find a job as cool as mine.

When I show off for fun (cause if you had my job you’d totally show off for fun too) I literally get to watch people’s jaws drop; they tell me I’m crazy – unbelievable, or they sit speechless with eyes wide.  In fact, their reactions are so much fun that my husband likes to use me as entertainment at boring parties and in large groups.

My totally, way cool, job is to read people’s faces.  Not their expressions, not their feelings, but their noses and eyebrows and foreheads and cheeks.  (For example, I can tell you that with cheeks like that Tanya is a Woman of Authority who can handle being the boss, but also demands a certain pride in everything she does.) [ed. note: oooooh, she's gooood]

My work is centered around Chinese Face Reading, but that’s not my Thing.  It’s just one vehicle that lets me express my thing.

Rewind to two, three, years ago.

It’s approximately 1:00 am, and I’m curled up on the couch with a book and pen.  Everyone has gone to their respective beds and I’m soaking up the dark stillness, allowing myself to be swept up in this treasure I recently found, my first book on Chinese Face Reading.  I’m not even at the face reading part, I’m still only in the front matter: the stuff on why the author (who would later become my teacher) thinks This Work matters.

Every now and then I need to set this book down.  I need to tug it away from my body so that the electric shock it is radiating though me can release enough to let me catch my breath.

She is talking about the importance of knowing ourselves, about her work of being a mirror for others so they can rediscover – have affirmed – that Self for themselves.

And fireworks are going off inside of me.  I can’t sit still.  I have to stand up, then sit down again, to keep reading.

How could I have missed that?  Of course that’s my thing.  I’ve known it all along, I just never knew it before.

My work is Chinese Face Reading, but my Thing is seeing people’s souls and empowering them to live from their selves.  It always has been, even when I had no bloody idea what I was going to do with myself.

Rewind to Six years before that.

It’s approximately 1:00 am; everyone’s in bed and I’m sitting in front of my computer chatting it up on my favorite forum.  The flicker of the computer screen is the only light in the house, the clack of my keyboard seems to echo deathly loud.

A friend posts: “I’m having a coaching session tomorrow, wish me luck.”

What’s a coaching session?

I click the link she, so kindly, provides.

A new world opens in front of me as I read a blurb: What is Coaching?

I could feel it, energy moving up my body, my stomach flips, my heart pounds to the rhythm, “This is me.  This is me.  This is me.”  I could feel it throbbing through me.

It’s me, it’s who I’ve always been, what I’d always been doing – even when I had no freaking clue what I could do with my life.

Fireworks I can’t contain push me to my groggy (formerly asleep) husband’s bedside, “Oh my God Jeff, you have to listen to this!”

Fast Forward 3 or 6 years from now

It’s approximately 1:00 am and I’m up reading, or surfing, or chatting – when I should clearly be in bed.  But the dark, quiet, aloneness brings me to a place of internal stillness nothing else does.

I’ve found a new idea, a fascinating article, amazing person and one more thing is expanding within me.  I can feel it, the energy rush that confirms this is exactly the thing I needed to find at this exact moment.  There are fireworks and excitement, and something clicks into place for me.

As a result my work – my job – will grow, expand, or maybe shrink – or even leap, take an entirely new shift.  But when it happens, I’ll stand there open mouthed (like so many of my Face Reading clients), and say: This is me.  As soon as I see it I’ll know it’s true, has always been true, even when there was no way I could possibly define it before.

I’m not the least bit worried about it though, because I know whatever happens at that 1:00 am epiphany I’ll still be looking into soul’s, I’ll still be empowering and affirming and reflecting back every gorgeous Self that plants itself in front of me.

Because that’s my Thing, and my Thing is ME.

Which is why I’m constantly walking through life with eyes raised, arms open, and heart singing just waiting for Fireworks and Epiphanies knowing they’ll only take me closer to who I already am.

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You can find Megan Potter at her  blog, on facebook or on Twitter.  She does one-on-one Face Reading sessions, teaches the Five Elements, and offers Elemental self-care retreats.

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What's YOUR Thing? If you’re trying to find your thing, then signing up for updates is the thing for you. Get Thing Finding Thursday updates, plus:

Top secret and supershiny notices, events and discounts.