Articles
Excuse me…I’m flawed
Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog. It’s summer, you know…and everything happens at a slower pace. BEEP BEEP BEEP! Back the truck up. (You do realize that I only broke a Christine Kane cardinal rule of blogging: “apologizing for not writing” to prove a point, right?)
I’m curious as to why have you just accepted my incredibly lame excuse. When I say “everything happens at a slower pace” aren’t I really just saying “I’ve made things other than posting to my blog a bigger priority right now”. Same diff, right? But what am I owning by blaming the season? Nada. Zilch…niet. And ultimately, that’s what a good excuse will do for you. Absolve you of responsibility.
I’ve really noticed lately how I have a lower tolerance threshold for justification of bad behaviour. And excuses. Perhaps it’s the economy (ha…tricked you!!!) but let me ask you this….are you not tired of hearing people explain their lateness with “I’m late wherever I go...it’s just who I am”. Which is really tantamount to: “I do not value your time; I am disorganized; and fundamentally, I’d probably rather be somewhere else”. Consider the two versions. In version a) their lateness is simply a part of their genetic make-up…a flipped x or y chromosome on the double helix of life. In version b) there is choice and ownership…it may be rude ad crude and filled with ‘tude, but there is learning. And possibility.
Making up excuses is easy…taking responsibility and action, less so.
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Impact
Walking my daughter to daycare today, we were discussing matters of great import such as whether or not kids are smarter than grown-ups (my theory that they were perhaps just more curious was resoundingly trounced) and why sharks have to be so mean all the time. A car drove smoothly by and just after it passed, I noticed a squirrel in the middle of the road twisting and jerking frantically. It took a moment or two for me to realize what had happened. In fact, it took me so long that for a split-second, I thought to point out the funny dance to my daughter. Once it sunk in, I sucked in my breath and grabbed my girl into my arms (intending to not let her see the squirrel’s final moments of agony). Of course she saw, asked what had happened and I started to panic. “Nothing honey…let’s hurry along and call the vet...I’m sure everything will be fine”. We turned the corner and I calmed down enough to realize what a horrid and pointless thing that I’d just done…pretending nothing happened. Besides, she wasn’t buying it.
I sat her down on the curb, and we talked about it…in as much detail as I felt appropriate for a tender-hearted 5 year old. (Can’t help but be a Mom so I did slide in the fact that the squirrel probably didn’t look both ways). She took it all in stride, asked me wonderful questions and I think she mostly got it. She was confused about the driver of the car. Why didn’t he stop? Why was he so careless? I explained that because we didn’t hear anything, he likely hadn’t even realized what had happened. He was unaware of the impact. Feel a metaphor coming on?
Without getting all Butterfly effect-y here, every action we take has repercussions…some positive and some negative, some intentional and some accidental. That driver had no clue of his impact on the squirrel (and any family waiting back in the nest), then on my daughter, then on her daycare mates, then on me, then on my clients, then on you…and so on. It was purely accidental.
So what would happen, what COULD happen, if we applied this to the positive…that we took great pains to be conscious, at every turn, to spread the good stuff and ONLY the good stuff around? Blissful karma…viral karma. We're not always going to get it right....but we can sure as hell try.
As I dropped my girl off, she turned to me and said: “Let’s always be careful to never hurt a squirrel and be nice to everyone, ok Mommy?”
Out of the mouth of babes.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
The Ikea Effect
Have you ever offered advice only to find that it’s duly ignored? Makes you feel kind of cruddy, right? Especially given that, in your mind, it was probably exactly what the recipient needed to hear? Here’s an inside secret…no one really likes being told what to do (even if they came to you asking for advice…weird, quirky, but true). Further, and I’m sure you’ve experienced this, when people come to their own conclusions, they are more satisfied, motivated and inspired. And when they land on their own solution…BING BING BING…they’re more likely to follow through in action.
The coaching profession accounts for this by basing its work on the assumption that every person is naturally creative, resourceful and whole. Everyone has the answers to their life’s problems within them…they just need someone to help them to pull it out. And when expert advice is really required, clients will have the motivation to find that, too.
I just let you in on Coaching 101. It may sound a little abstract (perhaps), a little ungrounded (I assure you that it is not) and a little woo-woo (at times, sure). But the idea of building your own something and loving it more than something you were just handed is called “The Ikea Effect”. An article in the Harvard Business Review points to the phenomenon that “labor enhances affection for its results”. You-fab vs. pre-fab means you’ll find it more fab.
Intrinsically, I believe this to be true. I am most fond of the art in my house that my husband and I have created ourselves. We encourage our daughter to make her own mistakes rather than handing her the answers. And I’m certainly finding my own way in business as an entrepreneur (with some support systems in place) more so than when I was “corporate”. Ask around…you’ll see what I mean. Stacie Maier, very cool owner of Uprise Careers points to her favourite tattoo…a cute and simple paw print. It’s not the same caliber of the others that adorn her frame, but she did it herself (told you she was cool…and a GREAT person to talk to if you’re late-20’s and “not cubicle friendly”).
Where the Ikea Effect can be worrisome is in the power of “I'm righteousness”. We’ve seen this too, haven’t we? People who actually use and BELIEVE such 80’s phrases such as: “my way or the highway”. The HBR article points out:
Managers should keep in mind that ideas they have come to love because they invested their own labor in them may not be as highly valued by their coworkers – or their customers.
