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Setting Yourself up for Success in 2012 in Seven Easy Steps (and Ginsu Knives)
Whattahook, eh? “Setting Yourself up for Success”? In "seven steps"? Sensing you're in for some kind of cheesy post, aren't you? You're not.
But you ARE about to get the value of one or two coaching sessions with me in this here monster post, if you do your work.
Ready?
"Success" has such an amorphous quality that it’s almost benign to me. (You too?)
If I had an hour to solve a problem I'd spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about solutions.
― Albert Einstein
What does success mean to YOU and where are you at on that spectrum right now?
Let's find out, Tiger.
Draw a circle on a piece of paper and intersect four lines so that there are eight pie wedges.
Now, assign each pie wedge a different label, each area representing a different aspect of your life.
This is a tool from CTI (called “The Wheel of Life”) and they recommend you label the sections:
Career, Money, Health, Friends and Family, Significant Other/Romance, Personal Growth, Fun and Recreation, Physical Environment
You can download CTI's Wheel of Life here (it’s on page 2).
I usually have my clients fill out the wheel before we even start working together, so we can get clear on where they are, and where they are going. But I’m finding that the eight categories aren’t representing the full picture, so we’re getting creative with our own categories: sexuality; soul work; relationship with children; relationship with parents etc etc and etc.
And for my solopreneur clients, “career” isn’t quite cutting the fullness of the entrepreneurial experience. So some do a wheel for their personal life, as well as one for their business, while others choose to do a mash-up on the same wheel.
The business wheel could have categories such as: Marketing; Sales; Operations; Accounting; Strategic Planning; PR; Innovation and Development; Customer Service, Communications; Results; Leadership/Team Development; Licensee Management; Flexibility; Productivity and so on. Totally specific to YOU.
(You could also do a wheel for how well your team is performing, or can take a look at your own management process. Those will have different categories still.)
There could be much, MUCH debate about what encompasses “leadership” or “customer service”. I don’t need to be right, I just need you to know what YOU mean by leadership or customer service. On my own wheel of business, I have a Ha-Cha-Cha Factor. This means everything to me and possibly nothing to you. It’s my personal reference point of resonance: am I doing work I love? Is my heart soaring? Am I being philanthropic? Am I collaborating on fabulous projects? It’s super clear to me what it means in any given moment.
Once you have your wheel drawn out (or printed out), assign a number that represents your CURRENT level of satisfaction in that area. Zero – 10, where zero is at the centre where the lines intersect and 10 will be at the perimeter. Zero means you are completely dissatisfied and 10 is, well, a 10. This is COMPLETELY subjective so don’t overthink it. Once you’ve plotted your number, draw a line, creating a new outer edge for that section and do the same for all 8.
If you’re like most people with a pulse, your wheel will be anything but perfectly round. And if you imagine that wheel going down a hill, you’ve GOT to know that it would be a bumpy ride.
No need for judgment. It's just a snapshot.
Now dive on in to EACH area of the wheel:
What’s working in this area? What do I want to celebrate? What’s NOT working? What do I want more of?
And most importantly:
IF THIS WERE A 10, WHAT THREE THINGS WOULD BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?
Go on and write this down. (THIS IS HUGE).
So, you have your vision (life in all realms at a 10) and you have your reality: one bumpy-assed wheel.
Let’s bridge the two, shall we?
Wherein I show you mine
Here’s my wheel:
Clearly, some areas are working very well and other areas could use a bit o’ loving: namely PR. It’s been on the back burner while I focused on other aspects of my work (which accounts for the higher levels of satisfaction in those realms. (Clarity and attention work wonders for satisfaction levels).
I’m pretty clear about what would be going on if PR were at a 10 in my biz:
1) I’d have a solid PR plan in place.
2) A rock star publicist would be working the plan like it was her job, ‘cause, like, it WOULD be her job.
