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Tanya Tanya

TGtv Episode 1 - Receiving and Giving Feedback

Yippee! My first ever TGtv episode!!! Huge love and props go to the fabulous Genna McWhinnie for producing the title slides and super spiffy bumper. And for everyone along the way who has continued to point me in this direction.

The intention behind TGtv is to tackle the issues that have been showing up in my clients’ lives and businesses (holding confidentiality sacrosanct, of course, and AND with their permission). My experience has been that if it shows up repeatedly with my clients, it’s likely showing up with my readers too, and so I wanted to have a place to share with you the tools, methods and ideas that we’ve used to help them move forward. In the hopes that it will do the same for you.

Episode 1: Feedback

Lately, the issue of feedback has been coming up, like, a LOT. So it was the natural first episode (I’m sure I’m going to get my share of feedback on this first attempt, so perhaps I’m just priming the pump, hmm?)

We all know that to get to the next level…whatever that level may be, that we are in a perpetual state of honing, trimming down and refining. And sure, we CAN do it on our own, but what a more efficient path is through feedback. I take a stand for feedback being an ESSENTIAL part of the process. And yet, it really can be a challenge to know how to be with it. And because it’s such a dicey thing, GIVING feedback can be equally uncomfortable. Yet again, an important gift we simply mustn’t hoard.

So, I give you, in the best way I know how, some easy and actionable steps for RECEIVING and GIVING feedback.

Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact

Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.

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Tanya Tanya

Taking Stock (#2)

Holy doodle. How I’ve missed pressing “publish” here. Thank you for sending out the search party. Wish I could say they found me on a sunny beach sipping Mai Tais. (Seriously…have you ever HAD a Mai Tai? Me neither.) Nope, the search party found me ensconced in Board of Your Life (as seen in Canadian Living…wheeeeee), happily coaching, visioning, writing and interviewing.

Most of the interviews I’ve done have been part of one series or another, featuring other writers whom I’d love for you to “meet”, and I know from my last round-up post that you appreciate me leaving a trail of bread crumbs, so here is the latest:

  • At Sarah O’Leary’s Holistic Hot Sauce I (and 12 other women) talk about self-care. I share how support structures are actually an integral part for me (by keeping me focused…see how that works?)

  • I spoke with Bec Robbins as part of her The Secrets to Lasting Happiness series with a whole host of other happy speakers. My interview is live (and FREE) today, then it will be bundled as part of a package she’s offering.

Oh, and something new ‘round these parts coming next week? TGtv. First episode “airs” Tuesday June 12th. I intend it to be a bi-monthly-ish missive that covers issues/topics/concerns that show up in my coaching sessions. Experience has taught me that if it’s showing up for my clients, AND it’s showing up for me, then it’s PROBABLY showing up for you. Next week’s episode addresses Feedback: Giving AND Receiving.

Gratefully,

Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact

Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.

Register here
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Tanya Tanya

Thing Finding Thursday with Michelle Ward

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Not surprisingly, I had a blast interviewing this Thing Finding Thursday Guest: Michelle Ward. We sang, we laughed. We talked about Things. Don’t know Michelle? Well, lemmetellyaabouther.  In my mind, she coined the term “amazeballs” (and if she didn’t, well she certainly may as well have…the word sums her up). I met her in NYC last May and have been a fan of her effervescence and light ever since that first jubilant hug. She is a funny funny, dedicated, and bombastic firecracker completely devoted to helping creative people devise the career they think they can’t have – or discover it to begin with.

She takes a strong stand for people finding and claiming claim their uniquity via The Declaration of You and “can be found coachin', bloggin' & givin' away free stuff at whenigrowupcoach.com”.

So, I guess it’s pretty clear then, why I invited her to say more about Things, non?

With great delight (and the suggestion that you turn the volume down…we are highly excitable), allow me to present Michelle Ward.

Interview with Michelle Ward for Thing Finding Thursday

Your Thing is likely linked to your uniquity. Genius. Blessed, relief-filled genius.

