Articles
The myth of Everyone
“If I ___________________(launch this product/ ship this offering/ start my business/ say no), EVERYONE will think I’m _________________(too big for my britches/ out of my league/ a loser/ a geek/ a failure).” So, best to not ______________(launch/ ship/ start/ say no). Right?
Hmm. I wonder.
Who is this EVERYONE of which we speak?
Let’s try this exercise* in clarity: A) Name 5 people who might actually think you launching/ shipping/ starting/ saying no is indeed the most foolish/ geekiest thing to do.
B) Now, name 5 people who fully support your desire to launch/ ship/ start/ say no so you can say yes.
Got them named? Great. Now. Looking at the names in groups A and B: who do you really like? Who do you really admire? Who’s got your back? Who do you trust? Who would you invite to a dinner party with your loved ones?
Noticing something? Noticing that you’re starting to care a little less what group A thinks? Noticing that they’re feeling a little less “real”…like somehow the work of your own saboteurs?
If you’re not there yet, and still jonesing for the elusive approval of group A, let me tell you some good and bad news about them.
The bad news: they don’t care. They’ve got their own navels to admire.
The good news: they don’t care. They’ve got their own navels to admire.
So now…what are you going to do? Heed your heart's call by getting out of your own way so you can launch/ ship/ say no so you can say yes? Yes, I thought as much. We’ll be here…cheering you from the sidelines with your supportive group B peeps.
Go on then…everyone’s waiting.
* Devotional props to Pam Slim for shedding light on this piece of brilliance from Martha Beck. Simple and powerful, as all bits of genius are.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Inspirational Women’s Day
Of the many, MANY things I am grateful for in my life, having an abundance of inspiring women around me rates pretty high. Their gifts fill my heart, soul and mind. {Allow me to state this: I am blessed to be surrounded by many men I adore and whom inspire…howevs, it IS International Women’s Day, so, I’m sticking with my sisters.} Inspiration = in + spirare (latin for breath). And it is sooooo important to breathe, isn’t it?
When I am a quart low of inspiration, these are the women I turn to. You see, I believe that inspiration is all around us. It taps you on the shoulder all the time - you just may choose to ignore it. Stated more prettily:
Inspiration is very polite. She knocks softly and then goes away if we don’t answer. - Mary Pipher
So I am pretty intentional about going out and huffing it in when I need it, like a sleep-deprived travelling salesman at an oxygen bar. I fill up my lungs with the good stuff.
Some of my sources of inspiration, you’ll not meet on-line. And how they inspire me may not be of interest to anyone else. Like my Mom for teaching me that living joyfully is really the only sensible way (more on her teachings in The Joy Pages, over on the right hand side of this site), or my sister for showing me the grace in contentment. Or my beloved clients for the bravery they show in their desire to step boldly into their best selves. Or my Mother-in-Law for epitomizing commitment. Or my Aunt for being a beacon of strength. Or my close friends for the meaning of unconditional love. Or my daughter for the reminder to slow down even as she grows at a breakneck speed.
Apart from my Future Self, here are my sources of inspiration that you CAN find on-line:
When I need to explore wholeheartedness, I breathe in Brené Brown.
When I need courage, I breathe in Lisa Chandler.
When I need to some wide-eyed wonder, I breathe in Teresa Deak.
When I need a shot of whip-smart sassiness, I breathe in Kelly Diels.
When I need to find soul-nourishing beauty, I breathe in Jamie Ridler.
When I need to know resilience and "never-too-latedness", I breathe in Debra Eve.
When I need nice (ONE of my favourite four-letter words), I breathe in Carrie Klassen.
When I need to remember to savour AND serve, I breathe in Jen Louden.
When I need to find the middle ground between heart and mind, I breathe in Laura McGrath.
When I need to be return to the feminine essence, I breathe in Dara McKinley.
When I need to see the power in vulnerability, I breathe in Lindsey Mead.
When I need to be reminded about what wonders are available to all beyond the cubicle, I breathe in Pam Slim.
When I need to bring back the fabulous, I breathe in Katia Millar.
When I need to see the value in connectedness, I breathe in Tia Singh.
When I need some bombastic instigation, I breathe in Dyana Valentine.