3) She’d actually be enjoying the interesting challenge of keeping up with the media demands for my time: Some TV work, some radio, some writing…all delicious.
Yes, that feels like a 10 for me.
So, moving towards that “10” will require action.
And goals.
SMART Goals for the Smart Set
I usually have my clients set two SMART goals per area. I’ve written about this before, but let's recap. For a goal to be SMART, it needs to be:
S = Specific (you know EXACTLY what you want to accomplish)
M = Measurable (you know when you’ve succeeded in doing it)
A = Actionable (you know you can move forward and have evidence to back it up)
R = Resonant (it’s aligned with your values and you’re driven to accomplish it)
T = Thrilling (it’s going to be a thrill to accomplish it).
(BTW, R + T = where the honey’s at)
By looking at what a “10” would be like for me in PR, you can probably guess what my two goals will be for that area, non?
Hire a rock star publicist.
Create a PR plan.
Once I decide "by when", then both of these goals will meet my SMART criteria. AND each goal will require upwards of 5 action items to make it happen.
For me to hire that Publicist, I’m going to have to go find her.
So, here’s my plan:
For those of you who can't read Tanyawriting, here's my plan:
Write a job description (by Dec 9th, 2012)
Ask my coaching colleagues/peers who they work with (by Dec 31, 2011)
Reach out to my media contacts to see who they recommend (by Jan 31, 2012)
Interview 10 candidates (month of Feb, 2012)
Make decision (by Feb 24, 2012)
Some obstacles may show up in the process. Some will be real: there may be few suitable candidates. Some will be my own saboteurs (“you can't really afford to take this on right now” or “you’re being too lazy…just do it yourself”). In all cases, I will have a workaround (aka "planned response").
I usually plan for a reward once the goal has been completed, but in this case, having this extra person on my team is the reward in and of itself.
So, your turn.
Create your wheel of life, of business or of life+business (with the most resonant and personally meaningful labels you can muster).
Assess your level of satisfaction in each area.
Ask yourself: What’s working in this area? What do I want to celebrate? What’s NOT working? What do I want more of? AND IF THIS WERE A 10, WHAT THREE THINGS WOULD BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?
Based on what that 10 would look like, create two SMART goals for each area.
For each SMART goal, create your action plan.
Work it like your (version of) success depends on it. It does.
Rinse and repeat quarterly.
And THAT, my friend, is how you will succeed.
Your definition + Your plan = Your success.
(Go ahead and celebrate that win - and saving the cost of a couple of coaching session - by treating yourself to a brand new set of Ginsu knives for your soda can slicing pleasure).
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Today’s Thing Finding Thursday is brought to you by the word: Ease
On this path to finding, claiming, or wooing your thing, there can be the propensity to white-knuckle it.
Today, my first request is:
Don’t.
If you’ve been following this series, and listening to the combined wisdom of Pam, Kelly, Chris, Dyana, Jenny, Amy and Mary-Margaret, then you are well your way. If you’re citing your ingredients, noticing what lights you up, recognizing the impact you want to make in the world, engaging in willing (and playful) experimentation, playing at being an investigative reporter, talking to people who know you, then you are well, WELL on your way.
Find peace with not knowing (or holding) the answers. Yet.
Celebrate what you do KNOW. What you DO have. Give thanks.
rest.
relax.
don't sweat it.
it will come.
eat.
drink.
be merry.
If you’re NOT celebrating Thanksgiving, my request is the same:
rest.
relax.
don't sweat it.
it will come.
eat.
drink.
be merry.
I want you to believe that you know the difference between right and right now. – Dyana Valentine
Be kind to yourself and have it be easy. You’re getting there. Promise.
Love, Tanya
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Thing Finding Thursday with Pam Slim of Escape from Cubicle Nation
Pam Slim. I adore Pam Slim - author of breakout book, Escape from Cubicle Nation (her blog with the same name is "one of the top career and marketing blogs on the web"); writer; coach; and former corporate manager who helps frustrated employees in corporate jobs break out and start their own business - and after this interview, I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't.
