Articles
Aliens Robots and the Imposter Complex
When I was a little girl, I was about 50% convinced that the moment I was out of earshot of another human being (mostly my family members), they would immediately turn into alien robots. In a very Scooby-Doo-esque manner, they would rip off their human masks, revealing their true identity and continue their conversation (about me, natch) in their language. I never got the sense that they were trying to take over the world (‘cause, they already had and I was the only one not in on the scheme) nor that they were particularly nefarious or intending to inflict harm on. But, they were different from me. Or rather, I was different from them.
Alone in my non-alien robottedness.
We’re talking 50% here. So the other 50% was that convinced that I was delusional…so mentioning it to anyone else would DEFINITELY put me in the alone category. Either way, I was alone.
So, I went about my days, spending half my time trying to put the ridiculous notion of alien robots out of my head. And I spent the other half of the time sneaking up on my parents in the hopes of catching them pre-mask switcheroo.
Never managed it. (Those swinging shutter doors on the kitchen were fabulous for playing saloon, but lousy for alerting my stealthy attempts with their telltale squeaks.)
Maybe this is familiar to you? Maybe instead of alien robots, maybe you see that everyone around you is supremely intelligent, fortunate, worthy, deserving and charmed, whereas you, on the other hand, are none of those things.
The masks they don to keep you feeling secure are their pretenses of normalcy, talking a good game about their insecurities, worries and Imposter Complex fears. But you know better. You know that they are brilliant beyond measure. Capable beyond imagination. Worthy beyond limitations.
You, on the other hand, are the only one scrambling to find the right path.
They’re faking dumb for you. You’re faking smart for them. In fact, they’re only PRETENDING to be fake at all. But YOU’RE the only true fake here.
Hoo boy.
(Deep breath, ok?)
I hear you. I love you. And there are a whole lotta lies that need to be busted.
And so, here is my newest gift:
May the truth truly set you free.
PS – Welcome to my newly refreshed digital home. Hoping you feel comfortable and find everything you need. Massive love and thanks to Erin Cassidy for the gorgeous new site design and Arwyn Todd for the development. And the love. And the patience. And the care.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Today, I’m a Mama-missing Mama
I’m looking outside my office window, willing the lilacs to burst into their signature colour and fragrance. It would be a Brenda Geisler birthday miracle. She was pretty powerful and could bend time and space, so I half-expect the buds to transform before my eyes. But stubborn and tired from a viciously bitter winter here, the flowers are two weeks from blooming. So I turn my thoughts to her other favourite things. Shared favourite things. And it’s a long and luscious list.
Crisp white linens. Apples and cheddar. Holt Renfrew credit cards. Belly laughs. Trooper songs. Tennis played on clay courts. Popcorn. The Sound of Music. Meaningful conversations. Dreaming + scheming. A cleansing cry. Silk. Simple design warmed up with riotous colour. Keeping the peace. Cherries jubilee. Picnics. Oysters. Gardening. Harry Belafonte. Learning.
One of my most prized possessions is an 11-page letter she wrote me when I was 17 and took a trip to California with my best friend. She, my Dad and sister were leaving for a Maine junket before I returned so we were to be apart for up to three weeks. I am missing pages 1 and 9. It is one-part instructive (be sure to use the feta in the fridge and enjoy the tomatoes off of the vine before the squirrels do), one-part diary, (we sold that beater of a car, your sister’s boyfriend broke his ankle “He is unlucky. How will they go on dates?”), and one-part poetry (“Please don’t be afraid of the sounds that this house makes. It’s a big, old rambling house that creaks and groans with the weight of its age and the lives of the people who have been blessed to live here.") All parts wholly, purely love.
Yes, she had a soft voice, sweet handwriting, and strong opinions. She would have been…no wait. I can’t tell you her age. She wouldn’t have liked it.
During her Shōgun phase, we were required to eat everything with chopsticks. Even stew. She wrote letters to the editor. Frequently. M*A*S*H episodes directed by Alan Alda were overly indulgent. Thank you cards were a must…but not birthday cards. The national anthem wasn’t ever to be trifled with. And she made phenomenal trifle…no apologies for the Cool Whip.
When you clink glasses, you must look the other person in the eye. Or else it doesn’t count. When you pray, you must pray with a full heart. Or else it doesn’t count. When you sing, you must sing from your soul. Or else it doesn’t count. When you hug, your hearts must touch. Or else it doesn’t count.
