Articles
Those lousy Snakes on a Plane
This past weekend, a friend and I subjected ourselves to some kinda camp, better known as the 2006 flick: Snakes on a Plane. If you don’t want me to spoil it for you, probably best you stop reading, ‘cause I’m a-gonna spill the dramatic arc here. (Air quotes are implied) There are snakes on a plane. They freak everyone out. How they got there (bad guys) is kind of irrelevant. They’re there and they’re freaking everyone out. I mean, they are snakes on a plane for the love-a! (Full disclosure: I am full-on eeeeeeeeeeck when it comes to snakes. Even Harvey Slytherin, the garter snake hanging out in my backyard clematis makes me lose all semblance of composure…much to the amusement of my family and neighbours).
So, we have established that there are snakes on a plane. Samuel L Jackson and a cast of other actors (who must have heard the money truck backing into their driveways to participate in this ummm, ART) try to get the snakes off the plane. With varying degrees of success. Then they do.
Fin. So what?
Well, you see, the snakes, in my world, are a metaphor for saboteurs (or gremlins, or inner critics, or resistance, or lizard brain).
Sneaky, slithery, insidious and intent on killing. Or at the very least, bringing your plane down.
It looks a little something like this:
You have this idea. This juicy, robust idea. It’s been keeping you awake for a long time now. You know that now’s the time. It’s not the perfect time - it’s the RIGHT time. You’ve done your due diligence and you are set. It’s going to blow their socks off. You envision the celebratory party, know how many cases of Veuve Cliquot you’ll need and already know what your response will be when O calls. It’s THAT good.
So you get in the plane all hopped up on adrenaline. (In the “film” the passengers were given leis before they boarded the plane. The leis were sprayed with pheromones which inconveniently made the snakes good and ravenous). Your adrenaline rouses your saboteurs. They start sniffing around and realize: holy hell…he’s about to do something. Must. Stop. Him.
They start to slither towards you….you know they’re coming and what they want.
Now what? Presumably, you’ve been told to shoot them down. Well, Samuel L tried that at first. Problem is, there are too many. They’re like, EVERYWHERE. Shoot one, another shows up. And another. And another. There’s another over there.
EEEEEEEEEECK. EEEEEEEECK. EEEEEEEEECK.
Now what?
Know that they don’t discriminate. This may not help a ton in the moment, but just as ravenous snakes will go after FBI agents, surfers, rappers (and their bodyguards), pilots and mile-high clubbers with equal voracity, so too do saboteurs go after us all. You, me, even Danielle. Oh yes.
Know what you’re up against. There are snakes and then there are SNAKES. By identifying some of the dead snakes via texted photo from a cell camera, agents at LAX were ready with the right anti-venom for all the different kinds of snake bites when the plane landed. Damage minimized.
For our purposes, this looks like doing a roll call of your own saboteurs. Not all are created equal and not all can be treated the same way. I always ask my coaching clients to note what their saboteurs love to tell them and ask them to give them some identifying traits. Names help too.
For instance: Nick the Nihilist looooooooves to point out what I can’t do. How I deal with him is very different from how I deal with my “what’s the use” Eeyore-looking saboteur.
Trust me. They look different, sound different and are equally disempowering. And lethal.
Know yours. Name yours. Describe yours. Know their stories. Know their habits. Know when they like to show up. And know their secret fears. Then use this intelligence on them mercilessly.
Get your team together. You don’t need to go it alone. Pull in every last resource available to you. Ask for help. Gather the best and the brightest. Your huge idea deserves nothing less.
And while Samuel L didn’t exactly have the best and the brightest on the plane with him, he DID have some pretty good ground support. AND, as it happened, the rapper’s bodyguard played so many flight simulator video games that he was able to land the plane. See? Never hurts to ask. Everyone has hidden talents. Ahem.
Get seriously intentional.
Or as Samuel L so eloquently articulated:
But. He didn’t say monkey or fighting or Monday or Friday (but you knew that).
Blow open the freakin’ windows. It’ll be messy. Watch your saboteurs get sucked away. Then get down to it. Do the work. Land your damned plane. We’re waiting for you on the tarmac with O’s people, Veuve Clicquot at the ready.
