Articles
Much Ado about To-Dos
I’ve devoted December to strategic planning for 2010. In theory, that is. The reality looks more like shopping, decorating, baking, and more or less fretting about the lack of progress I’m making on my strategic planning. Likely because I’ve been hiding behind finding “just the right” system that will work for me. And this dream system includes finding the right time management AND task list system. I’ve always had a mutt of a system – MS Word and/or Excel and/or Outlook AND a white board. Apparently, I’m afraid of commitment. It has worked reasonably well but isn’t as sleek as I’d like. And for me, 2010 is going to be all about letting more in, rather than keeping things off my plate. As such, my new boffo system will need to be able to handle ALL aspects of my business (coaching, Board of Your Life, workshops, retreats and Coach Buffet in collaboration with my partner Lisa), my role in launching a pretty exciting national fundraising campaign (more on this later) and my personal life (letting in more down time with friends and family: more tobogganing with the babe, more time poking around in art galleries, more time with the newspaper over brunch at Bonjour Brioche, more spafternoons with husband, more silly prosecco nights with my girls).
So, I’ve spent some time dabbling with some of the reco’s from people that I admire:
Chris Brogan keeps it all together with Google docs
Julien Smith loves Gootodo
Leo Babauta (Zen Habits) recently tweeted about Teux Deux
Julie Morgenstern has written extensively about systems
Countless others use the GTD system
My friend Kate swears by her Montblanc pen and her moleskin
So, what works for you?
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Who do you think you are
Back in 2007, when I first started out as a Life Coach in 2007 (yikes) and I introduced myself as such, I would always get asked: What is a Life Coaching anyways?
There are a million ways to answer that question, depending on the time allowed. Here are two:
Wiki says: Life coaching is a future-focused practice with the aim of helping clients determine and achieve personal goals.
Tanya says: It’s about getting crystal clear about what you from this very short life and getting you there. BOOM!
Once that’s out of the way, a little glimmer can creep into the asker’s eyes. Now, this may be a story that I have made up. It’s possible. I do enjoy stories. But here goes…I think that the glimmer is the product of an unasked question that goes something like this:
Who do you think YOU are to help others? After all, didn’t you admit on social media that you took the subway going the wrong way three times in two weeks? You’re not exactly “together” now are you?
Yup…I also consider myself a devotee of fine cheeses yet adore Cheez Whiz on Stoned Wheat Thins with sliced olives. I’m complex that way.
Admittedly, I am not altogether together. Luckily, I don’t have to be. To be an effective and powerful coach, I just need to hold YOUR togetherness sacred, not my own.
And why oh why do I admit my flaws so publicly? Number one reason: transparency = authenticity. Authenticity is a core value that I hold dear.
I am who I am. Period.
Transparency also breeds connection.
I highly recommend you try it…you may like it. And don’t be surprised when it draws people closer to you once they see how truly imperfect you really are.
Unless of course you are perfect, in which case, I feel for you...it must be lonely on that mountaintop.
Click here for my free training:
Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.
The Art of the Ask
“Ask and ye shall receive”…well, sometimes yes and sometimes no. It’s the HOW, WHO and WHAT you ask that will impact the outcome. One of the critical components of my Board of Your Life program is the participation of a willing and open Advisory Board. This fact can often be a non-starter for people considering the program but who cannot fathom asking people to “give up” three hours of their lives to help them suss out new possibilities and directions. Invariably, this often morphs into a discussion point for our coaching. Think about it. Do you have a hard time saying “no” to others, but find it hard to ask for “favours” yourself? You are in very good company.
I’ve become a bit of an aficionado on the topic. Have had to. When I started my business, I knew precious little about precious little businesses. I would have starved had I not heeded some good advice: “ask people for help”. Here’s what I’ve learned about asking:
How to ask
Nicely. Very very nicely.
Reciprocity – make sure that there is something in your request for the askee…or that you’d be willing to return the favour. Preparation is key…what might they value? Is it your expertise in a given area? Is it a nice meal out in return for some advice?
Clarity – Make the expectations crystal clear so your potential benefactor is aware what the commitment is (time or otherwise). No one wants to have to read between the lines.
Whom to ask
You should have some modicum of assurance that this person is amenable to you, your situation or your request. They may know you or know OF you. While I have written about the kindness of strangers, it's also true that most people are more inclined to help someone if the introduction is warmed up. (Case in point, I have agreed to mentor a young woman who I had never met because the request was made through someone I respect and admire.) Reason #213 for expanding your network and deepening your relationships.