In building Ikea furniture, we all know one thing: lose the Allen key and your Galant desk will never come together. No duct tape can help you there.
Further, in coming to your own decisions, if you’ve asked for advice, please appreciate the perspective from which it came, listen to the offering for resonance with your own values and go from there. Assuredly, no duct tape will be required.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
From colicky baby to SALSA BABIES!!!
Years ago, while on maternity leave, I read in a parenting journal about the mompreneur phenom, Jennifer Torres, Founder of Salsa Babies.
Back then, I was a budding entrepreneur myself. I recall reading that this powerhouse of a woman started her company with the purpose of staying home with her kids after her maternity benefits had ended and that her intention was to generate the same revenue that she was receiving from EI. No more, but certainly, no less.
I too, wanted to stay home with my daughter and also develop a business. When I read those simple parameters, it seemed viable and …inspirationally… attainable. I felt moved to set the same goal for myself.
Our paths have crossed a couple of times over the past year, and I’ve always wanted to hear more about her. Yesterday, we shared an hour of great conversation about business, balance, goals, dreams, and why folding underwear is a time suck. She is every bit as vibrant, dynamic, energetic and warm as you’ve imagined. And she has it together.
I was hooked the moment she uttered her opening remark:
I’ve learned to follow what interests you and what you’ve loved doing throughout your life.
Bingo.
Her story
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
The halcyon eve of summer vacation
Today is our daughter’s first last day of school. She’s finishing out junior kindergarten with a glowing report card (if you don’t count the pointed comment: “she usually follows instructions well”).
At five years old, she has a lifetime of firsts ahead of her (though this is the first significant “last”…a point I find intriguing). Some firsts are good: home runs and kisses, and some bad: broken bones and heart. It all leads to a rich life and I am so excited for her.
But today, I want time to stand still for her. Being in the school halls today, I felt the energetic buzz that I remember so very well from my own childhood. The anticipation of a long summer of swimming, lemonade stands, playing tennis, giggling with pals in the treehouse, eating watermelon and watching ants do their thing. The hard truth always became apparent around week three as boredom set in (though in my house, if we whined about being bored, we were met with our least favourite axiom: “only the boring are bored”). The anticipation always seemed more satisfying than the reality. Disappointment 101: things aren’t always as blissful as they “ought to be”.
I wonder about this phenomenon and how it has come to impact our adult existence. When I work with my coaching clients and they are close to attaining their stated goals or objectives, some opt to retreat by putting up barrier after barrier. Why would they stop themselves short? I wonder if it has something to do with the fear that when the brass ring is reached, that it will feel flimsy and disappointing. A hope dashed. So…we often “protect” ourselves from this by keeping our sights set low and not allowing ourselves to think big. Because the higher the mountain the longer the fall. Makes sense, right? Why climb higher when disappointment’s possible...or heck, in some people's minds...imminent?
So, further to this, I try to imagine my daughter this time next year, ambivalent about upcoming summer vacation…because she’s “wiser” now and knows that after three weeks, the idea of a popsicle at 9 AM will have lost its appeal. But try as I might, it’s blissfully impossible to envision. Kids are smarter than that. Fun can always be had. Annoying as it was, being challenged with not being “boring” made my sister, friends and I dig a little deeper into the recesses of our creativity and we always got a little more lost in a new world of fun and creativity.
Do you want to go through life ambivalent about things and spend your time counting down days on vacation until school starts again, or do you want how to make getting to the brass ring more exciting…and have a popsicle while you’re at it?
And while I hope my daughter lives a life of asking herself those probing questions, I do so wish she could hang on to today…
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
The weisurely way
New term alert…“weisure”. Well, it may not be new to you…I JUST realized that “yard sale” was the new “gong show”. In any case, it references the blurring of the line between work and leisure. Clever…even if it does sound like a slacker band name. I came across an article on CNN about the phenomenon. It reads:
Many who haven't already abandoned the 9-to-5 workday for the 24-7 life of weisure probably will do so soon, according to New York University sociologist Dalton Conley, who coined the word. It's the next step in the evolving work-life culture.
Am really not sure what to make of this. Intuitively, I believe *strongly* that work and leisure should be very well separated. However, I am “guilty” of checking my BlackBerry during play time with my daughter, and dabbling on Facebook when I should be doing accounting.
The article points out that this reflects that work has become more fun. Work being fun = good. Ignoring my daughter for the sake of an email check = bad.
The article points to the flipside in that fun has become “work”…think social technology.
Weisure has been fueled by social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace, where "friends" may actually be business partners or work colleagues.
True true.
I’ve been tripping over “weisure” for a while now in my own life. I have a value of being present in whatever it is that I’m doing…especially what I feel very important in my life: coaching clients; playing with my daughter; practicing yoga; and, enjoying time with my husband. By allowing my thoughts (and even actions) to deviate from what I’m focused on, I feel like I’m letting myself down…as trampling on one’s values often does.
In the end (of this posting anyways), I guess I DO know what to make of this….for my own life. I’m redrawing the dividing line in the sand between my work and my leisure. I love them both too much to not be focused 100%.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.