Articles
Success + Greenwich Village
I love me a good celebration and I’m thrilled to be celebrating the release of The Declaration of You, the lovechild of my beloved Michelle Ward and Jessica Swift. The book itself is a playful (and powerful) permission slip for readers to discover how they and their gifts are unique and uncover what they are meant to do. To celebrate, Mish and Jess have invited me (and 100 other creative bloggers) to take part of their The Declaration of You’s BlogLovin’ Tour. We’re weighing in on enthusiasm, uniquity, intention, self-care, success, money, celebration, and trust. Learn more by clicking here.
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Lots of years ago, my now husband and I spent a fabulous weekend in NYC.
Martinis at the Paramount, reubens at Carnegie Deli, a Broadway Show (Bring in 'da Noise, Bring in 'da Funk), shopping at Century 21, Rock Centre and so on. An almost perfect weekend.
“Almost” because we missed hanging out in Greenwich Village.
Armed with a Mapquest print-out of Manhattan (uh huh, LOTS of years ago) we walked a route that looked (on paper) like we were in the heart of the action. We weren’t. The streets were quiet, the warehouses were black. It was a Sunday night, but still…given that this was purportedly the city that never sleeps, we were a little confused. Turns out, we were walking a street or two parallel to the Village. We figured it out eventually and wound our way to the tip of the Village, found a perfectly lovely place with outstanding reggae and ordered two Red Stripes, but we were tired and disappointed and beat a hasty retreat back to our hotel for our early flight home the next morning.
So, it was almost perfect. Like, 80% perfect...maybe 70%. 100% would have meant all landmarks were visited ‘n checked off the list.
It’s an expression we’ve oft used since then. “Feeling like you’re ‘Greenwich Village-ing”” has become synonymous with the feeling that you’re JUUUUUUST this side of something wonderful…like, say, success.
Ever felt like that? That your success is just a street or two over and you can’t quite figure out how to get there? Like you’re missing out?
Yeah. That.
Here’s where we went wrong.
1) Our definition of success in that instance was clear, but limited and narrow. “Hang out in Greenwich Village”. Nothing else would do. No room for error, no space for magic. Greenwich or bust. (We busted). Oh, the wonder of specificity.
Had our definition been a little more expansive, to include how we wanted the overall experience to FEEL, it might have looked more like “explore new parts of the city we may never see again in the hopes that we wind up in Greenwich, laugh and have fun being together and wind up somewhere, anywhere, listening to good music”. And yeah, we would have ACED that trip with 100%.
2) We had a story made up about success. And, to be honest, we didn’t really know what the story was. We had an unrealistic expectation of the splendours of Greenwich Village and once we got there, FINALLY got there, there’s no way it could have matched what we built up.
La grande métaphore du vie, non?
3) We didn’t set ourselves up for success. Given how attached we were to conquering the list, there are about 100 ways we could have made sure we got.it.right. We might have checked with the concierge before we headed out for Greenwich, or hired a driver, or (gasp) asked someone, or…
But that’s just not how we roll(ed).
And of course…
4) We were too attached to the one outcome. And we let our disappointment win. We allowed our perfect score of 100% to whittle down to 70% because of a cartographical misread. Madness, right? But here I am, close to 20 years later, telling you about the time we missed Greenwich Village. Boo. (And, really. First world problems much? Yeesh.)
So it's true. Your success IS just around the corner. Two streets away, max. You can feel its vibe. So, how do you get there, quickly?
Learn from me, will you?
Define success for yourself. On your terms. But be discerning:: define it too narrowly and you may miss the honey of life. Define it too broadly and you may not have enough to actualize.
Get your success story in order.
Once you know what it looks like for you, set yourself up. Knowing how YOU roll is tantamount to success. Map it out. Get the support you need.
Try not to be too attached to ONE outcome. Leave room for the dessert of serendipity.
Appreciate what you have. Feel the privilege of your life as you sip your Red Stripe and listen to fabulous music with your one true love. Yeah.
And while we’re looking at success...
As you take a good and long look at how you define success, notice if a belief about it needing to be "hard" creeps in there. If you see:: hard = important. (This may show up in discounting your success if it has come too easily.)
OR notice if you have a belief that it MUST be easy. If you see:: easy = destiny. (This may show up if you often decide to abandon ship if things get too hard, meaning it "wasn't meant to be".)
Oooo, right?
Challenge both. Either way, call yourself out and face it. Success loves clarity.
+++++++
So back to NYC. Here’s what we did right::
We learned from it.
We made it back to NYC this February. I was co-leading the Golden Ticket event with my girl Michelle Ward and brought my family. Our definition of success for this trip? See lots and have fun. This picture was taken after a day and a half of seeing the sights.
Guess where it was taken? Yup. Greenwich Village.
A final word about success.
While I clearly don’t prescribe looking to others to help you define success, I’ll make an exception for Emerson. This seems like a pretty worthy pursuit::
"To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Because
I kissed my daughter's forehead.
