Know why you’re feeling so wobbly?

Know why you’re feeling so wobbly?

Know why you feel like you’re freaking out?

It’s okay, Love.

And it’s actually quite simple.

You’ve never been here before.

In your lifetime, you have never seen the likes of what you’re seeing in your newsfeed. In fact, even HAVING a newsfeed is new. Relatively speaking. So you’re seeing every preposterous tweet. Every unimaginable utterance. Every inflammatory order. Every doomsday prediction.

You’ve never faced this before. Few have.

And when you’re on the precipice of something new, you tend to freak out.

It’s what you (WE) do. Well, those of us who come up against the Impostor Complex, that is.

Those of us who feel a cellular need to GET IT RIGHT. With impenetrable values of mastery, excellence and integrity. (That’s key.)

Now, normally I talk about this in the context of the NEW you desire.

The new level. The new opportunity. The new ROLE.

This NEW, of course, is not THE new you had hoped for.

But it’s the new that’s here.

And it’s calling you, US, forth.
And you don’t know how to DO IT RIGHT. Yet.

Just like you didn’t know how to take the stage until you took the stage.
Just like you didn’t know how to be a parent until you held her in your arms.
Just like you didn’t know how to manage someone else before you were made a manager.

You were new to that then. You are new to this now. So cut yourself a massive swath of slack.

OF COURSE you want to do it RIGHT. You want to honour those values of mastery, excellence and integrity.

For yourself, to be certain. And for everyone around you.

No pressure, eh?

And your Impostor Complex, with its incredibly high standards and competence extremities (i.e.: “Lie #3 of the Impostor Complex: You are all or nothing”) are berating you for what you are doing, aren’t doing and all in-between. So, you’re still on the outside. Freaking out on the inside.

I get it.

Oh, and also:

We all need to rally.jpg


It feels like it’s all on the line.

Because there’s a way in which it is.

Yes. We all need to rally.

But how should we rally?

From our own known sources of strength. (click to tweet)


Decide what role you need to play. And step in.

What are YOUR strengths? (Try hard not to compare yours to others…stay in your lane of competence and mastery. I repeat: What are YOUR strengths?)

Speaking? Speak what you know so that you may inspire the same in others.
Writing? Write what you know so that you may inspire the same in others.
Coaching? Coach your heart out and get your people into the action they are here to activate upon.
Parenting? Parent like your life depends on it. Feed their minds and hearts and be there to soothe their furrowed brows.
Cooking? We will need soup and comfort.
Healer? Heal. Use all of your tools and heal others.
Hosting? Gather the people.

Share what you have. Share what you do. Bring joy you have to those out of joy. Bring light to those sitting in the dark.

We need marchers and activists, yes. AND we need artists and bakers.

Do your job and do it better than ever.

Feeling called to step into a role that you really don’t know?

Learn from those who HAVE been here before. Who have been fighting injustice their whole lives. They are your teachers. Honour their teachings. Honour their hard-earned wisdom and be their willing apprentice. If you show up with tenacity and willingness and a beginner’s mind, they will hand you the tools. Thank them. And then use them wisely.

Still don’t know what to do next?

I shared this on Facebook, and it bears repeating. When you don't quite know what to believe and don't quite know what to are three simple steps towards liberation from the spinning.

1) Take a deep breath, with an extra sip of oxygen at the top of your inhalation. Exhale.
2) Ask your heart what it needs, and listen for the answer.
3) Ask your gut what it wants you to do next.

Proceed accordingly.

No matter where you are at, keep your eye on the bigger picture. Then act in the increments most appropriate to YOUR capacity.

Yes. You may mess up and say and do the wrong things. (That’s always possible.)
No, you may not be fully ready. (No one was ever fully ready. For anything.)
Of course, there is room for you to improve. (That’s the only good news that comes with the Impostor Complex.)

We’re going to need all of you. But it’s not ALL on you. (click to tweet)




Hop Up Onto The Counter

She had something to say. She often does. She’s not shy. But there was something unique about this time. She needed something more…urgently.

So she jumped up onto the counter, right where the two slabs of granite lengths meet in the corner.

It was a gesture that felt so teen-like in its confidence, it made me catch my breath. And the way she brushed her hair out of her eyes also gave me a glimpse into the young woman she’s becoming. Right before my eyes.

That general area by the second sink and the cutting board being the one that I typically occupy as I chop vegetables and pontificate and expound and lecture at her blessed dear heart, there was nowhere for me to go but to sit at the island, facing her. Where she normally sits enduring my lectures (mostly) patiently.

He sat down next to me. We both turned our phones off at the same moment, the same gesture. And then, we lifted our chins to watch her face, for she was at last taller than us.

Once she was assured that we were there, REALLY there, she started to tell her story…not a story I’m at liberty to share. But a story that is deeply meaningful to her, and deserving of our full and undivided attention. Which she received when she jumped up onto the counter.

It was a symbol of resoluteness. A symbol of worthiness.

Hear me. See me. Listen to me.

And we did.

And her story was good.

I mean…REALLY good. Like, this girl SEES things. KNOWS things.

As stories are when we offer our undivided attention. When there are no iPhones and agendas. When someone we love and admire and respect says: “Hear me. See me. Listen to me.”

Often times “being seen” or “being heard” is actually code for “being right”. Let’s be clear: that’s very different. (Also different? Getting noticed...NOT the same as being seen.)

In any case, in THIS case, our girl didn’t need to be right. She just needed to be heard.

