Articles
Track your wins
It’s easy (really, really easy) to track the losses. We do it all the time. We are constantly tallying up the disappointments and every last place where we feel like we fell off of our path.
Couldn’t close the deal.
Fell short. Fell down.
Struck out.
Zigged when we could have, should have zagged.
But given how much you resist “easy” anyway, let’s not do that.
Let’s go for the hard instead.
Let’s track the wins.
Scan the past 10 days and note the many, many graces that wound their way to you.
The unsolicited invitations.
The "just because" cards.
The manna-from-heaven new client.
The "I miss you" texts.
The "Can you lead on this?" vote of confidence from your boss.
The whispers of encouragement from unseen forces.
The delightful review from a fan.
The "Can you read this over because I trust you?" requests.
The yeses.
Every single "I see you" acknowledgment.
And, of course...
It’s not just about the nods of recognition (even though they feel like great swaths of velvet).
Let’s also track the moments you felt your own power.
You felt your own yes-ness.
You came face-to-face with your purpose.
You stood your ground.
You made the call.
You kept on going.
Track your wins. And when you run out of room on the page, flip it over + keep writing.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Tall Poppies, Comparison Compulsion, and Worship Wisely
When I was about 10 years old, my father sent my mother two dozen extra long-stemmed roses. Extra, EXTRA long, as I recall. They were taller than me. She was out running errands so I thought I’d make the gift that much sweeter by putting them in a vase for her, but seeing as none of our vases could accommodate the extra FEET of stem, I cut them back…significantly. There.That looked far more reasonable.
I, of course, didn’t understand the caché of the XXXL length. And how much went into cultivating them in that way. Nor the ancillary cost.
When my mother returned from her errand, she beamed at the sight of those beauties, then called my Dad to thank him for the sweetness. He asked about the length, clearly proud of himself for getting that detail right. When she explained that they fit the vase perfectly, I could hear his roar from where I was standing. She saw the cuttings I’d left in the sink and understood all at once what had happened. She managed to explain it to him before he had time to get a hold of that poor florist.
The way it was oh so patiently explained to me later that evening, every inch trimmed was about $4. And I’d cut off a lot.
Heard of Tall Poppy Syndrome? Many of my clients sure have.
Tall poppy syndrome (TPS) is social phenomenon in which people of genuine merit are resented, attacked, cut down, or criticised because their talents or achievements elevate them above or distinguish them from their peers.
Another way in…when someone is wildly talented, incredibly attractive, naturally brilliant, radically successful, they can feel some shame in it. Or feel as though they have a target on their back. And perhaps they feel called to “dim their light” so that others feel more comfortable…to be more, um, reasonable. To fit in the vase, nice and neat.
I know where you just went. I know you went to the place of “that doesn’t apply to me…I’m not wildly talented, incredibly attractive, naturally brilliant, radically successful”.
We're all cool kids in someone else's eyes
Oh. Really?
Yes. YOU have experienced it. While you may not self-identify as “wildly talented, incredibly attractive, naturally brilliant, radically successful”, there is much about you that is TRULY extraordinary.
{Sit with those words for a moment and notice where that lands on the spectrum from “I suspect that could be true” to the full-blown “TRUTH”.}
Part of the reason acknowledgment is so hard for you to receive may not simply be because you are modest or humble. It could be because the very thing you are being commended for may be the very thing you fear may become a liability. That your fabulous figure makes it hard for people to relate to you (so you carry around a couple of extra pounds to be more reasonable). That your incredible intellect is intimidating for others (so you make sure to dumb it down to be more reasonable). That you point out all the ways that your success has been a fluke so that the whole story seems more reasonable. It’s possible that you have experienced the sin of outshining and the cost was isolation and disconnection and being cut down to size. To fit the vase. So you shelve your otherselves. (My goodness, but I wish you’d stop that.)
And while I’m going out on a limb here, I may as well stretch out the very edge of this branch. You have been cut down for your magnificence AND? Bless you, but you may also have had a hand in cutting others down. When you have had the experience of “not measuring up” to another’s talent, attractiveness, brilliance or success, your thoughts, words, or eyes may have cut off a few inches.
It was inadvertent. Of course, it was inadvertent. And it was unfair.
And guess what happens? That impulse to compare, then project, then disconnect merely validates the very notion that if we shine, others will distance themselves from us. BECAUSE WE HAVE THE PROOF. It’s right there, in our own experience.
