Articles
Gratitude (v. 2)
A dear friend and I were working out at the gym earlier this week, talking about husbands, children, belly fat and joy (not in that precise order). She mentioned that she had just read somewhere that happy people become successful, whereas unhappy people rarely do. It was 6 am and neither of us were in the mood to debate how scientifically-significant that statement was. Intuitively, I know this to have some truth, so I nodded knowingly.
She turned to me and asked, "but, how does one BECOME happy"? I thought about this a moment, my coach-like spidey senses abuzz with the opportunity to ask her about her beliefs. Which I shut down and replied:
I think it starts with gratitude.
Deceptively simple.
And so, we went on our merry, separate ways. I proceeded to be annoyed about some of the days downs (working around a child who's been home sick for days), and grateful for the ups (new client, offer of speaking gig, child's fever broken) .
It's the other basic, yet massive things that I forget to be grateful for.
My reminder today came from another dear friend's Facebook update. Cath is a reporter for the Toronto Star and has been doing incredible things and covering incredible stories in Haiti.
On the anniversary of the quake that devasted the country, she wrote these words:
Big, terrible day in Haiti. Voices of survivors singing hymns still wafts into my window. Be grateful for your families, jobs, homes, and friends.
Yes. Indeed.
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The Gift of the Acknowledgement
My daughter doesn’t look people in the eyes when she speaks to them. Drives me nuts. Yes, she may be shy with strangers, and yes, her manners are otherwise impeccable. But eye contact isn’t a manners thing. It’s an acknowledgment thing. And the well-crafted acknowledgement is a dying art.
Now I KNOW she has picked up this bad habit from me. My attention is frequently divided (sound familiar?) So, I chop as she talks. I type as she talks. I tidy as she talks. I file as she talks. Oh, I hear her words and “mmm hmmm” from my keyboard. She knows well the side of my face, and the top of my head. It feels rare that I sit still, look her in the eyes and give her the respect of my full attention. Of really seeing her.
And I am noticing that to compensate, I compliment her. I tell her she is funny, smart, kind. That she has a good heart and the ability to do anything she sets her mind to doing. It’s all true, of course. And yet, the words often ring like platitudes intended to placate my Mama guilt.
What she deserves, what we ALL deserve, is the gift of a good, authentic acknowledgment that’s neither about me, nor is it about what she has done.
Acknowledgement recognizes the inner character of the person to whom it is addressed. More than what the person did, or what it means to the sender, acknowledgement highlights who the sender sees.
From Co-Active Coaching
Try it out.
Dare to know someone. Dare to see someone. Dare to tell them what you see and watch them walk on, a little taller, a little more committed to carving their path to greatness.
They may look a little something like this…simple and honest:
You have the heart of a lion.
Your writing heals wounds.
Your generosity inspires.
You are a leader.
The world is waiting for you to sing.
But you’ll need to start by looking them in the eyes.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Three Little Words
I love you. Are there any words more powerful than those? When they’re backed with full intention, they can end wars and ignite flames. When they are not backed with full intention, they are a heart-wrenching lie. The stuff that starts wars.
I know some other pretty powerful three-word combos. YOUR three words for the New Year. You’ve heard Chris Brogan talk about them for a while now. They are like guideposts for your year to come. Touchstones of inspiration. Beams of clarity.
Being clear about what we want is the surest way to gain on it. And I’m with Martha Beck in my belief that knowing what we want has a lot less to do with outcomes than with feelings. So this year, in the year-end completion and new-year welcoming tool I share with clients, I asked:
What three adjectives do you want to feel as you lay your head down on your pillow every single night of 2011?
_____________, ________________, and ________________.
Be with that a moment, will you?
How do I want to feel? Every night before I go to bed?
Me? Well, since you asked (thanks), I choose to feel: masterful, vital and nourished.
They may mean nothing to you, yet here's what these simple yet powerful words conjure for me:
Masterful - authority, immersion, depth, roots, refinement, elegance, enduring
Vital – energized, sensual, resonance, important, joyful, light, jubilation, laughter, wonder, connected
Nourished – satiated, serene, honoured, healthy, full, enough, quality
Hubba hubba whoo whoo!!!
These words have EVERYTHING to do with my personal and professional goals for the year. They will help inform every decision I make because every action moves me towards or away from these three words.
Will working on this new project lead me towards or away from mastery? Will working with this person make me feel more vital, or less so? Does this new book nourish my mind, body and/or spirit or is it the Kraft Dinner equivalent?
Of course, there is not absolute “right” answer. My intuition will be the Ultimate Guide here, as ever. But even the finest of Guides appreciate guideposts from which to orient the path.
And if I don’t feel nourished, masterful or vital as I lay my head on my pillow, I get to try again tomorrow.
Let’s find yours
If you didn’t land immediately on the three words to describe how you want to wish to FEEL every night, then you may choose to sink into some of your values that are begging to be honoured.
I notice that my words represent in part my Future Self. The person I am becoming, the one I know awaits me in 20 years. May be the same for you. They may also be traits of someone you admire.
Whatever you land on, please make sure they are steamy for you. That you LOVE them in that blushing, hot under the collar way that a well-intended “I love you” makes you feel. Please make sure they are resonant and truthful. Otherwise, they are impotent lies. And who needs that?
