Articles
Being alive
I was recently introduced to the visual metaphor of living an alive life being akin to a heart monitor. The huge peaks and valleys means that your heart is well and full…BA-BOOMP, BA-BOOMP. Living a dull life means that you’re near the middle of the range…almost flat-lining (blip-blip, blip-blip). This is not usually for me.
So, the upside for me is that, well, I enjoy a lot of ups. The downside? You guessed it…there are some downs. Light and dark and all that jedi stuff.
I succumbed to the down over the weekend. Could have been be brought on by a number of things. But, I did allow myself to be self-indulgent. I felt sorry for myself and even had some tears (not that this would come as a surprise to anyone who’s ever met me). Don’t get me wrong, I think have a good cry is not only good for the soul, I think it’s a healthy physical release (my grandfather also had a theory about it releasing toxins during a cold too). Here’s the reason I’m impatient with myself:
On Friday night, my husband and I were invited to a stunning gala in support of the Credit Valley Hospital. We knew we were in for a fun martini bar and some good time to chat with our gracious hosts. That was all we were really expecting. Then it happened. I sat down next to Tony and Sharon Clark.
Tony and Sharon are like the prom King and Queen…just being near them makes you feel cool. And when Tony told me their story of how they met, I had no choice but to tell the 63-year old that he was like a 17-year old…devilish, filled with mischief and fun. I suspect he has always been like that.
Tony was diagnosed with kidney cancer in 2004 and was told in 2005 that he had one year to live. Since then, he founded Kidney Cancer Canada (with co-chair Deb Maskens) whose mission statement is as follows: “Our Mission as the first Canadian-based kidney cancer support group is to increase awareness about kidney cancer and provide timely information to patients and caregivers facing a diagnosis of kidney cancer.” You wouldn’t believe how far they’ve come in 2 years. It is astounding.
I was sad when Sharon and Tony had to leave on Friday night as I really enjoyed talking with them both…about life mostly. They had to leave early to get on with theirs.
Next morning, I googled them. Yup…I’ll admit that I do this when I meet interesting people. And I came across this quote from Tony: “I wake up each day and say, thank-you God. I’ve got another day. People are just so busy that they’re not enjoying the journey. They’re just trying to get to the destination.”
So I was pretty surprised when I found myself feeling sorry for myself yesterday afternoon when I got some disappointing news and allowed myself to have a weep…and actually heard my internal voice ask myself: “why do bad things happen to me?” After that question was asked, I stood up, shook my head, thought of Tony…and moved on.
Today, I’m home with my flu-ridden daughter. And though the day is disappointing for us both (she wanted to go to school and play, I wanted to get work done), we’re going to sip chamomile tea and watch the “Sound of Music”. And enjoy this journey. Today, in the mid-range, tomorrow in a peak or a valley. It won’t matter. Life is good. Living it is better.
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Do Over Day
Today is "Do Over Day" in Canada. A day to atone for the mistakes we’ve made in the past by shouting them out as cautionary tales for others to heed. Yup…we have all had our days…am blushing right now just thinking about ALL of mine. And as a nation, it turns out that we don’t like to talk about our bad days…or so says the Founder of the day: “It struck me that Canadians inhabit a maze of social conundrums,” says Reggie. “On the one hand we think of ourselves as an easy-going, polite, even mild, people. But there’s also a passive-aggressiveness in Canadians that is tempered, thankfully, with a collective deep sense of embarrassment about our many flaws. That’s why we decided Canada needed Do Over Day, a notion resoundingly confirmed by the over four thousand focus groups we convened for this very purpose.”
So very very cool. And while the day is not rooted only in the sharing of flaws, but also the sharing of joys, it got me to thinking: How great would “Relive Your Perfect Day” be? I’m not quite ready to share the days I’d like to “do over” for my grievous mistakes, but I will joyously share my perfect day….stay tuned for www.reliveyourperfectday.ca...
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Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
A couple of perspectives on mucous
I have a tickle in my chest. It’s not nervous energy, nor a nagging feeling, nor love (though I have that in great abundance). Nope, this is good old fashioned phlegm. No violins are necessary….I pride myself on not being one who’s life shuts down with a cold. The flipside is that I don’t get people who refuse to take a reprieve from work etc when they are TRULY sick. It makes me want to be aware of the slippery slope that is the walk from stoicism to martyrdom.
It’s a dance that I’m all too familiar with…the idea of getting caught up in “doing the right thing…at whatever cost”. At first, people look at you with admiration for your courage, tenacity, strength (fill in the blank). This phase is one that I’m quite addicted to. Then those adoring looks turn to head shaking. I could do without that. What I love about colds (I never thought I’d write those words), is that they keep you honest. I’ve been on an emotional high for the past little while with no signs of letting up. But my body is saying “if you don’t slow down, you’re going to get the head-shaking of a lifetime…in the form of mucous” (BTW, I have many voices in my head…infer what you will…I choose to call them “perspectives”). So…I look at this upcoming day from two perspectives: “Wonder Woman” who can do it all without breaking a sweat and “Bubby Tanya” who nurtures and coddles. Wonder Woman will have me honour 7 of my 9 commitments today (one to a friend, two to family, three to clients, one to my business advisor) while Bubby Tanya will make sure I have a big helping of homemade chicken soup, go to bed early and “rest rest”.