You’ve been the idealized tall poppy. I’ve been the idealized tall poppy. You’ve idealized and cut down the tall poppy. I have idealized and cut down the tall poppy.
Let’s try this.
Photo credit: the yes man.
Let’s put away the scissors. Let’s put them right back in that drawer. Let’s agree right here and right now that we won’t do that shit to each other. Whether your brilliance or gorgeousness or success is “reasonable” is none of my business. Shine on. Agreed?
Let’s surround ourselves with the very best. Let’s preen each others’ beautiful feathers. Let’s dare to fly higher and faster and farther together.
"When you meet a woman who is intimidatingly witty, stylish, beautiful, and professionally accomplished, befriend her. Surrounding yourself with the best people doesn’t make you look worse by comparison. It makes you better." - Shine Theory: Why Powerful Women Make the Greatest Friends
And finally, let’s do some deeper work.
Let's start the transformation. For all of our sakes.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
TGtv Episode 5 - Traditions, Rules and Stories (or, the Time I Peed in Public)
Yeah. Just a little story about public urination. Isn’t it what everybody wants to hear about this holiday season? Thought so.
Settle in and I’ll you THAT story…but before we dive in, think about your upcoming holiday schedule. Much goodness ahead, to be sure. And still, are you noticing the places where you’re dragging your heels? Does there seem to be an unusual number of obligations that “need” to be tended to?
Maybe it’s time to transform them.
Watch on.
So…will you consider::
1) What traditions, rules and stories YOU are ready to transform. Share in the comments, over on Facebook or via email. It feels so good to claim it.
2) What other issues you’re facing in your business or life that you’d love me to tackle in an upcoming episode. I’m willing to bet you’re not the only facing it. Let me know over Facebook or via email.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
It can wait.
Unless you’re a heart surgeon on the cusp of transplantation with minutes to spare, there are very few things that can’t wait. For just a little bit longer. During savasana in a recent yoga practice, our guide invited us to stay for five more breaths when we felt the urge to get up off the mat.
Oh, I felt the urge, all right.
In my mind, I had already crossed yoga off the list and was on to the next thing. But when I heard her words, I settled back into my body and decided to allow my mind to scan what I would normally do in the time five breaths would take. The past showed me that I would get up at the first chance I could, grab my mat, keys and bag as silently as possible, and would climb over the resting, blissed-out bodies, more than likely turning on my iPhone before I’d left the room. Because, y’know, knowing who might have tried to reach me in that 75 minute period is just THAT critical. I’d make my way downstairs with one eye on the infuriating loading screen, impatient for the wait. And then, I’d allow myself to get agitated if there were tons of emails, texts and calls, or, more likely, agitated if there weren’t.
So, I rested for five more breaths. And then another five. Integrating the gorgeous work I’d just done on the mat.
Whatever IT is, it can wait.
It can wait. It can wait. It can wait.
I recently heard a Tech Exec speak about our love affair with our devices. She reported that in a recent study of smartphone users, 51% of people sleep with their phones next to their beds and 27% of people lose two hours of sleep to the device.
TWO HOURS?!!
Now, this post isn’t about the evils of the smartphone, it’s about our complete and utter ability to be HERE. NOW.
Yes. You’re busy. Your life is full. You have many obligations and commitments and people and jobs and things on the list. Even right now, as you read this post, you’re aware of the four other things you could be doing. (And bless you for staying here, with my words. Truly, thank you. I intend for it to be worth your while. Onward.)
The reality is…
Whatever IT is, it can wait while you:: watch the sunset until it’s disappeared; offer one more heartfelt “I love you”, and then another; pull over to allow the emergency vehicle to pass (it’s headed somewhere for more important than you are…guaranteed); snuggle your child back to sleep after a haunting nightmare; chew your food properly; hear, really HEAR the music; dare to ACTUALLY connect with the person you’re speaking to; take the scenic route; and, enjoy 5 more breath…right here, right now.
Shortcuts can erode the fullness of our experience.
It can wait. Pressing send, publish or reply will not alter the fate of humanity. You’re not that important (nor am I).
That’s good news.
And if you’re not sure where you’re going to find all this extra time for breathing and hugging and watching and loving and being here? Start to notice the mindless actions and words that do not serve your higher good. Seinfeld reruns. “Sorry's”. (When I started to become aware of my unconscious apologies, I calculated that I’ve lost 42 days of my life to unconscious “sorrys”. Over it.)
Make time for the conscious by taking time from the unconscious.
