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Keep Dancing
At a young age, we are told to hope for the best and expect the worst. The intent is to help insulate us from the sting of assured defeat. I get it. I just don’t like it. The logic is faulty and skewed.
You can expect the best AND the worst. Any way you slice it, there will be learnings, and there will be growth. Some things you can plan for and others you simply can't.
Expecting the best: How do you want to feel?
How do you want to be when the launch, the presentation, the event, the pitch is over? When the curtain's called (and it will be soon enough…too soon, in fact), what’s your ideal way to feel?
I suspect you want it all to go smoothly, to be sure, but I reckon you’re also deepening into the qualities of accomplishment, pleasure, and recognition that you desire for the outcome, right?
Expecting the worst: What if the worst DOES happen?
Oh yes. Technology can fail. SNAFUs can abound. Dogs can eat homework.
The reality is this:
There will be times when the mic doesn’t work. Speak louder. {Your people will quiet down to hear your words.}
There will be times when the clients can't make it to the party. Invite your nearest and dearest and feast on the dip. {You’ve been needing this time together.}
There will be times when the conference call lines fail. You'll figure out the workaround. {Your capacity for resourcefulness knows no bounds.}
There will be times when the clients dry up. Use this space to get clear about who you deeply desire to work with. {You know it’s time.}
There will be days when the phone simply won’t ring. In this quiet place, create. {You’ve been craving time to write.}
There will be times when you miss the plane. Use the time to count your blessings. {There are many.}
There are times when it will be hard. Don’t give up. {Don’t you dare ever give up.}
There will be times when the CD player skips. Keep dancing. {They will sing for you.}
Here’s the proof as evinced by two of my favourite little girls. (Warning: you may want to turn the volume down…this shaky-handed Mama was giggly as she butchered Taio Cruz...and apparently mispronounces "dynOmite".)
When it was all over, these two little marvels ended up feeling exactly as they wanted to: like the Super Stars they are.
Keep showing up. Like only you can. When you do, the world will reward you with song. Warbly song, perhaps. But song just the same.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Inspired by Eve
Ronna Detrick has Mama energy. Firm in that "don'tyouberunningoutintrafficwithoutlookingbothways" kind of way, loving in that brow-soothing, "here's a cup of tea and some life-learned enduring wisdom" kind of way, and fierce in that "don't you doubt yourself for one blessed second, child, or else" kind of way. I could listen to her talk for hours (and have). I could read her words for hours (and have). We have talked about things. We have talked about sanctuary, silence and faith. We have talked about boys (okay, that was part of a sacred weekend of soul sisters...no link to that).
On Friday, Ronna released beautiful work called Inspired by Eve, which is, in her own words, an invitation to self-trust, deep knowing, and a delicious life of desire (along with the discovery of a God who offers the same). It is a crisp bite of apple and a deep breath. It is delicious.
It's Mother's Day, and I've already written a story this week about MY Mama, so I've invited Ronna to share more about her retelling of the story of Eve: the Original Mama. Lean in.
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INSPIRED BY EVE
We are all for living lives full of passion, potential, and desire. And we might even be all about taking risks and stepping boldly toward what we want. Often times we can visualize exactly what all of this would look and feel like. We’ve crafted and visualized the dream. We’ve focused our intention. We’ve even created a business plan designed to move us ever closer.
But most of us feel like we’re just on the border of all this. We can almost taste it. It’s see-able, achieve-able, attainable, but we just. can’t. quite. reach. it.
The thing, the relationship, the job, the reality, the income, the client(s), the life we most deeply desire seems to evade us – not by miles, rather by inches.
We’re living with a mixed-up story of Eve.
Yes, that Eve. The one who was created from Adam’s rib. Who lived in Perfection. Who walked in the garden in the cool of the day with God. Who listened to the snake. Who reached for what she desired and got more than her hand slapped. Or so we’ve been told.
It’s no wonder we just.can’t.quite.reach.it: this life we desire.
This story keeps us trapped (often unconsciously) in places of shame, fear, and feeling like we’re too much. This story creates and perpetuates the messages that tell us to tone it down, play it safe, and color inside the lines. This story has formed the framework of philosophies of thought, structures of power, and politics of gender. This story has separated us from ourselves and from God.