Fin.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Disney, Misery, Resistance, and J Crew Swimsuits
Hello there, Sunshine! Did I manage to reel you in with promises of misery or Disney? Ahh, you’ll get both. Read on. So, it seems the thing to do when a blogger’s not been blogging is to do a round-up of what’s been up. So I give you the short list:
Where I’ve been Writing Coaching Disney World (this is not a metaphor) Writing Coaching Writing Coaching Eating Easter chocolates Hitting the gym Coaching Writing Coaching
Titillating, non?
Disney, coaching, chocolates, and gym are all wonderful. And the writing, you ask? Ahhhh….the WRITING. My Board of Your Life product (that I bragged on-camera was coming along swimmingly…FAIL), and another, yet-to-be-revealed product (while I do fail often, I also learn quickly) are in “progress”. Swimmingly is ONE way of describing the process. At times it’s a great, chest-stretching, leg-strengthening, don’t-I-look-hot-in-this-JCrew-swimsuit feeling. Other times, MOST times, it’s salt-water-sucking-into-lungs-and-if-I-stop-I-will-drown agony. And I want to throw in the towel. Often.
Turns out, I am not special. Turns out, according to Steven Pressfield, I am merely in
The Belly of The Beast.
See, I’ve also been reading Pressfield’s manifesto: “Do the Work” (and I mean re-reading it because it takes, like, 50 minutes to cover it on the elliptical machine…this I know).
It’s like Pressfield hands you this field journal (and presumably a stiff shot of scotch) and says: “Kid, Resistance wants to kick your ass. Resistance wants to eat you alive. You will beat Resistance by doing the work. Do the damned work. Capiche?”
The work, of course, is different for everyone. It’s opening a restaurant, launching a product (ahem), mending a relationship, quitting smoking, running ultra-marathons across the Sahara, writing a dissertation, building the shelter. It’s all work of the heart. In Pressfield’s words: “any act that rejects immediate gratification in favor of long-term growth, health or integrity”.
Since my first go at the book, I’ve recommended it to every one of my clients in our sessions. Every one. Testosterone-y language? Oh yes. Inspiring? Mmm hmm. Motivating? You bet your sweet bippy.
So I am doing the work. I am doing the writing. I still am not in love with ALL that I’m writing, but am far less concerned about how my butt looks in this swimsuit. I will finish this swim. It’s my swim to own. There is no other way.
As I learn about my miserable relationship with the Resistance, I shift and grow how I work. In service of my work. And my hope, is that it is also in service of you and yours.
And speaking of misery and service, a client reminded me of these words by T.D. Jakes today:
“I tell you now that your ministry is where your misery has been. That same spot that made you cry and moan is where you can bring honor and healing to those who are touched with the same pain. This is the spot where your compassion will skyrocket, and you can help the next generation of victims to get out of their beds and walk.”
So here’s what I invite you to do: Know your misery. Get intimate with it. Be in the mess of it. Live with the indecision. Go deeper into it. Talk about it until you can no longer stand it. Then get up and be in service of those you seek to heal.
Heal thyself, then go heal the world, baby.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Path-charting learnings from Adele
I found myself in the curious place of holding a self-limiting, self-imposed (aren't they all?) belief that wasn't serving me. And I decided to simply let it go. Not surprisingly, flow followed. And singing. If you can't see the video, click here.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Patterns, patterns everywhere
Lately, I’ve been kind of gob-smacked by how many people are showing up on my proverbial doorstep saying “I’m fed up with the pattern I keep reliving...it’s Groundhog Day all over again. It’s painful and damned stupid. I KNOW better, I keep trying to break it, but I keep getting sucked in, and it feels bloody disempowering” (or thereabouts). They in turn, are gob-smacked when I metaphorically seize them by the shoulders, shout “HUZZAH!!!!!” and have them join me in a high-kicking folk dance. I celebrate patterns.
Here’s why: unlike pattern’s kissing cousin “stuck”, there IS a neat and tidy formula to the pattern.
Now IF someone truly desires to step out of that pattern (and that “if” deserves capitals, because not everyone really wants to leave the safety of a pattern) it’s about as easy as 1-2-3 (or 1-2-3-4-5-6-7, depending on what it is).
