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Step into Your Starring Role

What’s your Brand of Joy?

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As humans, we are all governed by the desire to feel good.

We’re all doing what we THINK we can do to get it, but our goals are often out of sync because we’re not clear on what IT is, much less what comprises it or how to get it. 

It’s why we prefer to eat sweet or salty foods, why we seek out thrills and adventures, why we have sex, why we fill our homes with creature comforts. 

Sometimes those external ways of feeling “good” can become detrimental, even turn into addictions. They are surface pleasures only. But when we discover the emotion that we’re craving underneath those physical pleasures, it can become our north star.

I call that emotion, that north star, your Brand of Joy. 

My Brand of Joy is JOY. And it’s what I seek in everything I do. My work, my relationships, my clients.  Other people call it something else: vitality, freedom, success, love, passion, magic...

When you can name your Brand of Joy, you can truly use it as your north star to calibrate everything in your life from your relationships to creating offers in your business; from aligning your environment around you to deepening your rituals and practices; from choosing a way to move your body every day to choosing where you will vacation this year. 

It’s also the first tool in your toolbox for dismantling the Imposter Complex. The Imposter Complex wants to keep you alone, doubting, and out of action — but when you feel any of these things, you can turn to your Brand of Joy to help you see the path forward. 

From that place of joy, I created the Step into Your Starring Role program which became the Starring Role Playbook which became the Starring Role Academy.

From that place of joy, I know how to overcome obstacles. How to conquer my inbox before vacation. What to create for dinner. What to say YES to… and what to say NO to.

My inquiry is always: how can this be more joyful?

And when that's too big, I root into what underpins it for me.

For me — and for everyone — there are values that lead to that Brand of Joy. For me, they are my values of connection, gratitude, and generosity.

So when I struggle to see how to make a thing, a moment, a challenge more joyful, I shift to looking at my values: How can I feel more connected? Grateful? Generous?

When it's not aligned with my Brand of Joy, it's not aligned with anything.

Tweet this

And then I know the way forward

When it's not aligned with my Brand of Joy, it's not aligned with anything.

You have your own brand of what I call joy. Maybe it's devotion. Or freedom. Or ease. Or flow. Or expanded. Or success. Or love. Or beauty. Once you know what it is, it will inform EVERYTHING if you let it (and you should).

Brand of Joy is the First Leg of the Journey

I know that Unshakable Confidence is a three-legged stool, and the three legs are Integrity, Presence, and Action.

Of the three legs, we begin with Integrity, so that we can start with a strong core and a strong foundation. Integrity is all about authenticity, obedience to your vision, and honouring your word. 

You know this for yourself: Every time we don’t show up as our Authentic Selves, we are out of Integrity. Every time we waiver on doing the things that move us closer to claiming our desires, we are out of Integrity. Every time we make and break a promise to another — or to OURSELVES — we are out of Integrity. 

And every time we are out of Integrity, we erode our confidence just a bit more.

(See how that works?)

The first step to understanding, claiming, and stepping into your Authentic Self is to understand your Brand of Joy. It becomes the north star that allows you to navigate anything that comes your way.

When you know your Brand of Joy, you know yourself better, and you can more easily stay in alignment and Integrity. 

Finding Your Brand Of Joy

Time for you to see what your unique Brand of Joy is.

Watch this video and follow along to begin to uncover your unique Brand of Joy.

Full transparency: While it’s joyful for me to share these tools, I’m also offering them to help you determine if the Starring Role Academy is for you. We will be opening the doors to a new experience of the Academy later this year; click the link and sign up to be the first to know all the delicious details if it intrigues you. 

Either way, may knowing your Brand of Joy serve you well. xx


Ready to name your Imposter Complex and Step Into Your Starring Role?

Enter your information here to receive the (mostly) weekly Friday Finale from me in your inbox, and my gift to you, Imposter Complex 101: Four short videos to prompt you to think more deeply and clearly about how the Imposter Complex wants to keep you playing small—and how you can fight back.

The two words feared most by the Imposter Complex

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Chances are, if you are a high-performing woman, you have experienced Imposter Complex at some point in your life and career — maybe at lots of points in your life and career. 

