How many screenwriters are working on the movie of your life?
A story and a thought experiment for you this week.
Last Thursday was my husband's birthday. Having already celebrated it gala style with an epic party earlier in the fall, things were a little more low-key. So we were hanging out in the kitchen, late afternoon, the kid home from school and me done work for the day. We had a couple of hours before our oyster dinner reservation, so we sipped our respective beverages, and chatted about our days.
I shared some wins and some challenges I was sorting out, Greg shared his favourite parts of the day and our daughter, a fabulous storyteller, shared some delightful anecdotes. At one point she noted that her English teacher was surprised when L used "wanton" in a sentence. “What sentence was that?”, I asked. "Bridget Jones, wanton Sex Goddess?"
We laughed, then met each others’ eyes at the same moment.
Should we, they asked?
Yeah, they affirmed.
And that's how we found ourselves on the couch puppy-piled in front of a fire watching Bridget Jones' Diary at 4pm on a Thursday.
With about a half an hour to go we realized the fire was cozy, the couch was cozy, the company was cozy and that ordering in Thai and watching another movie were the best idea ever. Oysters could wait.
But what to watch next?
Well, the second Bridget Jones movie seemed like a reasonable thing, given none of us had seen it and a double feature would fit the bill just fine. Maybe even the third if the second went well. (We’re wild like that.)
So the Thai order was placed and the opening credits started to roll.
“Uh oh”, said Greg.
“What?”, we asked.
“There are too many screenwriters listed. That’s a bad sign.” He said it with great certainty, but I tucked it away, snuggling deeper into the puppy pile.
We then proceeded to watch what may easily be categorized as the worst movie I’ve ever seen in my life. That's a large statement, and that may not be your truth (that’s cool), but for the purposes of this letter, just know it’s true for me.
Afterwards, I asked him what he meant about the screenwriters. And he said, with the same certainty as before, maybe more this time that his theory was proven: “the more screenwriters on a film, the more lost the plot becomes, and the more people they brought in to try to fix it. In this case, it didn't work.”
You can see where I'm going here, right?
It's the same for many of us.
We have so many inputs from well-intending people with great ideas, great energy and great conviction. Folks who see the best in us, and who WANT the best for us.
When we are at our best, most aligned selves, we take what we need, release what won’t serve, can integrate and move forward, closer and closer towards the lives of our deepest desires and creating the impact we are destined to have. That’s how an ICON moves.
But when we are not at our best, we cannot distinguish between good counsel and projection and can find ourselves overwhelmed with all of the inputs. We can start to meander off our own plot.
This has been true for me as someone who thrives on community and collective wisdom. I've said this many times and I will continue to say it: my success is inextricably linked to the incredible folks, mentors, peers, colleagues, family and clients that I have the honour of travelling with.
But I recognized long ago that there were times and places and spaces where I have let other people inform too much of what I believed, knew and did. Particularly when I was underresourced.
Because ultimately, I always know what to do. For ME.
Ultimately, my intuition matters above all else. For ME.
Ultimately, I am always the authority of me. For ME.
It’s only when I forget any of those truths that I find myself adrift and trying to solve a problem with ridiculous plot twists, egregious dialogue and some very questionable choices.
So today I have a thought experiment for you:
Who are the screenwriters in your life?
What if you didn't need multiple teams to come in and try to fix you?
What if you took some teams off the project and went back to the basics of your own knowing?
You don’t need fixing.
You just may need to remember what you are here to do.
You just may need someone to help you stay with the plot.
And you just may need to have someone strong-hearted and fearless by your side as you ascend the mountain called the world-changing work you’ve been assigned by your soul.
For some of you, I may be that someone. I’ve got the tools and the fortitude to do it.
Click here for my free training:
Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.