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Tell us about the vanilla beans
Over the weekend, our daughter decided to set-up a lemonade stand. And, as is her tradition, she wanted to donate the money she made to a charity. Previously, she’s raised money for a cat rescue. This year, she had her sights set on charity: water, an organization bringing clean, safe drinking water to people in developing nations. I heard the founder Scott Harrison speak last year at WDS and brought his story home to my family. My daughter was inspired. So, we baked chocolate chip cookies and made lemonade, set up the stand and away she went…committed to raising enough money to provide clean water for at least 3 people ($60).
Our strat plan looked a little like this:
Hot day + cute kid + good cause + quality offering = buckets o’ dough
The weather was spotty, so we didn’t see as much foot traffic as we would have liked, but she is pretty damned adorable, and it is an exceptionally good cause so she did manage to raise $70.75. She was pleased.
It was that “quality offering” variable that got my husband thinking later that evening.
Him: I wonder, if we underpriced and undersold the lemonade. Me: How do you mean? Him: I think for $0.50 people are expecting lemonade from frozen concentrate…not hand-squeezed lemons sweetened with a simple syrup infused with vanilla beans and sprinkled with garden-fresh mint, y’know? Me: But that’s just how I do it. That’s just how I make lemonade. Him: How would anyone who hasn’t met you know that about you, T? Me: Ah, crap.
Check out the sign.
He’s right. How would anyone know exactly what care, time, attention and, yeah, I’ll say it…LOVE that went into our pitchers of lemonade, that very symbol of summer’s ease?
Indeed.
Time and time again, we undervalue that which we don’t recognize as special. And the clue often lies in our “just”s. Listen for them, then look into them.
What are you downplaying? I’m willing to bet it’s the very thing that people are often thanking you for…like the care, time, attention and love I put into most of my pursuits…lemonade and beyond (though clearly not the aforementioned sign).
I suspect that buried in that dismissive 4-letter word is a linchpin to the wheel of your very essence. All that is wholly, uniquely and wondrously you. Love it up, Love.
My dear friend and the woman I turn to before every product launch (with lemonade being the notable exception) Tara Gentile has this to say::
"Give yourself credit for what differentiates you (or your product) and why that's important to you. Then consider why what differentiates you is important to others and communicate that value clearly. It doesn't help to fixate on features or process (or degrees, credentials, portfolio pieces, etc...) but it does pay to know what makes you stand out and why that's important to the people you seek to be in service of."
Yeah. In business and in life, tell us about the vanilla beans. Tell us how you do what you do. And why. That’s precisely what makes you and your offerings so entirely delicious to us.
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Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.
Going Deep
Given the choice between snorkeling in a warm and shallow coral reef or deep sea diving in the cold recesses of the ocean floor, I would pick the former. Given the choice between Clueless and Glengarry Glen Ross I would pick (and have picked) Clueless.
Breathtaking stunning mandarinfish over frightfully grotesque anglerfish. Shoe jubilation over real estate desperation.
I choose bright, warm, playful and accessible most of the time.
But not every time. Of course not every time. There are times when going deeper is, quite simply, the only reasonable way forward. Not only is deep where fascination resides, but it is the birthplace of real understanding. Where true, lasting and sustainable change becomes not just possible, but certain. It's not always easy...but it's ever so worth it.
Commit to deeper care: of your body, your relationships and the temple that is your home.
Commit to deeper gratitude: of every.single.gift you’ve been given. Breathe in the feeling beneath the words you write in your journal as a daily(ish) practice. Reaaally breathe them in. Feel them in your bones. Feel fortune of the life lottery you’ve won. Because, yeah, we’ve won the life lottery.
Commit to deeper compassion: for the struggles of others.
Commit to deeper understanding: for your life’s exploration. What do you really, really, REALLY want? What are you yearning for? What still needs to be healed? What beliefs needs to be released? What do you keep avoiding? Yup...all of that.
Go deep, with the knowledge that you WILL find your way back up to the light. Illuminated from the inside.
And if you are one who resides solely in the deep cool waters, treat yourself from time to time to play in the dappled light of the warm coral reef’s shallows, flitting with the clownfish and tickling the anemone.
Wide is wonderful. Deep is delicious.
It is this AND that. I am this AND that. You are too.
With love that is miles wide and fathoms deep,
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Wednesday Nights with Mildred
I want to tell you about my grandmother.
Mildred Jones (née Prentice) was her name and she was a cool drink of water. For six-year-old me, she was an avatar of power, independence, and love. She was feisty, fierce, sharp, and extremely funny.
