Articles
Relishing in the Known
It has been a gorgeous summer so far. One that’s been a sublime dance of work and junkets, art, popsicles, fresh basil, laughter, friends, and plans for more of the same in August. I hope that this has been your experience too.
On this sun-dappled water morning in cottage country, as the coffee brews and the kids across the lake lobby for an early morning tube ride, I’m relishing in what I know to be true.
When a toddler hands you a ringing toy phone, you answer it even though nine times out of ten the call’s for them.
No matter how much money you have in the bank, when you are about to pay with your debit card and you are waiting for authorization, you have a moment of worry.
Your very presence is making this world a better place.
A stubbed toe makes you want to punch someone…and curse in the most profane way. Paper cuts too.
No matter how clean you are, border guards make you nervous.
Generosity is the path to wealth.
Squirrels will always find their way to the birdseed.
“Don't take this the wrong way" will always backfire.
An airport pickup is a devotional act of love. So is having a sandwich made for you.
Saying “yes” to magic yields more magic.
We need each other. To share prayers. To show up. To help hold each other’s dreams and bolster one another’s hearts.
When you do something you’ve never done before, it is scary as hell. To wit: my first published poem is featured over at Bentlily this morning.
Hold me.
Above all, what I’m learning is that if it’s new and not at all scary, then maybe it doesn’t matter that much.
Here’s to hot days and cool nights, my friends. And to relishing in the known.
Yours in lemonade loving,
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
TGtv Episode 2 - Making the Ask
Okee dokee. Here's ONE THING I know about you: You don't like to ask for anything. You're the giver, right? Never the taker. And asking is so, well, gauche. Annnnnnnnd you know you need to start asking: for the business, for the support, for the meeting, for the chance, for the advice.
I've got you.
I'm not entirely sure why we do this, but we want to have it be a lot harder than it needs to be. We imagine the ridicule, we dress rehearse for disaster, and have the escape route mapped even before we know what we want. So we don't ask, and we don't get and we don't move forward. Rock solid, yes?
Making asks is actually really quite simple.
It starts, as ever, with clarity and preparation.
To recap:
In preparation for the ask, make sure you know:
Who: Who has what you need? Are they accessible to you? Are they amenable to you? And if you're not sure if they're amenable to you, do you reckon they'd be amenable to your REQUEST?
What: What's the scop of the request? Is it reasonable? What's the benefit to them?
Why: Why are you making this ask?
When: When do you need the request by? Make sure it's reasonable and PUH-LEEZE have the drop dead date actually matter. (I once - ONCE - sweated, moved mountains, paid for childcare and lost sleep over a deadline only to discover that my submission wasn't even glanced at until a month after delivery. Serious yuck.)
In making the ask, be sure it's:
reasonable
specific
brief
respectful
and that YOU are confident - if there is any wishy-washyness, you may need to revisit the who, what, when or why and retool.
And in the unlikely chance that they take a pass, please know that it likely has everything to do with what's going on for them and their schedule and precious little to do with their feelings or attitude towards you.
SAY THANK YOU!!!! YIKES. For someone with such a massive value of gratitude, it seems SHOCKING that I’d leave out saying THANK YOU in the video. Don't YOU leave it out though, please! Find the most appropriate way to thank the person for their time, energy and resources (though don’t be afraid to be extravagant).
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Breathe into your Heartsong
Probably like you, I am feeling a bit yeeeeeeeks lately. At times gorgeous, at times complicated and at times scary things are happening in my life and business right about now. Some of these things I have chosen, some things I have not. Such is life. Beautiful, confounding, thrilling, expansive life.
So, I’ve been hanging out in my head a fair bit, breathing shallowly and TENDING to the challenges. To wit: I have a new routine of heading out the door in my running shoes at 5:45 am with an issue in my mind that I want to sort out. I can only return once it’s resolved (which seems to happen, as if by magic, at the one-hour mark).
This morning, I took my current “issue” on my walk/run: a pickle in my business that has been causing knots in my shoulders. There’s a decision that needs to be made and it’s hot ‘n bothered.
And. I. Just. Couldn’t. Focus. My heart kept wanting some air time. So I slowed my pace to a walk…and listened.
And this was the refrain I heard:
“Do not breathe simply to exist.”
I knew these weren’t my words. And while I was curious about who had penned them, (Deepak? Danielle?), I allowed that to dissolve as I spent the rest of the walk integrating their meaning in every step. In every breath.
The moment I got home, I googled the words. The author was Mattie J.T. Stepanek, the 14-year old philosopher, poet and advocate for peace who left us 8 years ago…on June 22nd.
Huh.
I know OF Mattie, or, the headlines at least: friend of Oprah’s, inspiring wee soul whose depth and wisdom impacted millions through his books of poetry. I knew that he had spent his short life in acute pain (due to a rare form of muscular dystrophy) AND in the decision to live life fully and joyfully.
