Articles
How smart are you(r goals)?
Today is January 8, 2010…one business week into the new year. Tired of talking about goals yet? A little? It has become apparent to me that the single-biggest reason people don’t “achieve” their stated goals is kinda simple. Their goals just aren’t very smart. Pretty judg-y for a Life Coach, aren’t I? Well here’s what I mean.
You may well know already that SMART is a mnemonic (man, I should find a way to use that word more often) used for goal-setting:
Specific – is the goal clear?
Measurable – will you know if progress is being made and when the goal is achieved?
Attainable – is it within reach?
Realistic – are you willing and able to do it?
Timely – what’s the deadline?
This is all very good and sound and makes perfect sense. Of course. AND it kinda sorta makes me yawn involuntarily.
There have been many variations on the theme (I’ve seen “significant”, “stretching”, “simple”, “meaningful”, “manageable”, “actionable”, “appropriate”, “achievable”, “relevant”, “trackable”, and “tangible” to name a few) but by FAR my favourite riffs come from the good folks at CTI. Instead of “realistic” (which, let’s face it, is the same as attainable) they’ve taught us coaches to play with “RESONANT” and instead of “timely”, we get “THRILLING”!!!! Fwoosh-kapow-ZING!!!
Resonant – Think authentic. This isn’t something you read in a magazine and thought…“I guess if it worked for Jennifer Aniston, well then”. If it’s resonant, you’ll not hear the watch words “should”, “ought to” or “have to”…instead you’ll hear: “Yeah Baby!” Deep in your being, you just know it’s right for you. It honours your values and it is going to be fun. Mmm-hmm.
Thrilling – Do a gut check. Does it make your tummy tumble? Scare the bejesus out of you? No? Then it’s likely not thrilling for you. And remember to check your judgment at the door here…this is YOUR goal. Writing a book on time management would be the complete antithesis of thrilling for me, and it may well set the butterflies fluttering in your rib cage. Luckily, it’s YOUR goal, not mine. So, go for it.
Smart goals will make you sweat…they will challenge you and stretch you. They may be unpleasant at times and you may well want to throw in the towel, but the overall resonance and thrill of the goal will keep it alive and well. And better yet…achieved.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
The Year of More
I have declared that 2010 will be the year of MORE. Now, truth be told, I have always had a certain level of discomfort with “more”. “More” is gauche, showy and brash. “More” is greedy, petulant and wasteful. This was epitomized for me in Costa Rica…my husband and I were on a yoga/surfing retreat and in love with the town but alarmed by how quickly it seemed to be developing, including an opulent new condo development that boasted that this was the place to be when “more just isn’t enough”. The storey-high Buddhist statues ramped up the cringe-inducing factor by ten-fold.
So yeah, “more” can seem kind of icky.
But you know what is ickier? A life lived in the shadows of potential. Clients come to coaching because they no longer want to hang out in that murky place. They want more...and I want it for them too. I dream of it and hold them higher than they hold themselves. I challenge them to step on out of those shadows and into the spotlight of their choosing. And that's where we do our work.
I’m turning that on myself as a gift to me. I, too, want more. And as ever, it’s about choice. As Steven Wright put it: “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” To make room for more, I’ll need to make some space in my proverbial closets.
And so, I choose:
More of being my authentic self and less of being what others ask me to be
More trust in the paths I’m choosing and less waffling about it
More travel and less work on the house
More writing and less surfing (web, that is)
More time with family and less work on weekends
More focus on the people I love and cherish and less on those I don’t
More physical challenges and less time in my comfort zones
More frequent pedicures at less chi-chi places
More money…and less apologizing about it.
Oh, it will be work…and it will be worth it. And so much more.
And you?
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
2009 in Review
I’ve just sent out a reflection tool to my clients. (I am happy to share it with you…email me if you’d like me to send you a copy). In it, I ask them to complete this sentence: “For me, 2009 was the year of: ____________________”
I’ll start.
“For me, 2009 was the year of NEW.” - New business, new direction, new people, new challenges, new ventures, heck, even new definitions of new.
Inspired by Gwen Bell's Best of 2009 series, I’m devoting this post to all the “Best new (to me)” things of 2009. So…here is my list. It bears repeating that each item ought to be prefaced with “Best new (to me)”...this is important to note as I really and truly roll a little behind the times...culturally-speaking, at least:
Web tool – Twitter. While I still regard this application as a family member that I only really want to hang out with when I have to (not that I have any of THOSE in my family tree…I mean it!!!), my social media strategist is helping me to see the light.