Tweetworthy Michelle-isms (for your sharing pleasure)

  • Don't negate anything. Everything counts. Everything's on the table. (TWEET IT)

  • Uniquity is what makes you you. That makes you different. (TWEET IT)

  • In finding yur thing: What do I believe? What do I know? What have I learned? (TWEET IT)

  • In finding your thing ask : What do I love that's been consistent? What do I do well? (TWEET IT)

  • For 1 WEEK suspend the belief that s.t. doesn't count/ u can't make a career out of it. (TWEET IT)

Transcript of edited interview (for your reading pleasure)

Tanya: All right. Michelle Ward!

Michelle: Yes, Tanya Geisler!

Tanya: What'syour thing? Tell me what your thing is.

Michelle: It's your thing! Oh my god, I'm going to sing everything with you right now.

So my thing is that I'm the When I Grow Up coach, and I help creative types devise the career they think they can't have or discover it to begin with. So, all throughout their career transitions, they don't know what they want to be when they grow up. They know what they're doing isn't working, or they know exactly what they want to do, but they can't even think how they can get there without moving into their parents' basement. Or they have their thing and they're doing it, but it's not working out quite as they want. I work with those people! As the When I Grow Up coach. That's my thang.

Tanya: How did you find it, honey?

Michelle: Oh, my god! Um, the short story—and it's probably still going to be a little long, it's a very—my thing is that I use 10 words when I could use three—um, it's part of my thing.

I started out as a Broadway baby. My life was my musical theatre. Performances, school plays, blah blah blah. Since I was six. I got into NYU's Tisch School of the Arts, very prestigious! Early acceptance for their musical theatre program, and was so excited, thought that was my ticket to Broadway, freedom, wonderful career. Graduated a year early because I wanted to start pounding the pavement! Was excited to get out there and do it.

Tanya: That's also your thing, by the way.

Michelle: Oh, totally my thing, totally my thing. And so after about five years of pounding the pavement I kind of had to acknowledge the voice in my head from went to being like, very tiny, in the back of my head, and very quiet, to like, getting louder and louder and becoming like a monster and eating my head, and saying, like, this isn't what you want to do as a grownup any more!

And it was traumatic, and heartbreaking, and devastating. It was like my best friend died or I lost my right arm. It was horrible. But I found life coaching, I think because I was so conditioned that I was doing something that I loved as a career that it was unacceptable to me to do something that I didn't love as a career. And at the time, I really listened to that voice and said, “Okay. I'm not going to audition as a career any more. I'm not going to pursue acting.”

I was working like a grownup job, 401K and insurance, it was the first time I had insurance which is very not through my parents, or whatever. And I had a horrible boss, and I liked aspects of the job, but the environment was terrible, and I was like, I know I can't stay here. What else can I do? And I wanted something grownup, and I found life coaching.

So that didn't work out at all.

But it did! Because I was—it made so much sense for me to be an entrepreneur once I really started dissecting things and looking into things and what I would love. And the thought of helping other creative types through their career transitions, and being the coach that I needed at the time, for other people—like, that was it! Like, that's all I wanted to do. So that's how I found my thang!

Tanya: So, in a lot of the work that I do with my clients, there is an absolute no, like, a deal-breaking no. There are chronic curiosities. There are itches that want to be scratched. These are all, sort of, places that we look. And I'm in love with your, Look for your uniquity.

Michelle: It's one of my things that I love to talk about, and I really work with my clients on, because, A, it's how I feel like I built my business in the way that I did, and why I'm able to do this full time, and be, like, be as successful at it. But, yeah, I'll own it! I'll own it!

Tanya: Yeah! Own it, baby.

Michelle: I'm happy with where things have gone and how I'm doing, and I see that in every single arena. Especially people who want to be entrepreneurs. A lot of us—especially us ladies, who just want to like please everyone and not rock the boat, just make everyone happy, and help everybody and give our stuff away—it has to stop. It has to stop. You need to really be able to say, Who would I love to work with?

