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Who are you cutting along the lines for?
I love running my own business. I love calling the shots. I love being able to focus on what I want AND turn on a dime if that’s what I choose. I love the support structures I have in place. I love picking my clients, picking my projects, picking my partners. I am accountable and responsible for my actions and outcomes. Liberating. I love being the boss of me. In life and in business.
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Last night, I was cutting out some French words to be used as flash cards for my daughter’s reading. I had asked her teacher for this resource earlier in the day and he complied, giving me handouts with words of varying length and instructing me to glue them onto construction paper (for sturdiness) and then cut them out.
I settled in on the couch, intent on the task while sipping my shiraz and absent-mindedly watching husband and daughter wrestle. It looked like fun. After a time, I noticed I was starting to get a blister on my thumb and my hand was beginning to cramp. I had been at this for a good 25 minutes. I was growing weary and a little agitated. Only half-way through the pages. The laughter of husband and child started to grate on my nerves. How come THEY get all the fun while I get all the drudgery?
I looked down at my perfect little piles of perfectly cut paper.
And stopped. Then this thought bore down on me:
Who the hell cared if the words were cut along the dotted lines with surgical precision?
How neatly they were cut would have zero bearing on my daughter’s ability to read “salon”. Who was REALLY calling the shots here? And if it was ME, why was I being such a tight-ass about LINES for the love-a? And what was all this type-A crap costing me?
I was being the world’s worst boss.
I chuckled at the absurdity of it all and proceeded to hack up the rest of the pages in minutes and joined in the wrestling fun.
Sloppily cut and perfectly fine, no?
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Who are you cutting along the lines for?
My invitation to you: hack ‘em up. It feels goooooooooooood.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Gratitude (v. 2)
A dear friend and I were working out at the gym earlier this week, talking about husbands, children, belly fat and joy (not in that precise order). She mentioned that she had just read somewhere that happy people become successful, whereas unhappy people rarely do. It was 6 am and neither of us were in the mood to debate how scientifically-significant that statement was. Intuitively, I know this to have some truth, so I nodded knowingly.
She turned to me and asked, "but, how does one BECOME happy"? I thought about this a moment, my coach-like spidey senses abuzz with the opportunity to ask her about her beliefs. Which I shut down and replied:
I think it starts with gratitude.
Deceptively simple.
And so, we went on our merry, separate ways. I proceeded to be annoyed about some of the days downs (working around a child who's been home sick for days), and grateful for the ups (new client, offer of speaking gig, child's fever broken) .
It's the other basic, yet massive things that I forget to be grateful for.
My reminder today came from another dear friend's Facebook update. Cath is a reporter for the Toronto Star and has been doing incredible things and covering incredible stories in Haiti.
On the anniversary of the quake that devasted the country, she wrote these words:
Big, terrible day in Haiti. Voices of survivors singing hymns still wafts into my window. Be grateful for your families, jobs, homes, and friends.
Yes. Indeed.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
The Gift of the Acknowledgement
My daughter doesn’t look people in the eyes when she speaks to them. Drives me nuts. Yes, she may be shy with strangers, and yes, her manners are otherwise impeccable. But eye contact isn’t a manners thing. It’s an acknowledgment thing. And the well-crafted acknowledgement is a dying art.
Now I KNOW she has picked up this bad habit from me. My attention is frequently divided (sound familiar?) So, I chop as she talks. I type as she talks. I tidy as she talks. I file as she talks. Oh, I hear her words and “mmm hmmm” from my keyboard. She knows well the side of my face, and the top of my head. It feels rare that I sit still, look her in the eyes and give her the respect of my full attention. Of really seeing her.
And I am noticing that to compensate, I compliment her. I tell her she is funny, smart, kind. That she has a good heart and the ability to do anything she sets her mind to doing. It’s all true, of course. And yet, the words often ring like platitudes intended to placate my Mama guilt.
What she deserves, what we ALL deserve, is the gift of a good, authentic acknowledgment that’s neither about me, nor is it about what she has done.
Acknowledgement recognizes the inner character of the person to whom it is addressed. More than what the person did, or what it means to the sender, acknowledgement highlights who the sender sees.
From Co-Active Coaching
Try it out.
Dare to know someone. Dare to see someone. Dare to tell them what you see and watch them walk on, a little taller, a little more committed to carving their path to greatness.
They may look a little something like this…simple and honest:
You have the heart of a lion.
Your writing heals wounds.
Your generosity inspires.
You are a leader.
The world is waiting for you to sing.
But you’ll need to start by looking them in the eyes.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Three Little Words
I love you. Are there any words more powerful than those? When they’re backed with full intention, they can end wars and ignite flames. When they are not backed with full intention, they are a heart-wrenching lie. The stuff that starts wars.
