Dear Blog - I have been remiss in making time for you. I have made other things more important: my clients, facilitating workshops, speaking, developing programs, the gym, volunteering in the kid’s classroom, etc. Oh yes, I have excuses…great ones, in fact, about where my time and energy has gone.

And when all the excuses are laid out in a pleasing array of colour and textures on the carpet in my office, they really are quite convincing. And they continue to be just be that…excuses.

So, for that, I am sorry. I KNOW better.

It’s not you. It’s me. Clearly. And just so you know, I’ve not gone and done something irresponsible like replacing you with some younger, hipper, slimmer, 140-character version of you.

When everything is said and done, I own that I have two ways of viewing you: one is that you are my Pensieve. A privileged way for me to store my thought. To play with them and explore what they mean for me, and how what I am learning might serve others.

This is the way in which I love you. With full heart and abandon.

The other way is the dissonant, “should”-laden perspective. I should have a blog, they say. I should write to it every week, they say*. Twice, in fact, if I’m worth my salt. And NOT writing twice a week means I’m not worth my salt (whatever the hell THAT means).

So I sit down at my MacBook to write a post…because I SHOULD. It says so in my calendar - I’m a day late, in fact. And the head saboteur takes note and starts to hold court for a while as the other saboteurs start to file in…one by one. The first one to speak says: “sure, she SHOULD write a post…but who the hell cares what she has to say?” Well, that gets everyone else going: “she isn’t a WRITER, she’s a COACH…she CAN’T write”;  “well, she CAN write, but should she be?”; “she has nothing to say that hasn’t been said by thousands better and smarter than her”; and so on.

And lo and behold, nothing gets written. The gym starts to look pretty compelling.

I’m done stating my case. Because I’m bored of stating my case to you, dear blog. And I am CERTAINLY done with should-ing all over you.

I know I have choice in how I relate to you.

I am sorry that I have ever treated you as a marketing tool. You are so, SO much more to me than that. Back I go to that resonant place of writing like no one’s watching.

With huge love and renewed commitment,

Tanya

* They also say one should NEVER apologize for not writing. See, that’s simply NOT how I roll.

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