Not the story itself. The way we’ve been telling it.
Tell (and live) a different story!
Eve calls to us, longing that we tell her story as she would. For she knows that if we could, we would find our way home; that we would hold on to and pursue our desires; that we would be (re)introduced to an intimate, knowing, and kind God; that we would take a big, juicy bite of the apple that is completely within our reach – and oh, so delicious!
Let Eve inspire you. She reached for what she wanted. It was not just out of her reach. Yes, there were risks. Yes, there were consequences. And yes, her eyes were opened – to new worlds, new life, new and amazing ways of relating to God.
What feels like it’s just.out.of.your.reach is closer than you think. Eve’s cheering you on…as is her God.
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Ronna Detrick provides Spiritual Direction to both individuals and businesses. Picture a hybrid of the iconic Oprah Winfrey and the slightly-irreverent Anne LaMott and you’d have a glimpse of both her love for significant, meaningful conversation (without the national media platform) and her impassioned writing bent (without the dreadlocks). She gets at deep truths and talks about a God and faith you’re hungry for. Learn more.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
The stories of Diamond Head + a Mother's Day request
I was prompted to write about a favourite summer memory a week or so back by a tweet from the delightful Sarah Von. Without hesitation, I poured out the memory that lives right on top of my heart. Fresh and pure like a glass of water.
I spent my summers with my family in a rented cottage north of Toronto by about 2 hours.
Wymbolwood. Kilometers of expansive white beach. Sandbank upon sandbank.
Every day, I would go for a long walk with my mother. In this enduring memory, I am eight-years old. Too young to be distracted by boys, tan lines and reading Seventeen magazine. (That would come soon enough.)
We always walked to the same destination: Diamond Head (name coined by my cousin). It was a unique and mysterious house on a cliff that overlooked the cerulean blue waters of Georgian Bay. No one ever seemed to be in there, adding to the mystique. Two diamonds, meeting over the expansive front door. Huge windows, curtains drawn.
We would spend the walk creating stories about who built this wildly atypical building. A cardiac surgeon, perhaps, driven mad by heartbreak and vowing to only create structures found in a deck of cards. Perhaps his estranged wife was buried on the property (hole dug with a spade, natch). When we would reach it, we’d pause, take in the marvel that it was, shudder with goose-bumpy delight and turn back, satiated with story.
On the walk back, we would discuss what ice cream cone we’d have. Three o’clock was ice cream time. We’d invent new flavours (like “Cold Currant”, inspired by the waters we walked along). We’d giggle and hold hands, anticipating the rest of the glorious day. And when a shimmer of sadness would wash over me that this moment wouldn’t last forever (even back then), we’d run down a list of joyful things just around the corner: the CNE, back-to-school shopping, first day of school, my birthday, Thanksgiving, Hallowe’en, Christmas. Light and warm-hearted once again, we’d have reached our family and friends on the beach and en happy masse, we’d enter the general store and order our cones.
My mother passed away in 2004 and my daughter is now eight-years-old herself. This is a memory I cherish. Pretty much daily. And if she were here for Mother’s day and her birthday on the 10th, I’d be sharing it with her. In fact, I suspect I'd commission an ice cream aficionado to create cold currant ice cream and bring her a cone.
As much as your mom relishes the flowers, spa visits and jewelry that you’ll adorn her with on Mother’s Day, may I make a request? Will you conjure up your own favourite memory and share it with her? In your card or in your phone call?
I suspect that all she really wants to know is that at some point in your life, she was doing something right.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Thing Finding Thursday with Emilie Wapnick
Emilie Wapnick didn't so much FIND her thing as much as she has SHIFTED her things. A label-abhorrer, she is a woman of many interests and abilities (sounds familiar?) who was managed to stitch them together into one place. Beautifully.
Emilie works with multipotentialites to build lives and businesses around all their interests. She’s the author of Renaissance Business and the resident multipotentialite at Puttylike.com.
In my mind, she is a celebration of YES: You MAY be an expert in many things! You are more than allowed! You DO NOT NEED to pick only ONE THING!
If you just breathed a sigh of relief, if you've been struggling to land the plane of your vocation, you may well be a multipotentialite, Love.
The fabulous news is this: you are in excellent company. See what this super smart and savvy woman has to say. It's allllll good.