A final word about love. Because really and truly, finding your words is a powerful exercise in self-love. Creating the year that YOU want. One decision at a time.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
My wishes for you
May your days be filled with warmth and love. May your mind be filled with curious wonder.
May your heart be filled with joy.
May you realize all that your heart desires this coming year.
With love, gratitude and respect,
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
A good swift kick in the awakening
Signs, messages, prompts, signals - they’re everywhere. Some we choose to ignore and some we allow to wake us up. Earlier this week, I broke front door lock with my key. Standing on the front porch with our daughter in sub-zero weather, a tsunami of rage engulfed me: I had THINGS to do, DAMMIT! Had to get things DONE before I went out with a girlfriend for cocktails. HAD to get reading done with my daughter. Had emails to return and couldn’t get them done on my iPhone with frozen fingers. I didn’t have time for this crap…and being cold SUCKS!
Then this thought stilled me:
Being cold and having no place to live sucks even more.
As I fumbled around in the relative warmth of my neighbour’s garage searching for the spare key for another door to my house, I became painfully aware that there is an unacceptable amount of people without heat, shelter and hope…everywhere. No neighbours, locksmiths and spouses on the other end of the phone, intending to make it all okay.
This is not new information…this is awakened information. Within me.
Twenty minutes later, I was in my warm house, hot chocolate on the stove, and sniffly noses blown. I didn’t know where to put this all so I logged on to Tweetdeck to share:
Broke door lock. Wait in cold w/ kid for 20 min for locksmith was reminder I needed to do my part for TO's homeless. Hate that I needed it.
That prompted a message from a Reverend letting me know about a need for volunteers in her church’s Out of the Cold program. Which prompted another friend to commit to volunteering there. And the messages, emails and invitations to collaborate on programs haven’t stopped. (More on what I decide to do in a later post.)
Here’s what I’m learning:
Any time you hear yourself saying “this was the kick in the ass that I needed” to:
start volunteering;
get my finances in order;
sort out my trouble relationship with my mom; or,
lose weight,
what you’re really saying is: I was sleeping, and I’m awake now.
If you’re feeling done with stumbling around, sleepily looking for the keys in your life, and waiting to get your ass kicked into gear, here's a less painful way to wake up...one that I intend to heed with greater attention. Keep the important things top of mind (like these things and your values).
You'll awaken what needs attention.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Giving thanks, for a joyful, ordinary week
I try. I really, really do try. To get it right. To be present. To be aware. To be grateful. To say thanks and give thanks. I write about how I’d like to binge less with life’s gooooooooood things and find a more moderate way. Sometimes I get it right, and other times...well, less so.
Although this post may well be precipitated by my American friends’ Thanksgiving (hellooooo!!!!) it’s a regular old Friday here in Toronto. In an otherwise ordinary day what better time to recap what’s going right?
Here’s what brought me joy this week:
Monday morning - Huge heart to heart hug with my Lisa before she headed back home to Montreal after a memorable weekend-long visit.
Monday afternoon - Meeting with new mentee (excited about her vision) and breakthrough with a client (shifts ahoy!)
Monday evening - Deep belly laughs at the launch party of 85 Broads Toronto, led by laughologist Albert Nerenberg (thinking of hosting a laughter party…who wants in?)
Tuesday morning - This image of my daughter’s arranged stuffies. Place of honour goes to Skippy, the beloved stuffed dog from my mother’s childhood, revered by my daughter as a sort of connection to a grandmother she never really knew. Doesn’t he look safe and loved?
Tuesday afternoon - Completion session with a client I adore that is ready to embark on something new and glorious. Sad AND joyful at the same time.
Wednesday - Three new people coming to Clarity Hour (every Wednesday at 12 EST, I coach three people for free on any business life issue) I love the expansiveness of it. And never really knowing who’ll show up AND not being attached to outcome.
Wednesday afternoon - Watching my daughter at gymnastics. I know those legs will be long, lean and strong soon, and for the moment, it brings me joy to know that there is still some baby fat there…she’s not done being 6 and a half after all.
Wednesday evening - Wine with husband over pasta he made, and many, MANY laughs (though NOT over after-dinner “Santa Buddies”…that was more like eye-rolling. Seriously, George Wendt…how COULD you?)
Thursday morning - Volunteering in my daughter’s classroom then meeting Jamie for a cozy coffee, scones and good, goooooooood talks. Time with her makes me feel like this scone looks.
Thursday evening - Speaking at Fabulous Katia’s Fabulous event and helping some amazing women find a way to evoke meaningful conversations leading to meaningful connections. It was a luscious experience.
Today - This and that.
A week of connection, laughter, hugs and food. Yup, that pretty much sums up how I like to roll. Add to the above 5 trips to the gym, 7 other coaching sessions, lots of writing done and 2011 planning well underway and that makes for one pretty incredible ordinary week.
Easy to forget all of this when you’re mired in kids’ fevers, the knowledge that the snow tires need to get changed, billing mistakes, dishwashers to be fixed, and more balls to be juggled. And you know what? It’s easy to remember too.
So here it is: I am privileged beyond words and profoundly grateful for every gift. For everything stated above, and well beyond. For the peace we enjoy, the food, the warmth, the shelter, the education and the opportunities.
And for you. Thank you. For caring. For reading. For being here. And for being you.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.