Because you know what? I get to say that those are the people that I want to work with. Whether you're going to be an entrepreneur or not. Even if you're like--You need to know what type of environment am I going to thrive in? Who are the people that I'm going to work the best with? Who is it that I want to serve? Who do I want to work alongside of? What type of people are they? And then, who am I?

So I can really—I hate using the word branding, but that's kind of what everyone understands—in terms of branding yourself as an entrepreneur, a business person for your business. Or, again, just kind of separating yourself from the pack if you're looking to get hired someplace else. But your uniquity is what makes you you, what makes you different, and I really learned that lesson a little too late, I think, when I was pounding the pavement as an actor, because it was just drilled into me that I had to not stand out!

I had to just—I can't wear anything that distracts from my face. My clothes had to be muted because the attention had to be, you know, on my songs, and, you know, I might as well just blend in with the other 450 twenty-something-year-old girls that were going for the same, you know, five parts that I was going for. And, finally, when I realized that that is the opposite of how I get cast—I get cast as like loud and broad and funny, because that's who I am, and what I do, and how I sing, and how I perform, I kind of went—

Tanya: And how we love you.

Michelle: Yeah. Well, yeah! Thank you. And I kind of went, why would I hide this until I got to the room and I started singing? Like, I need people to know this right away! And I bought a new dress that had bright polka dots on it, and I took new headshots with a bright blue background and did all these things to just put myself out there, and it was me.

And it was amazing what I saw. When I would come into the room, I would get this, like, lean-in from the table, and I could tell there was no one else that kind of came into the room the way I did.

I was getting a lot more auditions, I was getting a lot more call-backs. If I wasn't booking more jobs, I was getting more people calling me saying, You auditioned for me six months ago, and now I want you to come in for this—because they remembered me.

So, bringing that all into my business, and knowing I might kind of  send people away, because I'm loud, and I say amazeballs a lot, and I use a lot of exclamation points, and could be I'm this--this far away from being, like, annoying enthusiastic. And if those people don't get it, like, good! Go away! I don't want to work with them.

This is who I am. This is who you're getting when you decide to work with me, buy something that I'm selling, you're going to get a 50-page, rhyming, career-change workbook.

Tanya: Yes, you are.

Michelle: You know? Like, that's what you're getting!

Tanya: So, my darling, how do—the people who are watching this are looking for their things, may well be in that spot of, I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be but it doesn’t—it's not quite fitting! What's the prescription to getting at our uniquities?

Michelle: Aah! I wish it was that easy. I wish it was—

Tanya: Come on!

Michelle: Fairy dust!

Tanya: You make it hard! I like it, I like it!

Michelle: It really is about looking within yourself to, What do I love to do? What are the rules according to me? Like, for me, sweet potato fries are the best food ever, and a day doesn't start right unless it starts with Judge Judy. Like, those are my rules! And also, never give up on your dreams! Do what you love! Follow your passion! Those are my things.

So like, really get into, What do I believe? What do I know? What have I learned? What do I love to do that's been pretty consistent? What do I do well? And really dig into those things. Put them all in one place, and then even if you can bring in the friends and family finding, bring in emails that people have sent you that say thank you for things, your reviews, your report cards, whatever—put them into one place. And once you start having everything in one place, you're going to see those threads, and that's a really good place to start.

Tanya:  Is there anything else that you think that this group of really savvy readers needs to know about finding their thing, that you really want them to hold as they go off on their gorgeous days?

Michelle:  I think that just, what comes to mind is just, don't discount anything. Don't discount anything! There is nothing is small, there is nothing that is inconsequential, there is nothing to discount. And really allow yourself—even if it's just for a week, just say, You know what? For this one week of my whole life I am going to just suspend the belief that, like—I'm not going to censor myself. I am not going to say that something doesn't count. I'm not going to say, but I can't make a career out of this! So what? Who cares if I love reading and I read 20 novels in a month? It doesn't matter! It's not a career!

Don't negate anything. Everything counts. Everything's on the table. Put it all out there, own it, acknowledge it. Put it in that one place. Write it down. Don't discount it! Please! I beg you!