Interview with Emilie Wapnick for Thing Finding Thursday
Do you hear that expansive YES? Me too. There is plenty of room under your over-arching theme. Plenty. YES.
Tweetworthy Emilie-isms (for your sharing pleasure)
When I was younger, I believed the myth that we need to have ONE thing. (TWEET IT)
Now I see it’s kind of awesome that I get to experience so many different things. (TWEET IT)
In finding your thing(s) look for overarching themes. (TWEET IT)
To find a theme in your life, ask yourself: When did I feel really alive? (TWEET IT)
Reframe how we view finishing. If you lose interest in s.t., maybe it’s ok to move on. (TWEET IT)
Putty Tribe is about connecting multipotentialites with each other. (TWEET IT)
“What do you want to be when you grow up” is a limiting social construct. (TWEET IT)
In finding your thing, don’t look towards roles, look more towards the motivational aspect. (TWEET IT)
Transcript of edited interview (for your reading pleasure)
Tanya: Yeah, well I mentioned to you when we were chatting that I don’t feel like I can have this conversation about thing finding without speaking with you because you know a whole lot about things.
Emilie: I have always kind of shifted things. When I was in high school I thought my thing was music and I was really serious about the band that I was playing in, writing music, and trying to get a record deal and all these things. And then I sort of lost interest in music and I got really into filmmaking and film production. I went to film school and I made these short films on 16mm and sent them out to festivals and did that whole thing. Then I kind of lost interest in that and randomly became interested in law and so I went to law school, got a degree at McGill, but didn’t really want to become a lawyer. I learned what I needed to learn and I found it interesting, but then it was time to move on.
And then I started a business and now I’m a coach and a writer and I do various things. I play the violin and I go to Bollywood dance class, so I have a lot of things and I’ve always had a lot of things. And when I was younger I kind of believed in this myth that we need to have one thing; that we’re all here because we have one true calling in life. And I would get really depressed every time I would lose interest in what I thought was my thing. I thought that was like my identity; my role here. And I’d lose interest and then I’d feel totally lost, and then I’d find something else and I’d be like, “Okay, well maybe that’s my thing. Maybe I just haven’t found it yet.”
But then eventually every time I would go through this pattern of losing interest and becoming interested in something else I would start to shy away from that new thing because I’d be like, “Well, what happens if a year or two or three down the line I lost interest in this again? What’s with me? What’s wrong with me?” And then I realized that I’m a multi potentialite and that this is how I’m wired and that it’s okay. In fact, it’s kind of awesome that I get to experience so many different things. It makes my life far more interesting and I do pick up skills as I go through my different pursuits and they contribute to each other and it makes me more creative. I can pull information from past things and bring them into new projects. And so one I stopped trying to fit myself into a label like that, everything got a whole lot easier. I could just kind of relax and just be myself and just kind of enjoy my life.
Tanya: It’s so interesting. When you said, “And I discovered that I was a multi potentialite.” I actually sort of heard the angels singing. Because it just feels like that wat the moment of great release.
Emilie: So what happened to me is that when I wanted to start a business I couldn’t choose a niche. There was just no way; there were too many things that I was interested in. And what I found is that the only thing that I felt like an expert in was at doing many things. That ended up being my niche, but that’s not a very specific topic and I started realizing that a lot of these bloggers and entrepreneurs have businesses that are not focused on one topic, but rather an overarching theme.
Emilie: I write about a bunch of different topics, but they’re all connected by multi potentiality. So that’s the idea that if you look at your life, you can kind of instead of looking at the specific interests, take a look at what drove you to them so your own personal motivations and your own personal philosophy, because there will often be something or some things that go through many of your pursuits. Like, I can identify a few. There’s problem solving – I know that I’m really drawn to various different interests of mine because there’s a problem that I want to solve, and then once I’ve solved it I’m kind of cool there and I can go on to something else.
It’s easier to find them if you stop thinking about the topic itself and you start thinking about your motivation and what drew you to certain things.
Tanya: I love the expansiveness too, and I think about that. I sort of have the visual of an umbrella and it’s like, “So there’s this,” and it provides a bit of structure, but there’s so much room under there. There’s so much room to just stretch and grow and a little bit of that and a little bit of that. I love that visual.