She slept through the love.
Oblivious to the prayers hopes dreams,
I sent up with the pursing of my lips, the intent of my heart.
I can't help but wonder how many silent blessings have been released,
like floating lanterns of love.
Millions + billions, I suppose.
And look, here's another, expressed on the breast of this dawn.
Mine.
For you.
Because.
Bill got up to pee
Many years ago, we hung out in the bar that I had worked at throughout university. It was a crossroads kinda place in a crossroads kinda location at a crossroads kinda time of my life.
Once or twice a week, we’d convene with a delightfully motley crew of musicians, grad students, bartenders, interns, and executives. We’d sling back pitchers of beer (or spritzers in my case), suck on saucy chicken wings and debate “–isms” or the Canadian music scene.
If it happened to be on a “school” night, my now-husband Greg and I would agree ahead of time that THIS time, we’d leave by midnight.
And then 12 would come faster than we’d hoped and someone would ask the seminal question::
Another round?
One of our friends, let’s call him Bill, would witness the silent debate passing between Greg’s and my eyes.
But we have so far to go home. Just one more. No, we have to get up early to go to work. I can't handle that place on no sleep. Well, maybe just a cigarette more. I don't know...
Guys, Bill would say. I get up at 4 o’clock. Stay for one more round.
And begrudgingly (but in truth? gleefully) we would stay. And the next week. And the next week and then the week after that.
Until finally, Greg (or I…too many spritzers to recall) asked Bill the Music Exec why he needed to get up so early.
I get up to pee at 4, then I go back to bed.
{I'm pretty sure we toasted his cleverness with another round of drinks and wings.}
Point is...
We hear what we want to hear, my friends. We hear what we want to hear.
And
People tell us what we want to hear.
I believe it's called marketing.
Learning the whole story, doing the due diligence rests with us. If we choose to, that is.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Unclenching boundaries
There’s a lot of talk in the entrepreneurial ethers about what to do when people ask you for advice, or “to pick your brain”, from the position that these requests are a mild nuisance at best and inconsiderate at worst. It’s an interesting discussion and there are plenty of useful scripts being shared if this is a big issue for you and your business. In my business and in my life, I don’t see it as an issue.
I am a firm proponent of boundaries. I am also a firm proponent of asking for help.
The two are NOT mutually exclusive.
The wonderful thing about boundaries is that they actually create spaciousness and cohesion. My husband and I recently walked through a busy park that had at least six baseball diamonds filled with earnest kids and hollering parents. In the far corner of the park was a massive fenced-in area for dogs to tear around, sniff butts and roll around in the dandelion fluff with unbridled joy. Awesome to behold. Had there not been that dedicated space, there would have been some serious clash of species. Balls and mayhem, ahoy.
Good fences make good neighbours. - Robert Frost
And the wonderful thing about asking for help is that you often get what you need. Funny that.
I know myself that I wouldn’t be where I am today without having asked for help, requesting coffee dates, and in the early days, I may have even uttered the verboten words:: can I pick your brain?
Shun me, shuck me, burn me at the stake.
And, I totally get why this feels hot ‘n bothered right now. It feels like we have less time to meet the needs of our clients, family, friends and colleagues without taking on additional appointments/correspondence with people we don’t know. (I suspect we could find more time in the day if we spent a little less of it in the aforementioned ethers, but I digress).
As much as I believe that we all deeply desire to help each other and to see one another succeed, I have CERTAINLY heard myself from time to time saying: I’m sorry, I’m not available to meet with you for lunch. What is the specific question that you have? I’ll be happy to address it in an upcoming TGtv in case others are curious about my take on it too.
It’s not perfect, but I highly recommend that for you too. If there’s a question that you get often, you may consider writing about it. Create a product, program, post, class if it feels aligned + good and direct people there. (And if you’re the one asking for someone’s time and attention PLEASE MAKE SURE that you have invested YOUR time and attention already on resources they have created for just.this.very.reason). If you want to ask Kate Swoboda for the blueprint to creating a sustainable coaching practice, for instance, I reckon that it would prudent to get your hands on The Coaching Blueprint.
Now…that said (discernment rests in contradictions), the argument is oft-made that if people ask you for the very thing you sell, as in your time, advice, wisdom, then they aren’t valuing you. Could be. AND can we also hold space for the possibility that it’s not quite so nefarious? That wanting to meet you for a coffee has more to do with wanting to connect at a heart level than wanting to rip you off?
And I also wonder…
Is it possible that this isn’t actually a PROBLEM and that all of this brow-wiping breathlessness is more of a badge of busy-ness than anything else?
In my business and in my life, I don’t see it as an issue. If ever it’s felt like a problem, then it’s only ever been a champagne problem. I am doing something right. People are noticing. And they want some of what I have. Case closed.
We all know that asks are energetic exchanges…it must feel right for both sides of the transaction. We all need to find our own way into this.
