Articles
The “Ready for my Starring Role” list
My family and I are heading out on a 2-week Atlantic Canada road trip. There’s really no reason for us to bring our passports. But. Just in case we decide to sneak through Maine, or we act on my creepy Shining-inspired compulsion to stay a night at the Mount Washington resort in NH, we’ll bring ‘em.
And the moment I realized that we were going to pack them, an old panic set in: what if they’re not up to date?
It was a micro-moment, really, because I realized that my (our) passports are ALWAYS up to date. They live on my “Ready for my Starring Role” list.
No? Not ringing any bells?
Okay. Here’s what I share with my Step into Your Starring Role group.
Over a year ago, my dear friend and co-working partner Jamie Ridler and I were talking about the BIG STUFF. You know, life purpose, legacy, and manicures (as one does).
I had just had my nails done and I was telling her how much more enjoyable it was to write (and type) as I watched those varnished digits dance across the keyboard.
Very matter-of-factly, Jamie said, “Oh yes, fresh manicures are on my ‘Jamie’s Ready for Anything List’”. Delighted, I leaned in to hear the rest of her list.
And, of course, I started to create my own “Ready for Anything” list. A seemingly simple, but genius little process with deceptive potholes.
It was a sparse list at first. A valid passport and a made bed, fresh nails (uh huh), a charged iPhone and that emergency $20 tucked in my wallet that my mother impressed upon me at an early age. And that was kind of it.
And then, I got a little more granular. I stopped thinking about being ready for ANYTHING and started getting specific about what I wanted to be ready for. So I renamed it my “Ready for my Starring Role” list.
I would be ready to take Oprah’s call when…I would be ready to say YES to that eleventh hour speaking gig when…I would be ready to partner on that incredible windfall opportunity when…
This is where it started to get tricky. This is where my fall-back into the land of over-preparation began. This is where I started creating barriers.
I’d be ready when I lost 15 pounds. I’d be ready when I had an extra $__K in the bank. I’d be ready when I wrote The Book.
Turns out, I was far from ready. Hello, Imposter Complex.
Now, we can all see where I was blocking what I said I wanted. I’m not suggesting these barriers are the REASON no windfall opportunities fell in our laps, or O’s people haven’t called or, or, or. And yet…and yet...
So, back to the drawing board. This time, I reoriented my “Ready for my Starring Role" List with my Brand of Joy.
My list items became more like embodiments of my values that are in service of my life and less like items on a to-do that only discouraged me.
Today, my list looks more like:
A current passport.
A signature talk that I can whip out at the drop of a hat (but not memorized…just the highlights committed to memory).
A made bed.
Well-hydrated lips that can smile even wider.
Thank you’s up to date (cards, email, phone calls.)
A full tank of gas (literally and figuratively).
Something to write on and write with.
A charged iPhone.
Never missing a chance to tell my family how much I love them before I (or they) leave the house.
And of course, nails done.
I invite to make your own list. Your “Ready for Anything” list, or your “Ready for your Starring Role list”. (Go for resonance.)
Align it with your Brand of Joy. And notice what beliefs you still have about being ready.
For all the items that make you feel filled up, put a star next to them and see how many of those you can “take care of” this week.
For all the items that make you feel a little depleted, and come back to them in a day’s time. Are they essential or are they barriers? If they’re barriers, pull ‘em off the list.
Then notice how much more ready you are than you thought. Which is good. Really good.
But for the love of goodness, please…
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
For the moment (and it will come) that has you question your bravery…
You were brave. You remember, don’t you?
No? Okay. Here it is: you were brave...
when you stayed and when you left.
when you said, "No, but let’s try this."
when you said, "No, never."
when you said, "Yes, thank you. More, please."
when your wave to the cool kids wasn’t returned (and still, you kept your head high).
when you kissed the ground (even though you wanted to shake your fist at the sky).
when you stood up.
when you stood down,
when you kept writing, speaking, teaching, singing, preaching, going.
(even though...)
when you danced with the shadow (but didn’t go to second base).
when you were so worn out but made it count anyway.
when you wore your heart on your sleeve
(it SO brings out your eyes).
when you believed.
when you trusted.
when you knew that you knew.
when you raised your hand,
when you took the high road
(and not just for the panoramic views).
when you didn't feel so hot in the bathing suit but swam in the grace around you just the same.
when you made your dreams your mission.
when you shelved your dreams for someone else’s (though you’ll never do THAT again).
when you tossed your limitations into the volcano of your desires.
when you committed to your life.
when you kept your promise to others.
when you kept your promise to yourself.
when you kept your promise to your soul.
when you trusted how it felt (not how it looked).
when you kept showingupshowingupshowingup (even though the duvet beckoned).
when you forgave (REALLY forgave).
when you decided to stop deferring to others.
when you decided that enough was enough and that you were enough (oh, that was a good one).
when you risked it.
when you risked telling someone they matter.
when you decided it wasn’t too late but also that it wasn't too soon to just.get.going.
when you chose collaboration over competition,
discernment over decisiveness,
generosity over guarantees,
curiosity over certitude.
when you tapped yourself in.
when you switched gears (even though everyone was watching).
when you chose to love.
when you chose joy.
and, when you chose you.