I’ve heard said that you’re either moving towards or away from balance…and I don’t have the formula figured out in a real and practical way…but listening to my body is a pretty decent start.
And now I’m back off to bed.
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Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
What fulfills you?
This is surreal….for real. I have just shared the last three days with some real people, real souls and real hearts - Life Coaches. And lordy Lord…we shared…and shared…and shared. We laughed, we cried, we zumba'd. And now I type this out as I watch the Oscars Red Carpet (and have actual opinions on Angelina Jolie’s earrings and ask my husband if Marisa Tomei has had work done).
On Friday morning, our masterful CTI Leaders L.A. and Kelly challenged us to share with each other the following: what lights you up? What nourishes you? WHAT FULFILLS YOU???
What wondrous, magical questions. Can you sit with them?
If you’re wondering, many things fulfill me…depending on the time of day. But most recently, fulfillment has meant experiencing: Flow, Wisdom, Fearlessness, Faith, Spirit Guide, Sunshine, Release, Harmony, Passion, Shift, Sofia, Catney, Queen Bee, The Sparkler, Jewel, Gypsy Wanderer, Fire Walker, Oracle, and Pema. I am richer, more connected and more alive. Thank you.
So…I return my attention to the Oscars. Because that’s what Om Shanti/Fire Walker would do. She’d enjoy the fluff and eye candy…without judgment of self or others. Angelina’s earrings belong on her ears and Marisa seems happy.
Pass the popcorn.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Do!
We spend a lot of our time being told what to do and what not to do. And then we have children and get to be on the other end (then they hit 5 years old and we’re back on the receiving end again… but I digress). I have a ton of respect for those who “do”. I live in an amazing neighbourhood in Toronto (Danforth East). It is culturally diverse, eclectic and some would say “up and coming” (though others suggest that this gentrification is unwelcome). Call it what you will, but this it ain’t no cookie-cutter ‘hood.
A source of frustration for residents has been the categorization of the area as being a mere sum of its parts. Where the media seems to see only vacant store fronts and thrift shops, residents see a gold mine of finds (John’s Hobbies, Royal Beef, Relish, Seb’s Cappuccino). Where some see unkempt houses, others see tree-lined streets, beautiful parks and helpful neighbours.
While many people tend to get frustrated and bemoan circumstances, others DO. I have the great pleasure of knowing a group of individuals who’ve said: “Enough. Let’s stop talking about what this neighbourhood doesn’t have and DO something about it”. Over coffees and wine in each others’ homes, bit by bit, the neighbourhood has mobilized…thanks to the Danforth East Community Association.
The results? A Farmer’s Market, revitalized storefronts, and a sense of civic pride.
These things don’t just happen because we want them to…it goes without saying that it takes a LOT of work. Case in point…two days ago (in the dreary days of February), a group of neighbourhood women carpooled their way to St. Catharine’s to attend a conference on organic fruits and vegetables, leaving kids and businesses behind in other people’s capable hands.
What of revitalized storefronts? Last fall a group of residents got together to help out a floundering shop…check out this article…it takes a village to raise a store.
And as for the aforementioned civic pride, please read DECA Diaries…the love child of Natasha Granatstein, a very very busy woman who chairs DECA and wants the world to know what can be done…if everyone just stops talking and DOES.
Many thanks for the inspiration. No one’s interested in something you didn’t do. - Gord Downie (Tragically Hip)
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
The Kindness of Strangers
If you ever feel like you live in a cold, uncaring world, do yourself a favour and start a business. Preferably one you feel passionate about.
When I first started Board of Your Life, my friend Lisa gave me this piece of advice: “ask people for help”. I was mighty skeptical. What was in it for them? Why would they bother? What if they said no?
I was in Montreal last week, and while there, Lisa had a dinner in my honour. That was lovely in and of itself, of course, but the people who took time out of their insanely busy lives were awe-inspiring. One woman in particular was short on time, but not graciousness. Upon hearing about my business she asked: “How can I help? What do you need from me?” This is NOT a woman with a vested interest…just an interest in helping someone for whom she felt a connection.
Another woman I met shared with me her personal daily mantra: “how can I serve others?”
Ahh.
This brings me to a question I often hear from clients considering going through the Board of Your Life program: “how will I convince people to be part of my Advisory Board?” If only all of life’s questions were so easy to answer….and here it is: “just ask”. If you get to the point at which you decide that you want their help in taking your life in a magnificent new direction…they’ll fall all over themselves to accommodate. Wouldn’t you do the same for someone you respect?
But I digress…being in the presence of those women in Montreal made me realize how self-limiting we can be if we listen to those rhetorical questions in our head (of the “what’s in it for them” varietal). The reality is this: if I’m asked for help, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve said no to a reasonable request...'cause it was ONCE...and my Mom was nearing the end of her life. When it comes down to it, people are good, kind and want to help others. It really is a beautiful thing. And the kindness of strangers can always be relied upon.
PS - check out the Huffington Post's series on "random acts of kindness"
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.