Remember, Imposter Complex is that enduring feeling that it’s just a matter of time before everyone finds out that you’re a fake. 

And you are not alone. It strikes MOST of us. If you have high standards for yourself, a desire for excellence, and a value of integrity, I suspect that at one time or another you’ve felt its power over you. And it IS powerful even when it presents as innocuous.

IT CAN LOOK SOMETHING LIKE THIS… 

You are told: You are so committed to your yoga practice. It’s awesome and inspiring.
You respond: Yeah, well my handstand is a train wreck.

You are told: This pasta is exquisite.
You respond: Naw, I put in too much salt.

You are told: You are my go-to when I have a style question.
You respond: What? I’m a sloppy mess.

You are told: You’re a really great writer.
You respond: Ach. My sentences are fragmented.

When we undercut, diminish, and dismiss what we are being offered as a gift of acknowledgment, that’s the handiwork of the Imposter.

Why do we do it? SO.MANY.REASONS. Here are the ones flaring off like fireworks all around me lately::

  • We want to be in integrity and make sure that everyone has the “full story” about us. 

  • We are perfectionists not actually content with ANYTHING until it’s good enough (“for whom?” is the real question here).

  • We cannot perceive the real value of our contributions (especially if we're "naturally gifted" and haven't suffered for our art).

  • We have been raised to be humble above all else.

  • We are superstitious. That by accepting ownership over our excellence, we’re jinxing ourselves.

  • We do not want to commit the crime of outshining (fabulous term coined by Gay Hendricks).

I believe it is part of the work we are meant to do to unpack the whys behind our Imposter Complex so that we can move past them more quickly and easily when they arise so that we allow ourselves to step into our starring roles. 

Which is why I created the Starring Role Academy, as a place to learn and experiment and trust and lean into the work that will allow you to call out the Imposter Complex’s BS, build your own foundation of unshakeable confidence, and decide that you are ready enough to name and claim your starring role. 

Want to try it out…?

I have a simple baby step you can take right now, today, to feel what it feels like to stop diminishing, stop letting the Imposter Complex dictate your responses, and put one small baby toe towards stepping into your Starring Role.

Ready (enough)?

The next time someone dares to see you and share with you what they see in you, in your contributions, in your abilities — instead of showing them where they’re wrong (they’re not) try saying this:: 

Thank you.

That’s it.

Thank you.

No more, no less.

Thank you.

Neither discount nor deny their gift of acknowledgment. Just as you wouldn’t find fault with a gift given to you from the heart, so too should you not find fault with the acknowledgment. Accept it with the grace that only “thank you” affords.

The Impostor Complex despises this because you are, in two words, owning (or, at least, for the time being, BORROWING) the truth. You are doing good.  Full stop.

Added bonus:

Train your brain to say those words and you’ll be sending sweet synaptic love notes to your subconscious with this immutable fact: that you ARE worthy of praise and acknowledgment.

Because you are.

Sure, it’s possible that your handstand, pasta, and sentence structures could use a little more attention. (Which is awesome news for you and your high standards… you get another turn up the upward spiral called life in pursuit of excellence).  

But for this moment, this very moment, rest in the knowledge that you, your yoga practice, your pasta, your style, or your writing has moved, delighted, or even inspired someone. Saying Thank You locks and loads it.

And THAT is excellent.

When you try it this week, will you share it with me?  If you’re feeling bold, post about it on Instagram and tag me @TanyaGeisler so that I can celebrate with you! If you’re feeling tender, send me a private message on IG and we’ll have our own, private celebration.

Either way, take half a moment to celebrate the noticing and the shift. It’s more powerful than you might think.

And if you like the way that feels? You’re going to LOVE the next iteration of the Starring Role Academy. Click here to get on the VIP list and be the first to know when enrollment opens again.

Waiting for Your Big Break May Break You

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Big Breaks can make life easier. They feel like ginormous affirmations that we are really on the right path to THERE. They are universal winks of “I see you Kid…and it is good”.

So of course, we want ‘em. Bad. We yearn for them.

The tweet that will change your trajectory.  The windfall of grace at just the right moment.

But have you ever had a Big Break and felt a bit, erm, empty? Like: THAT was what I’ve been waiting for?

