You did something fabulous. Got noticed. Won an award. Wrote something people cared about. Brought in a MASSIVE contract. The Big Name client said yes to YOU!

But your capacity to do more fabulous somethings has apparently been reached — at least according to your Imposter Complex.

(By the way, here’s why I say Imposter Complex instead of Imposter Syndrome).

Suddenly, you believe that your talent, skill, knowledge, creativity, and ability to seal the deal is finite. You’re certain you'll become the one-hit-wonder.

So, why bother?

Even more insidious… many don't try in the first place for FEAR of this: if my book is a huge success, what next? How will I ever replicate that?

I honestly have a headache just thinking about this.

Lie #8 out of the 12 Lies of the Imposter Complex has us thinking that whatever success we’ve experienced, we’ll never be able to replicate it again.

It was a fluke.  

We got lucky.

Someone else intervened….

I frequently see this manifest with coaches and entrepreneurs who don’t own the successes they help their clients get.  They say, “Sure, that client made a ton of money / turned their life around / started a movement / wrote a bestselling book / won the award… But I can’t promise that for everybody because…”

(Fill in the blank. The reasons don’t actually matter.) 

How this fear of success might manifest

Depending on which of the six behavioural traits of the Imposter Complex you most often experience, you might experience the self-doubt of Lie #8 a little differently:

If you’re a people-pleaser, you don’t want to make anybody feel bad, and you definitely don’t want to brag, so you might try to soften your success by immediately following it up with the disclaimer that you won’t be able to repeat it.

If you have leaky boundaries, anyone who questions or even suggests that you might not be able to pull it off again will sound like they’re preaching gospel truth.

If you tend to compare, you’ll immediately discount your success in comparison with somebody else’s entire body of work.

If you’re a perfectionist, well, you might not acknowledge your success in the first place — you’ll just see all the places it wasn’t perfect. And those perceived imperfections will convince you that you’ll never be able to pull it off again.

If you’re a procrastinator, you’re likely to fall into the camp that says, “If I am a success this time, I’ll never be able to follow it up, so why even try....”

If you tend to diminish, you might not even acknowledge your success at all — and if you do, it will only be grudgingly, with the quick caveat that it was a fluke, a lucky break, never to be repeated… 

But here’s the truth, Love: Your success was the result of the skills and will you brought to the table (and, sure, MAYBE the stars were aligned as well). And so it shall be again. As long as you keep bringing your skills and will to the table.

The one-hit-wonder gave into the Imposter Complex.

Your skills, talent, insight, knowledge, background, creativity, and grit haven’t changed. Whatever brought you to that success (yes, even “luck”!) still exist.

And you can apply them to your next endeavor to help you see that success again…

And again…

And again.

This is not to say that you will succeed every time, but rather a reminder that if you succeeded once, you can absolutely do it again.

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Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.

Lie #7 of the Imposter Complex is a seductive and tricky beast because it seems rational.

It says you’re not ready… yet.

(Not ready for what? Oh, any old thing…)

Here, the Imposter Complex is finally giving you a little slack. (And we call it Imposter Complex, not imposter syndrome for a very good reason.)

It's acting all logical by pointing to the fact that you MAY be ready ONE day… that day's just not today. Yup. It's giving you slack, all right.

Just enough slack in the rope to tangle yourself into the loop of inspiration -> preparation -> frustration -> procrastination -> inspiration…

It disguises itself as the oh-so-logical argument that you just need a little more — experience, education, time, whatever.

Maybe you'll feel ready when you get that degree. Or put another 10 years under your belt. Or… or… or.

I see this crop up a lot with coaches who feel like they need to get another certification or put in some more hours coaching for free before they’re ready to charge for their services…

With entrepreneurs who feel like they need to buy another course, work with another coach, do another beta test before they launch their big thing…

With writers who need another draft, another writing group, another editor, another opinion before they start shopping their book…

How not being ready enough might manifest for you

Depending on which of the six behavioural traits of the Imposter Complex you most often experience, you might find yourself giving in to the allure of not ready because of different things:

If you’re a people-pleaser, you’re already prone to getting everyone’s opinion about your work (ie: Lie #6) and therefore you’ll take it to heart if even one person suggests you aren’t ready.

If you have leaky boundaries, you may get swept along with the crowd. If you see friends and colleagues getting another certification, buying another course, working with a new coach, you may feel compelled to do the same.

If you tend to compare, you’ll find plenty of examples of people who were more ready to prove your hypothesis that you’re not ready.

If you’re a perfectionist, well. You’ll never be ready because things will never be absolutely perfect.

If you’re a procrastinator, telling yourself that you’re not ready is a GREAT excuse not to actually do the thing. It feels like you’re still working toward your goal… Even when the goal is as far away as ever.

If you tend to diminish, this is probably also familiar territory for you, because you only ever see your shortcomings, not how far you’ve come.

