I’m away from the city for a short while as I spend time with family, count stars, eat cherries, write words, breathe clean air and sing by the campfire.
In a word: glorious.
Usually, I settle into the pace up here quickly and familiarly. This time, I can’t help but notice how I’m resisting said gloriousness. Too much going on, in my world, in THE world, back “home” to…relax. Which is about as counter-productive as it gets.
But I’ve finally recalled the structure that brings me to my actual home. A simple and sacred structure: I look up at the big sky.
Every time I feel the weight of the things I read from my computer screen, I look up at the big sky.
Every time I feel the pull of guilt of things not done, I look up at the big sky.
Every time I feel the pang of worry for things to come, I look up at the big sky.
Every time I doubt and fret and sweat and panic, I look up at the big sky.
And every time I feel like I am avoiding the weight of the things, the pull of guilt, the pangs of worry, the doubt and fret and sweat and panic by LOOKING at the big sky? I blink hard and I look up at the big sky again.
And she says:
Sweet Child, do what you can, but more importantly, do what you must.
Be brave enough to look at your shadows. Don’t try to douse them with light. Look at them for what they are.
Be with the weights and the pulls and the pangs and doubt and fret and sweat and panic.
They are here to be heard. They are here to bend you, shape you and to help calibrate your next steps. They are here to teach you, but they are not here to define you.
You can no more unsee the injustices by tuning out the world than you can deny the privilege of your very existence. So don’t. See them. Feel them. Choose to do better.
Don’t short cut your way to your purpose.
When you feel weak, get stronger. You know how. You’ve done it before, you startlingly magnificent creature, you.
When you are faced with the next battle, don’t seek comfort. Seek courage.
Don’t look for proof. Feel for truth.
Trust the love you feel in your cells.
When you are ready to make the leap that transcends your story, jump high and hard and with all of your fracturedmended heart.
Big skies know big things.
It’s under big skies that I remember all that I’ve ever known. Which brings me right back home. Wherever that may be.
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