Or, have had the Big Break and then felt like you’ve fumbled it. That it was the ONE CHANCE and there will never, ever, EVER be another?

Or, possibly even worse, leveraged the Big Break but then never really allowed yourself to feel good about it…’cause after all: you “just got lucky that one time”, or: you “didn’t really deserve it”. (And THOSE, my friends, are two of the many calling cards of the Impostor Complex.)

Or, waited until the Big Break came…only to never have it show up.

Oh. Did you just feel that in your chest? Me too.

Waiting for the Big Break may break you. It may break your spirit. It may compromise your belief in YOU. Your genius. Your sacred gifts.

Know what’s a much, MUCH saner way?

It’s not sexy, and you’ve heard it before, but here goes:

Commit. Do the work. Get good.

Fairy Godmothers, silver bullets, magic pills, lottery windfalls…listen, I’m not going to tell you that they don’t exist. Because they might. Because they do.

And sure, leave a little white space for magic, serendipity, and chance, but waiting for them to show up as part of your strategic planning? Mmmmm, no.

Write. Immerse. Run. Bake. Practice. Teach. Expand. Fail. Sing. Train. Redirect. Preach. Sell. Pitch. Ask. Rehearse. Speak. Draw. Coach. Paint. Bead. Dance. Learn. Deepen.

Again and again and again. Imbue it with your truth, your heart, your integrity and your authenticity.

Practice isn’t about making something perfect; it’s about making something possible. – Justine Musk

And...

...look up from time to time. Take your own breaks. Make your own breaks. Revel in your commitment. Notice how far you’ve come. Breathe in your good. And then get back to it.

You are required to show up. And in that way, the universe DOES see you. And it IS good.


Ready to name your Imposter Complex and Step Into Your Starring Role?

Enter your information here to receive the (mostly) weekly Friday Finale from me in your inbox, and my gift to you, Imposter Complex 101: Four short videos to prompt you to think more deeply and clearly about how the Imposter Complex wants to keep you playing small—and how you can fight back.

Risk the vulnerability hangover. You will survive it.

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Okay.

Hi.

We’ve all been there. We shared from the depths of our souls. Our fears. Our worries. Our hopes. Our dreams.

In the sharing, we were effusive, euphoric, unbridled, and even - dare I say it? - emotional. Because, I mean, it felt so good in that moment.

Walking around with your guard up all the time is exhausting.

So letting your guard down and letting loose felt so… right.
Both reckless and safe at the same time.
So… intoxicating.
So you shared one more thing.

 

And then you felt the surge of heat in your cheeks. The room started to spin and you had to make a hasty retreat from the conversation. Or worse... you leave feeling euphoric, only to wake up in a puddle of your insecurities the next day.

"Oh hell! Why did I share that?” “What was I thinking?” And, worse, “What must THEY be thinking now about ME?”

You think you said too much.
You think you were too much.

You, my friend, are eyeballs deep into what has been called the “vulnerability hangover.”
[term coined by the Queen Bee of Vulnerability, Dr. Brené Brown]

Dude. Totally been there.

As a chronic hugger of strangers, the first one to say I love you, an over-sharer by nature and a woman living inside a desire to live so fully that most of her filters have been removed, I get it.

Brown posits that if you don’t feel any vulnerability hangover, then maybe you didn’t go far enough.


If we’re going to use vulnerability hangovers as a metric of courage, here’s a super quick survival guide.

First of all, you will survive this.

You will absolutely survive this. Anyone who has stepped out and risked sharing what was true has experienced this and (you guessed it) survived.

Next, Hydrate.

Simple. Just hydrate. No tricks. Just drink water.
(You aren’t drinking enough, you know)

third, Compassion-ate

kəmˈpaSHən, āt/verb

As in, fire compassion beams on yourself. Be kind. Be gentle.

You shared because you had a full tank of thoughts and feelings and sadness and joy and despair and whatever else you had and were looking to connect with someone. Maybe with several someones. You needed that. We all need that. So beating yourself up is no good.

Find the same compassion for yourself that you would give a sweet little girl who told her crush that his eyes were nice and now feels awash in shame for her confession.

