Messages to our 18 year old selves...and to us.
Earlier this week I had the supreme honour of getting to work with a group of young leaders aged 18-21 doing some incredibly change-making work.
Immigration reform.
Gun violence prevention.
Human trafficking rescue.
I was in awe of how brilliant they were. Are.
And my job was to come in and serve them tools to help overcome their Imposter Complex when it shows up...as it invariably does for ALL leaders.
They are high-achievers, to be certain. AND told with great frequency that their age is a liability. You feel the seething too, right?
So I showed up with the best of what I had and a resolve to serve deeply and truly. It was a beautiful and powerful morning for which I give deepest thanks.
Before I went in, I kept thinking about my own 18- 22-year-old self. What did I need to know? What would I have loved to know? I decided to crowdsource some wisdom from my Facebook Group as well as IG family to offer as a kind of a gift to these incredible lights.
And what came back for them was beautiful.
It was for them...but it was also for me.
And I suspect it was for you too.
So, here is the curated wisdom...messages to our 18-year-old selves.
“Just because something is hard doesn't mean that you're not good at it or shouldn't keep going. So often we think that if something is hard for us, it means that we aren't good at it. Take the time to decide if you're letting something go because you aren't interested in it and it doesn't serve you, or because it's hard and you're afraid to fail. Failing is often the best way forward. You will fail over and over and over again in your life, so start now, start when the stakes aren't as high, just start.”
“If you show up ready to contribute, you deserve to be there. Lots of people never choose to show up. (And be the one who encourages and helps others show up too. You never know what amazing things they can contribute.”
“Your lack of years of lived experience does not mute or invalidate your big, wild ideas on how to make our world a safer place. In fact, your fresh eyes offer a space to let the bright light of novel solutions into the room. Speak your ideas into existence.”
“You may not have the answer yet, but you WILL figure it out. Your life has shown you that.”
“Stay true to your dreams, don’t follow what culture is telling you you must do next.”
“Forge on, even if people may diminish your path to your dreams. You will stumble a lot of the time but you will get there.
You will also come across an incredible woman along the way who will help you slay those emeffing imposter complex jerks nagging at you to stop at every hurdle or success you come across. Listen to her, work with her, and love her with the fire of a thousand suns.” (pssst...can you guess who they were talking about?)
“Don’t assume that those in authority know better.”
“What others think of you is NOT your business.”
“Don’t allow the mean critical gaze and opinions of others to leach your energy.”
“Listen to the little voice that knows the depth of your value, heart, and talents. It’s true.”
“You will find your way. You will find your power. You will find your joy once you let go of what you think you’re supposed to be.”
And finally...someone quoted from my TEDx Talk: “You know more than you think and you’ll never know it all.”
Ahhhhhh. All of it.
Thank you for sharing this wisdom AND for receiving it.
Now, because I endeavour to listen as much as I speak, I want to share what they reflected back to me:
Most mentors coming in to speak with them are NOT talking about intersectionality. Apparently I was the first. So listen up my beloved readers who are healers, coaches, and speakers: to walk into a space and presume that everyone is having a shared lived experience (to quote my friend Staci Jordan Shelton) is reductionist, overly simplistic and damaging. We need to DO better. I recommend learning from the teachers we highlight in the Ready Enough w/ Tanya Geisler Podcast.
Boundaries continue to be a foreign concept to most and a sticking point to activation. I shared the work of Randi Buckley and McKensie Mack.
Given the cutthroat nature of the post-secondary schools they attend, they were challenged to accept the belief that “your people” want you to succeed and that every Leader, Rockstar, and CEO I’ve ever worked with attributes their success to decisiveness, confidence, and leaning into the support of others. But I AM right about this. We are, still and always, better together. But at least I was able to impress upon them WHO their people are. Thanks be, once again to the inimitable words of Nayyirah Waheed:
some people
when they hear
your story.
contract.
others
upon hearing
your story.
expand.
and
this is how
You
know. - Nayyirah Waheed
Maybe it was time you were reminded again who “your people” are too.
And what I know above all after that training I delivered is this:
The [young adults] are really alright.
Give thanks and let’s lift ‘em high.
PS - You may not be 18 - 21 any longer, but I know you’re a leader doing some epic stuff. But if you’re feeling like your industry’s best kept secret, you’ll want to check out my newest free training on the Five Shifts required to Overcome the Imposter Complex. The response to the training is overwhelmingly positive and I’m so glad to have done it.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.