Please do find them. Soak in their goodness, their teachings and then, breathe out. Energized and inspired.
Kind of like love and money, inspiration is meant to be shared. My request is this: take a moment to share in the comments which women inspire YOU.
And then, just because it will feel so damned good: tell them.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Fitting in
It’s starting to happen. Approaching seven years old, my daughter’s becoming preoccupied with what others think of her. And what they think is starting to inform her choices. She no longer chooses to wear her cute and kicky hats indoors. No one else wears them, after all. That pre-historic amygdala at the base of her brain is starting to run the show. It tells her, in its lizard-y rasp:
“Keep your head down, kid. Take your hat off. Fit in. Play with those girls even if they’re mean because they’re cool. Put down the salmon and pick up the cheese pizza (I mean, seriously…what’s WRONG with you? All kids like cheese pizza and French fries). Pretend you’re crushing on Justin. All girls your age like him. Above all else, fit in. For the love of God, Child. FIT. IN.”
Excruciatingly painful to watch.
Because all I want, as her Mama, is for her to recognize and love herself as her own person. As she is. For her to not need/want to be “less than”, “more than” or anything “other than” the wonder that she is. Naturally.
And if I’m being honest, I want the world to appreciate her for all that she is…without insisting that she fit in.
I wish the same, of course, for myself.
I have made countless choices in my own life that have been informed by my own lizard brain: I have used a voice that wasn’t my own; shared opinions that weren’t my own; exhibited styles that weren’t my own; and professed love that wasn’t my own. Every one of these choices has led me down a path of discontent, all in the name of fitting in.
Fitting in with whom, I am not sure. With the cool kids, I guess. Fitting in to what end, I am less sure. So no one will see me for the magnificence that I am? Meh, that doesn’t sound like me. Besides, we’re all cool kids in someone else’s eyes.
Here’s what I’m learning:
I think that fundamentally we don’t want to fit in. I think fundamentally we want to be appreciated for who we are. In fact, I suspect that is our deepest desire.
Try this on for size and see how IT fits:
“I’m different. And I like it.”
No screaming hand-waving LOOK-AT-ME-AND-HOW-CRAZY-OUT-THERE-DIFFERENT-I-AM. Just different. Naturally so.
A final thought. Next time you feel pulled to be other than (less than, more than) glorious YOU, take a moment to pause. Breathe. Then ask yourself these two questions: “What do I REALLY want here?” and “How do I want to show up?”
I bet that quiets your lizard brain. It detests those questions (the ones that bring you out of your head and into your heart).
That’s the work. It starts with you. It starts with me. It starts with my kid.
Off we go…wearing our kickiest hats.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Seth Godin went and took the words out of my mouth. And said it better. Again.
This is the second time I'm quoting Seth Godin this morning. And it's only 9 am. The first time was at 4 am (I was coaching a client on the other side of the world). We were talking about "lizard brain". Mostly, I've been thinking about "big plans" and how the lizard brain LOVES to shut 'em down. So I wanted to write about it. And then I received THIS in my inbox.
I cannot, EVER, top this.
In all its reprinted glory, I give you what Seth Godin scooped from my brain:
Make Big Plans
...that's the best way to make big things happen.
Write down your plans. Share them with trusted colleagues. Seek out team members and accomplices.
Shun the non-believers. They won't be easily convinced, but they can be ignored.
Is there any doubt that making big plans increases the chances that something great will happen?
Is there any doubt that we need your art and your contribution?
Why then, are you hesitating to make big plans?
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Love+Joy+Clarity
Happy Love+Joy+Clarity Day, y’all! “What, huh?”
Well, maybe you’ve noticed all the red hearts and cards floating around today. "LOVE"! Chocolatey, spicy, colourful and kissy. Whether you’re in love or not, it’s hard not to appreciate a dazzle of hot pink in an otherwise drab and gray month.
So, Valentine's Day = the LOVE piece.