I didn’t know that he began creating and sharing “Heartsongs” at the young age of 3 to process the grief he felt from losing his older brother to the disease that afflicted him (and his two other siblings who died as well). Or that Heartsongs are “gifts that reflect each person’s unique reason for being.” Or that each of his five books were NYT bestsellers (plus the 2 published posthumously). Or that countless programs, parks and foundations have been dedicated to his crusade for peace.
I didn’t know that he wrote:
We all have life storms. Times in our lives that are extremely sad, scary, angry. And instead of just suffering through them, and then afterwards just sitting, crying and waiting to be wiped out by the next one, we should celebrate together that we got through. And when the next one comes along, work through and pull through and celebrate again.
Or
Sad things happen. They do. But we don't need to live sad forever.
Or
Even though the future seems far away, it is actually beginning right now.
Or
Unity is strength... when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved.
Or
Peace is possible…it can begin simply over a game of chess and a cup of tea.
But I do now. And now you do too.
So now I’m thinking about my own Heartsong. And how it's rooted in joy. And I'm thinking about appreciating what I have. And I’m thinking about peace. And how much more I have to give. And what stands I need to take.
And from this place, guess what happened to that work decision that had my shoulder in knots? Part of it resolved and the other part dissolved. Turns out it wasn’t such a pickle after all.
Breathing deeper - the heart knows the way. It always does.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
TGtv Episode 1 - Receiving and Giving Feedback
Yippee! My first ever TGtv episode!!! Huge love and props go to the fabulous Genna McWhinnie for producing the title slides and super spiffy bumper. And for everyone along the way who has continued to point me in this direction.
The intention behind TGtv is to tackle the issues that have been showing up in my clients’ lives and businesses (holding confidentiality sacrosanct, of course, and AND with their permission). My experience has been that if it shows up repeatedly with my clients, it’s likely showing up with my readers too, and so I wanted to have a place to share with you the tools, methods and ideas that we’ve used to help them move forward. In the hopes that it will do the same for you.
Episode 1: Feedback
Lately, the issue of feedback has been coming up, like, a LOT. So it was the natural first episode (I’m sure I’m going to get my share of feedback on this first attempt, so perhaps I’m just priming the pump, hmm?)
We all know that to get to the next level…whatever that level may be, that we are in a perpetual state of honing, trimming down and refining. And sure, we CAN do it on our own, but what a more efficient path is through feedback. I take a stand for feedback being an ESSENTIAL part of the process. And yet, it really can be a challenge to know how to be with it. And because it’s such a dicey thing, GIVING feedback can be equally uncomfortable. Yet again, an important gift we simply mustn’t hoard.
So, I give you, in the best way I know how, some easy and actionable steps for RECEIVING and GIVING feedback.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Taking Stock (#2)
Holy doodle. How I’ve missed pressing “publish” here. Thank you for sending out the search party. Wish I could say they found me on a sunny beach sipping Mai Tais. (Seriously…have you ever HAD a Mai Tai? Me neither.) Nope, the search party found me ensconced in Board of Your Life (as seen in Canadian Living…wheeeeee), happily coaching, visioning, writing and interviewing.
Most of the interviews I’ve done have been part of one series or another, featuring other writers whom I’d love for you to “meet”, and I know from my last round-up post that you appreciate me leaving a trail of bread crumbs, so here is the latest:
I talked about dreams coming true over at Jamie’s studio. And have found myself happily lost in reading the other contributors’ stories.
As part of Rachel’s BEAUTEOUS Well-Fed Women series, I shared my current addiction: my belief that I can have it exactly as I want it. (You too?)
At Sarah O’Leary’s Holistic Hot Sauce I (and 12 other women) talk about self-care. I share how support structures are actually an integral part for me (by keeping me focused…see how that works?)
I share a simple (and powerful, or so, I’ve been told) equation about prosperity as part of Bridget Pilloud’s GENIUS Peaces of Prosperity series.
I’ve also been interviewed as part of Jen Louden’s awesome course Creating Your Own Mastermind Group with MY own Mastermind group. It’s prompted an EPIC post that is taking me for freakin’ EVER to get to you, but it’s coming, it’s coming. (Did I mention it’s epic? Seriously epic…like, contemplating making it a PDF, epic.)
I spoke with Bec Robbins as part of her The Secrets to Lasting Happiness series with a whole host of other happy speakers. My interview is live (and FREE) today, then it will be bundled as part of a package she’s offering.
Gregory Berg of Radio Enso interviewed me and I revealed that (one of) my superpower(s) is hugging. (I would have loved to have seen his face when I said that.)
And super delightful Fiona Tuite asked me to share my thoughts on Stepping into Your Starring Role. I had many. Go figure.
