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My Christmas wish list for you...
We celebrate Christmas on the Eve with my family. It is a quieter affair, with smoked salmon, pierogies + boeuf bourguignon (always), Christmas story reading, stockings (each item, no matter how small, yields an appreciative "ooohhhhHHH" so this is a very long, very humourous ordeal). Once our daughter reluctantly goes off to sleep clutching her bear, the adults will sit together, listening to Mahalia Jackson tell us what her heart knows about Christmas, then get lost in our own thoughts about Christmas Eve's gone by. Mine will stray to that magical Christmas Eve in Innsbruck, or to the first Christmas spent with my boyfriend (now husband) when he gave me the Led Zeppelin box set (uh huh) and Coco Chanel. We will miss my Mom.
Once Santa visits (usually around 11pm...odd), we will wake our girl up and she will be bleary-eyed and searching for proof of his visit, grilling us on the details. Her heart's desire will be wrapped in shimmery paper and this will quell any more discussion. For now.
And it will be beautiful.
The next day, we'll spend it with my husband's family. It's a large family so everything will be a little, MORE. Many presents, many people, many stories, many memories.
And it will be beautiful.
I am more grateful than I could ever express that I get to be with two families where there is love. In several different homes where there is food and light and heat. Where there are happy, healthy children.
In fact, I feel a little overcome by it all.
So today, as I charge around, picking up last minute things for the "ooohhhhHHHs" of the stockings, pop in to visit friends for some cheer, and try not to fret that the (PERFECT) gift I found for my husband seems to be stuck at the US-Canadian border, I will keep checking my look in the mirror to make sure what I'm feeling in my heart is found in a smile on my lips.
I am also grateful to you, Dear One. That I get to do the work I get to do is an honour. That I get to write to this blog (and that you read it and love it and tell me in your comments, in your emails, and with your subscriptions) makes my heart fuller still.
So, until we meet on the other side of Boxing Day, here's my Christmas wish list for you:
That you set your intentions for how you want these holidays to be, so that there are no regrets.
That you have it be easy.
That you enjoy being as gracious of a receiver as you are a giver.
And once again, that your days are filled with warmth and love; that your mind is filled with curious wonder; and, that your heart is filled with joy.
Wishing you peace, elation + hydration (that smoked salmon can be a doozy).
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Thing Finding Thursday with Megan Potter
Today's Thing Finding Thursday features a guest post by Megan Potter.
Megan is an an Archetypal Counselor & Chinese Face Reader. Yup, thought you might be curious about that. Read on to find out how she woke up (consistently at 1:00 am) to THAT.
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Fireworks, Epiphanies, and Gestating Things that all Come Into Being in their Own Time but are Really In There All Along.
I have the freaking coolest job in the world, seriously. I double dog dare you to find a job as cool as mine.
When I show off for fun (cause if you had my job you’d totally show off for fun too) I literally get to watch people’s jaws drop; they tell me I’m crazy - unbelievable, or they sit speechless with eyes wide. In fact, their reactions are so much fun that my husband likes to use me as entertainment at boring parties and in large groups.
My totally, way cool, job is to read people’s faces. Not their expressions, not their feelings, but their noses and eyebrows and foreheads and cheeks. (For example, I can tell you that with cheeks like that Tanya is a Woman of Authority who can handle being the boss, but also demands a certain pride in everything she does.) [ed. note: oooooh, she's gooood]
My work is centered around Chinese Face Reading, but that’s not my Thing. It’s just one vehicle that lets me express my thing.
Rewind to two, three, years ago.
It’s approximately 1:00 am, and I’m curled up on the couch with a book and pen. Everyone has gone to their respective beds and I’m soaking up the dark stillness, allowing myself to be swept up in this treasure I recently found, my first book on Chinese Face Reading. I’m not even at the face reading part, I’m still only in the front matter: the stuff on why the author (who would later become my teacher) thinks This Work matters.
Every now and then I need to set this book down. I need to tug it away from my body so that the electric shock it is radiating though me can release enough to let me catch my breath.
She is talking about the importance of knowing ourselves, about her work of being a mirror for others so they can rediscover - have affirmed - that Self for themselves.
And fireworks are going off inside of me. I can’t sit still. I have to stand up, then sit down again, to keep reading.
How could I have missed that? Of course that’s my thing. I’ve known it all along, I just never knew it before.
My work is Chinese Face Reading, but my Thing is seeing people’s souls and empowering them to live from their selves. It always has been, even when I had no bloody idea what I was going to do with myself.
Rewind to Six years before that.