So, you see?
Every.single.day. you keep showing it.
You keep showing us.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Raise your hand.
Any time I am invited to speak anywhere, I always lobby for a robust amount of time for a Q&A. It’s my favourite. The content that I share in my talks is designed to be attuned, excellent, full of heart, thoughtful, and inspiring (naturally). It’s designed to offer value long after the mic and lights are turned off and we’ve all left the building. But I can’t help but wonder: Did everyone get what they wanted? Did everyone get what they needed?
Q&A time scratches that itch for me. An audience question means that I’m helping to solve an immediate concern or issue which feels fabulously, instantaneously useful. On-demand information and perspective.
But here’s what I’ve been noticing the last couple of times I’ve spoken SPECIFICALLY to groups of professional women: (1) how tentative they are about raising their hands and (2) how long the queue is to ask me questions in private.
What a shame, non?
Because the questions that I get asked are FABULOUS. They are sharp, clever, and help me to see new perspectives about my OWN content. They illuminate and clarify something for the asker and most assuredly offer value to anyone within earshot.
Triple win.
So why do we keep our hands down? Why do we demure? Why are we so terrified to be found out that we don’t know something?
If you’ve been here a while, then you already know my answer: the Imposter Complex.
It argues: "If you reveal that you don’t know something, then you’re really revealing that you know NOTHING." (This, by the way, is a heady blend of a couple of the 12 Lies of the Imposter Complex.)
So we keep the shame hidden and we stay down. We stay quiet. And we stay a little less informed. A LOT less informed.
Not only does asking questions seem to reveal our ineptitude, but also our laziness and complete lack of independence, according to the irksome comment in my daughter’s interim report card last year:
"...she asks a lot of questions and should really try to be more independent and figure things out on her own."
Yes. Because white-knuckled problem-solving is the only path towards innovation, right? Asking questions is a one-way ticket to living your adult life on your parents’ couch, right?
I call(ed) bullshit.
As an ardent question-asker and someone who has never been afraid of being the dumbest person in the room, you can bet I had some questions for her teacher. In our (quite respectful) interview, I was assured that my daughter does indeed ask a LOT of questions about things she isn’t clear about.
"Great," I said. "Asking just one question and walking away with any uncertainty? Now THAT would be lazy."
I proceeded to thank the teacher for creating an environment that felt safe enough for my daughter to reach out for help and clarification as needed, so that she WOULD have the confidence to swing out and try things out for herself.
Curiosity may have killed the cat, but then again... that’s why it was divinely gifted with nine lives.
So, I can't help but wonder:
I vote you raise your hand.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Monday Morning Tenders
I want to share with you the worries of my heart. They don’t show up in my status updates, nor in my Instagram feed. Not because I’m ashamed of them. No no no. I’m not ashamed of them. I just don’t happen to be on social media between 2:22 to 3:30 am on Monday morning when these worries visit me and will not relent. Is my father okay? Are we living the life we’re supposed to? Is my daughter happy enough? Is my business happy enough? Am I making the right decisions? Am I swinging out enough, too much, not enough? Am I missing something (oh why oh why oh why do I feel like I’m always missing something)? What am I forgetting? WHAT AM I FORGETTING?
Because I know you know the 2:22 am worries. They’re like potato chips. You can’t have just one.
If you’re a parent, you live with your heart outside of your body. If you’re an entrepreneur, you live in fear that you’re not activating as you ought to. If you’re a creative, you worry that you’re not creating enough…or that it won’t be well-received. If you’re a human being living and breathing and walking, you worry that it’s all so fleeting. You worry because it all matters.
Though worry, of course, has about as much nutritional value as those potato chips. (And not nearly as satisfying.)
Yes. I know.
And all we can do is continue to breathe.
The simplest meditation I know is one that Lauren and I share in Beyond Compare (coming oh so soon I can taste it.)
Count “one” on the inhale, “two” on the exhale, “three” on the next inhale, and so on until you get to ten. Repeat this until you feel yourself back in the present moment.
It’s the meditation that brings me back into my body. The body that knows the ground will support me. That my lungs will breathe for me. That my heart will beat for me. That the work is unfolding for me. That I am in the right place. That my intentions are good. That I am surrounded and guided by love.
You are too.