And the extra few feet of counter height gave her the exact amount of leverage she needed. That act of hopping up was even better than her excellent and worthy story.

You caught the metaphor, right?

Go ahead.

When you have something to say that needs to be heard, change your delivery.

Hop up onto the counter.

Your people will hear you. See you. Listen to you. (Click to tweet)

Expect a breakthrough


At the top of every coaching session, I will ask my client where they would like to be at the end of the call.

A powerful question that typically lands in a peculiar place for most, it generally elicits dead air for a moment. It’s rare and unusual that we are asked what we want.

Where do you want to be at the end of the call? (Its power is that it sets an intention, to be certain, but the mind can’t help but constrain it … and it sets the unconscious in motion: where do I want to be at the end of this day, at the end of this week, at the end of this year?)

I don’t prompt, and we sit in the silence for a brief time as they navigate the whirlpool of their stories about wanting and asking and expecting. But then, oh then the silence yields to a space filled with named desires and wishes and hopes.

And then we’re off.

But every once in a while, I’ll get this answer instead: Well, I certainly don’t expect a breakthrough.

Hmm. Really? And here’s what I always say: Maybe that’s been the problem. Try again.

We’ll negotiate back and forth some more until we get to them saying, finally naming the truth: I’d like to experience a breakthrough.

And then we’re off.

You know what happens then, right? Breakthroughs. Sometimes within 10 minutes, sometimes right at the end of our time, sometimes in rapid-fire succession.

But here’s what you and I both know: the assertion of the expectation IS the breakthrough.

Oh please….I KNOW expectations are hard to hold. We’ve been disappointed by people who haven’t delivered on their promises. We’ve hedged our asks, dumbed down our requests, held back our desires. Somehow protecting them. From the world, to be certain. But moreover? From activation. From seeing the light of day.

Disappointment is hard, but not as hard as the alternative. Your life keeps showing you that.

Expect a breakthrough. (Click to tweet!)

In a follow up email with my most recent client who had an unexpected breakthrough, I reminded them of their dialed down expectations that weren’t aligned with their heart’s desire. And I wrote this:

The lesson here? No more hedging for you.
Surround yourself with the best.
Ask for what you want.
Expect a breakthrough.
And then watch it show up.

And so, that is also my wish for you.

It’s a good time to start.

Right now.

Expect a breakthrough.


The party is on the other side of the resistance


I have a request. Can you just give pause to think about that thing you just crossed off your list?

(I know, I know…you have more things on your list and can’t possibly pause to think back…but it was LITERALLY 10 minutes ago which is why you’ve opened your email, or clicked the link in FB and are reading this right now. So just take another minute with me and revisit that completed task.)

Maybe you:

  • hit the gym
  • wrote the shitty first draft of your pitch letter
  • sent your proposal to a literary agent
  • asked for support
  • signed a new client at your new rate

Remember that?

Stay with me now…I know you don’t think it’s a big deal. Yes, I too am looking at your massive to-do list and can see it’s but one thing.

But, let’s put down the list for a second.

Take my hand.

Look in my eyes.

And listen deeply to me when I tell you this:

There was a time when you believed what you just did was not possible.

For YOU.

Oh, you believed others could do it, would do it.

More athletic, strategic, creative people than you. Smarter, braver, luckier people than you.

But guess what? You were wrong.

It WAS possible.

You just proved it to yourself.

When it comes to the Impostor Complex, it's not about never ever feeling its sting again. It doesn't work like that.

It's about building your resilience and recognizing all the times you've stood at this very precipice of your desires. Of expansion. Of a breakthrough.

And then remembering all the times that you decided to jump anyway and discovered that the party was indeed on the other side of the resistance. (tweet this)

Where else can you prove yourself wrong?

What would you say to nine months of sitting UP, rising UP, speaking UP, shining UP, stepping UP? The brighter, the higher, the better? The Starring Role Academy is right this way…but the door closes Friday at 11:59pm EST. If you have any burning questions, join me for a 30 minute Q+A call Friday at 3:30p EST here.

7 Reasons We Stop Short

You know that opportunity that comes along that speaks to you on a deeply visceral level? Like it was created just for you? The timing, the stars, everything is just oh so right.

And you are there, teetering on the precipice. Just about to step in.

But then you don’t.

You give up before you get going.

Why? Why do we do that?

I can think of seven reasons:

  1. We’re afraid of failing.

  2. We’re afraid of succeeding.

  3. We’re afraid of being let down.

  4. We’re afraid of letting ourselves down.

  5. We’re afraid of not being met.

  6. We’re afraid of not being seen.

  7. We’re afraid of being seen.

And so, we stop short. Real short.

We don’t claim our expertise. We don’t raise our rates. We don’t pitch our work or stand in our worth.

Which makes our Impostor Complex breathe a sigh of sweet relief.

Because if nothing changes, then nothing is risked.

(And the Impostor Complex is even more risk averse than your second high school sweetheart. The one you dated right after the wild and sexy one. The one with the pressed pleated chinos who kissed like a fish and talked about insurance at school dances. Yes. THAT risk averse.)

But here’s what I know. And I know you know it too, with every fibre of your being.

If you give up before you even get going, you’re simply never (ever) going to get to where you’ve been called to go.

It just doesn’t work. It just doesn’t happen. Your life has shown you that.

Stop stopping.
Start stepping.

The Starring Role Academy is ready for you to step into it. And? It’s designed for you to succeed. For you to not fail. For you to be seen, heard, met. But most importantly? So that you break your stopping habit. For good.