What to ask
People are inherently good and want to help. It is a belief that I hold dear. So, please…don’t be a jerkbag and ruin that for the rest of us. Make sure the ask is reasonable – if it’s selfish or ridiculous, they will not forgive you and you’ve slammed that door shut. What is “reasonable” can be subject to interpretation. So I recommend you turn it on its heels…if you were asked the same (or parallel), how would the request make you feel? What would it elicit in you? Would it make you feel honoured or like a sucker. If you’d feel even kind of squeamish, I beg of you: DO NOT MAKE THE REQUEST!!!
While people are kind and generous, they are also very busy and their time is in demand at every turn. Make it easy for them to say yes, and they just might.
And once it’s all wrapped up and in the bag, please, please, PLEASE find a way to show your gratitude for their gift of time, expertise or even trust. For me it’s sending a thank you card. Old-fashioned AND appreciated. Am not a big birthday card sender, but I am a believer in a heartfelt, hand written thank you note…with stamp. Because, as Danielle likes to say, “e-cards suck and everybody knows it”.
And finally, IF your clear, reasonable, sincere, respectful, and sensible request was turned down, PLEASE don't take it to heart, or as a sign that you are not worthy. It may well tell you more about the person you’ve approached than about yourself (they may be stingy with their time OR dealing with a family crisis…you may never know). Regroup, retool and get back on that horse…your artful ask will soon find the right patron.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
In the news...
...on the front page of the Globe and Mail Life section, to be exact. Lisa and I are pretty excited to get ANY exposure for Coach Buffet, let alone in my (admittedly) favourite section of Canada's largest-circulation national newspaper...pretty excited indeed. Come out and see what Coach Buffet is all about in January...in Toronto on the 26th and in Montreal on the 28th...and beyond that, stay tuned!!!
Zosia Bielski,Globe and Mail, December 1, 2009 - Speed-interviewing: On your marks, get set – hire!
A HUGE thank you to Communications Maven (and a neighbourhood friend) Sarah Kiriliuk for hooking us up in the first place with the Globe and Mail.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Give it away, give it away, give it away now
Libra, November 25, 2009 (Globe and Mail):
For best results you should adopt an easy come, easy go attitude, especially toward money. Chances are you will be too busy having fun to worry about where your next dollar is coming from. You know it will all come good in the end.
This is MY KIND of horoscope. An easy come, easy go attitude comes easily for me (heh heh).
It’s the giving it away part that I trip over. I am generous (some say to a fault…you know who you are). I say that I have much farther to go. Here’s what I’m learning.
The secret to generosity…the real, altruistic kind that actually counts for your karma kredit is…(lean in)…NON-ATTACHMENT.
We’re so focused on “what goes around, comes around” (and this we like to apply alternately to good AND evil). What if we just focused on giving it away (and here I mean the good…please) with no attachment to what we receive in return. What happens then? Flood? Locusts? Frogs falling from the sky? (Sorry…listening to Aimee Mann conjured up a Magnolia Moment).
Or something else?
Let’s try it on for size. (Hint: don’t worry about what will come back to you…that’s the real trick. TRUST and then let it go).
What you seek is PRECISELY that which will do you good to give away. Want money? Sponsor a jitney driver in the Philippines through Kiva. Want time? Give away an hour to the soup kitchen that needs you the most. Want peace? Bake some cookies and send some to the neighbour you’ve been feuding with over the mutual driveway. Want opportunities? Create some for others. Want praise? Find someone doing a damned fine job and tell them (I think I’m paraphrasing Jack Welch here).
There. I just gave you the key to money, time, peace, opportunities and praise.
In return, I want nothing...absolutely nothing.
Who do you admire?
This I believe with my heart and soul: who we admire speaks volumes about who we want to be in this world. I was reminded of this recently as I scribed my daughter’s letter to Santa:
Dear Santa –
I think you are inspiring. I like you a lot. I like how generous you are and how kind you are and how sweet and nice you are. I hope you have a lovely Christmas! I like your reindeers and I like your elves and I think your heart is very sweet and kind. I like you a lot and I love you and Christmas.
- From Lauren
At first glance, these are words from a 5-year old hankering for a very Littlest Pet Shop Christmas (Lord have mercy). But, if you know her, you’d know that she operates under the premise that the following are admirable qualities: inspiration, kindness, and generosity. These are traits that she asks about frequently. No wonder she digs on SC. He’s her benchmark of an evolved person…and as her mother, I couldn’t be prouder.
I tend to admire survivors who elevate our collective consciousness (Pema Chödrön comes to mind). I admire truth-tellers, visionaries, nice people and those committed to making this world a kinder, gentler place….and if they can make me laugh while they’re at it, then I’m hooked forever-more.
You are now privy to my innermost yearnings…the person that embodies those qualities is the person that I am WANTING to become…my authentic self. I have miles to go before I sleep, but I am gaining on it. Very happily.
And you, who do you admire?
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.