It's soooooo good. It's about finding the themes in your life, your body of work - which may encompass several 'things' - and about how to STOP DRIVING YOURSELF CRAZY trying to identify your one thing...
...and instead use your interests and 'list of personal ingredients' to start making a difference in the world.
Go ahead, make an impact. Pam Slim is about to tell you how.
Interview with Pam Slim for Thing Finding Thursday
-------- Genius. Let's start with where Pam Slim left us: what impact do YOU want to make on the world? And what list of ingredients can you contribute to this delicious world-changing stew?
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You can find Pam Slim at her blog, Escape from Cubicle Nation and on Twitter.
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Edited Transcript of Interview with Pam Slim For Thing Finding Thursday
Tanya Geisler: So, you know what we’re here to talk about. We’re here to talk about people finding their thing. So you want to tell us a little about your thing?
Pam Slim: I do. I have actually a lot of things to say about my thing because what I do is work with people generally who are wanting to start a business, so to make part of their thing the way in which they make money be in some way related to starting a business as opposed to a career.
And that path has come from a long time of working on the human side of business, first inside companies working within training and development and helping people to grow and develop within companies and then as an outside consultant where I worked in a whole bunch of companies to work with people to try to improve them from the inside. And then in the last six years I’ve escaped cubicle nation of working with corporate employees that want to leave and start a business.
So what’s interesting is although I have many, many conversations with people about what their thing is, I actually fundamentally don’t believe there is one thing for most people, which we can definitely get into.
I think that can be something that slips a lot of people up because they think the sky is going to open up and the answer is going to come and they’re going to know their thing and they’re going to tiptoe down through the pile of tulips for the rest of their life.
And it actually in my experience rarely happens like that.
Tanya: So how does it usually happen?
Pam: The broader context and the way I’m thinking about it lately is it’s related to your body of work.
So, your body of work is a way of thinking about everything that you do in the world, how you interact with people, the kinds of things you might physically produce, anything from needlepoint to a book to a whole generation of really fantastic entrepreneurs. (You know, if you’re somebody like a coach.)
And so your body of work doesn’t necessarily have to be around one particular thing.
If you think about your life’s work as including this huge body of work that can have some disparate pieces to it, it might reduce some anxiety for thinking that there has to just be this one thing.
SO what if you don't yet have a huge body of work to analyze?
Pam: just start to list ingredients. I call it listing your own personal ingredients. So you can say, “You know what? I have a little bit of coach in me and I really love music and I think music is a very powerful thing. And I’m totally fascinated by Apple products. And I really love Thailand.” Just begin to list all of the different ingredients that can just have you become aware of yourself and what your interests are.
And also include things like you talked about,
What are your personal values?
What are lines that you know you will never cross when it comes to ethics or personal values?
What are your strengths?
What are strengths that you have that you’ve noticed all the way through school?
Are you really analytical or are you great at presentations...?
So when you have your list of ingredients, what I tell my clients is just become ingredients in search of a recipe.
Once again, you can eat many different plates throughout the course of your life, so at a certain stage the recipe is found in problems in the world that are meant to be solved.
So to use a personal example, that’s part of what I saw when I did my own assessment of ingredients. I love to work with people, I love to coach, I’m fascinated by the start-up experience, I love business, I love marketing and growing businesses, there are a huge amount of people who are very highly qualified and competent who are coaching people how to do that. There are a ton of books written about it. But the gap that I’ve found is there were few people who were addressing the specific issue for corporate employees who wanted to leave their jobs and start a business and all of the issues that were associated with that.
So they would read all the books that just talked about, “Here are the ten steps to open for business.” These books would leave out things like how do you go through a massive identity shift? How do you tell your parents that you’re going to leave your job that they had worked so hard and spent all their money to send you through college to be a doctor or to be a lawyer and here you want to go open a cookie business or something, you know? How do you have those conversations, how do you deal with fear?