Michelle: Okay, yes we have, and curtain! Scene!  Your transcriber’s going to be like, “how do I”…

_______________

Go find Michelle and her amazeballs self at her site and on Twitter.

Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact

Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.

Register here
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Tanya Tanya

Keep Dancing

At a young age, we are told to hope for the best and expect the worst. The intent is to help insulate us from the sting of assured defeat. I get it. I just don’t like it. The logic is faulty and skewed.

You can expect the best AND the worst. Any way you slice it, there will be learnings, and there will be growth. Some things you can plan for and others you simply can't.

Expecting the best: How do you want to feel?

How do you want to be when the launch, the presentation, the event, the pitch is over?  When the curtain's called (and it will be soon enough…too soon, in fact), what’s your ideal way to feel?

I suspect you want it all to go smoothly, to be sure, but I reckon you’re also deepening into the qualities of accomplishment, pleasure, and recognition that you desire for the outcome, right?

Expecting the worst: What if the worst DOES happen?

Oh yes. Technology can fail. SNAFUs can abound. Dogs can eat homework.

The reality is this:

There will be times when the mic doesn’t work. Speak louder. {Your people will quiet down to hear your words.}

There will be times when the clients can't make it to the party. Invite your nearest and dearest and feast on the dip. {You’ve been needing this time together.}

There will be times when the conference call lines fail. You'll figure out the workaround. {Your capacity for resourcefulness knows no bounds.}

There will be times when the clients dry up. Use this space to get clear about who you deeply desire to work with. {You know it’s time.}

There will be days when the phone simply won’t ring. In this quiet place, create. {You’ve been craving time to write.}

There will be times when you miss the plane. Use the time to count your blessings. {There are many.}

There are times when it will be hard.  Don’t give up. {Don’t you dare ever give up.}

There will be times when the CD player skips. Keep dancing. {They will sing for you.}

Here’s the proof as evinced by two of my favourite little girls. (Warning: you may want to turn the volume down…this shaky-handed Mama was giggly as she butchered Taio Cruz...and apparently mispronounces "dynOmite".)

When it was all over, these two little marvels ended up feeling exactly as they wanted to: like the Super Stars they are.

Keep showing up. Like only you can. When you do, the world will reward you with song. Warbly song, perhaps. But song just the same.

Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact

Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.

Register here
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Tanya Tanya

Inspired by Eve

Ronna Detrick has Mama energy. Firm in that "don'tyouberunningoutintrafficwithoutlookingbothways" kind of way, loving in that brow-soothing, "here's a cup of tea and some life-learned enduring wisdom" kind of way, and fierce in that "don't you doubt yourself for one blessed second, child, or else" kind of way. I could listen to her talk for hours (and have). I could read her words for hours (and have).  We have talked about things. We have talked about sanctuary, silence and faith. We have talked about boys (okay, that was part of a sacred weekend of soul sisters...no link to that).

On Friday, Ronna released beautiful work called Inspired by Eve, which is, in her own words, an invitation to self-trust, deep knowing, and a delicious life of desire (along with the discovery of a God who offers the same). It is a crisp bite of apple and a deep breath. It is delicious.

It's Mother's Day, and I've already written a story this week about MY Mama, so I've invited Ronna to share more about her retelling of the story of Eve: the Original Mama. Lean in.

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INSPIRED BY EVE

We are all for living lives full of passion, potential, and desire. And we might even be all about taking risks and stepping boldly toward what we want. Often times we can visualize exactly what all of this would look and feel like. We’ve crafted and visualized the dream. We’ve focused our intention. We’ve even created a business plan designed to move us ever closer.

But most of us feel like we’re just on the border of all this. We can almost taste it. It’s see-able, achieve-able, attainable, but we just. can’t. quite. reach. it.

The thing, the relationship, the job, the reality, the income, the client(s), the life we most deeply desire seems to evade us – not by miles, rather by inches.

We’re living with a mixed-up story of Eve.

Yes, that Eve. The one who was created from Adam’s rib. Who lived in Perfection. Who walked in the garden in the cool of the day with God. Who listened to the snake. Who reached for what she desired and got more than her hand slapped. Or so we’ve been told.