Take five more breaths. Because. It can wait. It can wait. It can wait.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Three beliefs walk into a bar…
So yeah, three beliefs walk into a bar. Their names are Scarcity, Abundance, and Innovation. Scarcity sits down first and orders a beer. "We're out of beer", says the bartender. Scarcity gets up and leaves. Abundance sits down…orders the same. "We're out of beer", says the bartender. Abundance thanks him and says he'll wait for it to show up, so sure is he that it's already here. The bartender scratches his head and thinks for a moment, then goes downstairs to the Keg Room, just in case Abundance is correct. In the meantime, Innovation has heard that there is no beer and sets to fashioning a still out of the coasters, swizzle sticks, and tent cards that he sees on the bar in the bartender's absence.
At this point, the bartender returns with a full keg of beer. Abundance was right. There was more than enough beer here all along.
Innovation asks for the bottles behind the bar that NO ONE ever asks for. The bartender shakes his head again, thinking Innovation is crazy…after all, there's now plenty of beer…he doesn't need to drink THAT ancient crap but hands him over the Blue Curacao, Malibu Rum and Galliano. They're loss leaders anyways. Innovation pours them into his still and out comes the most exquisite beer imaginable. With his jaw on the floor, the bartender says:: "You, my friend, will become a millionaire". And so it is.
----
Okay…I make with the masterful coaching, not necessarily the masterful joke crafting.
Point is…
I think you can believe that there's no room at the top (so why bother), that there's PLENTY of room at the top (you just need to be able to see beyond the perceived limitations of the glass ceiling) or that there's more than enough room if you build a whole new office tower. With your name on it.
The most successful people I know travel along path B.
These two women, backed with a jaw-droppingly good idea and tenacity are travelling path C. They’re professor is correct:: they're going to be millionaires.
(The Invisible Bicycle Helmet | Fredrik Gertten from Focus Forward Films on Vimeo.)
++++++
Sure…the economy sucks, my Mayor smokes crack, there are only so many opportunities that throw themselves down at your feet for you to trip over them, but I'll take abundance and innovation ANY day over scarcity.
And when I do, the opportunities are everywhere. And they’re golden.
Practise this
You have the capacity to believe in abundance…just notice how much grace and love surrounds you, yes, YOU. And you are well smart enough to innovate. Just look for the gaps you want to fill and itches that want to be scratched. And hearken back to the times in your life when you have engineered solutions out of thin air. You did it then, you will do it now. (And if you need a reminder...create your YUM + YAY folder.)
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Ampersands & Otherselves. (Or, Your Contradictions are Your Brilliance.)
This I know. You, just like me, want to be liked, understood, seen and heard. Intellectually, you get that not EVERYONE will get you and you’re (mostly) fine with that, as long as YOUR PEOPLE get you. (Though, let’s face it: wouldn’t it be so much nicer if everyone just found you as delightful as you truly are?)
In that desire to be liked, understood, or to fit in, we are super intentional and hyper-aware of what we’re revealing to our world (and NOT revealing.) Which can have us shelving parts of ourselves that don’t follow the script we believe we’re supposed to follow…or that we believe others expect us to follow. Our OTHERselves get edited out, like the mess that’s cropped out of the picture.
To be received as wise, we shelve our goofiness. To be received as powerful, we shelve our vulnerability.
What if you didn’t?
What if you imagined, for just a little while, that not only could we handle your otherselves, but that it would actually offer us yet another place to lean in, appreciate and learn from you?
That the fullness of your expression invites the same in us?
That what you are editing out is precisely what we need?
And moreoever, precisely what YOU need to honour your own intrinsic value of authenticity?
You are tender & fierce.
You are wise & a goofball.
You are warm & an unapologetic truth-teller.
You are deeply pragmatic & wildly creative.
You are this & that.
The two facets are not at odds; they are in complement. They are the umami & the sweetness. The harmony & the melody. The orange & the purple. The masculine & the feminine.
You’ve been shelving your otherselves for so long that this may feel like a welcome relief or may knot you up even tighter. Just trust me. There is nothing but expansion available to you when you make room for your ampersands.
Witness:: Business magnate & enlightened social activist. NHL goalie & lawyer. Cyber-punk & pastor. Silver screen star & inventor.
Bring in your ampersands & otherselves
Don’t shelve your otherselves in an attempt to make it easier for us to receive you. Not only can we take you as you are, but we are richer for your ampersands.
Click here for my free training:
Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.