What Reverence isn’t
Let’s talk about reverence. Because there seems to be a lot of confusion about that. What it is and what it isn’t. And I suspect that confusion comes from resistance. And for good reason...because reverence speaks to the epicentre of so much we keep from ourselves. So let’s have a look. In a moment.
We are relational.
When I talk to folks about what is most needed to overcome their propensity to diminish or compare, we of course talk about WHY they engage in those particular manifestations of the Imposter Complex in the first place.
(We say Imposter Complex, rather than imposter syndrome, and here’s why.)
And for starters, they do that because they are, you are, we are relational. I LOVE that about us.
And if you’ve been here for a while, you know I also uphold that folks who compare simply have a gorgeous value of connection. And folks who diminish have strong values of humility. Oh...and SAFETY. Let’s not forget SAFETY.
So yeah...these are worth protecting at all costs.
But when people show up on my calendar for a free Discovery Session to see if we are intended to work together, they are usually DONE with the enduring costs of comparing and diminishing.
They are DONE with being tethered to praise and criticism.
They are DONE with not fully embodying their leadership.
They are DONE with minimizing their impact.
They are DONE with working with the wrong people.
They are DONE with keeping their brilliance hidden.
They are DONE with not being compensated adequately for their work.
For themselves...and also, for the folks they know they are here to serve. Because they aren’t REACHING them.
So we walk through my tried, tested and true framework. The one that speaks into Integrity, Presence and Action. The one that moves folks from feeling like an Imposter and towards leading with impeccable impact with unshakeable confidence.
We talk about their vision, how well they are honouring their word to themselves, if they are showing up authentically. We talk about how they relate to their OWN power, how they are with support. And then I ask if they hold themselves with reverence.
This is TYPICALLY the moment when the amazing human who has found their way onto my calendar and has been furiously taking notes puts their pen down.
Because they hear something in the word REVERENCE.
What reverence isn’t…
There’s something about this word they fear and yet yearn for. It’s familiar and foreign at the same time. It strikes them as pious...but also sacred.
And? They know it’s missing from their own lived experience of themselves.
So back to what reverence is. Starting with what reverence ISN’T.
Reverence isn’t just self-respect.
It isn’t just self-love.
It isn’t just self-esteem.
It isn’t just self-regard.
It’s all of it.
When we perceive it as ONLY self-respect or self-esteem, we can get trapped in the overworking, over-proving to ourselves perfectionist loop. Reverence isn’t that.
When we perceive it as ONLY self-love or self-regard, we can lose the plot on how we are relating to others. It rankles our beliefs about conceit and vanity. Reverence isn’t that.
We need all of it for you to hold reverence for all of YOU.
Reverence is…
Reverence, in its simplest form, is the holding of ourselves in the way that we hold someone we love, respect, regard and admire. (Notice I said simple...not easy. Though you may also notice how easy it IS for you to do this for others.)
It’s about letting ourselves know, as we would let our beloveds know, that we are not required to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. It’s about letting ourselves know, as we would let our beloveds know, that the high expectations matter AND are to be held with grace. It’s about letting ourselves know, as we would let our beloveds know, that we are so much more than enough, (and no, not too much). And it’s about letting ourselves know, as we would let our beloveds know, that our job is not to make sure everyone is happy. That that is an exercise in futility.
Clarifying, right?
And when you DON’T hold yourself with the reverence you so richly deserve (and you do deserve it), the costs are plenty.
You will remain hooked to praise and criticism.
You will keep hedging on fully embodying your leadership.
You will continue to minimize your impact.
You will keep holding the door open for the wrong people.
You will keep your brilliance hidden.
You will stay undercompensated for your work.
(And if you are reading this and giving me a side-eye because you are super clear that you hold yourself and your work in the highest esteem and regard but are undercompensated for OTHER reasons, then by all means...feel free to move onto the next article ...I’ll be talking about what I have learned from the most “successful” people I know).
But if when you read the costs of not holding yourself in reverence and felt a pang in the very centre of your being? That aforementioned epicentre of all you keep from yourself?
Now we’re cookin’ with gas.
Because as I’m really being honest with you, that’s the part of you I’m most interested in speaking with. It is the wisest part of you. It’s the most truthful part of you. And it’s the part that I see most clearly.
It’s the part that knows your magnificence.
The part that knows the full capacity of your radiance, extravagance and brilliance.
The part that knows that reverence for the divine and sacred being you are is your birthright.
The part that knows, really knows what is available for you, in your most expansive glory.
And it’s the part that wants help in cultivating that sense of reverence. The part that had you put your metaphorical pen down and lean in a little closer.
Because when you can cultivate that sense of reverence, you’ll experience what my client Nokubonga Mbanga does and describes in the most exquisite way (as she does):
“When I am in reverence for myself, it feels like I am standing in my power station, it feels like a Sunday lunch, it feels like that laughter that comes deep in my belly, it feels like the music that swirls in my waist, it feels like dancing like all parts of you are watching, it feels like feeling good every day, it feels like a freedom song.
It feels like freedom to choose me, it feels like freedom to be visible to me, it feels like freedom to expand who and what I am.
You step in with Goddess moves. You step in to self- authorise, you step in collecting shiny objects in the dark corners of your story, you step in shining light to all the colours of your existence, you step in to sprinkle wisdom from your experiences.”
Yes, Nokubonga.
It’s THAT.
Now back to you.
And the centre of your knowing.
We need to talk.
It’s time you offered yourself the gifts of reverence rather than the spoils of anything else.
Click here for my free training:
Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.