I was making my kid’s lunch this morning and observed a funny thing.

My mother was excellent at many things.


But sandwich-making was not her thing.

Bread, butter, and the protein. That was it.

No cheese, mustard, lettuce, and most certainly NOT avocado. (I know, right? However did I survive such a miserable existence.)

But my kid prefers my mother’s variety of sandwich. Go figure.

So there I was, assembling two slices of rye, a little butter, salami, and a couple of sprigs of basil. Making a mom sandwich, while sipping my coffee black like my Dad drank it.

And I found myself humming Cowboy Junkies ‘A Horse in the Country’.

In particular, this verse:

And all my friends have settled down
become their mothers and their fathers
without a sound
Except for Cathy,
she bought a one-way subway ticket
and left us all behind

I was all set to explore the places I have become my mother and my father without a sound...and also, the places where I have not. There are plenty of line items under each column.

My love of peonies, exquisite linens, Leon Redbone, justice, family, cooking and all of the deliciousness of gathering folks around the table, travel, are places of agreement. For starters.

My business, prioritizing self-care, writing, politics are places of difference. For starters.

As I was running through them in my mind, it hit me. Again.

My folks are both gone. And that is hard.

But I am so glad I had them when I did. Our relationships were imperfect but they weren’t difficult. And that ISN’T necessarily true for all of you. For that, I am sorry.

So I wanted to share the book my friend and colleague Karen CL Anderson wrote called Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters. May it serve you in the highest.


My friend, coach, and mentor Desiree Adaway lives and works at the intersections of race, class, and gender. I want you to know her and her work. So much so that she was the first guest in my new podcast, Ready Enough.

But if you happen to be in Seattle or Boulder/Denver, I encourage you to attend her newest workshop: Praxis of Liberation.

You’ll be exploring:

  • The Praxis of Liberation

  • Supremacist vs Liberatory Power

  • Organizational culture/identity

  • Dominant culture in the workplace

  • Having difficult conversations with colleagues: identity, difference, and power

  • Why call out culture is killing us

  • Forgiveness and Reconciliation as core leadership competencies

This workshop is for you if:

Dealing with systemic oppression seems overwhelming but you are committed to action

Want to ground your work in some foundational frameworks and a deeper analysis of race, class, gender, and power

You want to better understand how to have productive conversations across identities


Thank you thank you thank you for your support of the launch of the Ready Enough podcast! Your emails and shares and recommendations to friends and five star ratings and reviews have been such a blessing and are so deeply appreciated. They help ease the sting of that two-star rating on Canadian iTunes (I mean, c’mon, eh?) If you haven’t had the chance to listen please do...and subscribe so your first to know when a new episode, this Wednesday!


I am still plenty stalled on the proposal writing (launching a podcast, designing a new program, and a full client roster will do that to a person) BUT I am heading to France in two weeks to speak and write at a retreat and I have some big big goals for myself there. And I cannot WAIT.

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