Here’s how.
Write out the pattern
Make it goooood, robust and juicy. Make it yours. Own it. You keep reliving it so you MUST know the steps like the back of your hand, non? Like, you could teach a course on “how to fall out of love (with a person, idea, project)” or “how to be late for every single important event”, or “botching sensible weight loss plans” or “racking up debt”. In fact, assume you ARE teaching on course on your pattern. You are the world’s leading expert on it, after all.
Here’s an example. Say you’re a blogger. And say you don’t write as often as you’d like.
Your pattern MAY be:
You get an inspired idea. A fabulous, wonderful idea. You’re a little breathless, it’s just that good.
You sit down to write. But before you put fingers to keyboard, you decide to research who else has written about your topic, juuuuust in case.
You read and read. You make notes on what others are saying about your topic. You start getting a touch grumpy as you begin to believe you don't know anything about this stuff after all.
You start to try write in your voice. It’s feeling stilted because the wind’s out of your sails. Then your saboteur voices take over: “no one’s going to read YOUR take on this topic when they can listen to THEIR take on the topic”, and “everyone’s going to know you’re a fake”.
You back away from the computer and put your attention elsewhere. You know intellectually that this should refresh you.
You come back annoyed that you haven’t posted this damned thing yet. You soften the tone of the piece to make it more palatable for a broader audience.
You close your eyes and press “publish” and think it’s shit.
No one reads it (you know this because you obsess over blog traffic), which you hold to be confirmation that you’re not a very good writer and CERTAINLY not an authority on this or any topic.
Rinse and repeat.
Not overly surprising that with a pattern this you’re not writing as often as you’d like.
Here’s the thing about pattern-busting stuff. It feels scary. This pattern has been your default for, like, forever. And busting ANYTHING has a quality of mayhem and debris.
So let’s take it down a notch and woo-woo it up by calling it pattern “shifting”.
Make shifts happen
Now consider how you can make any number of incremental shifts at any given step in the above sequence. Not necessarily radical stuff, just manageable tweaks to your approach. One or many. (NB that the examples below are not intended to be sequential...that would be crazy talk).
For instance step #1 could be deciding WHO you’re writing this piece for. If it’s you, great. If it’s your readers, fab. If it’s for your future publisher, exquisite. Get clear. This will impact the outcome. You’ll notice that immediately when you get to step #2. It may even have you skipping that step.
In step #3, perhaps you decide to research only the ONE person you know or suspect is the master voice on this topic and reference them in your post. Or ask to interview them. This may become a video and the start of something great. Who knows?
Take #4. You might decide to press post when the saboteurs are the loudest. If they’re that loud you MUST be on to something good.
Maybe the “elsewhere” in #5 is writing about something new, like say, how crappy #4 is?
In #6 maybe you ramp up your tone (not down).
Maybe you DON’T press publish in #7. Maybe you pitch the piece entirely. (Oooh, what’s THAT feel like?)
Make any ONE of these shifts and #8 will look a lot different.
No way, no how am I suggesting that any of these are the RIGHT new paths…nor are they wrong. They’re just different from what the pattern’s been to date. What I am pointing to is that you don’t need to make a radical detour to impact the outcome. One shift can unravel, short-circuit, and destabilize any pattern…no matter how strong the hold it’s had on your life to date.
That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?
So, next time you notice a pattern, write it out. Mindmap it. Scribble it. Draw it. Whatever works for you to get it out where you can see it.
Brainstorm possible shifts for every step. As subtle or as loud as you like. Then try one or two shifts next time you get your super-hot, sweat-inducing fabulous blog post idea (or decide to lose weight or draft a budget, or, or, or).
Notice how easy that was. Notice and enjoy the newness of this outcome. Notice that you get to continue to recalibrate. Notice the power’s back where we like it. In YOUR hands.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
The myth of Everyone
“If I ___________________(launch this product/ ship this offering/ start my business/ say no), EVERYONE will think I’m _________________(too big for my britches/ out of my league/ a loser/ a geek/ a failure).” So, best to not ______________(launch/ ship/ start/ say no). Right?