Two things:

As you sit down to write the book, launch the product, step up to the mic, think about how everything you have ever made, delivered, sold, created, drafted, crafted, survived, healed, and done is coming together. Right here and now. For this very purpose. For this very moment.

And?

No one was ever fully ready. For anything.

Do it. You're ready enough.

(HEYYYY!! Someone should do a podcast called Ready Enough. Oh wait...I did!)

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Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.

I’ve noticed a trend.

If you compliment someone on a dress they’re wearing, it’s pretty common that they’ll tell you that they got it on a HUGE sale…

But why do we need to know that the dress was on sale? The other person was (almost certainly) not complimenting the price tag.

I think it’s a small symptom of Lie #6 of the Imposter Complex (and we call it a complex, not imposter syndrome around these parts).

Lie #6 says that we must tell EVERYONE about this — this usually being something you feel like you have to come clean about so that everyone else knows that you know that you’re the Imposter.

Like… the price of your dress.

Sure, it’s fabulous and couture and looks like it was made for me — but I got it on sale.

OK, I got the award — but there weren’t many others competing.

Yes, I got a standing ovation — but I completely messed up the middle section of the speech.

How to recognize Lie #6

Hands up if you've ever actually said the words, "I don't belong here" at a gathering.

Do you remember the look on everyone's face? I know, it's hard to remember because you blocked it from your mind, so certain are you that you were met with nods of disgust. But allow me to jog your memory: it was a curious blend of bemusement, incredulity, and perplexion.

Know why? Because they were too busy thinking that THEY didn't belong here to even consider YOU not belonging here.

And let’s layer in this additional truth: Sometimes the greater culture conspires to make us feel that we don’t belong — especially if you’ve ever had the experience of being the only person who looks like you in the room. As my friend Staci Jordan Shelton says: “We share a common space but not a common experience."

And...guess what? You still belong.

How Lie No. 6 might manifest for you

Depending on which of the six behavioural traits of the Imposter Complex you most often experience, you might find yourself blurting things out with Lie #6 because of different things:

If you’re a people-pleaser, you definitely want to put everyone at ease — which means you might go on a self-deprecating tirade to ensure that everyone knows how ordinary and impostery you actually are.

If you have leaky boundaries, you may find yourself getting sucked into other people’s put-down festivals; if they’re talking about how much of an imposter they are, you may feel the need to join in.

If you tend to compare, you’ll be the first to offer up your deficiencies, especially as compared to anybody else.

If you’re a perfectionist, you’ll be the first to notice those perceived imperfections, and may feel compelled to point them out to everybody else, too.

If you’re a procrastinator, you might tell everyone your reasons for procrastination (which seem very important and valid at the time…).

If you tend to diminish, well, this Lie will be super familiar to you, I bet, because you spend a great deal of time telling yourself — and maybe everyone else — where you fall short.

Before you call yourself out for being an Imposter (you’re not), pause and ask what is sitting underneath that impulse.

Pause and ask yourself: “why am I talking?”

Are you looking to connect? Are you seeking validation? Something else?

When you know, you will know what to do next.

That said, knowing when to name it or not requires nuance and discernment, to be sure. I have found utility in Brené Brown’s classic words: Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Stand your sacred ground.

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Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.

Because of Lies #1 and #2 of the Imposter Complex, you don't speak of your big thing. To ANYONE.

And you definitely don’t mention that you’re nervous about it, or feeling anxious, or, you know, struggling with the Imposter Complex.

(And yes, we call it Imposter Complex, not imposter syndrome, and you can find out why here.)

Because speaking your fears will just draw attention to said inadequacy, right? Besides, what they don't know won't hurt anyone, right?

(Except, of course, maybe you.)

I famously (infamously?) call this “slipping things into the water.”

When you launch the product, release the album, write the book, finish the course, achieve the goal…

But you don’t want to make a big deal about it….

(Because secretly you’re nervous, anxious, afraid it isn’t any good…)

So you make such a little deal about it that even your nearest and dearest don’t know.

That’s slipping it into the water, trying not to make waves, trying not to rock the boat.

And then, when the product doesn’t sell, the album doesn’t top the charts, the book doesn’t get rave reviews, and nobody congratulates you on the thing, your Imposter Complex translates that as proof positive that you weren’t ready, aren’t successful, don’t deserve it.

See? Nobody cares. You’re not good enough…

The reason I’m infamous for it is that I tend to call people out on it.

You didn’t get the sales / reviews / recognition that you wanted? Did you slip it into the water?

It’s not to make anyone feel worse — absolutely not.  It’s about naming what happened and shining light on that tactic of the Imposter Complex that convinced you not to tell anybody about it because they would judge you.

Naming the thing removes some of its power

We think that by naming whatever is inside of us that others will judge us.

The converse is more likely true. And more productive.

By naming the experience, you are speaking the shame and bringing compassion into the fold.

Try this: ''I'm excited to be doing this and nervous because it matters."

“I’m putting out this product because I’m proud of it and I know people need it.”