It’s approximately 1:00 am; everyone’s in bed and I’m sitting in front of my computer chatting it up on my favorite forum. The flicker of the computer screen is the only light in the house, the clack of my keyboard seems to echo deathly loud.
A friend posts: “I’m having a coaching session tomorrow, wish me luck.”
What’s a coaching session?
I click the link she, so kindly, provides.
A new world opens in front of me as I read a blurb: What is Coaching?
I could feel it, energy moving up my body, my stomach flips, my heart pounds to the rhythm, “This is me. This is me. This is me.” I could feel it throbbing through me.
It’s me, it’s who I’ve always been, what I’d always been doing - even when I had no freaking clue what I could do with my life.
Fireworks I can’t contain push me to my groggy (formerly asleep) husband’s bedside, “Oh my God Jeff, you have to listen to this!”
Fast Forward 3 or 6 years from now
It’s approximately 1:00 am and I’m up reading, or surfing, or chatting - when I should clearly be in bed. But the dark, quiet, aloneness brings me to a place of internal stillness nothing else does.
I’ve found a new idea, a fascinating article, amazing person and one more thing is expanding within me. I can feel it, the energy rush that confirms this is exactly the thing I needed to find at this exact moment. There are fireworks and excitement, and something clicks into place for me.
As a result my work - my job - will grow, expand, or maybe shrink - or even leap, take an entirely new shift. But when it happens, I’ll stand there open mouthed (like so many of my Face Reading clients), and say: This is me. As soon as I see it I’ll know it’s true, has always been true, even when there was no way I could possibly define it before.
I’m not the least bit worried about it though, because I know whatever happens at that 1:00 am epiphany I’ll still be looking into soul’s, I’ll still be empowering and affirming and reflecting back every gorgeous Self that plants itself in front of me.
Because that’s my Thing, and my Thing is ME.
Which is why I’m constantly walking through life with eyes raised, arms open, and heart singing just waiting for Fireworks and Epiphanies knowing they’ll only take me closer to who I already am.
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You can find Megan Potter at her blog, on Facebook or on Twitter. She does one-on-one Face Reading sessions, teaches the Five Elements, and offers Elemental self-care retreats.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Have it be easy
I am so over the whole "for-it-to-be-important-it-must-be-hard" thing. That’s never worked for me. Oh, I’ve tried it. I’ve white-knuckled and fretted, and all it's ever won me was this worry line (the one that yielded the “have you thought of Botox?” question from the dermatologist). No.
Ease is my new port of call. Yours too?
Here are some thoughts on how to make alllll easier.
Decide to make it easier. (Just like that).
When you notice yourself clenching up, ask yourself: how can this be easier? Inhale and release your shoulders on the exhale. Proceed.
Know your values. If you ignore everything else, please don’t ignore this one. They inform E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G you do.
Evernotes for your smart phone. Super smart, super easy way to remember everything.
Whether you scrapbook or not, document every kid-ism you can. (Evernotes!)
Short bursts of exercise burn goodly amounts of calories and fit into your day (like, 10 minutes of running). Making excuses takes more time than that.
You can never give (or receive) enough hugs in this lifetime.
When you clink those glasses, do like your mama told you and look the other person in the eye. Acknowledgment is a gift.
If you’re Canadian, get yourself a TFSA and add the option of saving 50 cents from every Interac transaction. Set it and forget it, (because invisible savings rocks my socks.)
When it just doesn’t want to be written, record yourself talking about it. Have that transcribed. (Trust me…)
Know that you have permission. Always did.
Take three hours once/month to get your bookkeeping up to date.
Keep the pulp from your morning green juice in a freezer bag and make a vegetable stock when the bag’s full. Start with olive oil, onions + garlic, throw in the pulp, add water +bay leaf and simmer for as long as you like. You’ll be tweeting about how virtuous you feel.
Next time you’re stuck, try a handstand against the wall. Oh, don’t worry about it being elegant…it won’t be.
Remember Master Godin’s words: Go ahead, fail. Try to avoid mistakes, though.
Know how to fill in this blank: I am ridiculously good at __________. (This is your super power…knowing it will come in handy).
Set big + beautiful goals that make your heart soar. Then break them down into the smallest, most delicious morsels you can. Savour.
Cut corners, but be clear about which ones must stay sharp.
Know the difference between fear and intuition.
Write a love letter. To your business. To your self. To your love. To your daughter. To your father. To your ideal client. To your future spouse. The universe loves love and rewards it with ease.