And now, a personal request...
If you are feeling inundated with asks, before locking into the “no” position, will you please pause in gratitude for the honour of the request? Will you please pause in celebration for the good work you’ve done to get here? Will you please pause in appreciation of those who gave you their time, energy and attention when you were first starting out? Will you please check your gut and check your schedule? And will you THEN proceed accordingly?
No’s are often required…and that’s completely cool. But I fear the world my daughter will walk in if we are too pinched, gripped, clenched and clamped to consider sharing our abundance of attention, wisdom, gifts and even, yes, time.
Aspire to be useful. Aspire to be generous. Aspire to be kind.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Tell us about the vanilla beans
Over the weekend, our daughter decided to set-up a lemonade stand. And, as is her tradition, she wanted to donate the money she made to a charity. Previously, she’s raised money for a cat rescue. This year, she had her sights set on charity: water, an organization bringing clean, safe drinking water to people in developing nations. I heard the founder Scott Harrison speak last year at WDS and brought his story home to my family. My daughter was inspired. So, we baked chocolate chip cookies and made lemonade, set up the stand and away she went…committed to raising enough money to provide clean water for at least 3 people ($60).
Our strat plan looked a little like this:
Hot day + cute kid + good cause + quality offering = buckets o’ dough
The weather was spotty, so we didn’t see as much foot traffic as we would have liked, but she is pretty damned adorable, and it is an exceptionally good cause so she did manage to raise $70.75. She was pleased.
It was that “quality offering” variable that got my husband thinking later that evening.
Him: I wonder, if we underpriced and undersold the lemonade. Me: How do you mean? Him: I think for $0.50 people are expecting lemonade from frozen concentrate…not hand-squeezed lemons sweetened with a simple syrup infused with vanilla beans and sprinkled with garden-fresh mint, y’know? Me: But that’s just how I do it. That’s just how I make lemonade. Him: How would anyone who hasn’t met you know that about you, T? Me: Ah, crap.
Check out the sign.
He’s right. How would anyone know exactly what care, time, attention and, yeah, I’ll say it…LOVE that went into our pitchers of lemonade, that very symbol of summer’s ease?
Indeed.
Time and time again, we undervalue that which we don’t recognize as special. And the clue often lies in our “just”s. Listen for them, then look into them.
What are you downplaying? I’m willing to bet it’s the very thing that people are often thanking you for…like the care, time, attention and love I put into most of my pursuits…lemonade and beyond (though clearly not the aforementioned sign).
I suspect that buried in that dismissive 4-letter word is a linchpin to the wheel of your very essence. All that is wholly, uniquely and wondrously you. Love it up, Love.
My dear friend and the woman I turn to before every product launch (with lemonade being the notable exception) Tara Gentile has this to say::
"Give yourself credit for what differentiates you (or your product) and why that's important to you. Then consider why what differentiates you is important to others and communicate that value clearly. It doesn't help to fixate on features or process (or degrees, credentials, portfolio pieces, etc...) but it does pay to know what makes you stand out and why that's important to the people you seek to be in service of."
Yeah. In business and in life, tell us about the vanilla beans. Tell us how you do what you do. And why. That’s precisely what makes you and your offerings so entirely delicious to us.
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Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.
Going Deep
Given the choice between snorkeling in a warm and shallow coral reef or deep sea diving in the cold recesses of the ocean floor, I would pick the former. Given the choice between Clueless and Glengarry Glen Ross I would pick (and have picked) Clueless.
Breathtaking stunning mandarinfish over frightfully grotesque anglerfish. Shoe jubilation over real estate desperation.
I choose bright, warm, playful and accessible most of the time.
But not every time. Of course not every time. There are times when going deeper is, quite simply, the only reasonable way forward. Not only is deep where fascination resides, but it is the birthplace of real understanding. Where true, lasting and sustainable change becomes not just possible, but certain. It's not always easy...but it's ever so worth it.
Commit to deeper care: of your body, your relationships and the temple that is your home.
Commit to deeper gratitude: of every.single.gift you’ve been given. Breathe in the feeling beneath the words you write in your journal as a daily(ish) practice. Reaaally breathe them in. Feel them in your bones. Feel fortune of the life lottery you’ve won. Because, yeah, we’ve won the life lottery.
Commit to deeper compassion: for the struggles of others.
Commit to deeper understanding: for your life’s exploration. What do you really, really, REALLY want? What are you yearning for? What still needs to be healed? What beliefs needs to be released? What do you keep avoiding? Yup...all of that.
Go deep, with the knowledge that you WILL find your way back up to the light. Illuminated from the inside.
And if you are one who resides solely in the deep cool waters, treat yourself from time to time to play in the dappled light of the warm coral reef’s shallows, flitting with the clownfish and tickling the anemone.
Wide is wonderful. Deep is delicious.
It is this AND that. I am this AND that. You are too.
With love that is miles wide and fathoms deep,
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.