I enjoyed the way she embodied her role of Head Matriarch of our family, particularly during holiday meals when she would hold court as she worked the stove. She was Empress-like even as she mashed turnips, hollering at her son-in-laws to bring up the extra bridge tables and chairs (muttering “lily-livered sap-suckers” under her breath if they took too long), and adding salt, salt, and more salt to the potatoes. My cousins, sister and I would stay out from underfoot, spinning records in the basement and doing the bumps to The Bay City Rollers, coming up juuuust in time to set the table. Invariably, Grandma would help us find the “right” table protector for under the table cloth (there were several) and would throw us a sharp look (with an unmistakable gleam in her eye) demanding to know why singers of the day were so unimaginative and overused the word “baby”.
“Why do they have to say bay-BAYYYYYYYY all the time?”
It was clear, crystal clear, that it was her joy to have everyone around. I remember her contented smile as surveyed her flock around the table as we helped ourselves to yet another serving of her sublime trifle.
I also have vivid memories of summers up in Wymbolwood. Days were far more fun when Grandma was there. Things were livelier, brighter and shinier. That’s how I remember it. This picture was taken only a couple of months before she passed away.
My fondest memories, however, were of Wednesday nights when my sister and I would traditionally sleepover at her house. In the evening, we would heatedly debate dinner options: would we “dine out” (usually at “The Chicken Palace,” aka Swiss Chalet) and NOT have dessert OR would we “dine in” but get to have one of her incredible sundaes (in the old school glasses with the WORKS: nuts, aerosol whipped cream, fudge sauce, maraschinos). This would keep us all occupied for some time and the decision was moot…both options were a treat with her. She also had an exceptionally hot orange muscle car (okay, Plymouth) and an apparent need for speed that made any outing fun.
Getting tucked in by her was delicious…because it was quiet and sweet. She would sing the same song she sung to my mother, who sang it to me, who sings it to my girl, who sings it to her Bear.
In spite of that tenderness that makes me catch my breath even as I commit it to screen, the highlight of the sleepover invariably occurred in the morning: with an Old Hollywood affectation, she would approach her closet, fling open the doors with great flourish to reveal an impressive collection of polyester pantsuits in a rainbow of colours. She would intone most theatrically: “which one of my glooooooorious creations shall I wear today?” I would squeal with delight and help her decide between kelly green or fuchsia…my two favourites.
A couple of years after my grandfather Charlie passed away, Grandma took in a series of boarders to help pay the bills. This was the late 70s so most men had long-ish hair and full beards so I always felt a little intimidated by them. But it was clear that they were intimidated by her, this sharp-eyed Queen in her polyester pantsuit with language as salty as her potatoes (while she didn’t swear often, when she did, she got it all out in one fell swoop: “shitandgoddamnedittohell!”) They very happily trimmed her roses and cleaned her gutters. And she very happily baked them pies.
It’s not surprising that I remember my grandmother from the lens of what I admire: humour, strength, love, independence. I cherish the few memories I have and hold the few lessons I have gleaned close:
say what’s on your mind and never be afraid of a good debate;
commit to the sundae;
set the table with reverence;
fling a Frisbee with abandon;
potatoes are just better with salt;
fun is an choice…make it; and,
above all, family.
I know my sister and cousins have their own memories and learnings, mitigated by their experience with her through their respective lenses. I can’t help but wonder how she WANTED to be remembered. What legacy of wisdom did she WISH to bequeath us? If there was ONE THING she wanted for us to carry forward, what would it have been?
Who really knows.
Today is my mother’s (Mildred’s daughter, Brenda) birthday. It saddens me to know that my daughter will have no real memories of her maternal grandmother*, as she was only eight-months-old when Mom died. But she will have a patina of recollection fed by my stories of how perfectly my mother embodied Mildred the Instigator and Charlie the Pacifist. She will know her lineage. She will feel my mother and she will feel Mildred. She will know their stories. Most specifically, I believe she will carry this jewel of wisdom and heart throughout her days.
Yes, wisdom is a legacy.
I read somewhere recently: You won’t be remembered—I won’t be either. That’s where the freedom lies.
Feels true.
And so, I invite you to consider, whether you are in a position to be a grandparent or not: what ONE piece of wisdom would you string along the chain of ancestral wisdom that is the human collective? If you had but one bead, what would yours read?
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* - Our daughter is blessed to have her beloved paternal grandmother in living colour...a woman whom she adores (as do I).
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Quite Simply…my TEDxWomen Talk
Ever since November 2012, I knew that there would be a moment that my TEDxWomen talk would be available for all to see. And that I’d need to find a way to share it with my corner of the world. That is, YOU. I’d love to say that I was excited, but the reality is, I’ve been a little, well…nervous. I mean, I KNEW I’d be proud of it…I spent weeks (and weeks) preparing, researching, training, practicing, finessing and getting it under the requisite 18 minutes. And I KNEW the content would be good...I know the Impostor Complex like the back of my hand.
But asking everyone, YOU, to go check out my TEDxWomen talk is just…so…selfish, right?