That, for me, was an example of taking my ingredients and finding a particular place in the market that had a need for the specific kind of thing that I wanted to develop. And so that has been my thing for the last six years.
Tanya: that piece where you recognize the opportunity or the transition, were those from personal experiences that you had where you were moving from this realm to that realm and sort of felt some of those pains yourself?
Pam: But for whatever reason, in my own life it’s always been pretty clear. And the way it generally appears is I’ll find the vein of what it is I want to be doing, and I might be in it and kind of put out that though like, “What is that next thing? What’s the next thing I want to do?” And things generally open up.
Now, that said, and the reason I say that is exactly for the reason that you and I have talked about before. It’s so annoying, it’s like somebody who if you struggle with that issue and it isn’t easy and it doesn’t come and there’s somebody like me. Like, “Just set the intention to the universe, man. It’ll come.” That is not helpful. And so that’s where I’ve learned working with different people that there are particular tools to use, you know?
But that said, I remember when I was getting ready for that transition between the corporate consulting, which I did for about nine years and escaped from cubicle nation. I was definitely in that whole stew of trying to figure out exactly what I wanted to do and I took a class with a woman named Suzanne Falter-Barns that was about developing an online presence. I had been trained as a life coach with Martha Beck and I loved her methodology, but I wasn’t totally vibing with just doing life coaching.
Tanya: Yeah.
Pam: Because I had this whole side that I really love business. And I spent a few months of really deep introspection of thinking about my market and sharing ideas and kind of moving things around and really putting myself intensely into figuring out what might that recipe be. And that’s when I eventually hit on “Escape from Cubicle Nation”, and it was something that evolved. I really didn’t, I had no idea it would turn into a book, I didn’t know it would be kind of a thing. But that’s an example of where many people I think don’t have appreciation for how long it takes sometimes to be stewing on ideas. So in one hand it’s totally okay if you’re stewing on ideas and you’re asking yourself questions, like I’m sure you’re going to be helping people with in the overall program and process...What are great questions to ask and how can you start to track things?
Tanya: Yeah. I think that that’s where the theme piece comes in as sort of a bit of saving grace. And you know, I think the comparison piece – it’s like that person, “I can do that, I can do that, and I can do that.” And I think that that piece there, we’re losing sight of the ingredients that we have. So when we look at what everybody else has around us they might have a little more cayenne than we have cumin or whatever that is.
Pam: Exactly.
Tanya: And so we just kind of can’t force that to happen.
What do you really want for somebody who’s watching this – knowing that the people who are watching this might be seekers, might be multi potential-ites, might be on the cusp of or feeling more lost than ever or whatever it is – what is it that you want them to take away from this?
What do you really want for them?
Pam: What I want is to reframe things in terms of instead of thinking about one thing that you have to figure out in order to be happy, just shift the focus to think about what is the kind of impact that you would love to make in the world.
But the other thing could be what is some bit of a problem or something that you just really want to address.
And it goes directly to what you talked about; Martha Beck calls it 'compare and despair'. Where you’re like, “Oh man, this is really my thing but look at this person! They’re cuter than me and they’ve done it for five years and oh my God they went to Harvard.” And you tell yourself all these stories.
For the most part, when you look at what impact needs to happen – especially around really large issues like helping people in their careers or solving hunger or inequity in the world – there is so much more need than the people who are actually serving that need.
Focus on where you can make an impact based on who it is that you are.
But really what’s important in the long term is the kind of impact and footprint that you’re going to leave on the earth...and if you’re spending all of your time in agony, beating yourself up because you don’t know the thing, then you’re missing this opportunity to be engaging in a bunch of really wonderful activities that are going to help make a difference in the world for things that you care about.