She could never quite pronounce Ellen Degeneres, mille feuilles, nor arugula, and she never did make it to India, but she did leave behind a legacy of love and wisdom.
So today, another request: please clink, pray, sing and hug like it counts. And above all, as ever...don’t postpone joy.
Some hard questions about ease (& one easy one): The Ampersand Series
What if you could have it be easy? What if ease was the norm and not the exception? What if hard is the road you’ve chosen because it’s been the path deemed the most valuable? What if it STILL had value without the blood, the sweat and the tears? What if ease could be cultivated? What would happen if you decided that what comes next will come easily? What if you could trust that?
In acknowledgment of hard
Oh honey, oh honey. I know…there are some times that it’s just plain hard. Change takes time, effort and patience. And your desire’s hungry NOW.
I also know that wrapped up in the “if it’s not hard, it’s not valuable” thing are some ancestral, lineal stories of hardship and strife that are baked right into your bones.
And truly, believe me when I say that there are some times when the backache of hard work feels gooooooood. It feels good to roll up the sleeves, to dig in the hard-packed dirt. To love the hard into softness. Like you’ve done for generations.
&
Is your entire life intended to be spent in the dirt? Are your muscles intended to scream from effort all.the.time?
What about those times when the road of ease rose up to meet you. Was that a fluke? Or a culmination of conscious choices you made…possibly divinely guided? Isn’t your life ACTUALLY trying to show you that it can be a whole lot sweeter and easier?
Oh. That.
What if your default setting to every exhilarating new opportunity wasn’t “this is gonna be so hard”, but rather “this is gonna be exquisite…now how can this be easy too?”
Notice what opens up, what strands of recollection show up, pointing you to how much you’ve already done and know; faces of friends, colleagues waiting to offer support, help or counsel; or quite simply, an alternate, more gracefully sloping route to there.
So, right here, right now.
Look at the decision, the project, the program, the opportunity and ask yourself: “How can this be easier?”
Then, choose that.
Easy. xo TG
PS - Gold star challenge: now substitute “easy” in the q’s above with “fun”, “pleasurable” and “delicious”. Now you're getting there.
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the-ampersand-series-option-1
Why The Ampersand Series? - As a Libran Life Coach, I’m pre-programmed to see both sides…of everything. This can be an annoying trait to my nearest and dearest who just want to vent to me, but it is a massive service to my clients. So much of my writing touches on polarity. This & That.
Enter The Ampersand Series. Blog posts that shine a light on both sides:: Effort & Surrender. Limits & Limitlessness. Easy & Hard. An invocation to find our own places of discernment between the extremes. To love our ampersands.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Ready or not: Expansion, eclipses and throwing your limitations into the volcano of your desires.
"Come to the edge,” he said. They said, “We are afraid.” "Come to the edge,” he said. They came. He pushed them. And they flew. - Apollinaire
My father tells the story of how he learned to swim in this way.
Long ago in Karlsruhe, Germany, he was a 6-year old tagging along with his big brother on a date. They had ridden their bikes to the Rheine River and my uncle was big-talking to his sweetheart about his swimming prowess. (Neither my father nor my uncle knew how to swim at this point, though my father really wanted to learn). My Dad called him out on it, to which my embarrassed uncle responded with brute big brother energy. He ripped the tire off of his bike, wound it around my father a couple of times, blew the air back into it with his hand pump and chucked him into the river.
(Sidebar: I ought to be horrified by this, but I’ve known this story my whole life and can only ever see it through the animated filter of Bugs Bunny.)
He floated, of course. Bobbing alongside my uncle and his nonplussed girlfriend. And, pretty soon, his arms and legs caught on.
Ready or not, he learned to swim that day.
Last week’s full lunar eclipse had the same effect on me. I feel like I was walking along and someone hurled me into frigid waters.
I bobbed along in shocked disorientation for a while, then my arms and legs caught on and I began to swim.
Maybe you felt it too. Think back to last week. Did any world-changing epiphanies douse your reality? Did you feel the rug come out from under you? Are you rethinking EVERYTHING you’re doing in a current venture? Are your rethinking EVERYTHING…period?