It’s no wonder we just.can’t.quite.reach.it: this life we desire.

This story keeps us trapped (often unconsciously) in places of shame, fear, and feeling like we’re too much. This story creates and perpetuates the messages that tell us to tone it down, play it safe, and color inside the lines. This story has formed the framework of philosophies of thought, structures of power, and politics of gender. This story has separated us from ourselves and from God.

Not the story itself. The way we’ve been telling it.

Tell (and live) a different story!

Eve calls to us, longing that we tell her story as she would. For she knows that if we could, we would find our way home; that we would hold on to and pursue our desires; that we would be (re)introduced to an intimate, knowing, and kind God; that we would take a big, juicy bite of the apple that is completely within our reach – and oh, so delicious!

Let Eve inspire you. She reached for what she wanted. It was not just out of her reach. Yes, there were risks. Yes, there were consequences. And yes, her eyes were opened – to new worlds, new life, new and amazing ways of relating to God.

What feels like it’s just.out.of.your.reach is closer than you think. Eve’s cheering you on…as is her God.

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Ronna Detrick provides Spiritual Direction to both individuals and businesses. Picture a hybrid of the iconic Oprah Winfrey and the slightly-irreverent Anne LaMott and you’d have a glimpse of both her love for significant, meaningful conversation (without the national media platform) and her impassioned writing bent (without the dreadlocks). She gets at deep truths and talks about a God and faith you’re hungry for. Learn more.

Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact

Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.

Register here
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Tanya Tanya

The stories of Diamond Head + a Mother's Day request

I was prompted to write about a favourite summer memory a week or so back by a tweet from the delightful Sarah Von. Without hesitation, I poured out the memory that lives right on top of my heart. Fresh and pure like a glass of water.

I spent my summers with my family in a rented cottage north of Toronto by about 2 hours.

Wymbolwood. Kilometers of expansive white beach. Sandbank upon sandbank.

Every day, I would go for a long walk with my mother.  In this enduring memory, I am eight-years old. Too young to be distracted by boys, tan lines and reading Seventeen magazine. (That would come soon enough.)

We always walked to the same destination: Diamond Head (name coined by my cousin). It was a unique and mysterious house on a cliff that overlooked the cerulean blue waters of Georgian Bay. No one ever seemed to be in there, adding to the mystique. Two diamonds, meeting over the expansive front door. Huge windows, curtains drawn.

We would spend the walk creating stories about who built this wildly atypical building. A cardiac surgeon, perhaps, driven mad by heartbreak and vowing to only create structures found in a deck of cards. Perhaps his estranged wife was buried on the property (hole dug with a spade, natch). When we would reach it, we’d pause, take in the marvel that it was, shudder with goose-bumpy delight and turn back, satiated with story.

On the walk back, we would discuss what ice cream cone we’d have. Three o’clock was ice cream time. We’d invent new flavours (like “Cold Currant”, inspired by the waters we walked along). We’d giggle and hold hands, anticipating the rest of the glorious day. And when a shimmer of sadness would wash over me that this moment wouldn’t last forever (even back then), we’d run down a list of joyful things just around the corner: the CNE, back-to-school shopping, first day of school, my birthday, Thanksgiving, Hallowe’en, Christmas. Light and warm-hearted once again, we’d have reached our family and friends on the beach and en happy masse, we’d enter the general store and order our cones.

My mother passed away in 2004 and my daughter is now eight-years-old herself. This is a memory I cherish. Pretty much daily. And if she were here for Mother’s day and her birthday on the 10th, I’d be sharing it with her. In fact, I suspect I'd commission an ice cream aficionado to create cold currant ice cream and bring her a cone.

As much as your mom relishes the flowers, spa visits and jewelry that you’ll adorn her with on Mother’s Day, may I make a request? Will you conjure up your own favourite memory and share it with her? In your card or in your phone call?

I suspect that all she really wants to know is that at some point in your life, she was doing something right.

Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact

Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.

Register here
Read More