And that is often the really fertile ground for where it is that you end up finding out areas of deep passion is by doing things, not by stepping back in analyses
However, acting in the world and making impact is I think the way that you’re going to start to get better answers to the question.
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PS - Love that Max Mendoza fellow. Here's why:
You can find Max on Twitter.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Thing Finding Thursday with Amy Kessel
When Amy Kessel reached out to me to do this interview, I was immediately smitten. I've known her "in this space" as a life coach (and transformational muse) whose work I've appreciated and admired for a while now. It was her warmth and transparency that REALLY pulled me in (am a glutton for warmth and transparency). I knew I was dealing with a woman in her process. In her joy and in her wisdom. Yes, I liked her very much.
And how much she loves her work in the world? Her THING? Shivery goosebumps of resonance. Frankly, it's precisely what we deeply desire for you.
So I asked her to please say more. From the sunshine of Rome, she delivered.
What's your thing?
Amy Kessel: My thing is so much a part of me it’s hard to even call it a “thing”. It’s what others have appreciated in me and what I have sought constantly since I was a teenager. It’s my ability to connect deeply in a no-bullshit, straight to the heart kind of way that enables whomever I’m with to see themselves more clearly than they could otherwise. My thing creates a win-win situation: I find myself most fully at home in that raw space of heart level conversation, and the other person is thrilled and empowered by seeing her wisdom reflected back to her.
Sigh.
The tragedy is that I spent most of my career ignoring this gift in favor of using skills I half-heartedly honed in work I didn’t love. And the pinch-me-I’m-dreaming incredibly good news is that I finally figured out how to turn my thing into a Thing. In other words, I now get paid to do what I love and what I’m genetically programmed for. My coaching practice brings me deep-diving women who are ready to get real with themselves. I connect again and again, and bring to our conversation my innate gift along with my coaching tools. Our work together is fulfilling to me on a level I had no idea was possible.
Double sigh.
Was finding your thing the result of a divine revelation, an insane invention, a culmination of insights...or something else?
Amy Kessel: I love this question. When my youngest child was toddling around and I was beginning to think about life after fulltime mommying, I started asking the universe for clues. My hunch was that I wanted my work to be aligned with who I had become since I’d left the non-profit world years before. I wanted flexibility, independence and creativity to be part of my work. I wanted to lead with my values, and top of the list was connection.
I had no idea what that might look like.
So finding my thing was the result of staying true to myself, staying with the discomfort of open-ended questions, and being game to explore. I found my way to life coaching with an attitude of willing experimentation, rather than any kind of certainty that it would be a good fit.
I don’t know if it was a divine revelation, but I do know that I have never looked back.
Obstacles/fears/doubts – what were they, how'd you vanquish them?
Amy Kessel: I didn’t! Fears and doubts are here and won’t be going away anytime soon, as far as I can tell. I have all the standard variety fears, plus a nice selection of my own personal best. I work with them by inviting them to the table, to see if there’s some wisdom I can glean from them. And then I put them where they belong, at the sidelines, and I get on with my business.
It’s absurd to imagine we can vanquish fears. I prefer to see myself and my clients as courageous open-hearted warriors with bellies full of butterflies. Each time I overcome an obstacle in my path, it’s by choosing to believe the reliable voice I have within. This voice may be quieter and less screechy than the voices of fear, but it is true wisdom itself. When I allow myself to hear it, it’s accurate beyond belief.
What questions did you ask yourself to trigger your a-ha moments...and what signs and milestones should others be looking for in their journeys?
Amy Kessel: What am I doing when I feel most at ease?
What makes me thrive?
Why do I want what I want?
What am I pretending not to know?
What wants to unfurl in me?
How can I best be of service to myself and others?
Starting with big questions, especially those that make us squirm, is a great way to find our paths and start walking them. And making peace with not knowing the answers is a crucial aspect of these journeys.
Watch for signs that warn you that you have veered off course, as well as signs that remind you you’re on your way. The best initial gauge is the body. Listen to it, as it doesn’t know how to lie. Heed its warning. Or else!
