How to Stop Caring What People Think Of You & Fearing Criticism
Are you living in somebody else’s head?
Sounds… squishy, to be sure, but it’s a chronic problem and I hear it echoed every day with my clients and the people who join my community. They say things like,
I’m constantly thinking about the person who doesn't like what I'm doing.
I worry others don't think my work is good enough.
I’m afraid of criticism.
I’m afraid if I put my work out there, I’ll get trolls and haters.
They’re deeply concerned with what’s going on in other people’s heads… what others will think or say or do.
We fear that once we become too big, too famous, too…something, then people will disconnect from us. Because we’ve seen it. Because we’ve done it.
(Ooof… That hits home, doesn’t it?)
And, more often than not, those fears manage to keep us doubting our capacity. It keeps us alone and isolated. And it keeps us completely out of action.
Those are the key hallmarks of the Imposter Complex (which, as I explain here, is not actually a syndrome, as in imposter syndrome).
So yes. Chronic. Persistent. Not going anywhere.
And so we desperately grasp for answers, for tactics, for ways to keep our eyes on our own paper. We desperately want to know: how do we learn to stop caring what other people think?!
How to Not Care What People Think
What’s fascinating about comparison is that, deep down, that intense caring about what other people think is actually a superpower.
We’re afraid of what other people will think — because we care so deeply about connecting with them.
Here’s the key reframe:
Comparison isn’t bad. It’s a teacher. And can be an excellent one.
Comparison means you always knew how you were stacking up. And how to modulate accordingly.
In fact, comparison often comes from a deep value of connection — and a desire to understand how you are connected to others and how they are connected to you.
I call people who wrestle with comparison my Seers, because they have a true vision for what they want and what others are achieving.
The key is to recognize the gift comparison can give you — if you let it.
And we create connection, conscious self-awareness, and appreciation.
Transforming the comparison habit isn’t about turning comparison OFF. It’s about turning awareness ON.
Comparing yourself to others, whether consciously or unconsciously, is a handy distraction. It’s one of the six ways the Imposter Complex keeps you from living up to your highest potential. Wasting time. Wasting gifts. Wasting self.
But when we open up to the possibility that our deep value of connection is behind those fears of not-enoughness, we can:
Recognize that no one else is ever the Authority.
Those we want to canonize are finding their own path and wrestle with their own Impostor Complexes. They don’t see themselves as THE authority either… because they are not. (No one is)
We praise people — and then persecute them when they don’t live up to our expectations.
We are killing creativity with canonization.
No more.
Now the real work begins.
Now you can catch yourself when you start to worry what other people will think and start reminding yourself of all the good you’ve already done.
You can counteract the fear of criticism with a laundry list of accolades you’ve amassed over the years.
You can remember that success isn’t finite, and someone else’s does not diminish your own.
And when you do that?
Everything changes.
Eyes on your own papers, Loves. We’ve got work to do.
Click here for my free training:
Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.