“No, but thanks for asking”. You must stretch this muscle, otherwise your yes’s have no value. And what a colossal waste of energy that is.
Clarity will set you free from the shackles of “hard”.
You could say it, but you could also sing it. (Insta-mood lift).
Bootstrap until you can hire the very very best.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Thing Finding Thursday with Jasmine Lamb of All is Listening
I missed you last week, Dear Reader. iMovie and I were having a lovers' quarrel and it was trying to keep us apart. We're on speaking terms again and I am thrilled to share with you the interview I did with Jasmine Lamb.
As a coach, one of my skills is the capacity to listen to my clients at different levels. I listen for what they say, and to what they DON'T say. I listen to the pauses in speech, to the speed of the words and from whence said words come (diaphragm, throat, nose...it all indicates something different). So, yeah. I'm pretty skillish. And yet, YET, this woman has brought me to my knees. She is a LISTENER. A masterful listener who energetically reminded me to sloooowwww waayyyy, WAAAAYYY down.
Jasmine works one-on-one with people through her Healing Heart Sessions. She writes the blog All is Listening: Tools and Tales for Breaking Up, Waking Up, and Falling in Love. She is author of the forthcoming digital book, A Call to Listen: How to Start an Inner Revolution.
She has plenty of thoughts for you Thing-seekers and non-seekers. {Hint: it has everything to do with listening.}
So please, get your cup of tea, settle into your comfiest chair, and give this a good listen. Then turn everything off and take the time and make the space to listen to your own self.
Interview with Jasmine Lamb for Thing Finding Thursday
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Ooooh yes. Stop and listen. What is your life, right now, trying to tell you?
You can find Jasmine at her blog, All is Listening and on Twitter.
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Edited Transcript of Interview with Jasmine Lamb For Thing Finding Thursday
Jasmine: My thing is listening. And when I say listening what I am talking about is listening first to my experience in this moment and to what is arising for me right here. And extending out from there is listening to the environment, to the actual sounds, and then also having from this place of presence, listening to others.
Tanya: I suspect it’s always been with you but it hasn’t been articulated as such.
Jasmine: That’s right. It always has been with me and I’ve always almost known it, but haven’t quite and I’ve been confused about it. Because what was reflected back to me when I was younger, both as a child and a teenager and then in my career in my twenties, was my skill in relating to people and in listening to people and my skill in taking care of people. And I have really powerful skills in this area and I got enormous amounts of positive feedback from it. And at that stage in my life I was confused into thinking that the thing that I got lots of positive feedback about and the place where I got all the compliments and the place where people gave me attention, that that was my thing;
Jasmine: I was a fixer and a problem solver and a hand holder and a “let’s navigate this divorce successfully” person.
And that’s all a part of me. It still is; I have those skills. I want to use those skills. But, it wasn’t entirely feeding my soul.
Tanya: So there was a point at which you went from this listener in this capacity to another kind of listener. The listener that is very informed by your center – so what was that shift?
Jasmine: It was a culmination of catastrophes. I woke up one day five years ago, ready to go to work. I felt a pain in my side and it brought me to the ground. And as I descended, my back seized up. And I just couldn’t move.
And what first was my back being seized up transitioned to something where the bottom fell out of all my senses. I couldn’t tolerate sound; I couldn’t tolerate fast movement or even slow movement.
Jasmine: What I could be with was the very quietest, most still part of the center of me. That was where I could be. And I had touched that place in my life, but I had never really rested there. It gave me this incredible opportunity to rest within myself and to listen there. And really to listen in the moment there . When we are really listening, we are open to what we don’t know.
Tanya: I’m sensitive to that person who’s listening and saying, “Okay, but I haven’t known what my thing is for my whole life and now I’m open to being open to it and I want to find my damned thing.” I feel that there’s that sense of urgency, so I think that you have a lot to offer in this realm of confusion and bless you and I hope that comes across with the respect that I mean for it to. But I know that you have a belief that confusion, that feeling lost is actually a really powerful place so will you say more about that?
Jasmine: When we are lost it doesn’t feel powerful; it feels often miserable. Particularly when we are trying to get out of feeling lost. When I have been able to accept my lost-ness, and often it comes because I just am so fed up and so exhausted and so at my wit’s end that I just say, “Okay, I am lost. I don’t know what I need. I don’t know what is next and I don’t know what my thing is.” And then, I can feel it right now, I just took this big breath. My body, my being, sighs a sigh of relief that is like, “Great. You are accepting where you actually are.”
And from that place, knowing really does come.