Oh, and something new ‘round these parts coming next week? TGtv. First episode “airs” Tuesday June 12th. I intend it to be a bi-monthly-ish missive that covers issues/topics/concerns that show up in my coaching sessions. Experience has taught me that if it’s showing up for my clients, AND it’s showing up for me, then it’s PROBABLY showing up for you. Next week’s episode addresses Feedback: Giving AND Receiving.
Gratefully,
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Thing Finding Thursday with Michelle Ward
Not surprisingly, I had a blast interviewing this Thing Finding Thursday Guest: Michelle Ward. We sang, we laughed. We talked about Things. Don’t know Michelle? Well, lemmetellyaabouther. In my mind, she coined the term “amazeballs” (and if she didn’t, well she certainly may as well have…the word sums her up). I met her in NYC last May and have been a fan of her effervescence and light ever since that first jubilant hug. She is a funny funny, dedicated, and bombastic firecracker completely devoted to helping creative people devise the career they think they can’t have – or discover it to begin with.
She takes a strong stand for people finding and claiming claim their uniquity via The Declaration of You and “can be found coachin', bloggin' & givin' away free stuff at whenigrowupcoach.com”.
So, I guess it’s pretty clear then, why I invited her to say more about Things, non?
With great delight (and the suggestion that you turn the volume down…we are highly excitable), allow me to present Michelle Ward.
Interview with Michelle Ward for Thing Finding Thursday
Your Thing is likely linked to your uniquity. Genius. Blessed, relief-filled genius.
Tweetworthy Michelle-isms (for your sharing pleasure)
Don't negate anything. Everything counts. Everything's on the table. (TWEET IT)
Uniquity is what makes you you. That makes you different. (TWEET IT)
In finding yur thing: What do I believe? What do I know? What have I learned? (TWEET IT)
In finding your thing ask : What do I love that's been consistent? What do I do well? (TWEET IT)
For 1 WEEK suspend the belief that s.t. doesn't count/ u can't make a career out of it. (TWEET IT)
Transcript of edited interview (for your reading pleasure)
Tanya: All right. Michelle Ward!
Michelle: Yes, Tanya Geisler!
Tanya: What'syour thing? Tell me what your thing is.
Michelle: It's your thing! Oh my god, I'm going to sing everything with you right now.
So my thing is that I'm the When I Grow Up coach, and I help creative types devise the career they think they can't have or discover it to begin with. So, all throughout their career transitions, they don't know what they want to be when they grow up. They know what they're doing isn't working, or they know exactly what they want to do, but they can't even think how they can get there without moving into their parents' basement. Or they have their thing and they're doing it, but it's not working out quite as they want. I work with those people! As the When I Grow Up coach. That's my thang.
Tanya: How did you find it, honey?
Michelle: Oh, my god! Um, the short story—and it's probably still going to be a little long, it's a very—my thing is that I use 10 words when I could use three—um, it's part of my thing.
I started out as a Broadway baby. My life was my musical theatre. Performances, school plays, blah blah blah. Since I was six. I got into NYU's Tisch School of the Arts, very prestigious! Early acceptance for their musical theatre program, and was so excited, thought that was my ticket to Broadway, freedom, wonderful career. Graduated a year early because I wanted to start pounding the pavement! Was excited to get out there and do it.
Tanya: That's also your thing, by the way.
Michelle: Oh, totally my thing, totally my thing. And so after about five years of pounding the pavement I kind of had to acknowledge the voice in my head from went to being like, very tiny, in the back of my head, and very quiet, to like, getting louder and louder and becoming like a monster and eating my head, and saying, like, this isn't what you want to do as a grownup any more!
And it was traumatic, and heartbreaking, and devastating. It was like my best friend died or I lost my right arm. It was horrible. But I found life coaching, I think because I was so conditioned that I was doing something that I loved as a career that it was unacceptable to me to do something that I didn't love as a career. And at the time, I really listened to that voice and said, “Okay. I'm not going to audition as a career any more. I'm not going to pursue acting.”
I was working like a grownup job, 401K and insurance, it was the first time I had insurance which is very not through my parents, or whatever. And I had a horrible boss, and I liked aspects of the job, but the environment was terrible, and I was like, I know I can't stay here. What else can I do? And I wanted something grownup, and I found life coaching.
So that didn't work out at all.
But it did! Because I was—it made so much sense for me to be an entrepreneur once I really started dissecting things and looking into things and what I would love. And the thought of helping other creative types through their career transitions, and being the coach that I needed at the time, for other people—like, that was it! Like, that's all I wanted to do. So that's how I found my thang!
Tanya: So, in a lot of the work that I do with my clients, there is an absolute no, like, a deal-breaking no. There are chronic curiosities. There are itches that want to be scratched. These are all, sort of, places that we look. And I'm in love with your, Look for your uniquity.