Hmm. I wonder.
Who is this EVERYONE of which we speak?
Let’s try this exercise* in clarity: A) Name 5 people who might actually think you launching/ shipping/ starting/ saying no is indeed the most foolish/ geekiest thing to do.
B) Now, name 5 people who fully support your desire to launch/ ship/ start/ say no so you can say yes.
Got them named? Great. Now. Looking at the names in groups A and B: who do you really like? Who do you really admire? Who’s got your back? Who do you trust? Who would you invite to a dinner party with your loved ones?
Noticing something? Noticing that you’re starting to care a little less what group A thinks? Noticing that they’re feeling a little less “real”…like somehow the work of your own saboteurs?
If you’re not there yet, and still jonesing for the elusive approval of group A, let me tell you some good and bad news about them.
The bad news: they don’t care. They’ve got their own navels to admire.
The good news: they don’t care. They’ve got their own navels to admire.
So now…what are you going to do? Heed your heart's call by getting out of your own way so you can launch/ ship/ say no so you can say yes? Yes, I thought as much. We’ll be here…cheering you from the sidelines with your supportive group B peeps.
Go on then…everyone’s waiting.
* Devotional props to Pam Slim for shedding light on this piece of brilliance from Martha Beck. Simple and powerful, as all bits of genius are.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Inspirational Women’s Day
Of the many, MANY things I am grateful for in my life, having an abundance of inspiring women around me rates pretty high. Their gifts fill my heart, soul and mind. {Allow me to state this: I am blessed to be surrounded by many men I adore and whom inspire…howevs, it IS International Women’s Day, so, I’m sticking with my sisters.} Inspiration = in + spirare (latin for breath). And it is sooooo important to breathe, isn’t it?
When I am a quart low of inspiration, these are the women I turn to. You see, I believe that inspiration is all around us. It taps you on the shoulder all the time - you just may choose to ignore it. Stated more prettily:
Inspiration is very polite. She knocks softly and then goes away if we don’t answer. - Mary Pipher
So I am pretty intentional about going out and huffing it in when I need it, like a sleep-deprived travelling salesman at an oxygen bar. I fill up my lungs with the good stuff.
Some of my sources of inspiration, you’ll not meet on-line. And how they inspire me may not be of interest to anyone else. Like my Mom for teaching me that living joyfully is really the only sensible way (more on her teachings in The Joy Pages, over on the right hand side of this site), or my sister for showing me the grace in contentment. Or my beloved clients for the bravery they show in their desire to step boldly into their best selves. Or my Mother-in-Law for epitomizing commitment. Or my Aunt for being a beacon of strength. Or my close friends for the meaning of unconditional love. Or my daughter for the reminder to slow down even as she grows at a breakneck speed.
Apart from my Future Self, here are my sources of inspiration that you CAN find on-line:
When I need to explore wholeheartedness, I breathe in Brené Brown.
When I need courage, I breathe in Lisa Chandler.
When I need to some wide-eyed wonder, I breathe in Teresa Deak.
When I need a shot of whip-smart sassiness, I breathe in Kelly Diels.
When I need to find soul-nourishing beauty, I breathe in Jamie Ridler.
When I need to know resilience and "never-too-latedness", I breathe in Debra Eve.
When I need nice (ONE of my favourite four-letter words), I breathe in Carrie Klassen.
When I need to remember to savour AND serve, I breathe in Jen Louden.
When I need to find the middle ground between heart and mind, I breathe in Laura McGrath.
When I need to be return to the feminine essence, I breathe in Dara McKinley.
When I need to see the power in vulnerability, I breathe in Lindsey Mead.
When I need to be reminded about what wonders are available to all beyond the cubicle, I breathe in Pam Slim.
When I need to bring back the fabulous, I breathe in Katia Millar.
When I need to see the value in connectedness, I breathe in Tia Singh.
When I need some bombastic instigation, I breathe in Dyana Valentine.
Please do find them. Soak in their goodness, their teachings and then, breathe out. Energized and inspired.
Kind of like love and money, inspiration is meant to be shared. My request is this: take a moment to share in the comments which women inspire YOU.
And then, just because it will feel so damned good: tell them.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.