Song – Boa Sorte by Ben Harper and Vanessa da Mata. Chillingly sweet.
Restaurant – Blowfish…curry salmon sushi. Sublime.
Workshop – Fulfillment workshop with CTI led by the mighty L.A. Reding. An unadulterated love-fest.
Taste sensation – Parmesan and chocolate chips. Now, trust me, this is not something I’ll eat with great frequency, but the Babe discovered it and I was mighty impressed with the sweet/savoury combo. I adore that experimenting with food seems to be a hereditary trait.
Realization – I can let things go without letting my self go. This is big and continues to be my work.
Article – Coach Buffet got some press in the national newspaper (hey…this is MY list, I can be self-promotional, can’t I?)
Blog – The Fluent Self. Havi Brooks is wicked clever and unabashed about setting boundaries.
City – Montreal. I’ve been countless times, BUT we did a houseswap for a weekend and really got to know the city…beyond just Biodome and the best place to get bagels.
Change in lifestyle – Quitting smoking…for keeps (thank you Dyana)
Unpaid gig – Mentoring young entrepreneurs through YES. Supremely gratifying.
Challenge – Conceived in 2009, it will be executed in 2010…it is, (drum roll please) The Great Canadian Yoga Stretch in support of CNIB…stay tuned.
Launch party – Jacqueline Parker’s SoloMag launch at Brassaii.
Scheduling software – Tungle...makes booking one-off meetings ridiculously easy and makes the organizer look super swift. Love that.
Visual – Babe clasping her hands at her chest during the live performance of the Sound of Music. (It was especially poignant during “Climb Every Mountain” …my mom’s favourite)
Tea – Almond Sunset (yup, good ol’ Celestial Seasonings). I discovered this in Lisa’s living room with dark chocolate and invigorating conversation with some delightful women.
Source of inspiration – Ray Zahab. Have you read about this man? Incredible.
Form of self-expresssion – Yer readin’ it. I’ve just discovered (well, back in January, I guess) that I really really like to write. Brenda Ueland wrote: “I learned that you should feel when writing, not like Lord Byron on a mountain top, but like child stringing beads in kindergarten, - happy, absorbed and quietly putting one bead on after another.” I just so happen to enjoy beading too. And if my readers get something out of my writing, well, then what more could I ask for?
TV Show - Flight of the Conchords. Hi-freakin-larious. Fo' shizzle (told you I was a little behind the times).
Memory – Bundled under cozy blankets on the dock up in Haliburton with my husband… snoring Babe draped over our laps, a lovely pinot grigio in one hand, bowl of popcorn nearby and millions of stars to be admired (21 of which were shooting). Expansive love.
Best new “you” – Every last one of my glorious and fearless clients. I wish I could name them all…in fact shout their names out from the highest mountain, but alas, confidentiality is sacred.
It was a curious year. Which is good, as I am a curious person.
2010 will be the year of MORE. I just know it…in fact, I just declared it. More travel, more time spent doing exactly what feels right, more of my “right” people. To make this space available, I will need to commit to “less” or certain things. More on “more” later.
Thank you for being here with me this past year. I wish you love and joy and I hope to see MORE of you in 2010.
TG
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Much Ado about To-Dos
I’ve devoted December to strategic planning for 2010. In theory, that is. The reality looks more like shopping, decorating, baking, and more or less fretting about the lack of progress I’m making on my strategic planning. Likely because I’ve been hiding behind finding “just the right” system that will work for me. And this dream system includes finding the right time management AND task list system. I’ve always had a mutt of a system – MS Word and/or Excel and/or Outlook AND a white board. Apparently, I’m afraid of commitment. It has worked reasonably well but isn’t as sleek as I’d like. And for me, 2010 is going to be all about letting more in, rather than keeping things off my plate. As such, my new boffo system will need to be able to handle ALL aspects of my business (coaching, Board of Your Life, workshops, retreats and Coach Buffet in collaboration with my partner Lisa), my role in launching a pretty exciting national fundraising campaign (more on this later) and my personal life (letting in more down time with friends and family: more tobogganing with the babe, more time poking around in art galleries, more time with the newspaper over brunch at Bonjour Brioche, more spafternoons with husband, more silly prosecco nights with my girls).
So, I’ve spent some time dabbling with some of the reco’s from people that I admire:
Chris Brogan keeps it all together with Google docs
Julien Smith loves Gootodo
Leo Babauta (Zen Habits) recently tweeted about Teux Deux
Julie Morgenstern has written extensively about systems
Countless others use the GTD system
My friend Kate swears by her Montblanc pen and her moleskin
So, what works for you?