Last, Calibrate

Recognize that the impulse beneath the sharing was connection (it was, trust me). Where else can you get this need met in a way that will not send you to bed dizzy and wanting to hide because you are flushed with hot panic? What’s another way forward? Who can you surround yourself with?

Because what I worry about is this: if you endure one too many vulnerability hangovers, you just may stop showing up.

And, honey? We cannot have that.


Listen. We are living in a messed up time.

People walking around believing that guns are keeping people safe.
There is actually a NEED to have hashtags like #blacklivesmatter (this brings tears to my eyes).
The unbelievably messed up legacy of residential schools in Canada (so does this).
Politicians politicizing climate change. Reality TV asshats who believe that walls are the answer.
Social media filled with snark at best and hatred and vitriol at worst.
Children are being detained in unsanitary, inhumane, and overcrowded conditions — some even forced to drink water from toilet.

It is time to say what needs to be said. Now more than ever.

We can’t have you in bed not saying what needs to be said because you are afraid of the repercussions of a vulnerability hangover. Click to tweet this.

I’m scared. I know you are too.

Above all:

Please don’t apologize for feeling the depths of your experience.
Don’t apologize for expressing the depths of your experience.
And don’t stop sharing what needs to be shared.

It’s time for humanity. Not immunity. And certainly not silence. Click to tweet this.

I repeat: we’ve got work to do.


*A note about coaching. With ANYONE.

I’m always amazed when a new client apologizes for being emotional in a session. Worrying about what I’ll think. It’s an epidemic - worrying about how we’ll react to each other.

People… I’m a professional.

THIS is what I do. This is what ALL coaches do. All that deep-listening and ideation and strategy and compassion are God-given gifts that I nurture and tend to. No doubt. SELF-MANAGEMENT is the skill I paid tens of thousands of dollars for and spent thousands of hours mastering.

So bring it. Bring the mess. Bring the tears. Bring what you think is a shit show.

I’ve got it all. I’ve got you. That’s my job. That’s ALL coaches' jobs.

We’ll find your way forward. Because we are going to need your voice, at top level. We’re going to need your arms, your heart, your soul and all that you have got if we’re going to turn this thing around.

With love and raised fist,

TG


Ready to name your Imposter Complex and Step Into Your Starring Role?

Enter your information here to receive the (mostly) weekly Friday Finale from me in your inbox, and my gift to you, Imposter Complex 101: Four short videos to prompt you to think more deeply and clearly about how the Imposter Complex wants to keep you playing small—and how you can fight back.

Everything’s a teacher

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It is an unmitigated wonder that my daughter still tells me anything.

Because as much as I do my best to simply listen, to simply be, to offer her my presence and my unconditional love, I fall short. Often. And instead, I counsel. I point out the opportunities, the possibilities, the other ways, the other paths. It has got to be annoying as all hell for the poor child.

But yet, there it is:

“What are you learning?” 

Can’t stop. Won’t stop. Because it’s a good question. Maybe the BEST question.

Here’s what we know: comparison is a teacher. A flashing red beacon that clearly and unapologetically shows us what we want as embodied by those that we compare up to and clearly shows us what we don't want as embodied by those we compare down to. (Lauren and I tackle this more fully and completely in our Beyond Compare self-study program.)

I speak and write often and at great length about how the Impostor Complex is a reliable teacher about what matters to us.

But guess what else is a teacher?

E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G

Procrastination
Discomfort
Envy
Fear
Anger
Lethargy
Worry
Perfectionism

But also:

Joy
Excitement
Ease
Pleasure
Delight
Flow
Satisfaction
And so worth repeating: joy.

Alllllllllllllll of it.


So the real question is:

What are you learning?


And then:

What are you going to do about it?

A couple of ideas.

Choose differently.
Change course.
Do something.
Do better.
Say no.
Say yes.
Show up.
Stand up.
Speak up.
SHINE UP.
Vote. TODAY.

Easier said than done? Could be.  But the alternative is really not acceptable, is it?

Agreed.


PS - We’re opening the doors for The Step into Your Starring Role Academy very very soon. Sign up here for first dibs. Nine months of sitting UP, rising UP, speaking UP, stepping UP and shining UP.