Successful People Still Doubt Themselves. (All the Freaking Time.)
There's this phrase around the internet: "Success is never owned; it is only rented – and the rent is due every day."
And I want to disagree. Vehemently.
We have a funny relationship with success, and it’s certainly one of the places where Imposter Complex most likes to hide out.
(And I call it Imposter Complex instead of imposter syndrome for a good reason — but this is true whatever you want to call it.)
You CAN own your success, even when you doubt yourself, even when you think it can't be replicated, even if you fear it's temporary ... it's YOURS.
But Imposter Complex would have us doubt all of that.
It would have you think that successful people don’t ever doubt themselves. (And therefore, if you experience self doubt, you’re not successful. QED.)
It would like us to believe that when (if) we reach a certain level of success (somewhere farrrrrrrrrrrrr beyond where we are currently, obviously), then we will know for certain that we are successful. That we are no longer imposters.
It pretends there is some bright line that separates the imposters from the truly successful.
But the truth is that actual imposters don’t experience Imposter Complex the same way successful, thoughtful, driven people (frequently women) do. In fact, the idea of the Imposter Complex is rooted in the idea that it shows up in objectively successful people.
Successful folks still doubt themselves
No matter which lie of the Imposter Complex is keeping your belief about your capacity at bay, the best and only way to wriggle free is by deepening into the TRUTH: that successful people absolutely do experience this.
Actors, sports professionals, business people, entrepreneurs, parents… it seems about 70% of people at some point will experience the feelings to some degree (though the data is still insufficient and heavily English-language and North American-focused).
Want names?
Maya Angelou, Emma Watson, Michelle Obama, Mindy Kaling, Neil Gaiman, Amanda Palmer, Tina Fey, Natalie Portman, Penélope Cruz, Jessica Chastain, Amy Schumer, Gillian Jacobs, Lena Dunham, Padma Lakshmi, Jennifer Lee, Justice Sonia Sotomayor, Samantha Bee, Kate Winslet, Jodie Foster, Cara Delevingne, Joyce M Roche, Cheryl Strayed, Helen Mirren, Meryl Streep, Emma Watson, Robert Pattinson, Einstein, Kate Winslet, Jennifer Lopez, Natalie Portman, Daniel Radcliffe, Amy Adams, Chris Martin, Jodie Foster, Renée Zellweger, Amy Poehler, Lady Gaga, Michelle Williams, John Steinbeck, Meryl Streep, Anne Lamott, Chris Martin, Jerry Seinfeld.
Plus the hunnnnnndreds of Rockstar Leaders I’ve coached that I can’t name here.
I’ve even heard tell that there were writings about the experience of the Buddha and Jesus Christ but just can’t seem to find sources on this.
This to say: You are in excellent company.
That’s why I take such delight in collecting stories of the great and the good who feel the same way you do. (And believe me: whenever a new one pops up, my people make sure I see it!)
For example:
“Have I ever doubted myself? Have I ever not? I feel self-doubt whether I’m doing something hard or easy.” — Sigourney Weaver
“Even though I have been in politics for a long time, I have been First Minister for four years, there will be days when I think 'should I even be here? Is somebody about to find me out?’ [...] I don't think there is a woman alive, particularly working-class women, who don't experience that at some point in their lives, and probably quite regularly.” — Nicola Sturgeon, Scottish First Minister.
“So I have to admit that today, even 12 years after graduation [from Harvard], I’m still insecure about my own worthiness. I have to remind myself today, You are here for a reason. Today, I feel much like I did when I came to Harvard Yard as a freshman in 1999 … I felt like there had been some mistake — that I wasn’t smart enough to be in this company and that every time I opened my mouth I would have to prove I wasn’t just a dumb actress.” — Natalie Portman
“The first problem of any kind of even limited success is the unshakable conviction that you are getting away with something, and that any moment now they will discover you. It’s Impostor Syndrome, something my wife Amanda (Palmer) christened the Fraud Police.” – Neil Gaiman
“I go through [acute impostor complex] with every role. I think winning an Oscar may in fact have made it worse. Now I’ve achieved this, what am I going to do next? What do I strive for?” — Lupita Nyong’o
“There are an awful lot of people out there who think I’m an expert. How do these people believe all this about me? I’m so much aware of all the things I don’t know.” — Dr. Margaret Chan, Chief of the World Health Organization
“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.” – Maya Angelou
In fact, Oprah famously says that every person she has interviewed — including Barack Obama and Béyonce — have asked her the same question as soon as the cameras were off:
“How was that? Was that OK? How’d I do?”
How to move past it when you doubt your success
If successful people still doubt themselves (and I think it’s fair to say they do), how do we move past it?
How do we own our success?
The Imposter Complex wants you to doubt the value of your contributions and your successes.
Don’t let it.
Go Inside First
We must look long and hard and close at the TRUTH about our successes.
This requires us to KNOW ourselves; our strengths, our values, how we do what we do.
And uncomfortably, this means we have to look at what we have DONE.
I call this Bolstering your Authority Thesis.
When was the last time you listed every.single.thing you ever did brilliantly well? Every.single.thing you delivered, sold, created, influenced, decided, authored, won, crafted?
When was the last time you listed every.single.thing you have survived? Every.single.thing you have healed and fixed and released?
Yes, I’m talking about that grade 7 science fair project and the time you asked for the business and the time you raised your hand and the time you claimed what you knew and the time you overcame THE THING and the time you had the hard conversation and the time you risked the heartbreak and the time you called them in and the time you did NOT tolerate it and the time you broke the record and the time you chose you and the time you did not back down and the time you got back up and the time you said yes when you meant it and the time you dug deep in spite of the fear and the time they recognized you but you realized the recognition of your self was more valuable. All those times.
And then some.
When was the last time you did that?
Oh… you haven’t ever?
And why not?
We struggle with owning up to our accomplishments because we don’t PAUSE in celebration. We don’t rest in celebration to integrate the hard work. We’re on to the next thing. Wanting to want, not wanting to get.
Celebration offers us the chance to remember that there was once a time when you believed what you have just done was not possible.
So yes. Get every.single.thing you’ve ever done written out. Keep on writing until you have run out of paper then buy another ream. You’ll know when you’re done.
And on an on-going basis, track your wins. All of them.
DAILY.
Because in doing so, you are building a new narrative. One that celebrates your resilience and tenacity and helps you to recognize all the times you've stood in your doubt at this very precipice of your desires. Of expansion. Of a breakthrough.
Get Outside
And ONCE you’ve done that internal analysis of your capacity — or, in other words, realized that you are a badass — THEN you have a fighting chance of believing people when they tell you that you are truly remarkable.
(I highly recommend you believe them. It’s the arrogance of the Imposter Complex that has you disbelieving them after YOU’VE already done the analysis.)
But you MUST go inside before you can receive what others on the outside are telling you. And when you’re there, gather it alllll up. The reference letters, the sweet tweets, the cards, the emails. Gather it all up and hold the sacredness of accolades as true. Feel the gift of the acknowledgments and notice how the doubt of your capacity starts to melt away.
You did things. All the things.
Those are your successes, and nothing, nothing can take those away from you.
You don’t have to pay the rent with your hustle or grind or more success.
Time does not dull or diminish those successes.
They are yours to keep — if you will own them.
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Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.