I know some other pretty powerful three-word combos. YOUR three words for the New Year. You’ve heard Chris Brogan talk about them for a while now. They are like guideposts for your year to come. Touchstones of inspiration. Beams of clarity.
Being clear about what we want is the surest way to gain on it. And I’m with Martha Beck in my belief that knowing what we want has a lot less to do with outcomes than with feelings. So this year, in the year-end completion and new-year welcoming tool I share with clients, I asked:
What three adjectives do you want to feel as you lay your head down on your pillow every single night of 2011?
_____________, ________________, and ________________.
Be with that a moment, will you?
How do I want to feel? Every night before I go to bed?
Me? Well, since you asked (thanks), I choose to feel: masterful, vital and nourished.
They may mean nothing to you, yet here's what these simple yet powerful words conjure for me:
Masterful - authority, immersion, depth, roots, refinement, elegance, enduring
Vital – energized, sensual, resonance, important, joyful, light, jubilation, laughter, wonder, connected
Nourished – satiated, serene, honoured, healthy, full, enough, quality
Hubba hubba whoo whoo!!!
These words have EVERYTHING to do with my personal and professional goals for the year. They will help inform every decision I make because every action moves me towards or away from these three words.
Will working on this new project lead me towards or away from mastery? Will working with this person make me feel more vital, or less so? Does this new book nourish my mind, body and/or spirit or is it the Kraft Dinner equivalent?
Of course, there is not absolute “right” answer. My intuition will be the Ultimate Guide here, as ever. But even the finest of Guides appreciate guideposts from which to orient the path.
And if I don’t feel nourished, masterful or vital as I lay my head on my pillow, I get to try again tomorrow.
Let’s find yours
If you didn’t land immediately on the three words to describe how you want to wish to FEEL every night, then you may choose to sink into some of your values that are begging to be honoured.
I notice that my words represent in part my Future Self. The person I am becoming, the one I know awaits me in 20 years. May be the same for you. They may also be traits of someone you admire.
Whatever you land on, please make sure they are steamy for you. That you LOVE them in that blushing, hot under the collar way that a well-intended “I love you” makes you feel. Please make sure they are resonant and truthful. Otherwise, they are impotent lies. And who needs that?
A final word about love. Because really and truly, finding your words is a powerful exercise in self-love. Creating the year that YOU want. One decision at a time.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
My wishes for you
May your days be filled with warmth and love. May your mind be filled with curious wonder.
May your heart be filled with joy.
May you realize all that your heart desires this coming year.
With love, gratitude and respect,
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
A good swift kick in the awakening
Signs, messages, prompts, signals - they’re everywhere. Some we choose to ignore and some we allow to wake us up. Earlier this week, I broke front door lock with my key. Standing on the front porch with our daughter in sub-zero weather, a tsunami of rage engulfed me: I had THINGS to do, DAMMIT! Had to get things DONE before I went out with a girlfriend for cocktails. HAD to get reading done with my daughter. Had emails to return and couldn’t get them done on my iPhone with frozen fingers. I didn’t have time for this crap…and being cold SUCKS!
Then this thought stilled me:
Being cold and having no place to live sucks even more.
As I fumbled around in the relative warmth of my neighbour’s garage searching for the spare key for another door to my house, I became painfully aware that there is an unacceptable amount of people without heat, shelter and hope…everywhere. No neighbours, locksmiths and spouses on the other end of the phone, intending to make it all okay.
This is not new information…this is awakened information. Within me.
Twenty minutes later, I was in my warm house, hot chocolate on the stove, and sniffly noses blown. I didn’t know where to put this all so I logged on to Tweetdeck to share:
Broke door lock. Wait in cold w/ kid for 20 min for locksmith was reminder I needed to do my part for TO's homeless. Hate that I needed it.
That prompted a message from a Reverend letting me know about a need for volunteers in her church’s Out of the Cold program. Which prompted another friend to commit to volunteering there. And the messages, emails and invitations to collaborate on programs haven’t stopped. (More on what I decide to do in a later post.)
Here’s what I’m learning:
Any time you hear yourself saying “this was the kick in the ass that I needed” to:
start volunteering;
get my finances in order;
sort out my trouble relationship with my mom; or,
lose weight,
what you’re really saying is: I was sleeping, and I’m awake now.
If you’re feeling done with stumbling around, sleepily looking for the keys in your life, and waiting to get your ass kicked into gear, here's a less painful way to wake up...one that I intend to heed with greater attention. Keep the important things top of mind (like these things and your values).
You'll awaken what needs attention.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.