Me, me, me, me, me.
I’ve started and stopped this very post about 15 times. Each time I approached with this question:: “what huge, massive, COLOSSAL value can I bring to my readers AND STILL let them know that my talk is available for viewing?”…as though the two were mutually exclusive.
So I’m about to take a leap of faith. The huge value of this post IS my talk.
Whoa. Whoa. Whooooooooa.
That seriously just kind of took my breath away. The sheer audacity.
But there it is.
My friends, I know A LOT about the Impostor Complex. So much so, that I am indeed becoming an Authority on the topic.
I’m claiming that.
In my perfectly imperfect talk, I’ve outlined a process that moves us from feeling like an Imposter to feeling like an Authority. I use it with my coaching clients and in my own life. It’s also the backbone of my Step into Your Starring Role program.
If you ever, EVER struggle with the Imposter Complex, then you WILL get value from watching this talk...because I wrote the talk for you.
And now, I leave it in your loving hands and will go and celebrate (an ever-important step in the process, you'll see) by busting my Kid out of after-school care early for an ice cream cone.
Because
I did it. I really, really did it.
And if you want to do it too, you can and will too. "How do you begin? The answer is simple: you decide to." - Anne Lamott
And maybe, just maybe this will guide you::
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Update::
She had the Moose Tracks, I had the Burgundy Cherry.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
The Self Love Revolution: Prep School
Full confession:: up until very recently, I had very (VERY) little patience for “self love”. Now before you call the ICF and have them revoke my hard-earned coaching certification status, hear me out. “Self love” has always conjured images of shushed tones, whale music, wheat germ, and insipid teas. For ME. I’m not entirely sure where that came from, but I knew there was nothing here that was overtly appealing. Except for how virtuous I imagined I’d feel after spending a day eating wheat germ, drinking tea, listening to whale music and zoning out. That is, if I managed to not stab myself in the eyeballs before the day was through.
I totally, completely, respectfully GOT that those may well be practices that nurtured and supported others, but they were unequivocally NOT. FOR. ME.
So, I set out to understand the principle that I could inherently wrap my head around:: the kinder you are with yourself, the kinder you are with the world around you. And then I got all investigative reporter-like about self love means, FOR ME.
Because I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:: we all need to find our own way into this.
And I started to dig in deeply to understand my values. And then I started to ask myself what I needed, then wanted. And then I started to listen to the answer. And then I started to respond with intention and commitment.
My self love practice is a daily inquiry:: What do I need today? What do I want today?
The Monday morning after I wrapped up the first cohort of my Step into Your Starring Role program, I was uncharacteristically tired, a little sad, wistful and scattered. The plan that I had mapped out on the previous Friday afternoon for the week ahead looked foreign, fraught with “shoulds” and completely uninspired.
What do I need today? What do I want today?
Sweat, prayer, and play was the answer. And continued to be the answer for the balance of the week.
I switched some appointments around and spent the week at hot yoga, or immersed in my journal, or baking cakes or stuffing loot bags for my Kid’s birthday party. Joyfully and gratefully accepting the lavish and extravagant love that I was showing myself.
And I must say, when I am loving up on myself, I am pretty awesome to be around.
The Self Love Revolution: Prep School
So that, in part, is how I devotionally show myself love. By committing to asking, listening, and responding. That’s MY WAY.
Amy Smith + Andrew Owen are two powerhouse coaches devoted to helping you find YOUR WAY into self love. (This I know…I was in a Mastermind group with them a couple of years ago and I continue to benefit from their brand of no BS, love-fueled moxy). And I’m thrilled that they’ve invited me to participate in their love-child, The Self Love Revolution: Prep School, along with experts Susan Hyatt, Fabeku Fatunmise, Michelle Ward, Molly Mahar, Mara Glatzel, Isabel Foxen Duke, Jeanna Gabelinni, Lisa Steadman, and Amy Pearson. For two weeks, starting May 6th, you can get a short, content-packed video into your inbox every day. Practical tools, advice, and tools to help you show YOU some love. Gorgeous.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
You are more than you think
I’ve come across the new Dove ad: Real Beauty Sketches a number of times over the last couple of days. And that’s good. Only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful.
Watch it and see if this video changes the way that you think and feel about your own beauty….
Yes. You are more beautiful than you think.
That’s true.
Also true::
You are more creative than you think.
You are more powerful than you think.
You are more resourceful than you think.
You are more important than you think.
You are more intelligent than you think.
You are more extraordinary than you think.
You are more desired than you think.
You are more polished than you think.
You are more capable than you think.
You are more loved than you think.
You are more loving than you think.
You are more ready than you think.
You are MORE than you think.
The common denominator here is what you think.
Dare to believe others when they reflect back your radiance, beauty, wonder and shine.
Dare to believe me.
Love,
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.