And from there, I am free to sleep, to dream and to heal.
You are too.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Aliens Robots and the Imposter Complex
When I was a little girl, I was about 50% convinced that the moment I was out of earshot of another human being (mostly my family members), they would immediately turn into alien robots. In a very Scooby-Doo-esque manner, they would rip off their human masks, revealing their true identity and continue their conversation (about me, natch) in their language. I never got the sense that they were trying to take over the world (‘cause, they already had and I was the only one not in on the scheme) nor that they were particularly nefarious or intending to inflict harm on. But, they were different from me. Or rather, I was different from them.
Alone in my non-alien robottedness.
We’re talking 50% here. So the other 50% was that convinced that I was delusional…so mentioning it to anyone else would DEFINITELY put me in the alone category. Either way, I was alone.
So, I went about my days, spending half my time trying to put the ridiculous notion of alien robots out of my head. And I spent the other half of the time sneaking up on my parents in the hopes of catching them pre-mask switcheroo.
Never managed it. (Those swinging shutter doors on the kitchen were fabulous for playing saloon, but lousy for alerting my stealthy attempts with their telltale squeaks.)
Maybe this is familiar to you? Maybe instead of alien robots, maybe you see that everyone around you is supremely intelligent, fortunate, worthy, deserving and charmed, whereas you, on the other hand, are none of those things.
The masks they don to keep you feeling secure are their pretenses of normalcy, talking a good game about their insecurities, worries and Imposter Complex fears. But you know better. You know that they are brilliant beyond measure. Capable beyond imagination. Worthy beyond limitations.
You, on the other hand, are the only one scrambling to find the right path.
They’re faking dumb for you. You’re faking smart for them. In fact, they’re only PRETENDING to be fake at all. But YOU’RE the only true fake here.
Hoo boy.
(Deep breath, ok?)
I hear you. I love you. And there are a whole lotta lies that need to be busted.
And so, here is my newest gift:
May the truth truly set you free.
PS – Welcome to my newly refreshed digital home. Hoping you feel comfortable and find everything you need. Massive love and thanks to Erin Cassidy for the gorgeous new site design and Arwyn Todd for the development. And the love. And the patience. And the care.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Today, I’m a Mama-missing Mama
I’m looking outside my office window, willing the lilacs to burst into their signature colour and fragrance. It would be a Brenda Geisler birthday miracle. She was pretty powerful and could bend time and space, so I half-expect the buds to transform before my eyes. But stubborn and tired from a viciously bitter winter here, the flowers are two weeks from blooming. So I turn my thoughts to her other favourite things. Shared favourite things. And it’s a long and luscious list.
Crisp white linens. Apples and cheddar. Holt Renfrew credit cards. Belly laughs. Trooper songs. Tennis played on clay courts. Popcorn. The Sound of Music. Meaningful conversations. Dreaming + scheming. A cleansing cry. Silk. Simple design warmed up with riotous colour. Keeping the peace. Cherries jubilee. Picnics. Oysters. Gardening. Harry Belafonte. Learning.
One of my most prized possessions is an 11-page letter she wrote me when I was 17 and took a trip to California with my best friend. She, my Dad and sister were leaving for a Maine junket before I returned so we were to be apart for up to three weeks. I am missing pages 1 and 9. It is one-part instructive (be sure to use the feta in the fridge and enjoy the tomatoes off of the vine before the squirrels do), one-part diary, (we sold that beater of a car, your sister’s boyfriend broke his ankle “He is unlucky. How will they go on dates?”), and one-part poetry (“Please don’t be afraid of the sounds that this house makes. It’s a big, old rambling house that creaks and groans with the weight of its age and the lives of the people who have been blessed to live here.") All parts wholly, purely love.
Yes, she had a soft voice, sweet handwriting, and strong opinions. She would have been…no wait. I can’t tell you her age. She wouldn’t have liked it.
During her Shōgun phase, we were required to eat everything with chopsticks. Even stew. She wrote letters to the editor. Frequently. M*A*S*H episodes directed by Alan Alda were overly indulgent. Thank you cards were a must…but not birthday cards. The national anthem wasn’t ever to be trifled with. And she made phenomenal trifle…no apologies for the Cool Whip.
When you clink glasses, you must look the other person in the eye. Or else it doesn’t count. When you pray, you must pray with a full heart. Or else it doesn’t count. When you sing, you must sing from your soul. Or else it doesn’t count. When you hug, your hearts must touch. Or else it doesn’t count.
She could never quite pronounce Ellen Degeneres, mille feuilles, nor arugula, and she never did make it to India, but she did leave behind a legacy of love and wisdom.
So today, another request: please clink, pray, sing and hug like it counts. And above all, as ever...don’t postpone joy.