Tanya: What are some great questions to help people find their overarching theme?
Emilie: Well, one thing that I like to think about or I like to ask my students to think about is looking back on their life at the times when they felt really alive, so what activities were they doing? Were they working in big groups, on their own, maybe we can identify some principles there. I don’t want to say the word theme again, but maybe there are some themes that run through the various different times in your life when you felt really alive. I mean, were you working with a lot of people in a big group? Were you kind of in a bubble in your own world? What about those circumstances; what did you love? So that’s one exercise.
There’s one you can do where you take a look around your room as though you’re not yourself, so you look around. If this were someone else’s room, what would it say about this person?
Tanya: Interesting. What shows up when people do that?
Emilie: A lot of really telling things. Actually, usually it’s pretty right on. Like, my friend Abe did it, we did it together, and he was like, “Yeah, this guy would be into style and DVDs and entertainment and a lot of tech, nerdy stuff.”
I was like, “Yeah, that sounds like Abe.”
Tanya: This is a really tender spot here, I think for a lot of the viewers too and certainly I’ve had this experience. Where you try something, you’re in real earnest about it, you’re really excited about it, and you get going and then it starts to deflate and it starts to stop making sense and it starts to become dissonant and it can feel a bit like a pattern. It can feel a bit like a very unpleasant cycle and I’ve had clients that show up and start like, “I really want to do this and I’m so terrified that this pattern is going to repeat itself.”
Emilie: I think it’s about reframing how you view finishing. We’ve really been taught that you need to see one thing through to completion, but why? If you’ve lost interest, then maybe it’s okay to move on. Maybe you got what you came for. Maybe you didn’t start learning the piano to become a world renowned pianist, concert pianist, or maybe you needed to explore it for a couple months and that’s okay and you got what you came for. You got that creative activity out of your system and you enjoyed yourself. Isn’t it about just kind of being okay with saying goodbye to things and enjoying them while you’re doing them?
Tanya: Yeah. You are such a big, huge yes, you know? I’m really appreciating that. So what else do you have on the go? You have Huddle going on and you have your Putty Tribe; can you tell us a bit more about what’s going on over there?
Emilie: Yeah, so we’re gearing up to launch the Putty Tribe, which is going to be a membership site for serious multi potentialites who really want to integrate all of their interests into their lives and want the support and accountability and the network and just want to be among other multi potentialites. I kept hearing from people, they would e-mail me and they would be like, “Oh my God, you’re just like me. I didn’t know there was anyone else out there like me.”
But it’s like, “Yes, but there’s me and hundreds of other people because I’ve received this exact e-mail so many times. There are tons of people like you.” And I find people really feel isolated and alone and feel like they’re the only ones out there with this, I’m not going to say issue because it’s really a gift, but they feel like the people in their lives don’t understand them. So the Putty Tribe is about connecting multi potentialites with each other.
Tanya: So what would you really want people who are watching this to take away from our chat today?
Emilie: There are two things. One is that yeah, you don’t need one thing. In fact, chances are I would not be surprised if most of your community were multi potentialites.
Emilie: Chances are, you have more than one thing and there’s so much pressure in society. It’s almost like a romantic notion that we all have one true destiny and it’s turned into this romantic idea, but really it’s a very limiting thing that we’ve had shoved down our throats ever since we were little kids and people asked, “What do you want to be when you grown up?” That’s always one thing. So it’s really a matter of just killing that concept. It’s socially constructed, it’s very limiting, and so you don’t need to have one thing. So that would be the first step.
And number two, when you’re looking for your things, not to think about the roles, like, “I’m a writer, that’s my thing.” Or, “I’m a doctor, that’s my thing.” And more about your motivations and those themes that we’ve been talking about and what drives you and what patterns you can see emerging in your different, specific topics. So less about the thing itself and more about the motivation aspect.
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Go find Emilie and her inspiring, multipotentialite self at her site and on Twitter.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Creative Joy
“Creative” and “joy” were at one point in my life, mutually exclusive concepts for me. On the mean streets of advertising, you were from one side of the track or another. You were either a Suit or a Creative. (Like the Sharks vs the Jets but with far less fancy dance moves.)
Depending on your vantage point: Suits = out of touch stiffs. Creatives = out of touch flakes.