That leads me to “JOY” (love has that effect on me). Am beyond thrilled to introduce the little eBook that’s been in my heart: The Joy Pages. Inspired by my Mom’s beautiful mantra “don’t postpone joy”, my hope is that it inspires the same in you. Go ahead and get yours by subscribing over there in the pretty right hand column. (Don’t you dig the branches spilling out where they have no business spilling out? As Carrie said when she designed it: “I love the idea of joy that will not be bound by sidebar delineations.” What a fabulous metaphor). Please take some time with the exercises, enjoy it and spread it around. With huge thanks.
And finally: CLARITY. I A-D-O-R-E clarity. For me, clarity is the birthplace of genius. Oh, it’s elusive all right. It taunts, it teases, it dances just out of reach. And yet. YET. It’s there…ours for the taking. So let’s get you some, shall we?
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Something else, in Fear’s clothing
This week, I was stumped. Am writing an eBook reallllly close to my heart about Joy. It’s inspired by my mother, whose beauteous maxim was “Don’t Postpone Joy”. I had already called Fear out and told it I was going through with my eBook(s) whether it liked it or not. I believed we had an understanding. I’d write, it would show up and I’d write in spite of it. Push on through.
Besides, what’s easier for me than writing about Joy? I know this like the back of my hand. And it’s in honour of my Mom’s approach to life. (Also known to me like the back of my hand.)
So I wrote up a neat and tidy outline for the free eBook that looks like it’s going to be really truly valuable, and then…nothing. NADA. White space. Blank page. Staring moonily back at me. Blink, blink, blink goes the cursor.
I get up, shake it off, make some tea. I coax, I cajole, I get coached.
I back up. I surge forward.
I try a role call of saboteurs who may be trying to stop me. It doesn’t seem to be the “this is gonna suck, sucka!” or “who do you think YOU are to write about joy?” varietals (because, as my bud Leslie said and Rock Star Pam confirmed, I AM an expert on joy).
And the Words. Will. Not. Come.
Still something else.
Shit.
February 14th (launch date) creeps closer and closer. And closer still.
Then Carrie (who is designing the stunningness that the eBook is becoming) asked me this:
I also wondered if your mom had a favourite flower we might slip in somehow, or a particular colour that made her smile. Your intention, alone, makes this project special... but if there are other little details we can stitch in, do say.
I immediately respond:
My Mom had sublimely eclectic taste (friends LOVED our homes because they were fun and lived-in). Art everywhere (nothing “valuable” just lots of pieces from travels...none of which “matched”) Massive colour (like salmon-coloured walls) though she searched her whole life for the perfect “butter yellow” wall colour for her kitchens (never found it). Yes flowers...the showiness of hibiscus and the subtleties of lily-of-the-valley. Trees were huge for her (we have a commemorative one in her name on the beach that reads: Brenda Geisler – Lover of Life and Trees – Requisciat in Pace – she was proud that she knew Latin!) and made sure she planted several in every home we lived in (and there were many). Coffee, fall macintosh apples, good cheese, a mohair blanket I knit her, good books tat could take to her to far-away places she couldn’t afford to visit herself, and bubble baths, and heart-to-heart hugs (she would actually get pissed off if you didn’t touch hearts in a hug or look into each others eyes when you clinked glasses in cheers).
Didn’t spellcheck, didn’t reread, didn’t edit. Just pressed “send”.
Then I cried. Blubbery, slobbery and completely. My husband walked in and gave me a hug (heart to heart, of course). Didn’t try to dry the tears, just knew they needed to be released.
And boy howdy, did they ever.
I sat down to write The Joy Pages that same day. Easiest thing I ever wrote. (Still not entirely sure how it’s all going to look once my beloved editors have their way with it, but I know it will be purposeful, useful and from my heart.)
For me, the stuck wasn’t fear as I had assumed after all. (Fear has such fabulous PR that it gets the credit for pretty much all stuckness). In my case, it was profound sadness masquerading as fear that had its grip on me. And not surprisingly, it’s bloody challenging to write something useful about joy when sadness is holding down the fort.
Fear is your lifelong lover and will show up, time and time again. I continue to say we ought to all move forward in spite of it. And that may look like getting clarity around whether it’s fear or something else. Then dealing with THAT accordingly.
Am learning that the enemies of fear are: love, joy and clarity. This Valentine’s Day, those will be my gifts to you.
Stay tuned.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.