So if I was working with a client around this, you would actually slow way down and I would give them this opportunity to feel the sensations of felt sense. Their physical sensations that are coming up in this wanting and desire and lost-ness. And let those unfold and let those unwind.
Tanya: I love this – on your site. Breaking up, waking up, falling in love and I was wondering if you could play with me and knit that into the context of finding your thing or stitch it in for me.
Jasmine: But for those people who are seeking their thing, they’re on a journey and what I think is exciting is that your life is going to take you there if you will listen to it. And if you’re willing to go for the ride, which might mean some breaking up happening and it doesn’t happen consecutively; it all gets mixed up. You’re going to wake up to what is true for you and it might not be what you expected and it might be scary.
Tanya: What is it that you want for people who are watching this right now who may be looking for their thing or trying to claim their thing or in process or maybe they think they found it but they’re feeling, “Is this it?” What do you want for them?
Jasmine: I want them to open to the possibility that their thing is inside of them. And that they can move towards it by trusting themselves and slowing down to include more parts of themselves in the conversation.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Things I love in 400 words
Inspired by Schmutzie, a brilliant light I met back in October at the BlissDom Canada conference, I present you: things I love in 400 words. Because seriously, people... isn't now the perfect time to take stock of your own loves? Yes indeed.
I love 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, martinis with onions AND olives, olives, lily of the valleys, crusty baguettes, warm puppy smell, popcorn with romano cheese, a clever turn of phrase, covertly watching my daughter play host on an imaginary cooking show, listening to her sing Fountains of Wayne (or Foo Fighters, or Bon Iver or anything else on our iPod), my father’s bear hugs (because it means he’s not in pain in that moment), “just because” postcards, Diptyque candles (Les Baies, natch, though Figue is a close second), Amarone, crunchy fall leaves, listening to kids sing the national anthem, having the door held open for me, the smell of my husband’s scalp, whoopee cushions, an unloaded dishwasher, brainstorming sessions, savasana, the sound of my aunt’s laugh (it’s like my Mom’s, oh God how I miss my Mom), when my daughter reaches for my hand, smart people who make me feel smart, stargazing in the backyard under duvets, little girls plotting in the tree house, how fabulous my ass looks in luon, the smell of orange blossoms, airport reunions, the bittersweetness of Christmas carols, sticky notes, really really old cheddar + fall apples, older couples holding hands, crystalline snow, Sunday afternoon cooking sessions, the kindness of strangers, Liz Lemon, getting up (sometimes) on a surf board, “I love you, Tanya Geisler, because” notes, prosecco with my girls, grass stains, a purring cat on my pillow, being called “Mama”, the lobby of the Park Plaza, smart design for small spaces, frozen grapes, the reverberation of a powerful question, the way the house shakes when my daughter plays with her cousins, kale, the stage, squeaky clean post-dentist teeth, heated floors, watching cats nod off to sleep, the way my husband says my name, pressing “publish”, a shin splint-free run, inari tofu, weighty pens, double rainbows (though a single will do in a pinch), the beaches of Georgian Bay, the song of the ice cream truck (no matter how evil it sounds), a healthy jade plant, waking up to PayPal payment notifications, Japanese gardens, collaborations that make sense, the riotous colours of Chagall, tear-streaming belly laughs (especially the ones with my sister), Chicago’s waterfront, when it works juuuust right, attentive (but not cloying) waiters, impromptu campfire sing-a-longs (especially when Lisa yells “HONEY” during The Gambler), my husband’s Thurston Howell III imitation, recognition + acknowledgment, and this from my beautiful friend Michelle Ward:
Your turn. What do you love?
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Thing Finding Thursday with Susannah Conway
To me, Susannah Conway is beauty. (And I'm not just talking about those eyebrows). She's everything that I appreciate: Honest. Smart. Curious. Forthright. Raw. Elegant. No bullshit. Quirky. Transparent. Brilliant.
Yes. To me, she is beauty.
So it's no surprise that her work is also about beauty. Capturing and curating as a photographer, writer and the creator of the wildly popular Unravelling e-courses. A Polaroid addict and very proud aunt (love!), her first book, This I Know: Notes on Unraveling the Heart (Globe Pequot Press), launches in June 2012. Registration for her next Unravelling: Ways of Seeing My Self class opens this Saturday, December 3rd.
...curious as to how she found her way? Me too.
What's your thing?
Susannah Conway: I help women reconnect to their true selves using photography as the key the open the door. I do this by leading online classes in photography and self awareness, and blogging honestly about the stuff I know to be true. Next year I’ll be spilling my guts in a book, too.