Yes, yes. That may well be the effect of the eclipse. You’re in excellent company. And now that the dust has settled (for now), you may be grappling with what next. Like, what to actually DO about it.
I have seen what is next for me in my business. And it is huge, and bright. And try as I might, I cannot unsee it.
(And why might I try to unsee it? Because the brilliance is blinding. Same reason we always try to dim the light.)
But it’s here. Because although I feel like I got chucked into the Rheine unexpectedly, I’ve been yearning for this expansion, dreaming of it, praying for it, conjuring it.
And, ready or not, it’s here. And it’s hungry.
So this past week I’ve been feeding it a steady diet of my limitations. For every “I can’t” and “I don’t know how” that has shown up (and there have been plenty), I’ve been hurling them into the gaping mouth of the volcano of my desires. (The ensuing lava flares and fire fountain I envision are Bugs Bunny calibre.) In with the limitations go old habits, beliefs and stories. It’s not always this easy. Except when it is.
And then I breathe into the space that just created.
If you’re on the precipice of your desires, whether you’ve thoughtfully and carefully navigated your way there, or you’ve been thrust into them by cosmic intervention, trust that your legs and arms will carry you. You will learn to swim. But to actualize your expansion, you will need to lighten your load.
Ready or not, there are many more eclipses on the horizon.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
TGtv Episode 7 - Healthy & Happy wishes for my 10-year old girl
Our baby girl turns TEN today (April 12th). Oh my. Oh my. This is the first birthday of hers that I remember (VIVIDLY) my very own. (Though the pink parasol that I received on my fifth birthday is still pretty fresh in my mind.)
It felt momentous...mostly the double-digit thing. But it wasn’t with excitement that I met it. More like a sense of dread. It felt like a short step from ten to teenager…that fraught time of hormones, and rage, and serious conversations, and heavy makeup and brooding music and hairspray. It didn’t feel like freedom…it felt like the beginnings of becoming someone I didn’t want to be.
It was the first of many reminders that whether I wanted it to or not, time moved on. Whether or not ANY us were ready for it.
I’m watching these teeny bouts of melancholy play out in my girl too, trying hard to be with her where SHE is. I see in her the dawning recognition that the world around her, right and wrong, is becoming hers to start to own. The injustices, the unfairness, the wrongs to be righted. It’s no wonder that the world of Littlest Pet Shop still calls her back.
Inevitably, I’m thinking back to her previous birthdays. Her ninth. Her eighth. And her seventh. It’s her seventh birthday that I want to share with you.
Yes.
Run my dear, from anything that may not strengthen your precious budding wings. - Hafiz
Yes. Yes.
So, will you play along? Will you help her to witness the power of her wishes? Will you consider what YOU can do today to be happier and healthier? And will you share that here in the comments or via Facebook, Twitter or Instagram with the hashtag #HealthyHappy10?
Knowing that you’re doing what you can to be healthier and happier will make her tenth birthday extra magical.
Thank you. Thank you.
In three months…
We’re three months into 2014. It’s a fascinating amount of time, ‘three months’, isn’t it? In some ways, it feels like an eternity. In other ways, a wink (or a slap, depending on your perspective.)
Consider that in three months:
Your hair will have grown an inch and a half, totally changing the look of your face. You could change three habits. Consecutively. You could wish upon three full moons. (Or three new moons.) You could master a headstand in farrrrr less time. You could go from planting a patch of okra to harvesting it. You could replace 36,000 Incandescent Light Bulbs preventing the usage of 24,000 barrels of oil. Your newborn baby can go from looking like an adorable bologna loaf to a smiling cooing Gerber baby. You could miss the bus, meet the ONE and move in with them. You will enjoy 12 Friday nights. A spawn will become a tadpole will become a frog. Or an egg will become a butterfly. Danielle wrote The Fire Starter Sessions. (Which hit #1 in three bestseller categories on Amazon, brought in about a half a million and is now in paperback.) You could launch the program of your dreams. Spring will become summer.
A lot can happen in three months. Or not much…especially if you keep waiting for the perfect time.
So the question I have is: where do you want to be in three months? Well, ACTUALLY, the real question is: where do you want to be in a year? Because what’s set into motion in the next three months IS the first wave upon which the next wave will be built. And so on. (Which is good news. On all fronts. You don’t have to do it all right now AND your actions WILL STILL yield the big results…but note the key word: “action”.)
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.