Michelle: It's one of my things that I love to talk about, and I really work with my clients on, because, A, it's how I feel like I built my business in the way that I did, and why I'm able to do this full time, and be, like, be as successful at it. But, yeah, I'll own it! I'll own it!
Tanya: Yeah! Own it, baby.
Michelle: I'm happy with where things have gone and how I'm doing, and I see that in every single arena. Especially people who want to be entrepreneurs. A lot of us—especially us ladies, who just want to like please everyone and not rock the boat, just make everyone happy, and help everybody and give our stuff away—it has to stop. It has to stop. You need to really be able to say, Who would I love to work with?
Because you know what? I get to say that those are the people that I want to work with. Whether you're going to be an entrepreneur or not. Even if you're like--You need to know what type of environment am I going to thrive in? Who are the people that I'm going to work the best with? Who is it that I want to serve? Who do I want to work alongside of? What type of people are they? And then, who am I?
So I can really—I hate using the word branding, but that's kind of what everyone understands—in terms of branding yourself as an entrepreneur, a business person for your business. Or, again, just kind of separating yourself from the pack if you're looking to get hired someplace else. But your uniquity is what makes you you, what makes you different, and I really learned that lesson a little too late, I think, when I was pounding the pavement as an actor, because it was just drilled into me that I had to not stand out!
I had to just—I can't wear anything that distracts from my face. My clothes had to be muted because the attention had to be, you know, on my songs, and, you know, I might as well just blend in with the other 450 twenty-something-year-old girls that were going for the same, you know, five parts that I was going for. And, finally, when I realized that that is the opposite of how I get cast—I get cast as like loud and broad and funny, because that's who I am, and what I do, and how I sing, and how I perform, I kind of went—
Tanya: And how we love you.
Michelle: Yeah. Well, yeah! Thank you. And I kind of went, why would I hide this until I got to the room and I started singing? Like, I need people to know this right away! And I bought a new dress that had bright polka dots on it, and I took new headshots with a bright blue background and did all these things to just put myself out there, and it was me.
And it was amazing what I saw. When I would come into the room, I would get this, like, lean-in from the table, and I could tell there was no one else that kind of came into the room the way I did.
I was getting a lot more auditions, I was getting a lot more call-backs. If I wasn't booking more jobs, I was getting more people calling me saying, You auditioned for me six months ago, and now I want you to come in for this—because they remembered me.
So, bringing that all into my business, and knowing I might kind of send people away, because I'm loud, and I say amazeballs a lot, and I use a lot of exclamation points, and could be I'm this--this far away from being, like, annoying enthusiastic. And if those people don't get it, like, good! Go away! I don't want to work with them.
This is who I am. This is who you're getting when you decide to work with me, buy something that I'm selling, you're going to get a 50-page, rhyming, career-change workbook.
Tanya: Yes, you are.
Michelle: You know? Like, that's what you're getting!
Tanya: So, my darling, how do—the people who are watching this are looking for their things, may well be in that spot of, I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be but it doesn’t—it's not quite fitting! What's the prescription to getting at our uniquities?
Michelle: Aah! I wish it was that easy. I wish it was—
Tanya: Come on!
Michelle: Fairy dust!
Tanya: You make it hard! I like it, I like it!
Michelle: It really is about looking within yourself to, What do I love to do? What are the rules according to me? Like, for me, sweet potato fries are the best food ever, and a day doesn't start right unless it starts with Judge Judy. Like, those are my rules! And also, never give up on your dreams! Do what you love! Follow your passion! Those are my things.
So like, really get into, What do I believe? What do I know? What have I learned? What do I love to do that's been pretty consistent? What do I do well? And really dig into those things. Put them all in one place, and then even if you can bring in the friends and family finding, bring in emails that people have sent you that say thank you for things, your reviews, your report cards, whatever—put them into one place. And once you start having everything in one place, you're going to see those threads, and that's a really good place to start.
Tanya: Is there anything else that you think that this group of really savvy readers needs to know about finding their thing, that you really want them to hold as they go off on their gorgeous days?
Michelle: I think that just, what comes to mind is just, don't discount anything. Don't discount anything! There is nothing is small, there is nothing that is inconsequential, there is nothing to discount. And really allow yourself—even if it's just for a week, just say, You know what? For this one week of my whole life I am going to just suspend the belief that, like—I'm not going to censor myself. I am not going to say that something doesn't count. I'm not going to say, but I can't make a career out of this! So what? Who cares if I love reading and I read 20 novels in a month? It doesn't matter! It's not a career!
Don't negate anything. Everything counts. Everything's on the table. Put it all out there, own it, acknowledge it. Put it in that one place. Write it down. Don't discount it! Please! I beg you!
Michelle: Okay, yes we have, and curtain! Scene! Your transcriber’s going to be like, “how do I”…
_______________
Go find Michelle and her amazeballs self at her site and on Twitter.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.