To me, milestones are less important as stand-alones, and more helpful in reminding us of what we want and why we want it. When we settle on what it is that makes us feel most alive, our job is simply to use that to navigate our way toward it. All roads lead to Rome*, so even a path that turns out to be dead-end is an opportunity to find another route. Use milestones to sustain you on your journey; they provide proof that we’re on course, and they give us opportunities to celebrate our progress. (Champagne, anyone?)
The hard part is finding your why. Once you’ve got that, and you call it your compass, the rest is a walk in the woods.
*Side note: this post was written on a sunny afternoon in Rome.
***
Ahhhh..."willing experimentation". I think of this trying different remedies to soothe the itch, but holding the scientific method (remember this from grade school?): Ask the question. Do the research. Create the hypothesis. Experiment. Draw your conclusion.
Am also appreciating the "listen to the wisdom of the fears" as well as the call to "listen to the wisdom of the body".
AND making peace with the discomfort of not knowing the answers. THIS. IS. BIG. Not forcing, not white-knuckling. Allowing. Unfurling. UnFURLING...this is a strong visual and one that is important in Amy's work.
So in Amy's honour, let's start there: what wants to unFURL in you?
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You can find Amy Kessel at her site www.amykessel.com; on Twitter; or Facebook.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Thing Finding Thursday with Mary-Margaret McMahon
Mary-Margaret McMahon is something of a Rock Star in my neighbourhood.
Her official bio: Mary Margaret McMahon is the city councillor for Ward 32 Beaches East York where she's lived with her family for 20 years. A consummate neighbourhood advocate and connector, Councillor McMahon helped found the East Lynn Farmers Market on Danforth, has organized community socials, greening and gardening initiatives and worked as a senior manager and education leader. Her outgoing personality and positive contribution to the neighbourhood is what the citizens appreciate most about her.
Well, yes. And she is fearless, bold and committed. And a hell of a lot of fun.
This anecdote from The Toronto Star does a fine job of stating my case:
She’s dressed in a giant peapod costume, walking along the Danforth on a hot summer’s afternoon, urging passersby to visit the farmers’ market she helped organize in a nearby park.
A bunch of teenage boys are pointing and snickering at her. McMahon follows them into a convenience store and pointedly asks: “What? Don’t you guys like vegetables?” The teens are stunned by her frankness and are forced to admit they like vegetables, including peas.
How she went from “political unknown” stay-at-home Mama to wildly popular (unseating four-term incumbent by 9000 votes) City Councillor fascinates me. So of course I had to ask her about it.
What's your thing?
Mary-Margaret McMahon: Helping people.
Was finding your thing the result of a divine revelation, an insane invention, a culmination of insights...or something else?
Mary-Margaret McMahon: Staying home with my kids gave me the opportunity to volunteer.
Volunteering gave me the opportunity to see how much small gestures, time, and energy can make a huge difference to someone. That made me feel wonderful. So I got hooked. I also grew up in a home with parents who were/are huge volunteers.
After I saw what I could accomplish in our pocket, I thought why not spread the volunteer bug and empower people across the ward and city to build better neighbourhoods?!
Obstacles/fears/doubts – what were they, how'd you vanquish them?
Mary-Margaret McMahon: The more I spoke to people about my idea, the more they empowered me! Some tried to talk me out of it but I am very obstinate. I worried about not having a Campaign Manager but was hopeful one would come out of the woodwork at some point. S/he never did!! But it didn't matter!
Knocking at doors was so much fun and very empowering! Some people berated me but it was good practice and gave me a thicker skin.
Plus I am an eternal optimist and absolutely love people!
What questions did you ask yourself to trigger your a-ha moments...and what signs and milestones should others be looking for in their journeys?
Mary-Margaret McMahon: I didn't really ask myself anything except why not spread my enthusiasm across the ward and encourage people to be the change they wish to see.
