How to Stop Comparing Yourself (and Your Business) To Others
We all know the feeling…
You open up Facebook or Instagram, scrolling along, minding your own business, when suddenly, something makes you stop.
It’s a photo. Or an announcement. Or a celebration.
Suddenly your mood plummets. It takes the wind right out of your sails because someone else is doing what you do (or want to do).
And they’re doing it better.
Maybe the feeling starts in your belly and creeps up creating a tightness in your solar plexus. Suddenly your brain is spinning, going at full tilt, and the thoughts running through your head are along the lines of…
I could never do that.
I’ll never have what they have.
I could never be that successful.
They’ve already done my idea.
I can’t compete with that.
I’m not as good as them.
I’m a fraud…
Suddenly, a simple social scroll has turned into a full-blown case of compare and despair.
Comparison is one of the six behavioural traits of the Imposter Complex, something I have studied extensively with my pal Lauren Bacon, and if it’s your default, you’ll recognize that scenario intimately.
I call people who are concerned with comparison my Seers, because they’re deeply concerned with connection and they also see something bigger for themselves and others.
The problem is not with their Seeing, but rather when they get stuck in the place of comparison. That habit or behaviour of comparing themselves to others is one of the sneaky tactics of the Imposter Complex that keep us alone and isolated, doubting our capacity, and out of action.
(And, in case you’re wondering, here’s an explanation of why I call it Imposter Complex and not imposter syndrome.)
If comparison is keeping you out of action because you’re afraid you’ll never be able to do “the thing” as well as someone else, that’s the Imposter Complex talking — and we need to get through that so that you can do the amazing things you were put on this Earth to do.
How to stop comparing yourself
Comparison is often a habit — and not a great one — and so it will take some time to break the habit or the cycle of comparison. Try working your way through these three steps:
1. Identify what triggers comparison thoughts
Next time you notice that voice, those thoughts that insist you’ll never be as [FILL IN THE BLANK] as another person or business, take a moment to pause. Notice:
What are you doing?
What is the other person doing?
What is the feeling?
Make a little mental note. (Or a physical note, like in a journal, can also be helpful.)
Over time, you may notice that you tend to be stirred up by a particular person, a particular activity (scrolling Instagram anyone?), or a particular type of share (like when someone shares a big business win). Maybe you notice that you’re more likely to compare and despair when you’re already tired or anxious.
Once you’ve identified some triggers, you can make an intentional decision to avoid them — especially things that don’t add any real value to your life.
Maybe you decide to replace endless social media scrolling with a long bath when you’re tired.
Maybe you mute a particular person or account for 30 days (or forever).
Maybe you stop watching home improvement shows if they make you compare your living situation with the fancy homes on screen.
And so on.
2. Flip the script on comparison
While we’re in noticing mode, let’s start noticing what we are actually admiring in the other person. Because the flip side of jealousy or comparison is admiration.
Ask yourself:
Who do I admire?
What do I admire about them?
When I consider these people, do I notice any common threads? If so, what are they?
A quick note: Be curious about what’s REALLY behind your comparison. Ask yourself, “Do I actually admire this quality or thing — or have I been conditioned to think I should admire it?” Believe me, that’s a rabbit hole… But it can be very illuminating.
Once you have identified some things you admire, see if you can shift your energies from comparing yourself to those people or things and instead celebrate them for what they have accomplished and inspired in you.
Celebration is an entirely different energy from comparison and can really help break through that negative comparison cycle.
3. Celebrate yourself
Once you’ve identified what you admire in others, I want you to remind yourself of a very important truth:
You have the full potential to embody those same qualities and traits.
Ooooh, how does that feel? Does it sit well or make you feel uncomfortable?
In all likelihood it makes you uncomfortable because you’ve been taught not to outshine others.
But what would it look like if you allowed those parts of yourself more room?
What would you do?
How would you show up?
What Iconic Identity would you step into?
THOSE are the truths the Imposter Complex is trying to hide from you.
And, in all likelihood, it won’t be super happy when you start looking at those truths, because Imposter Complex is INVESTED in:
stopping you from creating what you want
preventing you from activating your calling
making you feel (and play) small for fear of projections
keeping you from expressing yourself fully
causing you to disown your power (and hand it over to others).
But here’s what I know for sure:
When you can identify comparison for what it is — a deep value of connection and ability to see bigger possibilities for yourself — and flip the script from comparison to celebration, those moments will no longer be able to derail you.
Instead of thinking, I could never do that…
You might instead start to think, I’m so inspired by what they’ve accomplished.
And THAT drains comparison of all its power.
Click here for my free training:
Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.