I'm Successful, but I'm Afraid I Can't Keep it Up
I’ve identified 12 lies that the Imposter Complex likes to tell us, but one of the most common is: “You’ll never be able to pull that off again.”
If you know, you know — these thoughts can come up a lot, especially for women. My clients have said things like:
"I’m afraid I won't be able to replicate what I accomplished..."
“I know I can achieve it, but I’m afraid I can’t sustain my success…”
"I feel like I'm not doing enough or right enough..."
"I tell myself it was just 'luck'..."
In fact, that belief that we won’t be able to replicate or sustain our success — that it was luck or a fluke — has been central to this issue since Imposter Complex was identified.
More than 40 years ago, clinical psychologists Dr. Pauline Clance and Dr. Suzanne Imes coined the term “Imposter Phenomenon.” (And there’s a big reason I refer to it as Imposter Complex and not imposter syndrome which you can read about at that link.)
They started their research at Oberlin College and were working with high-functioning, high-achieving female students who almost all felt that they got into the college by fluke and that some day, any day now, they would be found out as the frauds they are.
I fell into the same trap myself: I came to coaching after years and years in an outwardly successful but ultimately unsatisfying career in advertising. I logged the hours, delivered the goods and shook the hands of satisfied clients time and again. I kept waiting for the deep-seated feelings of accomplishment and satisfaction to arrive. They didn’t.
I also suffered, a lot, from myriad “not good enough, not smart enough, not ready” beliefs. Any success I enjoyed I chalked up to someone else having made a mistake. I thought it was just a matter of time before they found out I was a fake.
And of course, none of that ever happened.
So what’s really behind this belief?
The Imposter Complex lies
Depending on which of the six behavioural traits of the Imposter Complex you most often experience, you might experience this kind of self-doubt a little differently.
For example, if you tend to compare, you’ll immediately discount your success in comparison to somebody else’s work.
If you’re a procrastinator, you’re likely to fall into the camp that says, “If I am a success this time, I’ll never be able to follow it up, so why even try....”
If you tend to diminish, you might not even acknowledge your success at all — and if you do, it will only be grudgingly, with the quick caveat that it was a fluke, a lucky break, never to be repeated…
But these are all lies that the Imposter Complex likes to tell us to keep us feeling alone and isolated, doubting ourselves and our capacity, and out of action. That’s the Imposter Complex’s whole game!
But here’s the truth, Love: Your success was the result of the skills and will you brought to the table (and, sure, MAYBE the stars were aligned as well). And so it shall be again. As long as you keep bringing your skills and will to the table.
Your skills, talent, insight, knowledge, background, creativity, and grit haven’t changed. Whatever brought you to that success (yes, even “luck”!) still exist.
And you can apply them to your next endeavor to help you see that success again…
And again…
And again.
This is not to say that you will succeed every time, but rather a reminder that if you succeeded once, you can absolutely do it again.
Fight back by celebrating your successes
Not quite sure you believe me?
That’s OK — you don’t have to take my word for it.
I challenge you to take your own word for it. Take a few moments to list out some of your greatest successes and accomplishments. Things you’ve done, said, won, launched, accomplished, shared, created, or built.
So many of us are hesitant to celebrate our wins — but the best way to knock back those fears that you can’t replicate your successes are to celebrate those successes fully and with full hearts.
We revel with ease in the light of others, which puts us halfway there. But I want you to revel in your own light.
You’ve done, seen, delivered, given, shared, helped so much. But sitting back and basking in it is so, erm, gauche, narcissistic, and conceited, non?
NON.
I suggest curating all the light that you’re shining out. I call it your YUM + YAY list or folder: a place where you can gather proof of your awesome. It’s all out there, we’re just corralling it in, with the help of the people who deeply want you to see it.
And you can do more. Better. For all.
Inviting in how you are seen, really seen by others is a gift. For them. For you. And ultimately? For us all.
I talk more about YUM + YAY in my TEDx talk which you can watch here.
This way, every time you are about to climb a mountain, face down a baddy, or find yourself doubting yourself eventhismuch, you can come back to your YUM + YAY folder to remember what you’ve forgotten — that you’ve got this.
This practice will help you take control of your dreams and acknowledge your own success.
It's time to claim the opportunities that present themselves, ask for the introductions, make the pitches, embrace the applause with full heart.
Click here for my free training:
Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.