“I poured my heart and soul into this, and I’m anxious that people won’t like it, but I want to share it.”

Discernment alert: I'm not talking about Lie #6 — I must tell everybody about this.

I'm just inviting you to name it. And to sit back and watch as relief spreads across the room. Empathy too. And where there's empathy, connection is possible. (And isn't that what this is all about. after all?)

Yes.

How fear of speaking your big thing + the Imposter Complex might manifest for you

Depending on which of the six behavioural traits of the Imposter Complex you most often experience, you might go quiet with Lie #5 because of different things:

If you’re a people-pleaser, you might find you don't want to "bother" people with whatever you have going on. And you certainly don’t want to annoy anyone by being “promotional” or “too salesy.”

If you have leaky boundaries, you may find yourself NOT wanting to get feedback or hear other people’s thoughts on your feelings or doings.  (Note: it’s perfectly ok to say something like, “I’m not interested in feedback right now.”)

If you tend to compare, you don’t want to talk about your thing because you think it’s not as good as somebody else’s; and you certainly don’t want to name your fears and anxieties if she isn’t…

If you’re a perfectionist, you don’t want to share because you feel like what you have to share isn’t perfect — or that your feelings just put your imperfections on display.

If you’re a procrastinator, you might be prone to convincing yourself that you’ll say it, promote it, share it later. When you get around to it…

If you tend to diminish, you’re probably going to convince yourself that nobody cares, nobody is interested, it isn’t that good, nobody’s going to listen anyway… etc.

Of course, these are all just variations on a theme — variations on the lie, designed to keep you alone and isolated, out of action, and doubting your capacity.

That’s what the Imposter Complex wants.

But when we name it — name the lie, but also name what we’re feeling, what we’re doing, how we’re showing up — we rob it of its power.

Name it.

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Click here for my free training:

Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.

I find that Lie #4 of the Imposter Complex tends to show up a lot in the guise of writer’s block.

(By the way, here’s why I say Imposter Complex instead of Imposter Syndrome).

We sit down to write a blog post, or an article, or an email, or a book, or a course, or a flippin’ Facebook post and we pause…

“You have nothing useful to say,” a voice whispers inside.

“(Or original. Or important. Or valid.)”

And it puts a hard stop to any creative output we might want to produce.

Of course, it might show up for you somewhere else — in conversation, in a meeting at work, at a party with friends, or anywhere your voice might be heard.

When we believe this lie, we say nothing. We don't communicate with our audience, our clients, our fans. We pass up opportunities to share our message (what message?) and don't collaborate with our peers (everyone knows more than I do about the topic!) And we miss out on growth, learning, and connection.

We imagine speaking to a thousand-person audience about the topic for which we feel woefully ignorant and entertain two possible outcomes: crickets or pelted tomatoes.

I hear this a lot, in particular, from people who want to write books — fiction or nonfiction.

They’ll be toiling (or poking, as the case may be) away at an idea or a manuscript, and then something with a similar premise hits the bestseller list.

CUE THE END OF THE WORLD!

OK, so there is indeed a distinct possibility that what you're saying HAS been said before.

But it’s never, ever, ever been said in the way you will say it.

YOUR WAY will be informed by your unique and complex structure of values, perspectives, experiences, strengths, heart, and your very character. And your people want to hear YOUR WAY.

Going back to our author friends, they say that there are only 7 plots (or 20, or 36 depending on who you ask).

Yet there are hundreds, maybe thousands of original books and stories published every year, each one a different version of the archetypes we already know and love.

The details are what’s important, and the details come down to each individual author — each individual person who brings their own voices, opinions, experiences, and values to the stories.

How this whisper of the Imposter Complex might manifest for you

Depending on which of the six behavioural traits of the Imposter Complex you most often experience, you might experience the self-doubt of Lie #4 in different ways:

If you’re a people-pleaser, you might find you don't want to "bother" people with your unoriginal thoughts. If it's not earth-shattering, there's no point in clogging their airwaves.

If you have leaky boundaries, you may find yourself NOT wanting to read what anyone else has said for fear it will influence your own thought process, so you isolate or deeply curate your input (perhaps to your detriment).

If you tend to compare, you’re probably super familiar with this lie! Because you’re always comparing what you want to say with what others have already said (and probably finding your version lacking).

If you’re a perfectionist, you hold such a high standard for yourself that nothing but perfect originality will suffice.

If you’re a procrastinator, thinking about how someone else has said it better will be the perfect reason to put off saying it yourself.

If you tend to diminish, you’re certainly going to get stuck on the idea that not only has it been said before, but it’s been said better. 

No matter which behavioural trait is keeping you from speaking your truth in the way that only you can, the solution is to remember that your people want to hear your take, your version, your view.

These very words are a curation of learnings you've probably already heard. But they're told through MY own lens. Packaged in a way that I have intended to be practical and valuable and useful.

May it be so.

Your way’s the way.

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Click here for my free training:

Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.