Admittedly, I was a Suit. But I secretly harboured the belief that I was a Suit with a side of Creative. And no, not the kind that thought adding clipart to my .ppt presentations meant that I had a good design eye. (That sort of self-deprecating talk about my kind helped raise my stock with the Creatives, you see). No, I believed in the power of creativity, and that it was for all of us. And, armed with my ideological ways and Libran charm, I believed that I’d be the first one, ever, to bridge the two sides. I could see the value in both camps and knew our best work would come from bringing harmony to the creative process. And dare I say it, joy?
Umm. Not so much.
This work wasn’t about joy. It was about work. The industry is built around creativity was a transactional endgame. Get an idea. Get people on board. Cook it or be cooked. Someone’s not doing something right and with all that firepower, people get burnt.
That was then.
As I tripped and traipsed through the next stages of my life, I couldn’t shake my Pollyanna belief that I could be a Suit AND a Creative. That burnt as I felt there wasn’t a way to have it MY WAY. To be a powerful force in this world AND to be deeply rooted in a richly sustained and creative way. That I had something to be expressed.
It started with a new belief. That creativity may be about output, but it’s not about outcome. And that the process was the point. Not the product. So I decided to “try” to commit to a belief in the okayness of creating for creating’s sake. For the pure joy of it.
I started to see this: Advertising is a transactional endgame. Creativity is not.
And so, testing this new theory and buoyed by a desire to see some original art hung on our walls, my husband and I started painting. Just for fun. Just to see.
{We saw, and we happened to like what we saw. But that’s hardly the point.}
For the most part, I get the new approach right. And then without warning, I start to treat my writing, painting or other creative pursuits as transactional, and, like clockwork, I shut down. And shut off.
But now, I have a powerful ally. When I stop writing because I’ve allowed myself to measure my words with metrics like Facebook shares, likes and RTs, I have one fail-safe: I sit down to draw with my eight-year-old daughter.
She surveys the blank page, for but a moment, then fearlessly attacks the paper. She has yet to throw a picture away in a moment of “it’s not good enough”. Immersed in the pure love of her process, she just makes it better. For her and her alone. And there are rainbows. And kitties. And peace signs. And joy.
So, my desire for you is this, you Creative, you.
I want you to believe that you were born to create. I want you to believe there is untold and unexpressed beauty within you yearning to be released. It needs to trust that you will not judge its imperfections, nor try to force it into something it’s not. That you will love it for what it is. And that in time, when you have nurtured this tender new growth into the fulsome being that it wants to be, that you will lovingly release it into the world, so that others may rejoice in the beauty: of your words. Of your song. Of your silverwork. Of your adornment. Of your art.
That your “good enough” can move mountains, launch ships, set hearts free.
That your "yes" is someone else's "YES".
I want you to create for you. And THEN spread it around. With joy and abandon.
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Oh so much gratitude to Jen, Marianne, and Susannah for inviting me to riff on Creative Joy and for taking a strong and powerful stand for YOUR Creative Joy.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Wishes for my 8-year old Birthday Girl + one for me
Dearest L - On your 8th birthday, I have eight wishes for you.
And one for me.
For you
I wish that you always carry with you this big heart of yours: the one that wants to be the peacekeeper, inspired by what you know of Marianne. Beautiful as you are, your heart is your best feature.
I wish that you retain your capacity for empathy, even when you get charged with being too sensitive.
I wish you to hold on fiercely to your belief that you can be anything you want. Because baby, you can.
I wish you continued delight in every wonder. And that even as those big, beautiful wide eyes become dimmer with the skepticism of age, that your curiosity lights your way.
I wish you to feel deeply...the highs AND the lows. No sense avoiding it, 'cause there'll be days like this.
I wish you to KNOW that your voice may be sweet, and it's still mighty. It will take you to places beyond your wildest dreams.
I wish you could see yourself, as we see you.
And for me
I wish I'll always be something like this in your green eyes.
Oh, I know that it won't always be this way. And so, for those years that you won't be able to stand my very presence, my final wish is this:
8. That you remember this morning: your bear holding your balloons for you, the chocolate croissants in bed, the steady stream of phone calls from family and friends, and the biggest worry of your heart being what party dress to wear to school.
I know I will.
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Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.