You’re the good girl who was
destined to become the “perfect woman”.
Always have been.
To avoid feeling like a fraud, the Impostor Complex has us hide out in certain behaviors: procrastination, perfectionism, comparison, leaky boundaries, diminishment or in your case, PEOPLE-PLEASING.
People-pleasing is allll about trying to smooth the way forward by making sure people like you and that you fit in and relate well with others. Not a bad thing per se, but to be certain, you can see how it’s stopped you from carrying out your big and brave work in the world.
I have so much more to share with you, so if you’d like to learn more, pop your email in here. I’ll share why you’ve done this (psst...it’s not all bad!), how it relates to the Impostor Complex and has been in the way of your Unshakeable Confidence and above all, what you can do to move past this so you can step up and in. We neeeeeed you.
And it’s the reason your best friend wants your mantra to be: "I love myself most".
Now...don’t get me wrong. Your tendency to please others comes from an excellent place.
- Maybe your fabulous value of inclusivity wants to be assured that everyone feels included and heard.
- Maybe your value of connection wants to bridge differences.
- Maybe your value of generosity just really loves offering grace (even as you get accused of being “generous to a fault”...ouch)
Could be. It could also be the Grand Dame of all reasons that you are a people pleaser:
It's a survival instinct.
Think about it. Throughout history, likability and gaining approval has been VITAL to survival. If you are in any way shape or form OTHER than the dominant culture, you COUNT ON people liking you for your survival.
This is no trivial matter.
I totally get it.
And here’s what I know:
People-pleasing is a place we hide out in when we don’t want to feel like the Impostor Complex. We want to make sure we are fitting in…that everyone likes us. BUT. AND...there is a double bind here. Because we are people-pleasers, any time we get an invitation to DO something, like raise our hand, take the stage, speak up, we don’t think we have been invited because we have EARNED it...NO! We think we have been invited just because they LIKe us. And so, the double bind is that we DO now feel like an Impostor.
(Which, psst...isn’t possible. ACTUAL Impostors don’t feel like Impostors.)
But what if...what if instead of assuming “they’re just being nice”...what if you believed them when they told you just how truly remarkable you are?
What if you could just dare to believe them?
What if you could just dare to believe ME?
Everything changes then, doesn’t it?
Everything becomes more possible, doesn’t it.
Over the next couple of days, I’m going to be sharing some resources with you to help you get clearer about this habit of yours, so you can kick it and kick UP the pace of your activation. You have big things on the horizon...and we need you to lean into Unshakeable Confidence.
To start you off, here are a couple of posts I wrote about showing up...and diminishment, your go to hide-away from the Impostor Complex:
- Generous to a Fault
See you back in your inbox in a day or so, my fellow People-Pleaser (yes...we are in excellent company, aren’t we?)
In the meantime, please share this quiz with folx in your life.