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Who do you think you are
Back in 2007, when I first started out as a Life Coach in 2007 (yikes) and I introduced myself as such, I would always get asked: What is a Life Coaching anyways?
There are a million ways to answer that question, depending on the time allowed. Here are two:
Wiki says: Life coaching is a future-focused practice with the aim of helping clients determine and achieve personal goals.
Tanya says: It’s about getting crystal clear about what you from this very short life and getting you there. BOOM!
Once that’s out of the way, a little glimmer can creep into the asker’s eyes. Now, this may be a story that I have made up. It’s possible. I do enjoy stories. But here goes…I think that the glimmer is the product of an unasked question that goes something like this:
Who do you think YOU are to help others? After all, didn’t you admit on social media that you took the subway going the wrong way three times in two weeks? You’re not exactly “together” now are you?
Yup…I also consider myself a devotee of fine cheeses yet adore Cheez Whiz on Stoned Wheat Thins with sliced olives. I’m complex that way.
Admittedly, I am not altogether together. Luckily, I don’t have to be. To be an effective and powerful coach, I just need to hold YOUR togetherness sacred, not my own.
And why oh why do I admit my flaws so publicly? Number one reason: transparency = authenticity. Authenticity is a core value that I hold dear.
I am who I am. Period.
Transparency also breeds connection.
I highly recommend you try it…you may like it. And don’t be surprised when it draws people closer to you once they see how truly imperfect you really are.
Unless of course you are perfect, in which case, I feel for you...it must be lonely on that mountaintop.
Click here for my free training:
Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.
The Art of the Ask
“Ask and ye shall receive”…well, sometimes yes and sometimes no. It’s the HOW, WHO and WHAT you ask that will impact the outcome. One of the critical components of my Board of Your Life program is the participation of a willing and open Advisory Board. This fact can often be a non-starter for people considering the program but who cannot fathom asking people to “give up” three hours of their lives to help them suss out new possibilities and directions. Invariably, this often morphs into a discussion point for our coaching. Think about it. Do you have a hard time saying “no” to others, but find it hard to ask for “favours” yourself? You are in very good company.
I’ve become a bit of an aficionado on the topic. Have had to. When I started my business, I knew precious little about precious little businesses. I would have starved had I not heeded some good advice: “ask people for help”. Here’s what I’ve learned about asking:
How to ask
Nicely. Very very nicely.
Reciprocity – make sure that there is something in your request for the askee…or that you’d be willing to return the favour. Preparation is key…what might they value? Is it your expertise in a given area? Is it a nice meal out in return for some advice?
Clarity – Make the expectations crystal clear so your potential benefactor is aware what the commitment is (time or otherwise). No one wants to have to read between the lines.
Whom to ask
You should have some modicum of assurance that this person is amenable to you, your situation or your request. They may know you or know OF you. While I have written about the kindness of strangers, it's also true that most people are more inclined to help someone if the introduction is warmed up. (Case in point, I have agreed to mentor a young woman who I had never met because the request was made through someone I respect and admire.) Reason #213 for expanding your network and deepening your relationships.
What to ask
People are inherently good and want to help. It is a belief that I hold dear. So, please…don’t be a jerkbag and ruin that for the rest of us. Make sure the ask is reasonable – if it’s selfish or ridiculous, they will not forgive you and you’ve slammed that door shut. What is “reasonable” can be subject to interpretation. So I recommend you turn it on its heels…if you were asked the same (or parallel), how would the request make you feel? What would it elicit in you? Would it make you feel honoured or like a sucker. If you’d feel even kind of squeamish, I beg of you: DO NOT MAKE THE REQUEST!!!
While people are kind and generous, they are also very busy and their time is in demand at every turn. Make it easy for them to say yes, and they just might.
And once it’s all wrapped up and in the bag, please, please, PLEASE find a way to show your gratitude for their gift of time, expertise or even trust. For me it’s sending a thank you card. Old-fashioned AND appreciated. Am not a big birthday card sender, but I am a believer in a heartfelt, hand written thank you note…with stamp. Because, as Danielle likes to say, “e-cards suck and everybody knows it”.
And finally, IF your clear, reasonable, sincere, respectful, and sensible request was turned down, PLEASE don't take it to heart, or as a sign that you are not worthy. It may well tell you more about the person you’ve approached than about yourself (they may be stingy with their time OR dealing with a family crisis…you may never know). Regroup, retool and get back on that horse…your artful ask will soon find the right patron.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.