Was finding your thing the result of a divine revelation, an insane invention, a culmination of insights...or something else?
Susannah Conway: I found my thing by experiencing it first and then sharing what I’d discovered with others. In 2005 the man I loved died very suddenly and everything I thought I knew about life changed in that instant. Now I look back and see that my life has unfolded in two acts: in the first 32 years I was lost and disconnected from myself. In the last seven years I’ve healed and become the person I am today.
I found my way back to myself through my cameras and journals. For as long as I can remember writing has been the way I figure stuff out and connect with how I’m feeling. I’ve always kept a journal so it was very natural for me to write my way through my grief. In the second year of my bereavement I discovered blogging and it opened up this whole new creative world to me. Being able to share my thoughts and feelings online was incredibly empowering — it was my way of ‘getting back out there’ from the safety of my living room. I started re-exploring self portraiture, which helped me to see myself again — literally, but also as the woman I was becoming, a woman working her way through loss and finding herself again. There were so many layers to unravel and the healing went far deeper than the bereavement alone.
My Unravelling course began as a local evening class and drew inspiration from my healing journey. I brought my photography and journalling ideas together and shared them with a room full of women. To my surprise the class was a great success! As blogging was such an important part of my life it seemed natural to find a way to share the class online somehow. So in 2009 I did, and the rest, as they say, is history.
Obstacles/fears/doubts – what were they, how'd you vanquish them?
Susannah Conway: 1. Who am I to do this? I can’t say this doubt has been fully vanquished yet. It lingers around me like a bad smell and every time I break through a new boundary it whirls up again and tries to trip me up. All I can do is calm myself down, cross my fingers and keep moving forward. Writing my book brought up a lot of doubt and the anticipation of seeing the finished book out in the world is already starting to fill my stomach with butterflies (actually, no, butterflies sound far too light and pretty — these are more like evil moths) but I will keep going nevertheless.
2. How can I do this? I procrastinated a LOT when creating the online version of Unravelling because I was scared. Scared I’d fail. Scared no one would take a chance on my thing. So I let the technical practical side overwhelm me. I’d do anything other than what needed to be done to build the course. I vanquished that fear by doing it one tiny little step at a time and then setting a public deadline — that was very motivating :)
3. What if it’s no good? The perfectionist’s reason to not start something! This one has been easier to wrangle with every project I complete. I try to trust that what I put out into the world will be exactly what someone out there needs in that moment. This has been my experience on so many occasions I’m starting to believe that when we do the work we feel called to do it will take flight in the way it is supposed too. It might take a lot of guts, and a shedload of patience, but hard work and faith really can get you there.
What questions did you ask yourself to trigger your a-ha moments...and what signs and milestones should others be looking for in their journeys?
Susannah Conway:
What do I have to offer?What would I do even if I wasn’t getting paid?What comes easily to me?
The answers to those three question have shaped my work life and business. I think it’s really important to pay attention to how you already spend your time. For me it was blogging/being online, journalling and taking photographs. Those were the constants in my day and the three skills that helped bring my thing into being.
And be aware of what makes you feel most like YOU, too. Try to be transparent in all you do, and do the work that makes your heart sing the loudest. If you’re truly passionate about what you do you’ll be more willing to devote all your time and energy to making it work — because that’s what any fledging business or project needs. Give it everything you have, and make it the most honest version of you and your beliefs/desires/dreams. For example, I spent a year trying to make my portrait business grow, networking locally and pimping out my talents for jobs and commissions. At the end of the year I was drained and uninspired, and not wanting to put myself out there any more; I’d thought that was the sort of photography work I should be aiming for, but it just left me depleted.
A few months later, when I was asked to create a photography evening class, I suddenly found myself doing work that inspired me SO MUCH it’s lead to the creation of a full-time business. I’m still using my photography skills, just in a more authentic way. Once I was doing something that was more “me”, everything seemed to start working, business-wise. Life-wise, too.
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So much richness and texture here. Notice the medicine that heals you may be the medicine that heals others. Notice what depletes you (and stop doing it). Notice what you're being asked to do. Notice the power of public deadlines.
And what I'm really hoping you're noticing is how people who are really, REALLY happy with their thing have managed to stitch their skills, loves and desires together. Are you seeing that? In spite of fears? In spite of doubts?
So let's start there: what are THREE things that make you feel most like you?
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You can find Susannah Conway at her site; on Twitter; or Facebook. Find her and revel in beauty. And then sign up for her Unravelling: Ways of Seeing My Selfclass and revel in your own. You just may find your thing there.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.