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Here's what I'm taking away from Mary-Margaret's experience:
Talk to your people - Get their perspectives. Help them help you get excited about your thing. Let them in.
Volunteer - see what fits.
Walk your talk - literally.
And that asking yourself "WHY NOT spread my gifts and enthusiasm?" - and answering it with action - feels essential.
So let's start there: what are YOUR gifts that you'd enthusiastically like to share?
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You can find Mary-Margaret at her site http://www.councillormcmahon.com.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Failure (or - Nobody gets through this journey without a stubbed toe)
So you’ve been thinking about hiring me as your coach, have you?
Confession time: I failed the all-important oral portion of my coaching certification exam.
No, no - WAIT. Come back!
I mean I failed it the FIRST time. Nailed it the second.
Yes, I am a fully certified professional coach. And have been for well over a year.
Are we better now?
Not really?
I guess I had THAT coming. Should have kept my mouth shut.
Here’s the story. It’s short and painful. Or at least, it was.
I worked hard during the 6-month certification process. Studied intently, got excellent grades on MOST of my supervisions. Breezed through the written part of the exam.
Then I got super cocky.
So cocky, in fact, that I chose to book the oral portion (live coaching of certification supervisors) on my birthday. I mean, what’s one more awesome thing to celebrate, right?
There was not a doubt in my mind that I was gonna win. Was loud and proud on my Facebook page. Bottle of champagne at the ready.
Like this picture of me when I was 9.
Love that kid and her “I’m gonna win” strut, right?
But sometimes we don’t win.
In fact, sometimes we fail.
Well, you know the drill. First I was in denial. Then I got mad. Then petulant. Then self-indulgent. Then probably mad again. Then I needed validation that there were OTHER amazing coaches who had failed (there were many).
Eventually, I landed on this: I’ll take the exam again. I’ll learn from this experience. I won’t like it, but I’ll do it.
So I did.
Here’s what I learned:
1. Confident is good. Cockiness, less so. Confidence is knowing what you are capable of. Cockiness is not leaving any room for error.
2. To win the game, you have to play the game. I re-listened to the audio of the exam. Just once. (It was all I could bear.) The coaching I did in that oral exam was excellent. I’d certainly hire me. But I didn’t use the SPECIFIC coaching tools I was being tested on. Kind of like being in a culinary examination on your ability to create puff pastry and trying to wow the examiners with your meringue prowess. Possibly delicious, but highly irrelevant. Had I been the supervisor looking for those tools, I’d also have failed me.
3. You have to know the rules to break the rules. I’m fiercely proud of the year-and-a-half that I spent training to become a coach. I don the hat that my client requires me to wear in that moment. Without exception.
4. Fail fast, recover faster. Lick your wounds and get back on the horse before you’ve made up your mind that you will never ride again. Because you know not-so-very-deep down that to never ride again is just punitive bullshit.
5. Lean into your friends. (Imma lookin’ at you, Lisa). They’ll remind you of this all-important truth, even when you choose not to see it:
6. Failing ≠ you are a failure.
7. If you’re a blogger, do not write about your process while you’re processing. You need time, space, and perspective to parse out what’s valuable for yourself and your readers. It’s one thing to be authentically vulnerable and quite another to do an emotional striptease.
8. You can still be a super star AND have failed. Like Beethoven. Gates. Lucas. Lincoln. Edison. Churchill. Spielberg. Ford. Honda. Disney. Winfrey. Socrates. Seinfeld. Godin. Ask your idol – she’ll tell you about the time she failed. It's like a friend once said: Nobody gets through this journey without a stubbed toe or two.
I’d much rather learn from success than from failure, but I’d be a fool not to take the learnings where I can.
And, honey? I may have failed, but I ain’t no fool, I ain’t no failure, and surely to heaven above, I will fail again.
But I’m also gonna win. Lots.
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